Forty-two
Wild flowers bloomed on the prairie which witnessed the death of the G.o.ds
The wind in the distance was more distant than distance
The sound of my music cried but without tears
–Hai Zi, September
Xu Ping did not return home until well past midnight.
He fished out his key but was so drunk he couldn’t aim for the keyhole.
Clink. It tumbled onto the floor. He swept his palms around the darkness but could not find it, so he gave up, plopped his b.u.t.t on the floor and started bawling like a baby.
His brother opened the door for him. Behind him was the warm, orange light from his home.
The man stood at the door staring at the dirty mess of a brother sitting in the hallway.
Slowly, Xu Ping raised his head from between his knees. His face was wet with tears.
He flashed a smile to his brother. “I lost my key.”
He wiped away his tears and tried to stand by holding onto the wall, but his legs were weak and would not listen to him. He toppled onto the floor again.
Xu Zheng bent over and picked up his brother’s key from the corner behind the hinges of the door. Then, he hoisted his brother up into his arms.
Xu Ping was shocked for a second, but it quickly went away. He hugged his brother’s neck and rested his head against his shoulder.
Xu Zheng’s shoulder was very wide and his arms were firm with muscles.
He scanned the living room before deciding to put his brother on the white leather couch.
But Xu Ping shook his head. He was way too filthy.
“Bring me to the bathroom,” he whispered with his eyes closed.
His brother carefully placed him on the blue mat in the bathroom. When Xu Ping wobbled, he rushed to hold him.
Holding onto his brother’s shoulder, Xu Ping lowered himself to sit on the edge of the tub.
He looked up and stared at Xu Zheng’s face. Then, he smiled. “I want to take a bath.”
His brother closed the door on his way out.
Xu Ping twisted the tap and let the hot water slowly ease its way up the tub.
He kicked off his leather shoes, unb.u.t.toned his s.h.i.+rt, stripping until he was stark naked. Only then did he sink into the water like a bird that had wet its wings.
Xu Zheng had gone to bed when Xu Ping came out wrapped in a bath towel. The living room light was off. The curtains were not drawn, and he could see the lights from the opposite building.
Xu Ping poured himself a gla.s.s of water but stopped halfway. He zoned out with the gla.s.s in his hand. The streetlights by the paths between the buildings were still lit, and the summer night bugs swarmed around the bulbs. The shadows of the trees were shrouded by the night, and only when the wind blew past did the branches swish and shuffle.
He rinsed the gla.s.s and switched off the kitchen light.
He padded across the dark living room and lingered outside his brother’s bedroom for a moment before quietly turning the doork.n.o.b.
Under the moonlight peeking in from the windows, he could see his brother lying on his side.
After a long pause, Xu Ping eased the door closed behind him.
The click of the lock awoke Xu Zheng who jerked awake and propped himself up.
“Gege?”
Xu Ping stayed silent for a while before whispering, “Are you sleeping?”
“Not yet,” his brother replied.
Xu Ping walked over and sat down on the bed.
Xu Zheng sat up straight, waiting in the darkness for his brother to speak.
“I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Can you keep me company?”
His brother didn’t respond. The two brothers often slept together during the winter, but ever since the year Xu Ping was locked up, the two had not shared a bed.
Xu Zheng lifted up his blanket, and Xu Ping hopped onto the bed. His brother brought him into his firm embrace.
Everything became a blur in the dark. Xu Zheng’s warmth enveloped him, and in that moment, tears welled in his eyes.
So many years had pa.s.sed, all that time gone to waste through stupidity. He thought he still had a long time to spend with his brother. The sun would rise, and the sun would set. Day after day, year after year, they would grow old together, become old men with white hair and loose teeth. And maybe then he would tell his brother about his feelings. They were originally brothers but were even closer, and there was nothing in this world that could sever their bond. There was no need for the word “love” in the face of such a vast span of time.
Xu Ping wrapped his arms around his brother’s neck.
