No Excuses! - The Power of Self-Discipline Part 3

However, it takes tremendous self-discipline to become a person of character. It takes considerable willpower to always "do the right thing" in every situation. And it takes both self-discipline and willpower to resist the temptation to cut corners, take the easy way, or act for short-term advantage.

All of life is a test, to see what you are really made of deep, down inside. Wisdom can be developed in private through study and reflection, but character can be developed only in the give and take of daily life, when you are forced to choose and decide among alternatives and temptations.

The Test of Character.

It is only when you are under pressure-when you are forced to choose one way or another, to either live consistently with a value or to compromise it-that you demonstrate your true character. Emerson also said, "Guard your integrity as a sacred thing; nothing at last is sacred except the integrity of your own mind."

You are a "choosing organism." You are constantly making choices, one way or the other. Every choice you make is a statement about your true values and priorities. At each moment, you choose what is more important or of higher value to you over what is less important or of lesser value.

The only bulwark against temptation, the path of least resistance, and the expediency factor is character. The only way that you can develop your full character is by exerting your willpower in every situation when you are tempted to do what is easy and expedient rather than what is correct and necessary.

The Big Payoff.

The payoff for becoming a person of character, for exerting your willpower and self-discipline to live consistently with the very best that you know, is tremendous. When you choose the higher value over the lower, the more difficult over the easy, the right over the wrong, you feel good about yourself. Your self-esteem increases. You like and respect yourself more. You have a greater sense of personal pride.

In addition to feeling excellent about yourself when you behave with character, you also earn the respect and esteem of all the people around you. They will look up to you and admire you. Doors will be opened for you. People will help you. You will be paid more, promoted faster, and given even greater responsibilities. As you become a person of honor and character, opportunities will appear all around you.

On the other hand, you can have all the intelligence, talent, and ability in the world, but if people do not trust you, you will never get ahead. People will not hire you, and if they do, they will dehire you as soon as possible. Financial inst.i.tutions will not lend you money. Because "birds of a feather flock together," the only a.s.sociates (never friends) you will have will be other people of questionable character. Furthermore, since the people you a.s.sociate with have a major effect on your att.i.tude and personality, you make or break your entire life with the quality of your character-or the lack thereof.

The Development of Character.

Aristotle wrote, "All advancement in society begins with the development of the character of the young." This means that advancement in your life begins with the learning and practice of values.

You learn values in one or all of three ways: instruction, study, and practice. Let's look at each of these more closely.

Teach Your Children Values. One of the chief roles of parenting is to teach children values. This requires patient instruction and explaining values to them over and over again as they are growing up. Once is never enough. The value-and the importance of living by that value-must be explained. Parents must not only give ill.u.s.trations but also contrast the adherence to a value, especially that of telling the truth with its opposite, that of lying or telling half-truths.

Children are very susceptible to the lessons they receive from the important people in their lives as they are growing up. They accept what you say as their parent as a fact, as absolute truth. They absorb what you say like a sponge. You write your description of values on their souls, which are like wet clay, so that what you write becomes a permanent part of the way they see the world and relate to life.

More than anything else, as we'll see in Chapter 19, you demonstrate your values in your behavior. Your children watch you and strive to emulate the values that you not only teach and preach, but also practice. And they are always watching.

The Rockefeller family children were famous for being taught financial values at an early age. Even though their father was one of the richest men in America, the children were given tasks and ch.o.r.es to perform before they received their allowances. They were then instructed on how to spend their allowances: how to save, how much to give to charity, and how much to invest. As a result, they grew up to become successful businessmen and statesmen, unlike children who had grown up in wealthy homes who were seldom disciplined in money matters.

Study the Values You Admire. You learn values by studying them closely. The Law of Concentration says that "whatever you dwell upon grows and increases in your life."

What this means is that when you study and read stories about men and women who demonstrated the kind of values that you admire and respect, and then think about those stories and that behavior, those values sink ever deeper into your mind. Once these values are "programmed" into your subconscious, they create a propensity within you to behave consistently with those values when the situation requires them.

For example, in military training, soldiers are continually told stories of courage, obedience, discipline, and the importance of supporting their fellow soldiers. The more they hear these stories, discuss them, and think about them, the more likely they are to behave consistently with these values when they are under the pressure of actual combat.

The core virtue of character is truth. Whenever you tell the truth, however inconvenient it may be at the time, you feel better about yourself and you earn the respect of the people around you. One of the highest accolades you can pay another person is to say that "he or she always tells the truth."

Emulate the People You Most Admire. Much of your character is determined by the people you most admire, both living and dead. Who are they? Looking over your life and history, make a list of the people whom you most admire, and next to their names, write out the virtues or values that they most represent to you.

