Maine: A Novel Part 20

Sweet Jesus, was her sister-in-law sleeping with the priest?

aWhat is going on around here?a Alice said gaily, as if perhaps this was all part of some elaborate spoof. Smile! Youare on Candid Camera!

aOh, itas nothing,a Ann Marie said. aItas just that I, uma"I dropped a few of the croissants on the floor when I was fixing lunch and Connor saw me.a She sent him a scathing look, as if he had just outed her in front of the pope.

Alice held up her sandwich. aThis one?a she asked.

aOh no, no. The ones that landed on the floor I threw straight into the trash,a Ann Marie said. aIt was only a little joke. Ha.a Kathleen sighed. That would be Ann Marieas version of a scandalous confession.

They talked about the weather and the crowds at Ogunquit Beacha"parking was up to twenty dollars a day there, highway robbery if you asked Alice. They discussed the fact that cicadas were ruining half the birch trees in Wells this summer, and that the monastery in Kennebunk had received a visit from a conference of senior bishops last week. With each new benign topic, Kathleen clenched her fists in her lap, trying to be civil, reminding herself how much worse it would be if the rest of them found out about Maggie.

Alice asked if Kathleen had brought along any of her fertilizer.

aWhy would I? Clare says you stockpile it in your bas.e.m.e.nt and then throw it out.a aThat is absolutely not true,a Alice replied. aIave been raving about it all summer.a aNot to me you havenat,a Kathleen said. She took yet another deep breath. aSorry, Mom. That was nice of you to say.a aOf course, now that I have such gorgeous plants, the rabbits have decided to use my garden as their all-you-can-eat buffet,a Alice said. She flitted her eyes at the priest. aThe trials of a gardener never cease.a aYou should try putting hair in the dirt,a Kathleen said. aIt works surprisingly well.a aWhy hair?a the priest asked.

She opened her mouth to respond, but Alice spoke first: aOh, Iave already tried that. It didnat do a d.a.m.n thing. And Iave been spraying cayenne pepper juice all over the place, and they donat even seem to mind.a aYou shouldnat do that,a Kathleen said, horrified. She was glad Arlo wasnat there to hear it. aTheir stomachs canat handle it. It tortures them.a aOh, for G.o.das sake, theyare torturing me,a Alice said. aAnd anyway, my rabbits seem to love their spices. Maybe I should feed them this paprika sandwich as a treat.a aSorry if I used too much,a Ann Marie said flatly. aIam distracted today.a aOh, itas fine, I was only teasing. And besides, Iam not very hungry,a Alice said, putting her sandwich down on her plate and covering it with a napkin. aFather, Ann Marie made delicious oatmeal cookies yesterday. You should take some back to the rectory.a aWhy not!a Ann Marie said, sounding almost shrill.

After a dessert of neon orange sherbet (again, Arlo would rather die), the priest said his good-byes, promising to return later with some new part for the sink.

Then it was just the four of them. Alice refilled her winegla.s.s and Ann Marieas, emptying the bottle.

aThat was an amazing lunch,a Maggie said. aThanks, Aunt Ann Marie.a G.o.d, all the woman had done was make a few lousy sandwiches.

aYes, thanks,a Kathleen said.

Ann Marie looked preoccupied, but after a moment, as if she were being fed a forgotten line from somewhere offstage, she said, aIt was my pleasure.a aWell, wead better be going next door, Maggie,a Kathleen said, giving her a meaningful look. aIam absolutely exhausted.a aYou go ahead,a Maggie said. aIall do the dishes and be over in a while.a aOh. Okay.a Kathleen walked to the cottage, crouching around the corner by the front door while she lit a cigarette, feeling like an eighth-grade girl. She took a few puffs, then quickly stomped it out. She walked inside and sat alone by the window in the dining room, in her fatheras favorite old chair. She would give absolutely anything to have him here now.

A half hour pa.s.sed before Maggie joined her.

Her daughter flashed a great, warm smile. aAlone at last,a she said.

Kathleen rose and hugged her.

She told herself not to rush. There was time enough to say her piece after she got settled. They talked about the farm, and the good writing Maggie had managed to get done here. They joked about Alice and the priest, and about Chrisas new girlfriend, whose entire back was covered in tattoos of Hanna-Barbera cartoon characters. All the while, Kathleen thought about the baby.

