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The Taming of the Yandere
Chapter 10: My Colorless Personality
Everyone has their own color. This determines their personality, just as the term "personality color" * suggests.
*I think this is kind of real, but not really? All I got when I searched it up were those bulls.h.i.+t quizzes. Something like this may exist in actual psychology, but not to my knowledge nonetheless.
Every person's personality can be shown by three colors: red, yellow, and blue, decided by certain set ratios.
If you recognize your personality, you can determine your color fairly easily.
Young people like me take on heavy responsibilities such as school, preparing for their final exams. *
*Fun fact: Contrary to Western countries' education systems, in China your whole life is determined by one high school exam taken in your senior year. Universities accept students based on their one final exam score, and some other aspects such as sports, school government, etc. The only time your final exam score is held beneath you is if you're a pro athlete, or if you excel nationally in other activities. The ones who enter universities and colleges create numerous clubs, and find all kinds of jobs. And then you have the ones who are almost graduating, and are deciding where they want to go in life. To most of the young generations, their personality color should be fiery-red. But me? From the outside, it's also a deep crimson, and even tinged with violet at times. But underneath the red? What color is my inner heart? Even I don't know. It's empty, echoing throughout my chest. I'll begin on something, and work diligently, striving to make it the best possible. But once I succeed, I don't know why I started in the first place…. It's pretty funny, now that I think about it. Maybe, my personality is colorless. The sh.e.l.l changes color, depending on what environment it's in. It constantly adapts to become what others expect of it. At the same time, it protects my colorless core, s.h.i.+elding it from the eyes of everyone. When school ended, I followed Teacher Li's written address, and arrived at Jiang Muqing's apartment building. It wasn't really far from my house. It was even along the way if I walked home from school. Jiang Muqing's neighborhood was lavish, and beautifully designed. The skysc.r.a.per-like buildings and the high-end stores beneath it, made it look like an office park rather than a residential. These stores fit right beside the market street below my house. There was a large supermarket, a theater, and plentiful restaurants. The housing price here must be outrageous. The story I told about loans and debts would never happen. The complex was secured by an electronic door system, opened by a key card. My aged apartment building looked like a homeless shelter compared to this. The suite number was 212. Without a card, I punched in 212, connecting the speaker to her house. "Who is it?" The familiar voice was sickly and weak. Looks like she really is sick. Her voice was heavy and hoa.r.s.e, and sounded like she caught a hefty cold. I exhaled in relief. She was alive, and I could finally release my pressured guilt. But I didn't stop there. "h.e.l.lo? Is someone there?" "Is it Cla.s.smate Jiang? This is Lu Fan, your cla.s.s's Teacher Li wanted me to take your missed homework to you." "Clack! Beep, beep—" She suddenly hung up, slamming the receiver. So cold…. I don't understand why she would be so cold. I did the right thing, and said the right words, maybe she just lacks in expressing grat.i.tude, or some misunderstanding. How could she be like this towards her savior? Saving her was a stranger's good deed. Does she want me to care more about her, like her, and even be her boyfriend? Is it some sort of narcissism? Maybe if n.o.body around her likes her, she'll become really angry. I tried to decipher her actions. Maybe she lacked parental love in childhood, and needs peoples' excessive feelings. This may also be linked to her attempted suicide. Hmm, if I gallantly say that I care about her, like her, and want to go through an entire brain-dead high-school romance, she'll probably feel better. Whether the love will be fake or real, will be a different matter. Perhaps once she sees me completely falling to her heels, she'll stop acting like this. I don't have any interest or strength to deal with women, anyway. Once I confess strongly to her, and neutralize her emotions, I can go home and deal with my own life. But the impending question is, how will I get in? Jiang Muqing won't open the door for me. But it seems like she's the only one in the house. Or else, why would she come answer the buzzer herself, when she should be resting in bed? I reentered "212". "Beep, beep—" "h.e.l.lo? Who are you looking for?" Because of the brief time between my previous call and this one, the girl's voice was filled with suspicion. "Good afternoon, please open the door, your takeout order is here." I spoke, pinching my nose. At this hour, it should be nearing dinnertime. If parents arrive home late, they would probably leave some money on the counter for their kids to order takeout, or eat at a restaurant. "You pressed the wrong number. I didn't order anything." "Clack, beep, beep—" She didn't slam the phone this time. Alright, looks like I can't go to her directly. I'll have to pull some strings. I punched in 213. This should be the one right beside Jiang Muqing's suite. "h.e.l.lo?" This clear, crisp voice…. Another girl?! Now, I don't need to pinch my nose again. I cleared my throat, and told her: "Cla.s.smate, I'm a student at s.h.i.