Maine: A Novel Part 23

Now, already a bit tipsy, she sat at the bar and ordered a gla.s.s of white wine. She had never been alone in a bar before and didnat really know what to do. She stared at the bottles on the shelves, reading the labels one by one, feeling like she might cry.

For all intents and purposes, the house was gone. It would never be hers. Why would Alice do this to her? She couldnat begin to know.

Two stools down, a man with white hair said, aOh, come on, sweethearta"smile. A pretty girl like you shouldnat look so gloomy.a How long had it been since anyone had called her pretty, let alone a girl? In spite of herself, she gave him a faint smile.

aThatas better,a he said. He scooted over to the seat beside her and patted her hand. He was the only other patron in the place.

He looked ten years older than her, but he was terribly handsome. And fit. His bare legs were tanned, with a light covering of fine blond hairs.

aWhatas troubling you?a he said. aGo on, you can tell an old friend like me.a aMy in-laws are driving me insane.a It wasnat the sort of thing she was used to saying. Other people complained about their in-laws all the time, but not Ann Marie.

aWhat are you drinking there?a he asked.

aPinot Grigio.a aI think this calls for something stronger, donat you?a He looked to the bartender. aCould you get us two shots of Jameson, Christine?a aOh no, thank you,a Ann Marie said. aI donat drink hard liquor.a The girl filled two shot gla.s.ses and placed them on the bar.

aMe neither,a he said. aExcept medicinally.a He handed her one of the gla.s.ses and took the other for himself. They clinked them together and then she swallowed the liquid down. It felt warm in her throat. She took a sip of wine to get the taste out of her mouth.

aAny better?a the man asked.

aI think so,a she said. aThanks.a His name was Adam. He told her he had retired early from a job in advertising and now he lived on a sailboat. His home base was somewhere off the coast of South Carolina, but every summer he sailed north and docked in Portsmouth for a couple of weeks.

aThat sounds like a dream life,a she said.

aAnd what about you?a he asked. aWhat do you do?a She hated when that question came up at a dinner party or a work event of Patas. She always answered aIam a homemaker,a which hadnat bothered her when the kids were living at home, but now seemed a bit silly.

She told Adam she was an interior designer based in Boston. It came to her so quickly, she almost felt it was true. Well, it was, almost. Then she mentioned her husband and three children.

He said he had gotten divorced five years back. He had a grown son in Florida who was thirty-eight and still single.

aAre yours all coupled up?a he asked.

aOne married, one engaged, and my younger daughter is single,a she said.

As far as she knew, anyway.

aDoes she live near you?a he asked.

aSheas been in Africa for the past several years. Sheas in the Peace Corps.a aWonderful.a aYes. Sheas a very special girl.a She craved Fiona then, the way you might crave a favorite food from your childhood. She wanted her daughter beside her instead of this stranger. Fiona had always been patient and good, yet utterly unsentimental. That was why she could tell schoolchildren about the importance of condoms and the dangers of AIDS, while fully aware that half their parents had already died of the disease. Why she could sing the little sick ones to sleep and discipline them, too, the same as if they were perfectly healthy.

Fiona would know how to handle Alice right now; she was made for situations like this. Suddenly Ann Marie realized that it was the first time in months she had thought of her youngest child as anything other than just gay. It felt like an important step.

aMaybe we should set her up with my son,a Adam joked, and Ann Marie felt a bit sad, but not as sad as she might have expected.

aMaybe,a she said.

The group in the back began to play a song she recognized, aThe Black Velvet Band.a aThis is one of my favorites,a she said. aI heard the Dubliners play it live in the eighties.a aShall we dance?a he asked.

aNo,a she said, grinning.

He stood up, extended his hand. aCome on now, itas one of your favorites.a She got to her feet, both embarra.s.sed and flattered. He was what her daughters would call smarmy, but she thought he seemed sweet. She let him put his palm flat against the small of her back, and she put hers up on his shoulder as they swayed side to side. It had been forever since she was this close to a man she didnat know.

The musicians gave a cheer, happy for the accompaniment.

