What a Young Woman Ought to Know Part 9

I would have the love of these two manifest itself in all true helpfulness, but in a way that would draw out the n.o.blest self-reliance in each. It should manifest itself in courteous words, in helpful deeds, in glances of the eye, in tones of the voice, in heartfelt sympathies that stimulate to n.o.bler deeds, in every way that strengthens and uplifts; and if caresses are few, they will not be missed in the wealth of that truer manifestation which makes the recipient feel his n.o.bility and worth.

A young lady once asked me if I believed in young people who were not related treating each other as brother and sister, and I replied that would depend on how the brother and sister treated each other. I have seen girls treat brothers in ways that other young men would not enjoy--finding fault, nagging, and snubbing generally. I have seen young men browbeat their sisters, tease them, and be continually unkind. I presume, if such a young man should propose to be a brother to a girl, he would not purpose to treat her in this way. Young people sometimes like to try to deceive themselves, and they fancy that the subterfuge of calling each other brother and sister will be a warrant for the parting kiss or the tender endearment that they enjoy, but which they feel proprieties will not allow. The subterfuge is too transparent. It deceives no one, and it does not make right that which, without it, would be improper.

Platonic friends.h.i.+ps--that is, friends.h.i.+ps between men and women without the element of physical love--are rare; rarer, indeed, than they should be. They are difficult to maintain because of the temptation to begin in the indulgences of personal familiarities, which tend to lead the friends.h.i.+p over into debatable ground. Men and women ought to be grand, true friends, inciting each other to the n.o.blest achievements, but it never can be through sentimentality.

A girl may think she is sisterly when she listens to the young man's cry for sympathy in some trouble, and she holds his hand and smoothes his hair and comforts him after this tender fas.h.i.+on, and he may go away feeling comforted, even as a baby might be quieted by petting; but his moral fiber has not been strengthened; he has not been made to feel stronger to do and dare.

Supposing she had listened with interest to his story, and then, without laying her hands upon him, she had said, "You are a man, a prince, the son of a King. You are strong to bear, brave to do.

Obstacles surmounted give broader outlooks. Burdens bravely borne bring strength. I believe in you;" and then, with a strong, firm--I had almost said manly--grasp of the hand, she had sent him away, he would go feeling stronger, braver, more self-reliant, stimulated, encouraged, not merely soothed and quieted. In this fas.h.i.+on a girl may treat a young man as a brother. She may tell him his faults in all kindness. She may listen to his dreams, ambitions, aspirations, and encourage with approval, incite by gentle sarcasm, or enliven by kindly sportiveness; but her person is her own, and he should be made to feel that beyond these bounds he may not pa.s.s. Such friends.h.i.+p may endure vicissitude, or separation, and be through life a source of truest inspiration. To be such a friend to a n.o.ble man is a worthy ambition. It would prove the possession of more qualities of womanliness than merely to win his pa.s.sionate love.

When the world comes to accept the highest ideals of life and believes that all relations of men and women are not of necessity founded on physical attraction, then will such friends.h.i.+ps be more possible, and the earth can offer no more desirable future than that in which men and women, knowing each other as immortal intelligences, shall leave the vale of unsafe sentimentality and sensuous poison to dwell on heights of n.o.ble companions.h.i.+p.

CHAPTER XXII.

FRIENDs.h.i.+P BETWEEN GIRLS.

You think, perhaps, that I can find no fault with the friends.h.i.+p of girls with each other, that that certainly is safe and pleasant. I have said enough for you to understand that I believe in reserve even in girl friends.h.i.+ps. Girls are apt at certain periods of their lives to be rather gus.h.i.+ng creatures. They form most sentimental attachments for each other. They go about with their arms around each other, they loll against each other, and sit with clasped hands by the hour. They fondle and kiss until beholders are fairly nauseated, and in a few weeks, perhaps, they do not speak as they pa.s.s each other, and their caresses are lavished on others. Such friends.h.i.+ps are not only silly, they are even dangerous. They are a weakening of moral fiber, a waste of mawkish sentimentality. They may be even worse. Such friends.h.i.+p may degenerate even into a species of self-abuse that is most deplorable.

When girls are so sentimentally fond of each other that they are like silly lovers when together, and weep over each other's absence in uncontrollable agony, the conditions are serious enough for the consultation of a physician. It is an abnormal state of affairs, and if probed thoroughly might be found to be a sort of perversion, a s.e.x mania, needing immediate and perhaps severe measures.

I wish the friends.h.i.+ps of girls were less sentimental, were more manly. Two young men who are friends do not lop on each other, and kiss and gush. They trust each other, they talk freely together, they would stand by each other in any trouble or emergency, but their expressions of endearment are not more than the cordial handgrasp and the unsentimental appellation, "Dear old chap."