+yi High. A friend of mine lives in 212. She's sick today, and the teacher asked me to bring her missed homework. But she doesn't seem like she's here, will you please open the front door?" "s.h.i.+yi High? I go there, too! Okay, I'll open it." The girl candidly opened the door. I walked in the elevator, and rode up to the 21st floor. Jiang Muqing lives at the 21st floor, and the top floor was 32nd. If the unstable girl suddenly didn't want to keep living, she could simply leave by opening her window. It's just as if someone were to smoke at a gas station. After a while, I arrived at her door. This was a level I still had to pa.s.s…. For a complete stranger, I almost paid my life. Now, I have to wade through the murky heat, expend brainpower, and pull her from the dark hole she pulled herself into. Why am I doing this? What am I gaining from this? To win a girl's heart? Those meaningless things are nothing to me. I just don't want such a talented young girl to waste away. She probably has so much more to do. No matter if she thanks me or not, as long as she lives, it'll be my greatest reward. "Ring ring…." I pressed the doorbell. Footsteps thumped inside. "Go away…. Just go…." "Why did you come here…." "I won't let liars in…." Jiang Muqing looked at me through the eyehole, grinding her teeth furiously. "I know that you hate me right now, but I have Teacher Li's homework here for you." I said glumly. "I don't want to see you again…." She didn't give me the slightest chance. Looking at the door, she probably won't let me in no matter what, but I had to try. "Cla.s.smate Jiang Muqing, you should know, as a boy, I was really embarra.s.sed when you asked me if I liked you or not. " I took a deep breath, and collected my emotions, and started my original scheme. She's not saying anything. Is she thinking? "That day, I didn't say yes because I didn't want to lose face. It's very strange for the saved to confess to the savior." It seemed to be working. "Once more, confessions should be boy-to-girl, right? To be confronted by you so suddenly, I wasn't comfortable at all." It was taking effect. Alright, continue. "So…." "Stop…. Stop talking…." A piercing, cold voice came from under the door. "What's wrong?" I felt a shock. "I was afraid… That I'll really believe you…." Did I fail?! "Big liar…." ^^^ Support me so I can keep buying raws!
*Fun fact: Contrary to Western countries' education systems, in China your whole life is determined by one high school exam taken in your senior year. Universities accept students based on their one final exam score, and some other aspects such as sports, school government, etc. The only time your final exam score is held beneath you is if you're a pro athlete, or if you excel nationally in other activities. The ones who enter universities and colleges create numerous clubs, and find all kinds of jobs. And then you have the ones who are almost graduating, and are deciding where they want to go in life. To most of the young generations, their personality color should be fiery-red. But me? From the outside, it's also a deep crimson, and even tinged with violet at times. But underneath the red? What color is my inner heart? Even I don't know. It's empty, echoing throughout my chest. I'll begin on something, and work diligently, striving to make it the best possible. But once I succeed, I don't know why I started in the first place…. It's pretty funny, now that I think about it. Maybe, my personality is colorless. The sh.e.l.l changes color, depending on what environment it's in. It constantly adapts to become what others expect of it. At the same time, it protects my colorless core, s.h.i.+elding it from the eyes of everyone. When school ended, I followed Teacher Li's written address, and arrived at Jiang Muqing's apartment building. It wasn't really far from my house. It was even along the way if I walked home from school. Jiang Muqing's neighborhood was lavish, and beautifully designed. The skysc.r.a.per-like buildings and the high-end stores beneath it, made it look like an office park rather than a residential. These stores fit right beside the market street below my house. There was a large supermarket, a theater, and plentiful restaurants. The housing price here must be outrageous. The story I told about loans and debts would never happen. The complex was secured by an electronic door system, opened by a key card. My aged apartment building looked like a homeless shelter compared to this. The suite number was 212. Without a card, I punched in 