My Double Life: The Memoirs of Sarah Bernhardt Part 4

She had been chosen for the angel, I suppose, because she was as pale and sweet as a moonbeam. She had a soft, timid voice, and sometimes we used to make her cry, as she was so pretty then. The tears used to flow limpid and pearl-like from her grey, questioning eyes.

She began at once to learn her part, and I was like a shepherd's dog going from one to another among the chosen ones. It had really nothing to do with me, but I wanted to be "in it." The Mother Superior pa.s.sed by, and as we all curtseyed to her she patted my cheek.

"We thought of you, little girl," she said, "but you are so timid when you are asked anything."

"Oh, that's when it is history or arithmetic," I said. "This is not the same thing, and I should not have been afraid."

She smiled distrustfully and moved on. There were rehearsals during the next week. I asked to be allowed to take the part of the monster, as I wanted to have some _role_ in the play at any cost. It was decided, though, that Cesar, the convent dog, should be the fish monster.

A compet.i.tion was opened for the fish costume. I went to an endless amount of trouble cutting out scales from cardboard that I had painted, and sewing them together afterwards. I made some enormous gills, which were to be glued on to Cesar. My costume was not chosen; it was pa.s.sed over for that of a stupid, big girl whose name I cannot remember. She had made a huge tail of kid and a mask with big eyes and gills, but there were no scales, and we should have to see Cesar's s.h.a.ggy coat. I nevertheless turned my attention to Louise Buguet's costume and worked at it with two of the lay sisters, Sister St. Cecile and Sister St.

Jeanne, who had charge of the linen room.

At the rehearsals not a word could be extorted from the Angel Raphael.

She stood there stupefied on the little platform, tears dimming her beautiful eyes. She brought the whole play to a standstill, and kept appealing to me in a weeping voice. I prompted her, and, getting up, rushed to her, kissed her, and whispered her whole speech to her. I was beginning to be "in it" myself at last.

Finally, two days before the great solemnity, there was a dress rehearsal. The angel looked lovely, but, immediately on entering, she sank down on a bench, sobbing out in an imploring voice:

"Oh no; I shall never be able to do it, never!"

"Quite true, she never will be able to," sighed Mother St. Sophie.

Forgetting for the moment my little friend's grief, and wild with joy, pride, and a.s.surance, I ran up to the platform and bounded on to the form on which the Angel Raphael had sunk down weeping.

"Oh, Mother, I know her part. Shall I take her place for the rehearsal?"

"Yes, yes!" exclaimed voices from all sides.

"Oh yes, you know it so well," said Louise Buguet, and she wanted to put her band on my head.

"No, let me rehea.r.s.e as I am, first," I answered.

They began the second scene again, and I came in carrying a long branch of willow.

"Fear nothing, Tobias," I commenced. "I will be your guide. I will remove from your path all thorns and stones. You are overwhelmed with fatigue. Lie down and rest, for I will watch over you."

Whereupon Tobias, worn out, lay down by the side of a strip of blue muslin, about five yards of which, stretched out and winding about, represented the Tigris.

I then continued with a prayer to G.o.d whilst Tobias fell asleep. Cesar next appeared as the Monster Fish, and the audience trembled with fear.

Cesar had been well taught by the gardener, Pere Larcher, and he advanced slowly from under the blue muslin. He was wearing his mask, representing the head of a fish. Two enormous nut-sh.e.l.ls for his eyes had been painted white, and a hole pierced through them, so that the dog could see. The mask was fastened with wire to his collar, which also supported two gills as large as palm leaves. Cesar, sniffing the ground, snorted and growled, and then leaped wildly on to Tobias, who with his cudgel slew the monster at one blow. The dog fell on his back with his four paws in the air, and then rolled over on to his side, pretending to be dead.

There was wild delight in the house, and the audience clapped and stamped. The younger pupils stood up on their stools and shouted, "Good Cesar! Clever Cesar! Oh, good dog, good dog!" The sisters, touched by the efforts of the guardian of the convent, shook their heads with emotion. As for me, I quite forgot that I was the Angel Raphael, and I stooped down and stroked Cesar affectionately. "Ah, how well he has acted his part!" I said, kissing him and taking one paw and then the other in my hand, whilst the dog, motionless, continued to be dead.

The little bell was rung to call us to order. I stood up again, and, accompanied by the piano, we burst into a hymn of praise a duet to the glory of G.o.d, who had just saved Tobias from the fearful monster.

After this the little green serge curtain was drawn, and I was surrounded, petted, and praised. Mother St. Sophie came up on to the platform and kissed me affectionately. As to Louise Buguet, she was now joyful again and her angelic face beamed.

"Oh, how well you knew the part!" she said. "And then, too, every one can hear what you say. Oh, thank you so much!" She kissed me and I hugged her with all my might. At last I was in it!

The third scene began. The action took place in Father Tobit's house.

