Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 20

AND

QUICKE ANSWERES.

-- _Of hym that rode out of London and had his seruaunt folowynge on foote._ i.

-- There was a manne on a tyme that rode v myle out of London, and had his seruaunt folowyng after hym on fote, the whiche came so nere, that the horse strake hym a great stroke vpon the thye. The seruaunte, thynkynge to be reuenged, toke and threwe a great stone at the horse, and hytte his mayster on the raynes of the backe, who thought it had bene his horse. He within a whyle loked backe and chydde his seruaunte, bycause he came haltynge so farre behynde. The seruaunt aunswered: Sir, your horse hath gyuen me suche a stroke vpon my thygh, that I can go no faster. Trewely, sayde his mayster, the horse is a great kyckar, for lyke-wyse with his hele right nowe[146] he gaue me a great stroke vpon the raynes of my backe.

-- _Of hym that preched on saynt Chrystophers day._ ii.

-- A fryere that preached vpon a saynt Christofers daye, greatly laudynge saynte Christopher, sayde: what a prerogatyue hadde he here in erthe in his armes to beare our Sauioure! was there euer any lyke hym in grace? A homely blount felowe, heryng hym aske twyse or thryse that question so ernestly, answered: yes, mary: the a.s.se that bare both hym and his mother.

-- _Of the frenche man, that stroue with the Janway for his armes._ iii.

-- There was one amonge the Janwayes[147] that the Frenche kyng had hyred to make warre agaynst the Englysshe men, which bare an oxe heed paynted in his shelde: the whiche shelde a n.o.ble man of France challenged: and so longe they stroue, that they must needs fyght for it. So, at a day and place appoynted, the frenche gallaunt came into the felde, rychely armed at all peces.[148] The Janway all vnarmed came also in to the felde, and said to the frenche man: wherfore shall we this day fyght?

Mary, sayd the frenche man, I wyll make good with my body, that these armes were myne auncetours' before thyne. What were your auncetours'

armes, quod the Janwaye? An oxe heed, sayd the frenche man. Than, sayde the Janwaye, here needeth no batayle: for this that I beare is a cowes heed.

By thys tale ye perceyue howe nycely the vayne braggynge of the frenche man was deryded.

FOOTNOTES:

[146] Just now.

[147] The Genoese.

-- _Of the curate that sayde our Lorde fedde U. C. persons._ iiii.

-- A certayne curate, preachynge on a tyme to his parysshens sayde, that our Lorde with fyue loues fedde v hundred persones. The clerke, herynge hym fayle,[149] sayde softely in his eare: Sir, ye erre; the gospell is v. thousande. Holde thy peace, foole, said the curate; they wyll scantly beleue, that they were fyue hundred.

FOOTNOTES:

[148] At all points.

[149] Make a mistake.

-- _Of hym that profered his doughter in mariage._ v.

-- There was a man vpon a tyme, whiche profered his doughter to a yonge man in mariage, the which yonge manne refused her, sayenge, that she was to yonge to be maryed. I wys, quod her foolysshe father, she is more able than ye wene. For she hath borne iii. children by our parysshe cleeke.

Lo, by this tale ye se, that foles can nat telle what and whan to speake: therfore it were best for them to kepe alway silence.

-- _Of them that came to London to bye a Crucifixe._ vi.

-- There were certayne men vpon a tyme sent out of a village to London to bye a Crucifixe of wodde. The Caruer that they came to, seynge and herynge by theyr wordes, that they were but folysshe blount felowes, asked them, whether they wolde haue the ymage a lyue or elles deade; whiche question so aba.s.shed them, that they went a syde to deuyse whether[150] was beste. So whan they had spoken priuely to gether, they came to the caruer agayne and said they wold haue the image a lyue: for, if theyr neighbours at home where nat so contente, they myghte lyghtly[151] kylle hym.

FOOTNOTES:

[150] Which of the two.

-- _Of hym that folowed his wyfe to buryenge._ vii.

-- A man, that wepynge folowed his wyfe to buryenge, rebuked his lyttel sonne, that wente with hym, because he sange, sayenge that he was peuysshe and madde to synge at his mothers buryenge, but he shulde rather be sory and wepe. The chylde answered: father, seynge ye gyue to these prestes money to synge at my mothers buryenge, why be ye angry with me, that aske you nothynge for my syngynge? His father aunswered: the preestes offyce and thyne is nat all one.

By thys tale ye may perceyue that all thynges beseme nat euery body.

-- _Of hym that felle into the fyre._ viii.

-- A felowe, that was frowarde to his wyfe, vsed to be oute drynkynge many tymes verye late. So on a nyghte he taryed so longe oute, that his wyfe wente to bedde, and badde her mayde make a good fyre, and tarye vp for hym. About xij. of the clocke home he came, and as he stode warmynge him by the fyre his heed was so tottye,[152] that he felle into the fyre. The mayde, seing him fall, ranne vp cryenge to her maistres, and sayd: Alas! my maister is fallen and lyeth longe straughte in the fyre.

No force,[153] mayde, said her maistres, let him lye and take his pleasure in his owne house, where so euer him listeth.

FOOTNOTES:

[151] A too literal translation of the French word _legierement_, which ought here to have been rendered _readily_, rather than _lightly_.