212, connecting the speaker to her house. "Who is it?" The familiar voice was sickly and weak. Looks like she really is sick. Her voice was heavy and hoa.r.s.e, and sounded like she caught a hefty cold. I exhaled in relief. She was alive, and I could finally release my pressured guilt. But I didn't stop there. "h.e.l.lo? Is someone there?" "Is it Cla.s.smate Jiang? This is Lu Fan, your cla.s.s's Teacher Li wanted me to take your missed homework to you." "Clack! Beep, beep—" She suddenly hung up, slamming the receiver. So cold…. I don't understand why she would be so cold. I did the right thing, and said the right words, maybe she just lacks in expressing grat.i.tude, or some misunderstanding. How could she be like this towards her savior? Saving her was a stranger's good deed. Does she want me to care more about her, like her, and even be her boyfriend? Is it some sort of narcissism? Maybe if n.o.body around her likes her, she'll become really angry. I tried to decipher her actions. Maybe she lacked parental love in childhood, and needs peoples' excessive feelings. This may also be linked to her attempted suicide. Hmm, if I gallantly say that I care about her, like her, and want to go through an entire brain-dead high-school romance, she'll probably feel better. Whether the love will be fake or real, will be a different matter. Perhaps once she sees me completely falling to her heels, she'll stop acting like this. I don't have any interest or strength to deal with women, anyway. Once I confess strongly to her, and neutralize her emotions, I can go home and deal with my own life. But the impending question is, how will I get in? Jiang Muqing won't open the door for me. But it seems like she's the only one in the house. Or else, why would she come answer the buzzer herself, when she should be resting in bed? I reentered "212". "Beep, beep—" "h.e.l.lo? Who are you looking for?" Because of the brief time between my previous call and this one, the girl's voice was filled with suspicion. "Good afternoon, please open the door, your takeout order is here." I spoke, pinching my nose. At this hour, it should be nearing dinnertime. If parents arrive home late, they would probably leave some money on the counter for their kids to order takeout, or eat at a restaurant. "You pressed the wrong number. I didn't order anything." "Clack, beep, beep—" She didn't slam the phone this time. Alright, looks like I can't go to her directly. I'll have to pull some strings. I punched in 213. This should be the one right beside Jiang Muqing's suite. "h.e.l.lo?" This clear, crisp voice…. Another girl?! Now, I don't need to pinch my nose again. I cleared my throat, and told her: "Cla.s.smate, I'm a student at s.h.i.+yi High. A friend of mine lives in 212. She's sick today, and the teacher asked me to bring her missed homework. But she doesn't seem like she's here, will you please open the front door?" "s.h.i.+yi High? I go there, too! Okay, I'll open it." The girl candidly opened the door. I walked in the elevator, and rode up to the 21st floor. Jiang Muqing lives at the 21st floor, and the top floor was 32nd. If the unstable girl suddenly didn't want to keep living, she could simply leave by opening her window. It's just as if someone were to smoke at a gas station. After a while, I arrived at her door. This was a level I still had to pa.s.s…. For a complete stranger, I almost paid my life. Now, I have to wade through the murky heat, expend brainpower, and pull her from the dark hole she pulled herself into. Why am I doing this? What am I gaining from this? To win a girl's heart? Those meaningless things are nothing to me. I just don't want such a talented young girl to waste away. She probably has so much more to do. No matter if she thanks me or not, as long as she lives, it'll be my greatest reward. "Ring ring…." I pressed the doorbell. Footsteps thumped inside. "Go away…. Just go…." "Why did you come here…." "I won't let liars in…." Jiang Muqing looked at me through the eyehole, grinding her teeth furiously. "I know that you hate me right now, but I have Teacher Li's homework here for you." I said glumly. "I don't want to see you again…." She didn't give me the slightest chance. Looking at the door, she probably won't let me in no matter what, but I had to try. "Cla.s.smate Jiang Muqing, you should know, as a boy, I was really embarra.s.sed when you asked me if I liked you or not. " I took a deep breath, and collected my emotions, and started my original scheme. She's not saying anything. Is she thinking? "That day, I didn't say yes because I didn't want to lose face. It's very strange for the saved to confess to the savior." It seemed to be working. "Once more, confessions should be boy-to-girl, right? To be confronted by you so suddenly, I wasn't comfortable at all." It was taking effect. Alright, continue. "So…." "Stop…. Stop talking…." A piercing, cold voice came from under the door. "What's wrong?" I felt a shock. "I was afraid… That I'll really believe you…." Did I fail?! "Big liar…." ^^^ Support me so I can keep buying raws!
