Millionaire's Women Part 14

She stood for a few minutes more, knowing she had to get a handle on how she was feeling before she joined the others. Then, when she really couldn't delay any longer, she lifted her head and marched out into the garden.

'Hi.' Nick rose immediately as she walked through the French doors on to the patio. He sent the Jack Russell a warning glance which made the little dog slink away under Catherine's chair. 'I was beginning to wonder if you were all right,' he said, reaching her in three long strides.

She smiled up at him, into the blue, blue eyes that had the power to make her dream impossible dreams and long for what she could never have and hadn't even known she wanted before she met him. Because with Nick she wanted it all. Commitment, marriage, babies, for ever. But it wasn't going to be. 'As you can see, I'm fine,' she said softly, loving him and knowing she had to leave him.

When she had heard Margaret confirming all her worst fears she knew she had been fooling herself. She wouldn't be able to continue seeing Nick, sleep with him, stay at his house and he at hers, and then be able to get on with her life when it finished. It would break her. This way it would be crucifying, she knew that, but at least it would end cleanly and without dragging on and turning into something which ultimately would be distasteful to him and shameful for her. She didn't want him to remember her begging him not to leave her and falling to pieces, and she would if she let this continue.

Rosie and her family took their leave shortly afterwards along with Margaret, the latter kissing Catherine's cheek, giving Nick a swift but full kiss on the lips before he could object, and smiling a tight, hard little smile at Cory.

Cory didn't smile back. 'Goodbye, Margaret,' she said politely, keeping her gaze steady and cool. After a moment or two Margaret tossed her head, muttering something about it having been nice to have met her, and without further ado left.

Cory glanced around at the remains of the barbecue and the general mess. Then she looked at Nick's mother. Catherine did did look tired. 'Why don't I make you a nice cup of tea and then Nick and I will clean up a bit while you put your feet up?' she suggested quietly. look tired. 'Why don't I make you a nice cup of tea and then Nick and I will clean up a bit while you put your feet up?' she suggested quietly.

Catherine protested a little but not too much, which spoke volumes. Once she had fed all the dogs and cats-a major feat in itself as several were on special diets and two of the cats were diabetic-she went into the sitting room with her tea and Cory and Nick got to work.

Once they had loaded the dishwasher with the first lot of dirty dishes and utensils they set about restoring order in the garden. By the time they had cleaned the gas barbecue, sluiced down the tables and one or two of the chairs which were sticky with lemonade spilt by the children and put all the toys in the small outhouse Catherine used for that purpose, the second dishwasher load was purring away.

While Nick washed all the animals' bowls in the deep stone sink in the utility room and put them away, Cory whipped over the surfaces in the kitchen and tidied up.

'We make a good team.' Everything finished, Nick came through to the kitchen and put his arms round her, nuzzling his face into her neck as she stood looking out of the kitchen window into the gathering twilight. A blackbird was singing at the bottom of the garden, and where the barbecue had stood before they'd wheeled it into the outhouse a flock of starlings were squabbling over tasty morsels. Nick was used to Sundays like this, times when all the family joined together and just enjoyed being with each other. Cory felt unbearably sad.

She turned into him, laying her head against his throat for a moment but not saying anything, and his arms tightened around her. They stood together in the quiet of the old house for some time before Cory stirred, her voice husky as she said, 'We ought to go and leave your mother in peace.' It was strange, but in all their pa.s.sionate times she had never felt so close to him as she had for the last few minutes.

Catherine was dozing as they entered the sitting room, an array of dogs at her feet and a cat snoozing in her lap. 'Don't get up,' Cory said, smiling. 'We'll see ourselves out.' She bent over the back of the sofa and kissed the older woman's cheek.

'You'll come again soon?' Catherine asked. 'Just the two of you for dinner so we can get to talk a little. The family en ma.s.se en ma.s.se always turns into something like a chimpanzees' tea party.' always turns into something like a chimpanzees' tea party.'

Cory kept the smile in place with some effort as the sadness increased. She would have liked to come again and get to know this woman whom she felt instinctively she could have loved. 'Thank you,' she said. 'I've so enjoyed today.' And she had, in a way.