If you could spend an afternoon with anyone, living or dead, what one person would you choose? Why would you choose that person? What would you talk about during your afternoon together? What questions would you ask, or what would you want to learn?

Consider this as well: Why would that person want to spend an afternoon with you? What are the virtues and values that you have developed that make you a valuable and interesting person? What makes you special?

Practice the Values You Respect. You develop values by practicing them whenever they are called for. As the Roman Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, "Circ.u.mstances do not make the man; they merely reveal him to himself."

When a problem occurs, people tend to react automatically based on the highest values that they have developed up to that moment.

We develop values by repet.i.tion, by behaving consistently with a particular value over and over again, until it becomes a habit, and locks in so that we come to practice it automatically. Men and women with highly developed characters behave in a manner consistent with their highest values, and they do so without thought or hesitation. There is no question in their minds about whether or not they are doing the right thing.

The Structure of Personality.

The psychology of character involves the three parts of your personality: your self-ideal, your self-image, and your self-esteem.

Your Self-Ideal. Your self-ideal is that part of your mind composed of your values, virtues, ideals, goals, aspirations, and your idea of the very best person that you can possibly be. In other words, your self-ideal is composed of those values that you most admire in others and most aspire to possess in yourself.

The most important part of your self-ideal is summarized in the word "clarity." Superior people are those who are absolutely clear about who they are and what they believe. They have complete clarity about the values they believe in and what they stand for. They are not confused or indecisive. They are firm and resolute when it comes to any decision in which a value is involved.

On the other hand, weak and irresolute people are fuzzy and unclear about their values. They have only a vague notion of what is right or wrong in any situation. As a result, they take the path of least resistance and act expediently. They do whatever seems to be the fastest and easiest thing to get what they want in the short term, giving little to no consideration or concern about the consequences of their acts.

The Evolution of Character. In biology, life forms are categorized from the least to the most complex, from single-celled plankton all the way up the increasingly complex spectrum of life to the human being. Similarly, human beings can be organized along a spectrum as well, from the least to the most developed. The lowest forms of humans are those with no values, virtues, or character. These people always act expediently and take the path of least resistance in their search for immediate gratification.

At the highest levels of development of the human race, however, are those men and women of complete integrity, who would never compromise their honesty or their character for anything, including the threat of financial loss, pain, or even death.

George Was.h.i.+ngton is famous for his honesty, which was demonstrated in the story in which he admitted that he had cut down the cherry tree. In the same vein, the founding fathers of the United States wrote, "We hereby pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor" to the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

In his book Trust: The Social Virtues and the Creation of Prosperity, philosopher Francis f.u.kuyama observed that societies worldwide can be divided into two kinds: "high-trust" and "low-trust." He also argues that the highest-trust societies-those in which integrity is most admired, encouraged, and respected-are also the most law-abiding, free, and prosperous.

At the other end of the societal spectrum, however, are those societies characterized by tyranny, thievery, dishonesty, and corruption. Each of these are, without exception, both undemocratic and poor.

Trust Is the Key. Trust is the lubricant of human relations.h.i.+ps. Where there is high trust among and between people, economic activity flourishes and there are opportunities for all. On the other hand, where there is low trust, economic resources are squandered in an attempt to protect against thievery and corruption-or these resources are not available at all.

In the United States, we have the Const.i.tution and Bill of Rights. These doc.u.ments lay out the rules by which Americans agree to live. They create the structure of our government and guarantee our rights. But they a.s.sume that our elected representatives will be men and women of honor, committed to protecting and defending those rights. They attempt to a.s.sure that only men and women of character can thrive and prosper over the long term in our economic, political, and social system. They aim to a.s.sure that, in most cases, only men and women of character can rise to high positions in society.

Although our system is not perfect, and people of questionable character occasionally rise to positions of prominence, it is seldom for very long. The basic demand of Americans for honesty and integrity eventually leads to the exposure and censure of dishonest people. The demand for men and women of character continues unabated.

Your Self-Image: Your Inner Mirror. The second part of your personality is your self-image. This is the way we see and think about ourselves, especially prior to any event of importance. People always tend to behave on the outside consistently with the way they see themselves on the inside. This is often called our "inner mirror," into which we peer before we engage in any behavior.

When you see yourself as calm, positive, truthful, and possessed of high character, you behave with greater strength and personal power. Other people respect you more. You feel in control of yourself and the situation.

What's more, whenever you actually behave in a manner that is consistent with your highest values, your self-image improves. You see and think about yourself in a better light. You feel happier and more confident. Your behavior and outward performance then reflect this increasingly improving inner picture you have of yourself as the very best person you can possibly be.

