Hobson's Choice: A Lancashire Comedy in Four Acts Part 16

MAGGIE. Well, we haven't. Not altogether. We've had help.

ALBERT. Ah!

VICKEY. It's a mystery to me where you got it from.

MAGGIE. Same place as those flowers, Albert.

ALBERT. Hot-house flowers, I see. (_He rises and examines them_.) I was wondering where they came from.

(VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _smell flowers_.)

MAGGIE. Same place as the money, Albert.

ALBERT. Ah!

ALICE (_rising and following him_, C.). Well, I think we ought to be getting home, Maggie.

MAGGIE (_rising, as do the rest_. VICKEY _and_ FREDDY _move up stage_).

I shouldn't marvel. I reckon Tubby's a bit tired of looking after the shop by now, and if father's wakened up and come in--

ALICE. That's it. I'm a bit nervous.

MAGGIE. He'll have an edge on his temper. Come and put your hats on.

(_She is going_ L., _with_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY, _then stops_.)

Willie, we'll need this table when they're gone. You'd better be clearing the pots away.

WILLIE (_by table_, R.) Yes, Maggie.

(MAGGIE _turns to_ L.)

FREDDY. But--you--

ALBERT. Oh, Lord!

(_They laugh_.)

MAGGIE (_quite calmly_). And you and Fred can just lend him a hand with the was.h.i.+ng up, Albert.

FREDDY. Me wash pots!

VICKEY (_really outraged_). Maggie, we're guests.

MAGGIE. I know. Only Albert laughed at Willie, and was.h.i.+ng up 'ull maybe make him think on that it's not allowed.

(_She ushers_ ALICE _and_ VICKEY _out_, L., _and follows_. WILLIE _begins to put pots on tray which he gets from behind screen, up_ L.)

ALBERT (_after he and_ FRED _have looked at each other, then at_ WILL, _then at each other again_). Are you going to wash up pots?

FREDDY. Are you?

ALBERT. I look at it like this myself. All being well, you and I are marrying into this family and we know what Maggie is. If we start giving in to her now, she'll be a nuisance to us all our lives.

FREDDY. That's right enough, but there's this plan of hers to get us married. Are you prepared to work it for us?

ALBERT. I'm not. Anything but--

FREDDY. Then till she's done it we're to keep the sweet side of Maggie.

ALBERT. But, was.h.i.+ng pots! (_Moves down_ L.)

(_There is a pause. They look at_ WILL, _who has brought the tray from behind the screen and is now clearing up the table_.)

FREDDY. What would you do in our place, Will?

WILLIE. Please yourselves. I'm getting on with what she told me.

FREDDY. You're married to her. We aren't.

ALBERT. What do you need the table for in such a hurry?

WILLIE; Nay, I'm not in any hurry myself.

FREDDY. Maggie wants it for something.

WILLIE. It'll be for my lessons, I reckon. She's schooling me.

FREDDY. And don't you want to learn, then?

WILLIE (_moves_ C.). 'Tisn't that. I--just don't want to be rude to you--turning you out so early. I don't see you need to go away so soon.

(_Crosses below table_.)

ALBERT. Why not?

WILLIE. I'm fond of a bit of company.

ALBERT. Do you want company on your wedding night?

WILLIE. I don't favour your going so soon. (_Crosses_ C. _again_.)

FREDDY. He's afraid to be alone with her. That's what it is. He's shy of his wife.

(_They laugh_.)

WILLIE. That's a fact. I've not been married before, you see. I've not been left alone with her, either. Up to now she's been coming round to where I lodged at Tubby Wadlow's to give me my lessons. It's different now, and I freely own I'm feeling awkward-like. I'd be deeply obliged if you would stay on a bit to help to--to thaw the ice for me.

FREDDY. You've been engaged to her, haven't you?