Once they were in the car and on their way to Nick's house to pick up their things, Nick said warmly, 'That was nice of you, to suggest we stay and clear up. I appreciate it.'

'It's all right.' A terrible consuming emptiness was filling her. He had said he wanted to talk and she knew what he would say. He wanted to know how she felt about them as a couple, where she saw them going, what she envisaged happening between them in the next weeks and months. And that was fair enough. He had a right to expect some answers from her after all these weeks.

'Is anything wrong, Cory?' He flashed her a concerned glance but she didn't respond for a moment. 'Cory?'

'You...you said you wanted to talk about things earlier,' she said flatly.

'What? Oh, yes.' His brow furrowed slightly. 'But it doesn't have to be today. We're later leaving Mum's than I expected and we've got the drive back to London. We can talk tomorrow.'

'I'd rather it be tonight.'

'You would?' They were just approaching the lane leading to his house. 'OK. Once we get in, why don't you pull your things together and put them in the car while I make some coffee. We can talk then.'

She didn't wait for him to open her door when the car pulled up in front of the house, jumping out with more speed than grace and nearly going flat on her back in the process. She saw the quizzical glance he shot her but pretended that she hadn't, rus.h.i.+ng straight up to her room once he had opened the front door. Bundling her things into her case and clearing the bathroom of her bits and pieces, she was downstairs again in a minute or two, stowing her case into the back of the sports car as Nick had suggested.

Then she stood for a moment on the drive, staring up into one of the huge trees bordering the house. You've been here for over a century, she said silently. You've seen so much. People come and go, heartache, trials, loss. And you're still here, weathering the storms and feeling the sun on your leaves and branches in the good times. Life will go on after Nick, I know that, but nothing will be the same. And I just don't know how I'm going to bear it.

'All packed?'

He called her from the doorway and she lowered her eyes to his. He looked very big and dark standing in the shadows dappling the house, and in the strange half-light she couldn't see the expression on his face. 'All packed,' she said, walking to join him and taking the hand he held out to her.

'Cory, what's wrong?' As they walked through to the sitting room he spoke softly. 'You were fine earlier but something has changed.'

'You were right this morning.'

'Right?' he said, puzzled.

'About us having to talk. We do.' She sank down on to one of the sofas and watched him as he poured coffee from a tall white jug into slender china mugs. He added cream and sugar to hers and pa.s.sed it to her before he sat down with his own beside her. She wished he had sat opposite her. She didn't want to say what had to be said with the feel of his thigh against hers.

'So you agree we have to talk,' he said, and his voice had changed. The softness had gone and it was cool, wary. 'Why do I feel I'm not going to like this?'

'I don't think we should carry on seeing each other.' She hadn't meant to put it so baldly but really there was only one way to say it. 'I don't think it's working.'

There was absolute ringing silence for a moment. 'May I enquire why?'

'I told you at the beginning that I don't date.' She had decided in the car coming home that she wasn't going to tell him what she had overheard. He might get the idea that she was trying to blackmail him into saying something he didn't want to say, that she was hinting he let her know that he wanted her in a different way to Margaret, that he was prepared to offer more. But she would never hold him to ransom like that. She went on with the lines she'd prepared. 'The last few weeks have been good but I'm getting behind with my work and things are slipping. I...I can't have that.'

'And so I'm to be sacrificed on the altar of your career?' he said silkily.

The tone didn't fool her. The powerful body at the side of her had stiffened and tensed as she had talked on. She cleared her throat. 'I wouldn't put it quite like that.' Her voice had croaked on the last word and she took a sip of coffee to moisten her dry mouth.

'How would you put it?'

'We're different sorts of people, we want different things from life.' For the first time she could speak the truth and, unbeknown to her, her voice carried weight because of it. 'We have had something great, I admit that, but if we go on we'd lose it.'

He swore, just once, but explicitly. 'Rubbish. I don't accept that. Is all this because I told you a few home truths the other night, because I got near? Is that it? I got under your skin and it rankles.'

She put the coffee mug down on the occasional table in front of them and stood to her feet. She had to put s.p.a.ce between them. Then she turned to face him. 'I'm sorry you think that but it's not true.'