Their voices rose, and Adam sang along with the chorus: Her eyes they shone like a diamond, youad think she was queen of the land, with her hair flung over her shoulder, tied up with a black velvet band.

Ann Marie wanted to sing, too, but she felt self-conscious. If Pat were there, she would have. She closed her eyes and thought of their honeymoon, when they had traveled around the Ring of Kerry in a rented Peugeot, singing their way through Ireland, stopping into pubs in tiny towns where every person they laid eyes on looked like someone they knew in Boston. Pat had tracked down some of his relatives in Killarney, and when they met, each and every one of them hugged Ann Marie close as if she, too, were family and said, aWelcome home.a Ann Marie had been so excited for what she knew would come nexta"children, a nice house of their own. But she had never pictured what came after that. Some women she knew were elated to have their grown children out of the nest. Ann Marie felt worthless. She might have thirty years left to live, and she had no idea how she was going to fill them.

The bartenderas voice rose over the music: aMaaam? Your phone.a Ann Marie opened her eyes and saw that her cell phone was lit up and vibrating on the bar.

aExcuse me,a she said to Adam, breaking away from him, suddenly feeling silly.

She picked up the phone and saw Aliceas number on the screen. She inhaled deeply, said h.e.l.lo.

Alice didnat apologize for what she had done, but she asked Ann Marie to come home, and said she couldnat be alone with Kathleen.

aIam afraid something awful will happen if you donat come back,a Alice said.

Ann Marie knew it was manipulative, and she had no interest in seeing her, but she told her mother-in-law she would return soon.

She suddenly remembered that the paper towel dispenser in the cottage was empty and figured she might as well go to Rubyas Market on the way back. She asked Alice if she needed anything else, cursing herself for being so darn accommodating, even after what had happened. She was still upset, but what was she going to doa"drive home to Pat and never speak to his mother again? There were people in every family who were capable of doing something like that, and people who werenat.

When she told Adam she was leaving, he tried to persuade her to stay for one more round, but the spell had been broken, and Ann Marie just wanted to get home to the beach. He asked her for her card.

aIam in the book,a she said. aAnd online. Ann Marie Clancy Designs.a It sounded absurd once the words were out of her mouth. She could feel herself blus.h.i.+ng at the lie. But if he could tell, he did not say so. He only said, aIt was a pleasure dancing with you, Ms. Clancy.a Around three oaclock on the first of July, Pat called her from the New Hamps.h.i.+re tolls to say that he would be arriving in the next half hour, and the Brewers were two cars behind. Ann Marie made one last round of the cottage, making sure it looked perfect. She opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. She set a tray of scallops in the oven. She had wrapped them in bacon that morning and dipped strawberries in melted chocolate.

There was one more thing she wanted to do before they arrived. She found the card she had bought at Shop an Save on the table in the hall and headed outside to find Maggie. She had meant to give it to her niece yesterday, but then she lost track of time, and anyway, Maggie was rarely out of Kathleenas sight.

Ann Marie stepped out into the suns.h.i.+ne. She didnat have to go very far. Maggie was sitting on the ground at the edge of the property, her back resting against a ma.s.sive pine tree. She was scribbling in a notebook, occasionally glancing out over the water. Ann Marie wondered what she was writing.

aMaggie!a she called.

Her niece turned her head.

aDonat get up,a Ann Marie said, but Maggie was already rising to walk toward her.

aIsnat it a gorgeous day?a Maggie said when they met in the gra.s.s. aIt seems like July arrived today and booma"now the weather is acting in kind. I havenat seen it so warm here in years.a Ann Marie thought about the cottage schedule and felt a bit guilty. She and Pat had originally thought of rotating the months each Kelleher kid got from year to year, but it just seemed too confusing. They wanted July for themselves. And since Clare still had a son in school, it seemed that August was the logical month for her. Which left June for Kathleen and Maggie and Chris.

aIt is nice,a Ann Marie said now. aIt almost feels like you could get in the water without dying of hypothermia.a Maggie smiled.

aYour uncle and our friends are coming soon,a Ann Marie said. aThey should be here any minute.a aIam sorry my momas being so stubborn about us staying on,a Maggie said. aIad leave, but I donat trust her here on her own. Iam sure itas only for a day or so, to make a statement or something. You know how she is.a aOh, itas okay. Anyway, honey, I wanted to give you something. Here,a she said, awkwardly pus.h.i.+ng the envelope forth.