It was Maggie who finally brought it up. aSo, I guess we should talk abouta"a She paused, looking like an embarra.s.sed adolescent, and then pointed to her stomach. aThis?a Kathleen wanted to be composed, but she could feel the words pus.h.i.+ng to get out of her, a flood of anger behind them. Even as she told herself not to, she blurted: aWhat the h.e.l.l were you thinking, e-mailing me? Youare pregnant and you send me a G.o.dd.a.m.n e-mail?a Maggie looked startled. aThatas what you came here to say?a aI came here to stop you from making a huge mistake.a Maggie shook her head. aLook, I know thatas how you see Chris and me, but weare not in agreement on this one, okay? I actually want this baby. I donat feel itas a mistake the way you did with us.a Kathleen felt like her daughter had just harpooned her with a sharp stick, straight through the heart.

aThatas not true, Maggie,a she said. aYou were very much wanted.a G.o.d, she sounded like a robot. You were very much wanted? How warm and fuzzy, Kathleen; why not go ahead and embroider that sentiment on a sampler?

She tried again. aI canat picture for a second what my life would have been like without you, Maggie, you know that. And I donat want to. But you canat imagine how hard it is, trying to provide for a child all on your own.a aWe were provided for,a Maggie said hotly.

aI meant provided as in putting you to bed each night and giving you your bath before dinner and cooking that dinner and waking you up for school on snowy days when school was the last place you wanted to go. I meant being a single parent. And yes, one of the ways I struggled was financially. I never wanted that for you.a aYou struggled because you always thought you were too good for motherhood in the first place,a Maggie said.

Kathleen blinked. Jesus, that was just the sort of thing she might have said to Alice. Had she really gone so far out of her way to do the dead opposite of everything her mother had done, only to be perceived as the exact same sort of woman?

aHow could this even happen?a she demanded. aArenat you on the Pill?a aItas a long story.a aPlease donat tell me you did this intentionally.a aYouare the one whoas always saying the universe works in mysterious ways.a Kathleen raised an eyebrow.

aI have it under control, okay?a Maggie said. aI wasnat asking your permission. I was just letting you know.a aWell, thanks so much for that. And I suppose Gabe is on board, all lined up to be a daddy? I suppose thatas under control too.a Maggie moaned. aShut up, Mom!a aShut up? I didnat come here to be talked to like that.a aNo one asked you to come.a They had never spoken to each other this way, not even when Maggie was a teenager.

aI think hanging out with Alice is rubbing off on you,a Kathleen said, trying to make a joke. Why was she being so mean? She had come here to help.

Maggie gave her a faint smile.

aYou have to understand how difficult this is for me,a Kathleen said. aI want to be a grandmother someday, but not now.a That part was a lie. She absolutely did not want to be a grandmother, ever.

Maggieas face grew stormy. aItas not about you. G.o.d, youad think you were the one who was pregnant.a Kathleen sighed. aNothingas coming out the way I want it to. Letas start over. I want you to come live with Arlo and me. Iave thought about it a lot, and I think this will work.a aNo,a Maggie said with a laugh.

Kathleen was surprised. She had thought Maggie would be relieved by the idea.

aWell, wait a second. Hear me out.a aNo offense, but your home is not exactly a safe place for a baby. Iad have to have a tiny pink or blue hazmat suit made.a aWhat is that supposed to mean?a aIam staying in New York,a Maggie said.

aIn case Gabe decides he wants to play house.a aNo!a Maggie said. aBut thank you for giving me so much credit. Iam pregnant, okay? That doesnat automatically make me an idiot. Iam the same person I was before.a Neither of them had heard the screen door open, but now a voice from behind asked, aYouare pregnant?a They turned to see Ann Marie standing in the doorway, affecting a look of deep concern.

aI wish youad have said something,a she said to Maggie. aI could have helped.a Kathleen tried to suppress a scoff. aThatas why Iam here. I think I know what my own daughter needs.a The Kellehers prided themselves on coming together when something even vaguely resembling a tragedy occurreda"anything from a funeral to a flat tire. Perhaps this was one of the benefits of having a large family, but to Kathleen it always seemed slightly disingenuous, as if they were making up for the horrible ways they had treated one another over the years simply by taking someoneas temperature or making a ca.s.serole.