'Neither is the garbage you're telling me.' He rose slowly without taking his eyes off her white face. 'I've held you, d.a.m.n it. Felt you quivering in my arms, moaning, begging me to take you all the way. Oh, not in so many words,' he said, as she went to interrupt him, 'but your body was saying what your mouth wouldn't admit. We're not so different, Cory.'

'You're talking about s.e.x.'

'Yes, I am,' he said with no apology in his tone, 'and it's a d.a.m.n good place to start. But there's more than that between us and you know it.'

'Whatever is between us I don't want it to continue.' She stared at him, desperate, her heart breaking. She had to go through with this now; it was the only way, so why did it feel so wrong, so cruel? She hadn't expected him to look at her the way he was looking now. It made her feel so horribly guilty.

'What was all that about earlier in the walled garden then?' he said furiously, anger coming to the fore for the first time. 'When you said you were wrong about your career being your life?'

'I didn't say that exactly.'

'The h.e.l.l you didn't.'

'I said perhaps perhaps I'd been wrong about it, but on reflection I don't think so. I've been thinking about everything this afternoon and now I know what I want.' And it's you. For ever and ever. Impossible. I'd been wrong about it, but on reflection I don't think so. I've been thinking about everything this afternoon and now I know what I want.' And it's you. For ever and ever. Impossible.

'Well, bully for you.' There was a look on his face which made her want to cringe. He despised her. Hated her even.

'I...I thought you'd at least try and see it my way.'

'Sorry to disappoint you,' he said bitterly.

'Nick, I didn't want it to end like this.'

Her lip trembled but then he almost made her jump out of her skin when he barked. 'Enough. No tears. d.a.m.n it, it'd be the last straw. Drink your coffee.'

He walked out of the room without looking at her again and she heard him go up the stairs, presumably to his room. A minute later he came back with a jacket slung over his arm and, his face set, he said, 'Are you ready to leave?'

She nodded, walking past him and then out of the house to the car. He opened the door for her and shut it once she was in her seat, striding round the bonnet with a face like thunder.

She felt herself shrinking when he joined her, the only thought in her head being, how was she going to get through the next three hours until she was home?

CHAPTER NINE.

THE journey back to London was the sort of unmitigated nightmare Cory wouldn't have wished on her worst enemy-not even Margaret. At least the mood Nick was in meant that it didn't take as long as on the way down. In fact he cut a good half an hour off the time, and he hadn't driven slowly before. Cory was sure she saw at least two or three cameras flash, but she didn't mention it. journey back to London was the sort of unmitigated nightmare Cory wouldn't have wished on her worst enemy-not even Margaret. At least the mood Nick was in meant that it didn't take as long as on the way down. In fact he cut a good half an hour off the time, and he hadn't driven slowly before. Cory was sure she saw at least two or three cameras flash, but she didn't mention it.

When they reached her flat he got out of the car and fetched her case from the boot, walking with her to the front door. 'I'll stand in the hall until you've gone upstairs and opened your door.'

'You don't have to.' She had been fighting the tears all the way home and her voice was a husky whisper.

'Just open the d.a.m.n door.'

Cory was all fingers and thumbs with the key hindered as she was by the mist in her eyes, but eventually the door was open and she walked into the hall, Nick behind her.

'Here.' He handed her the case, his face cold.

She walked over to the stairs and then turned on the bottom step to face him. She couldn't let him go like this, she just couldn't. Her face tragic, she said, 'I'm sorry. I mean it, I'm sorry.'

'Go on up, Cory,' he said flatly.

'Nick, please-'

'What the h.e.l.l do you want from me, woman?' he growled before an answering growl came from the direction of the downstairs flat.

Oh, no, please, not now. Cory cast agonised eyes towards the Wards' flat just as Arnie went into full action, the sound of the big do's savage barking horribly loud in the dead of the night, She could hear Nick swearing even above the din the German Shepherd was making, but before she could say anything the door to the flat opened and there stood Mr Ward holding on to Arnie's collar, Mrs Ward standing behind him clutching what looked like a rolling pin.