Maggie ripped the paper and pulled out the card. On the front was a picture of a pink and blue rattle, with CONGRATULATIONS written underneath.

aThank you,a Maggie said. She began to tear up. aYouare the first person to congratulate me.a A few seconds later she was laughing. aIam so emotional lately,a she said. aI cry at everything.a aI was the same way,a Ann Marie said. aSo was Patty. You two will have to compare notes. Sheas got it all down to a science now. And her attic is absolutely crammed full of baby clothes. Theyare not having any more, soa"itas all yours. Next time you come up to Boston, weall go through it.a aThank you,a Maggie said.

aPatty will be here next week, so if youare still around aa She prayed that Maggie and Kathleen would be gone by then.

aDonat worry,a Maggie said. aIam already working on getting my mother out of here.a Maggie opened the card. Seeing the folded-up catalog page inside, she asked, aWhatas this?a aJust a token from me to you,a Ann Marie said.

Maggie unfolded the page and smiled strangely. aA stroller?a she said.

aItas called the Bugaboo Bee,a Ann Marie said. She pointed to the description. aSee, it says here that this model aanswers the call of the modern! Compact yet complete, for parents who live life on the fly!a It sounded like a good fit for a city gal to me. I had it s.h.i.+pped to your apartment. It should be waiting there when you get home.a aOh my gosh,a Maggie said, staring down at the glossy sheet of paper in her hands. aThis is too much. Thank you.a Ann Marie had tried to cross out the price with a pen, but she had succeeded only at drawing attention to the figure: six hundred dollarsa"thatas what these things went for today. On some level, the gift was a bribe. If, G.o.d forbid, Maggie was having any doubts about keeping the baby, then seeing a beautiful stroller in her apartment day after day would serve to remind her that she was carrying a blessed child and needed to stay the course.

aI have to go, honey. I have scallops in the oven. Come over later and say h.e.l.lo to our friends.a aI will,a Maggie said. She hugged Ann Marie tight and Ann Marie felt like she might cry too.

aThank you so much,a Maggie said.

aItas nothing.a She wondered what on earth had turned Maggie into such a good girla"she was so sweet and polite. It was probably because Maggie had had to look after herself a bit, same as Ann Marie had. Before she could think it over she blurted out, aYou can come live with me and Pat, now or when the baby comes. Iall take care of you. If you want.a aThatas really generous,a Maggie said. aI guess weall see how it all shakes out.a She nodded. aFine.a Ann Marie went into the house to put on one of her new Lilly Pulitzer dresses. It was sherbet green, with pink blossoms printed all over. She hadnat even taken the tags off yet, and when she did so and pulled it on, she thought she looked pretty cute. She applied a bit of lip gloss and mascara, and then she waited.

They turned their cars onto the gra.s.s a short while later and got out, all three of them talking and laughing, changing the quiet energy in the air. Ann Marie walked outside to greet them.

aHi there!a she said cheerfully. aWelcome!a aAnn Marie,a Linda said, hugging her. aThis place is to die for.a aOh, youare sweet,a she said in a modest tone she had learned years ago when they first moved to Newton.

Steve came up behind his wife, with an oversize duffel bag on each shoulder. He gave Ann Marie an awkward hug, since the bags kept lurching forward, but he said, aYou look great. I think this ocean view agrees with you.a She felt the same flutter that she always did in his presence.

aWell, come on in. Iave got scallops and strawberries and a cheese plate and a bottle of wine with your name on them,a she said, thinking about what it would feel like to kiss him.

aAlways the hostess with the mostess,a Linda said.

Pat was behind Steve. When he reached her, he gave her a long, hard squeeze.

aIave missed you,a he said.