Alice came bounding into the house now, wearing what looked like a beekeeperas hat, the veil still covering her face.

aWhat on earth was that all about?a she said sharply to Ann Marie. aYou trampled two of my tomato plants!a aMom, what are you talking about?a Ann Marie said.

aI saw you! I was on my way out to the garden and I saw you step all over them and then come running in here. Why, Ann Marie? You know the trouble Iave had with the rabbits.a aI have no idea what youare talking about,a Ann Marie said meekly. aMaybe it was an accident.a aThereas no way to accidentally step on a tomato plant.a Alice set her gaze on Kathleen. aYou always have a way of stirring everything up.a aMe? What did I do?a Alice sighed. aI donat even know, itas just your way. When youare around, trouble starts. And Maggie starts acting like a pain in the a.s.s too.a aJesus Christ,a Kathleen said.

aIam going for a walk to clear my head,a Alice said. aI need a break. Youare all behaving like a bunch of Canadians today, and Iam not sure I can take it much longer.a aCanadians?a Kathleen said.

Maggie shook her head. aDonat ask.a Alice walked off and Ann Marie said, aAnyway. Maggie, I had no idea. What can I do to help?a aYou can leave us alone,a Kathleen said. aDonat you think if she wanted you to know she would have told you?a aItas okay. Everyone was bound to find out eventually,a Maggie said agreeably. She was always so d.a.m.n agreeable. She wasnat going to be any help when it came to getting rid of Ann Marie. She was too polite for that. Kathleen would have to take a new approach.

aSo what happened with the tomato plants?a she asked casually.

Ann Marie blushed. aIall be down on the beach if anyone needs me,a she said, and turned on her heels.

Kathleen had hoped that she and Maggie could go to dinner alone, at the very least. She had read about a place in Portsmouth called the Black Trumpet in one of Arloas food magazines. The restaurant was located in an old s.h.i.+pping goods warehouse, and the chef cooked with organic ingredients from local farms.

Kathleen imagined them sitting at a table by the window and finally talking at length. She hadnat gotten a chance to tell Maggie that she knew exactly how they could arrange the nursery (which was now her home office), or that a farmer friend of Arloas down the road had started selling homemade baby food. She had expected some amount of grat.i.tude from her daughter, some acknowledgment that the last thing Kathleen would ever want to do was raise another childa"but for Maggie, she would.

She hoped this would all come out at dinner. But when she mentioned it late that afternoon, Maggie said she had promised Alice shead make a spaghetti sauce.

aIf Iad known you were coming, I wouldnat have,a she said apologetically. aItas just that she and Aunt Ann Marie have been doing all this cooking for me, and I wanted to repay the favor. Why donat you come over to Grandmaas house with me now and you can help me cook?a Somehow Kathleen felt like a child, an outsider. Maggie seemed to fit in so seamlessly here, unlike her. She could not imagine why Maggie wanted to go back into the belly of the beast next door after everything that had been said earlier in the day. Thank you for s.h.i.+tting on my life, please allow me to cook you dinner! But that was how the Kellehers worked. No one ever apologized for speaking harshly. They only wallpapered over it with homemade spaghetti sauce and tired old jokes and strong c.o.c.ktails.

aYouare going to start cooking now?a she asked. aItas four thirty. Why donat we take a walk on the beach first?a aAlice likes to eat early,a Maggie said. aDo you want to come?a aIall stay here for a while, I think,a Kathleen said. aI have some work I need to do.a aOkay,a Maggie said.

aHey,a Kathleen said. aCall me crazy, but are you sort of avoiding me?a aWhat do you mean, Mom? Weave been sitting here talking for the last three hours!a Maggie didnat sound like herself. But then again, Kathleen wasnat herself right now either.

aYouare right. Sorry. Iam being clingy, I guess.a Maggie gave her a kiss on the forehead. aCome next door soon, please.a aI will,a Kathleen said. aPasta for dinner, huh? Maybe thatas why Ann Marie stomped the tomato plants. Maybe she got sauce making confused with wine making.a Maggie grinned. aMaybe so.a Kathleen made every conceivable work-related phone call she could think of, sitting on the hood of her car. She called Arlo and he asked right away whether Maggie was excited to come back to California.

aNot exactly,a she told him. aI think itas going to take a bit of time to get her to realize itas the right choice.a aWell, tell her thereas one old geezer, two aging dogs, and several million worms here who are eagerly antic.i.p.ating her arrival,a he said. aI started cleaning out the upstairs office this morning.a Kathleen knew she should feel grateful, but her heart seized up, thinking of her cozy, cluttered works.p.a.ce emptied out. aWhere are you putting everything?a she asked.

aIn boxes in the shed,a he said. aKath, itas not forever. Okay? This baby adventure might just be our best one yet.a aYouare wonderful,a she said.

aWho knows? We might even decide to have one of our own.a aOkay, now youare just insane.a He asked about Alice.

aI am trying to be civil, but you know how it goes,a she said. aAnd Ann Marie is here, too, as luck would have it. They were drinking by noon.a aStay strong,a he said.

