The Phil May Album Part 5

[Ill.u.s.tration: AN IDLE FELLOW

VISITOR: "I hear you've had the celebrated Mr. Abbey, the artist, staying with you down here."

PROPRIETOR OF OLD-FAs.h.i.+ONED INN: "Yes, sir, an' he be the _laziest_ man I ever came across. He do nothing but dror and paint all day!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE BRAIN

THE 1,000 PER NIGHT-INGALE]

[Ill.u.s.tration: GRANDPAPA (_to Tommy, who has just come home from school_): "And did you get a good place in your cla.s.s at the last examination?"

TOMMY: "Yes; next to the stove."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: POODLES]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A PLEASANT PROSPECT

"Grandma, shall I have a face like you when I get old?"

"Yes, my dear, if you're good."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE BRAIN

THE RT. HON. W. E. GLADSTONE]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE SANDS

"Lor', 'Arry, ain't it 'ot?"

"Well, sit down, an' I'll blow yer."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE BRAIN

MR. JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, M.P.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: REALISM

COMEDIAN: "The critic of the _Back Alley Chronicle_ described me as giving a very 'saponaceous' rendering to my part. What does 'saponaceous' mean, dear boy?"

TRAGEDIAN (_with learned dignity_): "Cudgel not thy brains with words higher than thy bloomin' salary."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE BRAIN

MONSIEUR EMILE ZOLA]

[Ill.u.s.tration: AT THE RIDING SCHOOL

NERVOUS PUPIL: "When do you think I shall go on the road?"

RIDING MASTER: "Very soon, if you don't sit better than that."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE BRAIN

LORD TENNYSON]

[Ill.u.s.tration: NO CHANCE

"Always take care of your money, my son."

"I can't, you never give me any."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SHE: "But I really thought you were much taller than you are, Mr. Smith."

HE: "Oh, no! Not a bit, I a.s.sure you!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: A PROMINENT FEATURE

"Hillo, Bill! What's the matter with your nose?"

"I don't know. Think my conscience must have p.r.i.c.ked it."]