“Do you remember when we were young? And there was no heat in the winter, and it would be freezing in our house? I remember I’d delay coming to bed until you had warmed it. Only then did I get changed and lie down.”
His brother gazed into his eyes seriously. “Gege is cold?”
Xu Ping chuckled. “Very cold.”
His brother unhooked his arms and breathed onto his hands. He gently rubbed the fingertips before flattening the palms and placing it against his chest.
So many years had pa.s.sed. The sea and the land stayed the same while the people changed. But there was only one person who would still care and warm his hands for him.
Xu Ping cried silently.
His brother wiped the tears on his cheek.
“What is wrong, Gege?”
Xu Ping grabbed the hand hovering above his cheek and spread out the fingers to plant a light kiss on the centre of the palm.
His brother’s palm was rough and b.u.mpy with the calluses from manual labour.
Xu Zheng began shaking slightly and his eyes went wide.
Xu Ping kept their eyes locked without looking away this time.
He slowly leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his brother’s lips.
Xu Zheng froze, dumb from shock.
Xu Ping leaned in for another kiss.
His brother stared dumbly back at him.
The third time, he cupped his brother’s face and gave a long kiss, gently sucking on his lips.
When he finished, Xu Zheng let out a loud puff of air and began panting.
Xu Ping sat up and pulled back the blanket from the two of them.
His brother had on a pair of black square briefs, and his member was already aroused. His upper body was propped up, and under the moonlight his body appeared all the more toned and even.
Xu Ping leaned in again for another kiss, but this time he let his eyes flutter shut as though he were shy.
He stopped as he took out his brother’s p.e.n.i.s from his underpants.
Hot and hard, it was like a metal rod encased in silk.
Xu Ping bent over and took it into his mouth.
Immediately, Xu Zheng threw his head back moaning. He breathed in big gasps, and the muscles on his abdomen rose and fell roughly.
His brother’s mouth felt warm and wet, a sensation that was strange yet brought him overwhelming pleasure.
Xu Ping lay still between his brother’s legs for some time. He was trying to take it in more deeply, but Xu Zheng was endowed and made his job difficult.
He placed a hand on his brother’s stomach brus.h.i.+ng as he would to calm a wild horse.
His brother was quickly domesticated.
Xu Ping began sucking.
He was lacking in speed and technique, but his action was one of strong affection as though his brother’s shaft were a precious treasure. He was sucking it as though he were a fish out of water trying to find a water source. This added a peculiar holiness to the indecent act as if a devout disciple were engaged in a certain spiritual wors.h.i.+p. He loved it. He admired it. And he wanted to give up his everything so that it could feel pleasure.
Xu Zheng arched his head back and let out another moan with his eyes closed. He felt a strange, new tingle work its way up from the base of his spine. So intense was this sensation that he had to ball his hands and flex his muscles to counter it.
Xu Ping caressed his brother’s t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es feeling their heavy fullness. He took a glance up at his brother to find the man’s face contorted in pain and l.u.s.t. He gave an especially strong suck.
Xu Zheng sprung up from the bed like a fish, and he released his load before he landed.
Sliding the shaft out of his mouth, Xu Ping sat up straight.
He wiped off the milky droplets on his lips with his fingers.
A wide-eyed Xu Zheng lay on the bed staring at him with disbelief.
Xu Ping flashed a smile before leaving the bed to rinse out his mouth.
His previous dirty change of clothes still lay in a pile on the bathroom floor. Xu Ping threw some cold water onto his face, a face that was sickly pale in the mirror.
He touched his own face.
His bare torso was very gaunt, his shoulders sticking out awkwardly.
Flesh today, dust tomorrow.
He tightened his grip on the edge of the sink.
A bottle of lubricant sat in the inner pocket of his suit jacket.
Xu Ping had made up his mind.
Xu Zheng heard a noise and sat up to look at him.
Xu Ping shut the door and placed the bottle on the bedside table. He was naked save the white towel around his waist.
He gazed at his brother for a long time.
“Gege.”