After they hung up, she lit another cigarette, glancing toward her parentsa house to make sure no one was watching. Then she looked around, taking it all in. The ocean and the sand and the look of the cottage itself, she remembered. But she had forgotten about the naturea"the giant lush trees that shaded her motheras garden, the pines and the birches. The birds, with their bright red and blue wings, the hum of frogs off in the marshes on the other side of the street. The mosquitoes that had caused her to douse her children in Skin So Soft five times a day when they were young. (Ann Marie used OFF! on her kids, hazardous chemicals be d.a.m.ned.) A few minutes later, the priest pulled his car into the driveway.

Him again? Already? Christ, was the priesthood really so bad these days that the guys had to moonlight as handymen?

aI got the new part for the drain,a he said. He held up a brown paper bag.

Kathleen nodded. She stomped out the cigarette and hoped, absurdly, that he would not mention it to her mother.

aIs everyone okay around here?a he asked, sounding nervous. aI know it was tense at lunch.a aWas it?a Kathleen asked.

aDo you know where I can find Alice and Ann Marie?a he said. aI think we need to talk.a aOver at my motheras house,a she said. She suddenly got the feeling that something interesting was about to unfold, and added, aIall come with you.a In the kitchen, the smell of Maggieas tomato sauce filled the air. Maggie and Alice stood by the stove, talking about a book Maggie thought her grandmother would like. Through the archway that led to the living room, Kathleen could see Ann Marie sitting on the couch, sewing together swatches of fabric with a needle and thread for no reason she could fathom. There was an almost empty gla.s.s of wine on the coffee table in front of her.

aFather!a Alice said when she saw them there. Clearly, she felt no need to address Kathleen. aYou didnat have to come back so soon! Youare a saint.a aItas no big deal,a he said. aThey happened to have the part in stock. And I thought it might be good if we all had a talk. Is Ann Marie here?a Alice pointed at her and said in a judgmental stage whisper, aSheas drinking an awful lot today. Sheas acting very odd.a aI can hear you!a Ann Marie snapped from the other room, which was indeed extremely odd for her.

The priest frowned. aIam afraid I might be to blame for all of this,a he said.

aYou?a Alice said. aOh no, not at all.a aIam afraid I mentioned our arrangement regarding the property to Ann Marie,a he said.

Aliceas eyes grew wide.

What arrangement? Kathleen thought.

The priest continued, aI hope we can all talk and I can help sort this out.a aThat is rich,a Ann Marie chirped, getting up from her seat now and storming into the kitchen. Kathleen felt a jolt of excitement and curiositya"a fight was brewing and it had nothing whatsoever to do with her.

aYouare going to sort us all out, huh?a Ann Marie went on. aWhy donat you start by explaining to me how you managed to con an old woman into giving you our familyas summer home.a aWhat?a Maggie said.

The priest looked at Alice. aI donat understand.a Alice got up close to Ann Marie. Kathleen was positive it was the old woman part that had done her in.

aNo one has conned anyone. And youare embarra.s.sing me in front of my guest,a Alice snarled. aThis is not our familyas home, Ann Marie. Itas my home. Mine.a Ann Marie looked like she had been slapped. Kathleen almost felt sorry for her. She had tried to explain to Ann Marie many times when they were young that there was no sense trying to build up goodwill with Alice. If you displeased her once, that was it.

aWhen were you going to clue us in, Alice?a Ann Marie demanded, almost shouting now. aHow could you give the house away without telling us? I donat understand.a Since she had no real stake in it, Kathleen felt like it was her responsibility to turn down the temperature on all of this, so she said in her calmest voice, aWhy donat we take some deep breaths and all try to relax a bit?a aThatas easy for you to say,a Ann Marie said. aYou donat even care about this place. The only reason youave come here in ten years is to try to convince Maggie to have an abortion.a aHow the h.e.l.l is that your business?a Kathleen asked.

aIt concerns all of us,a Ann Marie said.

aActually, no. It doesnat.a Kathleen had only been trying to help, but now she felt her anger go straight from zero to a hundred and ten. aJust because you think your children are so G.o.dd.a.m.n perfect doesnat mean you need to go looking for extra credit with mine.a aYou live across the countrya"you donat know the first thing about my children,a Ann Marie said.

aFionaas a lesbian and Little Danielas a douche bag,a Kathleen said. aUpdate at eleven.a Ann Marie looked like she might faint. She had probably never considered either possibility. Well there, give her something to chew on.