She patted his face. He had definitely been sneaking fast food every day since she left. His cheeks looked puffy, and there were a couple extra pounds around his belly. Shead mention it later.

aMe too,a she said for now.

Inside the cottage, they left their bags in the hall and settled into the living room, where Ann Marie poured them all a gla.s.s of wine. She set the hors daoeuvres on a big silver platter on the ottoman, like she had seen a hostess do in the last issue of House & Garden.

Steve sat at the piano bench, even though the armchair was empty and there was plenty of room beside Linda on the sofa.

He ran his fingers clumsily over the keys.

aYou play?a Pat asked.

aOh yes, Iam a regular Ray Charles,a he said. aYou should hear my version of aHeart and Soul.a a Pat started talking about the traffic, and Linda praised the Gruyre, asking where Ann Marie had found it. Ann Marie responded warmly, but she was slightly ticked that none of them, not even Steve, mentioned her dollhouse, which was sitting right there on the table in the middle of the room.

Finally, she walked toward the house and said, aThe funniest thing happened when the UPS man delivered this.a They paused before Pat said, aOh? What?a Drat, nothing all that interesting had happened with the UPS man.

aHe couldnat fit it through the door,a she improvised. aSo he had to hoist it up onto the deck and then bring it through the slider.a aHow could hea",a Pat began, but Steve interrupted, aIs that the one for that big compet.i.tion you won?a She nodded, pleased that he remembered.

aItas a beauty,a he said.

aIt is,a his wife agreed.

aThank you. I always wanted one in brick. Theyare very unusual.a aIs that right?a Linda asked. aOh, I love the little doghouse in the yard.a Ann Marie had painted it gray the night before, and she had made a white bone out of clay, which you could see only if you peered inside.

aI have a lot left to do on it,a she said. aThe curtains and rugs were my main projects this week. And the lawn.a aSounds like youave been busy,a Steve said. aHopefully now youall have time to relax.a Then he raised his gla.s.s and said, aTo an unforgettable week!a They all got to their feet and stood by the dollhouse. They clinked their gla.s.ses together, and Ann Marie felt grateful to be here with people who appreciated her. For a moment, it was as if the last few days had never pa.s.sed.

The next morning, Pat and Steve went to play eighteen holes. Ann Marie and Linda slept in, and then decided to go down to the beach. For the first time since she could remember, Ann Marie didnat bother inviting Alice to come along. Not that she would have said yesa"Alice hardly ever set foot on the beach, and she seemed to be avoiding them, staying hidden away in the house next door when she wasnat at church. She hadnat even stopped in to say h.e.l.lo to the Brewers yet. This was fine by Ann Marie, since she wanted to scream each time she saw her mother-in-lawas face. But even so, the decision not to include Alice felt momentous somehow.

They placed their chairs on the dry sand up by the dunes, so they wouldnat have to move them when the tide came in. Between them was a tote bag full of sunblock and water and magazines, and a bottle of white wine with two plastic cups slung over the top.

aHow marvelous to have this all to yourselves,a Linda said, gazing up and down the sh.o.r.e as she untied her sarong. She looked better than she had last summera"her legs seemed more toned, her arms a bit less saggy. Ann Marie sucked in her gut and decided not to take her shorts off. aIt must be so great to be able to just dash inside the house and get a snack or change out of your bathing suit if you want to.a Ann Marie nodded. aItas nice, especially with the grandkids. You can put them down for a nap up in the cottage and bring the baby monitor down here to the beach.a aHow civilized!a aI know.a They smothered themselves in sunblock, rubbing the white cream into their legs and arms until it disappeared, leaving a clear sheen behind.

aGotta love the Irish skin,a Linda said with a laugh.

aTell me about it,a Ann Marie said. aSo, what have I missed in the neighborhood since Iave been gone?a aNot much,a Linda said. She reached for the bottle of wine. aMay I?a aPlease,a Ann Marie said. It was only eleven oaclock, but what the heck? They were on vacation.