People tend to accept you at your own evaluation of yourself, at least initially. If you see and think of yourself as an excellent person who is possessed of high character, you will treat other people with courtesy, grace, and respect. In turn, they will likewise treat you as a person of honor and character.

Your Self-Esteem: How Much You Like Yourself. The third part of your personality is your self-esteem. This is how you feel about yourself, your emotional core. Your self-esteem is defined as "how much you like yourself," but it's more than only this. The more you see yourself as a valuable and important person, the more positive and optimistic you will be. When you truly consider yourself to be important and worthwhile, you will treat other people as if they are important as well.

Your self-esteem is largely determined by how consistent your self-image, which shapes your personal behavior, is with your self-ideal, or your vision of the very best person you can possibly be.

Whenever you act consistently with who you consider an excellent person to be, your self-image improves and your self-esteem increases. You like and respect yourself more. You feel happy about yourself and others. The more you like yourself, the more you like others, and the more they like you in return. By acting with character and in harmony with your highest values, you put your entire life (internally and externally) into an upward spiral. In every area of your life, things will get better and better for you.

Your role models have a tremendous impact on shaping your character. The more you admire a person and his or her qualities, the more you strive-both consciously and unconsciously-to become like that person. This is why clarity is so important.

Always Behave Consistently.

Whenever you act in a way that is consistent with your values, you feel good about yourself. Whenever you compromise your values, for any reason, you feel bad about yourself. This also means that when you compromise your values, your self-confidence and self-esteem go down. You feel uneasy and inferior, inadequate and uncomfortable. When you compromise your values, deep down inside, you feel that something is fundamentally wrong.

Almost all human problems can be solved by a return to your highest values and your innermost convictions. When you look back, there have probably been situations in your life when you have compromised your values in order to save an investment, keep a job, preserve a relations.h.i.+p, or maintain a friends.h.i.+p. In each case, you have felt worse and worse until you finally broke it off and walked away.

And how did you feel when you finally had the strength of character to walk away? You felt wonderful! Whenever you use your willpower and strength of character to return to the values that are most dear to you, you are rewarded with a wonderful feeling of happiness and exhilaration. You feel energized and free. You wonder why you didn't make that decision a long time ago.

Do the Right Thing.

In the development of character that is based on self-discipline and willpower, long-term thinking is essential. The more you think about the long-term consequences of your behavior, the more likely it is that you will do the right thing in the short term. So when you have to make a choice or decision, always ask the magic question, "What's important here?"

Practice the Universal Maxim of Immanuel Kant: "Resolve to behave as though your every act were to become a universal law for all people."

One of the great questions for the development of character is this: "What kind of a world would this world be if everyone in it was just like me?"

Whenever you slip, whenever you do or say something that is inconsistent with your highest values, immediately "get back on your horse." Say to yourself, "This is not like me!" and resolve that next time you will do better.

What You Dwell Upon Grows.

If you are in a situation today in which you are not living up to your highest values, make a decision, this very minute, to confront the situation and straighten it out. The minute you do, you will once again feel happy and back in control.

There is an old Indian story: "On my shoulders are two wolves. One is a black wolf, evil, who continually tempts me to do and say the wrong things. On my other shoulder is a white wolf that continually encourages me to live up to my very best."

A listener asked the old man, "Which of these wolves has the greatest power over you?"

The old man replied, "The one I feed."

By the Law of Concentration, whatever you dwell on grows and increases in your life. When you think and talk about the virtues and values that you most admire and respect, you therefore program those values deeper and deeper into your subconscious until they begin to operate automatically in every situation.

Whenever you exercise your self-discipline and willpower to live your life consistently with those values that you most aspire to be known for, you begin to move rapidly along the path to becoming an excellent person.

Action Exercises:.

Take out a sheet of paper and write out your answers to these questions.

1. Name three people, living or dead, who you most admire and describe one quality of each of them that you respect.

2. Determine the most important virtue or quality in your life that you strive the most to practice or emulate.

3. Identify those situations in which you feel the most confident, in which you feel like the very best person you could possibly be.

4. What situations give you your greatest feelings of self-esteem and personal worth?

5. If you were already an excellent person in every respect, how would you behave differently from today onward?

6. What one quality would you like people to think of when your name is mentioned, and what could you do to ensure this happens?

7. In what one area do you need to be more truthful and practice higher levels of integrity than you do today?

Chapter 3.

Self-Discipline and Responsibility.

"The individual who wants to reach the top in business must appreciate the might and force of habit. He must be quick to break those habits that can break him-and hasten to adopt those practices that will become the habits that help him achieve the success he desires."