Alice narrowed her eyes at Maggie. aIs this true? Are you pregnant?a They all turned to poor Maggie, whose face and neck were now covered in hives. Kathleen rubbed her daughteras arm. She glanced over at the priest, who was looking down at his shoes.

aYes,a Maggie said.

aJesus, Mary, and Joseph,a Alice said. aAnd youave been here all these weeks with me and you havenat said a word.a aYes.a Alice stiffened. aWhat do you intend to do about it?a aIam having the baby,a Maggie said.

aAnd Gabe?a aHeas not in the picture anymore.a Alice threw up her hands. aWell, thatas that, then. Worse things have happened.a She seemed overly tranquil, and this p.i.s.sed Kathleen off, since she knew that if it were one of Ann Marieas kids standing here breaking this news, Alice would be apoplectic. But she expected the worst from Maggie and Chris, since after all they were merely appendages of Kathleen herself.

aYouare not angry?a Maggie asked.

aNo,a Alice said.

aBecause Maggieas not one of your golden grandchildren, is that it?a Kathleen snapped. aHow can you just say, aOh, itas fine. Go ahead and have a babya?a aWhat would you prefer I say?a Alice said. aThat sheas a little tramp like her mother, has absolutely no common sense, and has just flushed her chances at being a real writer down the toilet?a Now the priest spoke up. aAlice,a he said, as if her words had caused him physical pain.

Kathleenas hands formed two tight fists.

aNone of that is true. You apologize or weare leaving.a aNo. I wonat.a aYou are such a hateful person. G.o.d, Iave only been here a few hours and I already want to kill you.a Alice raised her voice. aDo you know what I sacrificed to be a mother?a aOh, because you were going to be some great artist?a Kathleen shouted. aNews flash, Mom, you really werenat that talented. None of us stopped you from becoming anything. That was a stupid childish dream like everyone has. Boo hoo, I never became an astronaut.a aStop it,a Maggie said softly. aYouare being cruel.a Well, maybe so, but Kathleen had only been trying to protect her.

Kathleen turned to Ann Marie. aThanks for b.u.t.ting in.a aIave been a part of this family for thirty-five years, in case you hadnat noticed,a Ann Marie said.

aThatas quite a claim to fame,a Kathleen said. aCongrats.a aI donat ask for very much,a Ann Marie said. aIam here to take care of her all the time, while youare living out your strange boyfriendas dream in California. And for what? Youave had it in for me since the day we met, admit it. You never thought I was good enough for your brother. You donat like the way I treat your mother. Well, sheas all yours now. I wash my hands of this.a And with that, she stormed out of the house. They all watched her go. She got into the Mercedes and backed it out of the driveway fast. Kathleen remembered now how up in Maine everyone left their keys in the car, a way to emphasize the safety of this place. Was it really such a burden to pull the keys out of your purse when you wanted to go somewhere?

aShould she be driving?a Maggie asked.

aNo,a Kathleen said.

aI need a c.o.c.ktail,a Alice said. Then she smiled at Maggie. aOh, thatas why you havenat been drinking. Thank G.o.d.a The priest s.h.i.+fted awkwardly. aIam so sorry if Iave caused any trouble. Alice, should we talk about all of this later?a Alice continued on like he had never spoken. aWell, I hope sheall come back so I can calm her down,a she said, as if she were known for her calming influence. aCome along, Father. Iall walk you to your car. Youave probably had enough of our familyas insanity for one day. Iam sorry you had to witness that.a They walked off, and Kathleen said, aYou must just be basking in the warmth of all the family support, huh?a Maggie nodded. aThat went better than Iad expected, actually.a She paused. aDid you know about the house?a aWhen do I ever know what Alice is up to?a Kathleen asked.