Cory saw Nick shut his eyes briefly.

'Cory, is that you?' Mr Ward peered into the hall, his eyes enormous behind the strong gla.s.ses he wore. 'Is everything all right?' he shouted.

'Everything's fine, Mr Ward.' She found she was yelling at the top of her voice to make herself heard.

'Are you sure, dear?' Mrs Ward screeched back.

'Quite sure.'

Mr Ward was now in the process of trying to drag the dog back into the flat but Arnie was having none of it. He hadn't had excitement like this for a long time.

It took both of the Wards to manouevre the dog in enough to shut their door, Mr Ward pulling with all his might and his wife getting in front of Arnie and using her ample body as a sort of battering ram. Nick stood watching them as though he couldn't believe his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest and his face dark.

They had no sooner shut their door when, above the sounds of, 'No more, Arnie!' and 'Quiet, boy, quiet! Lie down!', a timid voice above Cory said, 'Is everything all right down there?'

Cory turned round and stared into the faces of the young couple from the top flat who were hovering on her landing. 'Everything's fine,' she said again, wis.h.i.+ng the inoffensive pair to the ends of the earth. 'Go back to bed.'

Something in her voice must have convinced them not to prolong the discussion because they vanished immediately.

She turned back to Nick, who hadn't moved a muscle. 'I didn't want us to part like this.' She stared at him but the hard, handsome face didn't change. 'I thought we could be-'

Don't say friends.'

'Civilised. I was going to say civilised.'

'I'm not civilised where you are concerned, Cory. I thought you knew that.'

For a moment she couldn't speak.

'Go to bed.' It was toneless, final.

She opened her mouth to argue but suddenly there was so much anger in his face that she shut it again. And then she saw him visibly get his temper under control again. 'I mean it, Cory. Before I do or say something I'll regret.'

When she reached the landing and opened her door, switching on the light, Cory paused for a moment. Then she heard the front door to the building open and close. He had gone.

How long she sat on the sofa in the sitting room with her bag at her feet Cory didn't know. Eventually she rose, walking into the kitchen on legs that were shaky. She made herself a mug of milky coffee, carrying it back into the sitting room.

Her hands cupped round the warmth of the mug, her brain seemed to kick in and come to life again. They were finished. She was never going to see him again. It was over. Why had she done it, why? She had made the biggest mistake of her life.

She swayed back and forth a few times, her eyes dry now she could cry at last. Suddenly the emptiness of what she saw before her was too consuming for the relief of tears.

If she had stayed with him who knew what the future might have held? He might have grown to love her like she loved him; he might might. Anything was possible. People could change, mellow. He could have decided at some point down the line that he wanted more than a semi-bachelor existence. Marriage, even children might have presented themselves as attractive.

She finished the coffee before standing up and beginning to pace the room, twisting her hands in front of her like a demented woman. She had burnt all her bridges tonight because Nick was a proud man and he would never forgive her for this. Even if she begged him, he wouldn't take her back now.

How could she have done it? Why had she been so stupid? It had seemed so right earlier after she had listened to him talking to Margaret, but now it seemed just as wrong. She didn't understand herself. She didn't understand herself at all. He had said he loved her. OK, it might not be the roses round the door and ring on the finger kind of emotion when he spoke about the word, but at least it had been a start. Now...

After a while she forced herself to go into the bedroom and get undressed. She had a shower, standing under the warm flow of water for some time, but nothing helped the terrible grinding pain in her heart. After brus.h.i.+ng her teeth, she pulled on an old pair of pyjamas that had seen better days but which were fleecy and warm and climbed into bed. Half an hour later she was back in the sitting room again, not knowing what to do with herself.

She would go and see him in the morning. Eat humble pie. Crawl if necessary. She glanced at the clock. It was only three o'clock in the morning. How was she going to endure the next few hours without going mad?

The buzzer on the intercom in the hall brought her eyes widening and her heart thudding. She suddenly had a mental picture of a policeman standing at the front door with the news that Nick's car had crashed and he was dead. He had driven like one of the Formula One drivers he admired so much on the way back from Barnstaple.