Plays of William E. Henley and R.L. Stevenson Part 6

HUNT; to him JEAN

HUNT. Well, my dear, and how about your gentleman friend now? How about Deacon Brodie?

JEAN. I dinna ken your name, sir, nor yet whae ye are; but this is a very poor employ for ony gentleman-it sets ill wi' ony gentleman to cast my shame in my teeth.

HUNT. Lord love you, my dear, that ain't my line of country. Suppose you're not married and churched a hundred thousand times, what odds to Jerry Hunt? Jerry, my Pamela Prue, is a cove as might be your parent; a cove renowned for the ladies' friend [and he's dead certain to be on your side]. What I can't get over is this: here's this Mr. Deacon Brodie doing the genteel at home, and leaving a nice young 'oman like you-as a cove may say-to take it out on cold potatoes. That's what I can't get over, Mrs. Watt. I'm a family man myself; and I can't get over it.

JEAN. And whae said that to ye? They lee'd whatever. I get naething but guid by him; and I had nae richt to gang to his house; and O, I just ken I've been the ruin of him!

HUNT. Don't you take on, Mrs. Watt. Why, now I hear you piping up for him, I begin to think a lot of him myself. I like a cove to be open-handed and free.

JEAN. Weel, sir, and he's a' that.

HUNT. Well, that shows what a wicked world this is. Why, they told me-.

Well, well, 'here's the open 'and and the 'appy 'art.' And how much, my dear-speaking as a family man-now, how much might your gentleman friend stand you in the course of a year?

JEAN. What's your wull?

HUNT. That's a mighty fancy shawl, Mrs. Watt. [I should like to take its next-door neighbour to Mrs. Hunt in King Street, Common Garden.]

What's about the figure?

JEAN. It's paid for. Ye can sweir to that.

HUNT. Yes, my dear, and so is King George's crown; but I don't know what it cost, and I don't know where the blunt came from to pay for it.

JEAN. I'm thinking ye'll be a vera clever gentleman.

HUNT. So I am, my dear; and I like you none the worse for being artful yourself. But between friends now, and speaking as a family man-

JEAN. I'll be wis.h.i.+n' ye a fine nicht. (_Curtsies and goes out_.)

SCENE IV

HUNT (_solus_)

HUNT. Ah! that's it, is it? 'My fancy man's my 'ole delight,' as we say in Bow Street. But which _is_ the fancy man? George the Dock, or William the Deacon? One or both? (_He winks solemnly_.) Well, Jerry, my boy, here's your work cut out for you; but if you took one-nine-five for that 'ere little two hundred you'd be a disgrace to the profession.

TABLEAU III.

MOTHER CLARKE'S

SCENE I

_The Stage represents a room of coa.r.s.e and sordid appearance_: _settles_, _spittoons_, _etc._; _sanded floor_. _A large table at back_, _where_ AINSLIE, HAMILTON, _and others are playing cards and quarrelling_. _In front_, _L. and R. smaller tables_, _at one of which are_ BRODIE _and_ MOORE, _drinking_. MRS. CLARKE _and women serving_.

MOORE. You've got the devil's own luck, Deacon, that's what you've got.

BRODIE. Luck! Don't talk of luck to a man like me! Why not say I've the devil's own judgment? Men of my stamp don't risk-they plan, Badger; they plan, and leave chance to such cattle as you [and Jingling Geordie.

They make opportunities before they take them].

MOORE. You're artful, ain't you?

BRODIE. Should I be here else? When I leave my house I leave an _alibi_ behind me. I'm ill-ill with a jumping headache, and the fiend's own temper. I'm sick in bed this minute, and they're all going about with the fear of death on them lest they should disturb the poor sick Deacon.

[My bedroom door is barred and bolted like the bank-you remember!-and all the while the window's open, and the Deacon's over the hills and far away. What do you think of me?]

MOORE. I've seen your sort before, I have.

BRODIE. Not you. As for Leslie's-

MOORE. That was a nick above you.

BRODIE. Ay was it. He wellnigh took me red-handed; and that was better luck than I deserved. If I'd not been drunk, and in my tantrums, you'd never have got my hand within a thousand years of such a job.

MOORE. Why not? You're the King of the Cracksmen, ain't you?

BRODIE. Why not! He asks me why not! G.o.ds, what a brain it is! Hark ye, Badger, it's all very well to be King of the Cracksmen, as you call it; but however respectable he may have the misfortune to be, one's friend is one's friend, and as such must be severely let alone. What!

shall there be no more honour among thieves than there is honesty among politicians? Why, man, if under heaven there were but one poor lock unpicked, and that the lock of one whose claret you've drunk, and who has babbled of woman across your own mahogany-that lock, sir, were entirely sacred. Sacred as the Kirk of Scotland; sacred as King George upon his throne; sacred as the memory of Bruce and Bannockburn.

MOORE. Oh, rot! I ain't a parson, I ain't; I never had no college education. Business is business. That's wot's the matter with me.

BRODIE. Ay, so we said when you lost that fight with Newcastle Jemmy, and sent us all home poor men. That was a nick above _you_.

MOORE. Newcastle Jemmy! Muck: that's my opinion of him: muck. I'll mop the floor up with him any day, if so be as you or any on 'em 'll make it worth my while. If not, muck! That's my motto. Wot I now ses is, about that 'ere crib at Leslie's, wos I right, I ses? or wos I wrong? That's wot's the matter with you.

BRODIE. You are both right and wrong. You dared me to do it. I was drunk; I was upon my mettle; and I as good as did it. More than that, black-guardly as it was, I enjoyed the doing. He is my friend. He had dined with me that day, and I felt like a man in a story. I climbed his wall, I crawled along his pantry roof, I mounted his window-sill. That one turn of my wrist-you know it I-and the cas.e.m.e.nt was open. It was as dark as the pit, and I thought I'd won my wager, when, phewt! down went something inside, and down went somebody with it. I made one leap, and was off like a rocket. It was my poor friend in person; and if he'd caught and pa.s.sed me on to the watchman under the window, I should have felt no viler rogue than I feel just now.

MOORE. I s'pose he knows you pretty well by this time?

BRODIE. 'Tis the worst of friends.h.i.+p. Here, Kirsty, fill these gla.s.ses.

Moore, here's better luck-and a more honourable plant!-next time.

MOORE. Deacon, I looks towards you. But it looks thundering like rotten eggs, don't it?

BRODIE. I think not. I was masked, for one thing, and for another I was as quick as lightning. He suspects me so little that he dined with me this very afternoon.

MOORE. Anyway, you ain't game to try it on again, I'll lay odds on that.

Once bit, twice shy. That's your motto.

BRODIE. Right again. I'll put my _alibi_ to a better use. And, Badger, one word in your ear: there's no Newcastle Jemmy about _me_. Drop the subject, and for good, or I shall drop you. (_He rises_, _and walks backwards and forwards_, _a little unsteadily_. _Then returns_, _and sits L._, _as before_.)

SCENE II