aDo you think she actually gave it to the church for real?a Kathleen could see the worry in her daughteras face. Her only daughter, who she loved more than anyone. She hunched down, bending at her knees, so that she was facing Maggieas stomach. aYouare coming into a very strange family, little one,a she said. aDonat say I didnat warn you.a Maggie smiled and Kathleen wished it were that easy, that she could somehow just accept this, when she knew she couldnat. She wanted to tell Maggie she was grounded until she agreed to come to California and live there for as long as it took. But she told herself they could discuss it later. For now, theyad have something resembling peace.

aWill you let me take you to that restaurant?a Kathleen asked.

aOkay,a Maggie said, looking forlornly toward her simmering pot of tomato sauce. She shut off the burner. aI guess we can have it tomorrow.a aHurry up and letas run before Alice comes back.a aMom, thatas so mean.a aOh, just come on.a When they returned home later that night, Ann Marieas car was back in the driveway. Either she and Alice had reconciled, or they had killed each other. Through the back bedroom window, Kathleen could see clear into Aliceas den next door, but she couldnat make either of them out.

aSo nice that the whole gang is here, bonding as much as ever,a Kathleen said.

Maggie gave her a look, which Kathleen knew meant that she was at least partly to blame. Her daughter still wanted to be a Kelleher. Why?

She thought of her annual pre-Thanksgiving dinner in California. She held the party on the Tuesday before the holiday, for all her AA friends, and she cooked up a feasta"two or three big turkeys, mashed potatoes, stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, green beans. She bought pies at Kozlowski Farms, and everyone else brought a dish of their own. Maggie had come for the party a few times. They always stayed up telling stories and laughing all night. No one ever said a harsh word. For Kathleen, it was the highlight of the holiday season. Two days later, shead be sitting in Ann Marieas living room, surrounded by her relatives, and shead feel alien there, digging her fingernails into the arm of the sofa, willing herself back to that warm, friendly California house, full of her chosen family members.

The next morning, Kathleen woke early and went outside, barefoot, just as they had always done when they were young. She took note of Aliceas garden, which she had to admit looked d.a.m.n good. She would have to tell Arlo about it the next time they talked.

It was raining lightly, and she welcomed the rain, walking down to the beach with her face upturned.

She had forgotten that you experienced weather differently here. Rain and clouds were no longer an annoying distraction, but a welcome change in the atmospherea"a chance to curl up with a book and eat a grilled cheese sandwich by the window, and not get out of your pajamas all afternoon. Dampness hung in the air and clung to every surface. The waves lashed at the sh.o.r.eline, getting frothy white and taller than any man, and everyone would go down to the beach and stand in awe as drops of water fell against their shoulders and the fog rolled in. Umbrellas seemed absurd.

Arlo would love this place. She wondered if it was sheer stubbornness that had made her never once even consider coming back.

In many ways, the past decade had been the happiest of her life, even though ten years earlier, she had lost her father and thought that she could not go on. But before long, she had met Arlo. Falling in love couldnat make up for what had happened; nothing could. But Arlo was her protector and her confidant, the same way Daniel had been. Sometimes she looked into Arloas eyes and would swear she saw something of her father there. She wanted the same kind of love for Maggie.

After meeting Arlo, Kathleen had felt quite certain that her bad marriage and subsequent romantic disappointments had all led her to him. They were her blessings, disguised as burdens. Suppose she had stayed with Paul Doyle. By now, shead be living on the south sh.o.r.e of Boston with a pickled liver, bickering daily, and probably up to two hundred pounds.

When Paul had an affair all those years ago, she had asked her father whether he thought Paul might somehow transform into a good husband.

aIn my experience,a he had said, apeople can change, but most people donat.a He was right about Paul. But Kathleen had changed. At the age of thirty-nine, she reinvented herself, leaving a bad marriage, getting sober, finding meaningful work. She did it again at forty-nine when she met Arlo. She was fifty-eight now, so who knew what shead do next? This was a life lesson she wished she had taught Maggie soonera"if you didnat like yourself, you could just become someone else. Of course, that wasnat exactly so when you had young children.

She wished Alice would understand this, too, but her mother was too far gone and bitter for life lessons. Shead rather just stew in it. She had certainly never had a suitor since Danielas death, which in a way made Kathleen feel relieved.

It was strange to ponder, but Kathleen was fairly certain that her parents had actually been in love, right up until the end. At the top of Briarwood Road, her father had carved the initials A.H. into an old pine tree. (Kathleen had once drunkenly told her children that this tribute to her mother stood for a.s.s Hole.) Aliceas House. She imagined them young and in love when he did it, not a care in the world, just starting out and expecting life always to be perfect.