I admire these friends.h.i.+ps in young men. They seem to mean so much, and yet to exact so little. They believe in each other's love, but do not demand to be told of it every minute.

It is the highest type of friends.h.i.+p that can believe in the friend under all circ.u.mstances. I have a friend from whom I may not hear once a year, yet I know just where she stands in her relation to me, and I would have no fear of finding her cold or unresponsive should I at any time call on her for a friendly service. I may never see her, or even hear from her again in life, and we may live long years yet on the earth, but I would as soon think of doubting the return of to-morrow's sun as to doubt her love. There is no need of words, of caresses, even of deeds. We are both busy women. Our daily cares absorb us, yet we know that we are friends, and in the great hereafter we hope to find a place where we may pause and look into each other's faces and enjoy an interchange of thought. But now other interests than self-seeking claim us. We work on, cheered by the thought that time cannot alienate us, for true love is eternal.

The charm of a true friends.h.i.+p is that it does not make demands. I had a school friend who thought that because she was my friend I must tell her all my affairs. She was offended if I received a letter that I did not read to her, or if I went out to spend the evening without first informing her. Her friends.h.i.+p became a tax because it demanded so much. And, after all, was it true friends.h.i.+p? Was it not love of self, rather than of me? People sometimes imagine that, because they crave love, they are affectionate and unselfish. Is it true? It is rather natural to want to be loved, but it is selfish, and the feeling indulged in to any extent is weakening. To want to be loved means usually to want some one to be a protector, a giver of pleasure, a supplier of wants. To desire to love is n.o.bler, for to love is to give. G.o.d so loved the world that he gave. Christ loved us and gave--gave Himself for us. To love truly, grandly, n.o.bly, is to grow strong through giving. Not giving that which we should not give, not unwisely giving of time that belongs to our own best good, not giving of strength that should be dedicated to some better purpose, not a yielding of principle, nor purity, nor honor, but the true giving of that which enriches both giver and recipient, which enn.o.bles, uplifts, encourages and strengthens, and leaves no sorrow in its wake. The truest giving is sometimes a refusal to yield to demands that are unworthy. Love wisely, my daughter, and you will give wisely.

CHAPTER XXIII.

EXERCISES.

As many girls are affected by spinal curvature, round shoulders, weak back or ankles, prolapsed stomach, bowels, or pelvic organs, constipation and poor general circulation, it seems well to give a few exercises that shall be corrective of these defects, premising that each exercise should be begun gradually and easily, increasing frequency and force, as strength is gained, say five times a day the first week, eight times a day the second week, and so on.

_Never exercise in tight clothing or in a corset_, and do not _exercise to exhaustion_.

_To Overcome Slight Lateral Curvature._

1. If it is the right shoulder that is depressed, place the hands on hips or behind neck, and bend slowly to the left.

Reverse this movement if the left is the lower shoulder.

2. With arms raised above the head, bend the body slowly forward and try to touch the floor without bending the knees, then rise slowly to an erect position.

_To Overcome Round Shoulders._

Do not fold the arms in front.

Any motion that brings hands together behind the back is good.

Draw the elbows quickly backward.

Carry a weight in each hand, holding the weight behind you and out from the body.

Hold the body in the correct att.i.tude (see page 132), head balanced on spine, chest elevated, posterior part of body thrown out, weight on b.a.l.l.s of feet, not on heels.

Exercises that strengthen the waist muscles will help to maintain the erect position, and so tend to overcome round shoulders.

_To Strengthen Weak Back._

1. Hold a light weight in each hand. Place the weights on the floor in front of you. Stand with feet eight inches apart, and take three slow, deep breaths. Stoop over and take the weights in the hands and gradually straighten up till the hands hang easily at the sides. Bend slowly forward, and again place the weights on the floor. Repeat five times.

2. Clasp the hands back of the neck and bend slowly forward until the head is on a level with the waist. Count ten, then straighten up to erect position. Repeat.

3. Bend the body backward, forward and sidewise at the waist.

4. Put your right arm over your head till it touches your left ear.

Hold the chin high. Breathe slowly and deeply while you walk around the room. Repeat with other arm. Increase the length of your walk gradually.

5. Playing tennis is good exercise for the sides of the waist.

6. Carry a weight first on one shoulder, then on the other.

7. Run on the toes.

8. Hop on one foot.

_To Strengthen and Develop the Chest._

1. Maintain an erect att.i.tude.

2. Raise and lower the arm, forward, upward, backward, without bending the elbows.

3. Lie on the floor, stretch the arms over the head till the hands touch the floor. Take a deep breath and hold it; now bring the arms over the head as high as you can reach, and do not bend the elbows.

Rest and repeat three times.