Gabael, the Angel, and young Tobias were holding the entrails of the fish in their hands and looking at them. The Angel explained how they must be used for rubbing the blind father's eyes. I felt rather sick, for I was holding in my hand a skate's liver and the heart and gizzard of a fowl. I had never touched such things before, and every now and then the nausea overcame me and the tears rose to my eyes.

Finally the blind father came in, led by Tobias's sister. Gabael knelt down before the old man and gave him the ten silver talents, telling him, in a long recital, of Tobias's exploits in Medea. After this Tobias advanced, embraced his father, and then rubbed his eyes with the skate's liver.

Eugenie Charmel made a grimace, but after wiping her eyes she exclaimed:

"I can see, I can see. Oh! G.o.d of goodness, G.o.d of mercy! I can see, I can see!"

She came forward with outstretched arms, her eyes open, in an ecstatic att.i.tude, and the whole little a.s.sembly, so simple-minded and loving, wept.

All the actors except old Tobit and the Angel sank on their knees and gave praise to G.o.d, and at the close of this thanksgiving the public, moved by religious sentiment and discipline repeated, Amen!

Tobias's mother then approached the Angel and said, "Oh, n.o.ble stranger, take up your abode from henceforth with us. You shall be our guest, our son, our brother!"

I advanced, and in a long speech of at least thirty lines made known that I was the messenger of G.o.d, that I was the Angel Raphael. I then gathered up quickly the pale blue tarlatan, which was being concealed for a final effect, and veiled myself in cloudy tissue which was intended to simulate my flight heavenwards. The little green serge curtain was then closed on this apotheosis.

Finally the solemn day arrived.

I was so feverish with expectation that I could not sleep the last three nights.

The dressing bell was rung for us earlier than usual, but I was already up and trying to smooth my rebellious hair, which I brushed with a wet brush by way of making it behave better.

Monseigneur was to arrive at eleven o'clock in the morning. We therefore lunched at ten, and were then drawn up in the princ.i.p.al courtyard. Only Mother St. Alexis, the eldest of the nuns, was in front, and Mother St.

Sophie just behind her. The chaplain was a little distance away from the two Superiors. Then came the other nuns, and behind them the girls, and then all the little children. The lay sisters and the servants were also there. We were all dressed in white, with the respective colours of our various cla.s.ses.

The bell rang out a peal. The large carriage entered the first courtyard. The gate of the princ.i.p.al courtyard was then opened, and Monseigneur appeared on the carriage steps which the footman lowered for him. Mother St. Alexis advanced and, bending down, kissed the episcopal ring. Mother St. Sophie, the Superior, who was younger, knelt down to kiss the ring. The signal was then given to us, and we all knelt to receive the benediction of Monseigneur. When we looked up again the big gate was closed, and Monseigneur had disappeared, conducted by the Mother Superior. Mother St. Alexis was exhausted, and went back to her cell.

In obedience to the signal given we all rose from our knees. We then went to the chapel, where a short Ma.s.s was celebrated, after which we had an hour's recreation. The concert was to commence at half-past one.

The recreation hour was devoted to preparing the large room and to getting ready to appear before Monseigneur. I wore the angel's long robe, with a blue sash round my waist and two paper wings fastened on with narrow blue straps that crossed over each other in front. Round my head was a band of gold braid fastening behind. I kept mumbling my "part," for in those days we did not know the word _role_. People are more familiar with the stage nowadays, but at the convent we always said "part," and years afterwards I was surprised, the first time I played in England, to hear a young English girl say, "Oh, what a fine part you had in _Hernani_!"

The room looked beautiful, oh, so beautiful! There were festoons of green leaves, with paper flowers at intervals, everywhere. Then there were little l.u.s.tres hung about with gold cord. A wide piece of red velvet carpet was laid down from the door to Monseigneur's arm-chair, upon which were two cus.h.i.+ons of red velvet with gold fringe.

I thought all these horrors very fine, very beautiful!

The concert began, and it seemed to me that everything went very well.

Monseigneur, however, could not help smiling at the sight of Cesar, and it was he who led the applause when the dog died. It was Cesar, in fact, who made the greatest success, but we were nevertheless sent for to appear before Monseigneur Sibour. He was certainly the kindest and most charming of prelates, and on this occasion he gave to each of us a consecrated medal.

When my turn came he took my hand in his and said, "It is you, my child, who are not baptized, is it not?"

"Yes, Reverend Father, yes, Monseigneur," I replied in confusion.

"She is to be baptized this spring," said the Mother Superior. "Her father is coming back specially from a very distant country."

She and Monseigneur then said a few words to each other in a very low voice.

"Very well; if I can, I will come again for the ceremony," said the Archbishop aloud. I was trembling with emotion and pride as I kissed the old man's ring. I then ran away to the dormitory and cried for a long time. I was found there later on, fast asleep from exhaustion.

From that day forth I was a better child, more studious and less violent. In my fits of anger I was calmed by the mention of Monseigneur Sibour's name, and reminded of his promise to come for my baptism.