Linda poured the wine and said, aI hear through the grapevine that Josephineas husband might be leaving her.a aTed? No!a aYes. And Iam not even sure I can tell you for who.a aOh G.o.d.a aThe babysitter. Sheas a soph.o.m.ore at Tufts.a aPoor Josie!a aI know. I told Steve if he ever humiliated me like that, theyad never find his body.a They giggled, though Ann Marie wondered for a split second if Linda was onto her and Steve. Was this her way of saying back off? For some reason, the thought of it gave Ann Marie a rush.

They chatted about their kids, and their neighbors, and how quickly the summer was pa.s.sing by.

Eventually, they pulled a couple of magazines out of the beach bag and started talking about celebrities, pointing out funny stories to each other. They pa.s.sed an hour pleasantly this way. And then, as if sensing Ann Marieas tranquillity, Kathleen came along to shatter it.

Ann Marie hadnat even noticed someone had approached them until Linda said cautiously, ah.e.l.lo there.a When she looked up, Kathleen was hovering overhead in shorts and a T-s.h.i.+rt. She had a rolled-up towel under her arm, one of the threadbare brown ones from the linen closet in the cottage. Ann Marie never used thosea"she bought new towels almost every fall at the postsummer sales, and brought them from home the following season.

She felt like telling Kathleen to buzz off, but instead she said, aLinda, meet my sister-in-law Kathleen.a aOh!a Linda said, putting a hand over her heart. aI didnat realize you two knew each other! You scared me there for a minute!a The scariest part is that we do know each other, Ann Marie thought.

aWhat are you up to?a she asked, trying to sound cheerful.

aTaking a walk,a Kathleen said. aYou donat mind if I take a walk on the beach, do you? It being July and all.a Good Lord, here we go.

aWhy donat you sit with us for a bit?a Linda said.

Kathleen raised an eyebrow. aOkay.a She spread her towel out in front of them and sat with her back to the ocean.

aWine?a Linda asked.

Ann Marie cringed, but Kathleen seemed to have come without her soapbox.

aNone for me,a she said politely. Well, that was a shock.

aWhereas Maggie?a Ann Marie asked. She turned to Linda and, by way of explanation, added, aMy niece.a aMy daughter,a Kathleen said. aSheas up at Aliceas house, working. I had to get out of there. Between Maggie talking on the phone about murder victims and Alice smoking like a chimney on the porch. Well, letas just say itas cramped. So! How do you two know each other?a Ann Marie had already told her they were neighbors, but she replied, aWe live on the same block.a aAh, fellow Newtonians,a Kathleen said.

Maybe you had to know her to know that she was being snide, because Linda said cheerfully, aThatas right. Weare in the same book club, and weare on the ladiesa council together at our country club. And we organize a wine and cheese night with the other neighborhood moms once a month.a Kathleen scooped up a handful of sand and then let it fall through her fingers. aSounds like you two like to get away from your menfolk,a she said.

aSometimes a girl needs it!a Linda said, smiling. aAm I right?a aOh, I donat know. I actually enjoy spending time with my partner.a That did it! Kathleen was being rude to Ann Marieas guest. And why had she used that word, partner? It made it sound like she was a lesbian.

aKathleenas not married, so her perspective is a little different from ours,a Ann Marie said. aHer boyfriend is a lovely guy.a aOh, thanks,a Kathleen said. She looked straight at Linda. aI hate that term, boyfriend. Weave been living together for ten years, but everyone in the family treats us like we just wrapped up our third date.a Linda seemed unsure how to respond, poor thing. Finally she said, aI was telling Ann Marie how jealous I am that you all have this beach to yourselves. Itas wonderful.a Kathleen shrugged. aPersonally, Iam ready to leave.a Ann Marie was relieved that Kathleen hadnat steered the conversation toward the topic of Alice giving the house away.

aWhen are you planning to leave, anyway?a she asked, hoping Linda wouldnat pick up on any friction between them.

aNot sure yet.a Kathleen gave her a meaningful look, as if to say, Just you wait.

They sat in silence. Ann Marie looked out at the water and wondered when Kathleen would let them be.

A few minutes pa.s.sed before her sister-in-law got to her feet.