Any Coincidence Is Part 8

Denny stared for a moment before throwing the empty packing box to the floor. "Oh, Lord. Who has it?"

"Remember Tom? He clocked Forrester at Popeye's. Took his clipboard.

Which makes a total of two that are missing..."

"Two? What was Forrester doing with two?!"

"Oh, he only had one. I, uh, almost got shot by Mr. Nelson and, uh...

well, I dropped mine."

"And you became a Hindu, I see?"

"What?" the Lab Coat Man asked, touching his forehead. "That was the bullet! Do you realize--?"

"Just kidding..."

"Kidding! I'm almost killed in the line of duty, and all anyone can think to do is make fun of me because at the last second I didn't die!

Am I so dispensable that --"

"All right, calm down. We need to have a meeting about this."

"Yes, I informed everyone. They'll meet us."

"Good. We also need to discuss another complication."

"What's that?"

"Not what -- who. Don't worry, I've fired her. Just a precaution."

The Lab Coat Man nodded vaguely and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Well if you're just going to stand there," Denny said, "how about giving me a hand with this mouthwash?"

The Lab Coat Man frowned, but began to arrange the bottles of mouthwash (3 for $2) on the opposite shelf. "If I had known I was going to be shelving, I would have brought the new kid... Kurt. Why don't you just... move them, you know? Since we've unlocked one of the most important secrets of s.p.a.ce and time, why not just--?"

"Not until after the final phase, I keep telling you! We don't know who's watching! Like that Nelson. What do we know about him?"

"Zeke knows that. Brings him his mail."

"Zeke?" Denny asked.

"What?" Zeke replied, filling his basket with hemorrhoid cream (2 for $3) fifteen feet up the aisle.

"You askin' about Justin Nelson, Jr.? Oh, he's just nuts. Thought he saw a UFO once, but it was a weather balloon." The trio converged in the middle of aisle seven. "He asks strange questions, that's about all."

"He almost shot me!" the Lab Coat Man exclaimed.

"Would you leave that alone for a minute?" Denny asked. "We'll have to get him out of the way."

"And whoever has Forrester," Zeke added.

"Something happened to Forrester?!" exclaimed a black woman at the end of the aisle, who had been comparing prices of toilet paper (2 for $5).

"Who was careless enough to let two of us be compromised?!" she demanded.

"Keep your voice down, Shenika," Denny replied. "Forrester was in charge of the daily operations, so he's only got himself to blame."

"And who lost the other one?" Shenika demanded. All turned to the Lab Coat Man.

"I'm afraid I was responsible for the other mishap," he admitted, grudgingly.

"Yeah, right before you became a Hindu," Shenika said, noticeably not suppressing a smirk.

"Well, you can't be too hard on the old LCM, here," said Zeke, "'cause Justin has always had a quick temper. And since he's paranoid, he's more likely to notice something going on. In fact, I think he thinks there was something going on before he got hold of the clipboard."

"Like what?" Denny asked.

"I dunno, I was never able to get him to tell me."

"He's a fricking nut," said a police officer, who was pa.s.sing through the store on his rounds. Aisle seven was filling up. "He reads books on UFO's, Bigfoot, crop circles, you name it! And he listens to Art Bell at lot..."

"But no one knows specifically what he knows?" Denny asked.

"n.o.body," said the policeman. "He's never opened up to my people down at that hospital."

"And Julia is just like him," Shenika muttered.

"Rubbed off I guess," said Zeke.

"Inevitable," the Lab Coat Man added.

"Inevitable how?" Shenika demanded.

"Well, I just thought... inevitable," he mumbled, straightening another row of mouthwash.

An old lady turned the corner with a shopping cart. "Are all of you going to block the aisle?" she asked. The Lab Coat Man, Denny, Zeke, Shenika, and the police officer turned. At the sight of her, their backs stiffened and their heels ever so slightly clicked together.

"Don't worry about Julia. There's plenty of other work for you to be doing," she said. "All right! Meeting's over!"

The crowd, except for Denny, quickly dispersed.

"Now, young man," she asked, "I found my Depends, but could you tell me where I might find the Metamucil?"

20. Love in Bloom "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."

-- Jack Benny

When Alona began to regain consciousness, she thought she saw Tom drag the body of what looked like a mad scientist inside the trailer home.