Xu Ping placed a finger lightly on his brother’s lips.
He bent down and, like a small animal, nuzzled the tips of their noses together
Xu Zheng closed his eyes in bliss as their breath merged in the air.
Xu Ping lifted up the towel to reveal his skinny thighs and began crawling towards his brother to straddle his waist.
He brushed his fingers along his brother’s face, from the forehead to the brows, from the brows to the nose, from the nose to the lips.
He caressed his brother’s neck gently but also with a hint of nonchalance, and this nonchalance contained a certain s.e.xiness.
His brother gazed at him, bewitched.
Xu Ping’s fingers trailed down his brother’s chest, lifted up his tank top and reached his abdomen.
His brother stiffened, and his six ab muscles moved with his breathing. His skin was smooth but his muscles were as hard as steel.
Xu Ping circled his fingers near his navel and felt the slight tremours running through Xu Zheng’s muscles.
He beckoned for his brother to come closer. Xu Zheng propped himself higher.
Xu Ping rolled up his tank top from the waist up until it was tossed away.
His brother’s torso was evenly toned like a Greek sculpture.
Xu Ping sat face to face with his brother.
He saw his brother’s entranced gaze.
He placed his brother’s palm against his cheek and gently nuzzled against it with his eyes closed.
He led his brother’s hand along his forehead, brows, nose and lips. He led him in caressing his neck and sliding down over the collarbone.
He placed his brother’s hand against his chest. Xu Ping’s heart was beating steadily – badum badum – underneath the warm skin.
He gazed at his brother for a very long time before leaning in and planting a soft kiss at the corner of his lips.
He saw his brother’s eyes widen.
He placed his own right hand against his brother’s chest feeling the powerful pulse beneath the muscles.
Keeping his eyes locked on Xu Zheng, he tilted his head and with his left hand touched the corner of his own lips.
His brother leaned in for a kiss.
Xu Ping smiled.
He hugged his brother’s neck and delivered his own lips to the man.
They were truly kissing, tongue to tongue, lip against lip.
It lasted for so long that they were still connected by a silvery strand of saliva by the time they parted.
Xu Ping then led his brother’s hand to his thighs that were not concealed by the towel.
He led it in caressing him, again and again.
With his arms around his brother’s neck, he sat a bit taller on his knees.
Xu Zheng’s hands slid beneath the towel without being taught to do so and travelled up along his legs, squeezing his b.u.t.t cheeks.
His brother’s hands were coa.r.s.e and forceful causing some pain for Xu Ping, but unbearable l.u.s.t rose from deep within even more so.
Eyes closed, he let out a soft yelp.
Immediately, his brother’s arms tightened around him. He felt his burning rod poking on his inner thighs.
He planted a gentle kiss on the crown of his brother’s head.
He let go of his brother’s neck and undid the towel around his waist.
Now Xu Ping was naked, and his p.e.n.i.s was erect.
He sat against the wall, spreading his legs in front of his brother, putting his everything up for display.
And Xu Zheng responded with a dumb stare.
He grabbed the lubricant and squeezed some onto his crotch.
He began to play with his own p.e.n.i.s and t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es at a very slow pace.
He knew his brother was staring at him, but he threw his head back and closed his eyes.
His fingers trailed down and circled his hole until both his fingers and the opening were completely wet. Then he inserted one digit.
At first, only the nail disappeared, but eventually the entire finger vanished.
Xu Ping let out a soft gasp, paused, and then started to pump the digit.
Once, twice.
Even with his eyes closed, he could hear the lewd, moist sounds of his fingers rubbing against his insides.
He tried his best not to think of how embarra.s.sing he must have looked, stark naked, legs splayed wide open in front of his brother.
Under the moonlight, Xu Ping’s fair skin seemed to glow like luminous pearls. His face showed that he was slightly in pain like a suffering cleric, but his body was letting off the opposite, an obscene l.u.s.tful air.
Xu Zheng had never seen such an extraordinary, alluring Gege. He was panting heavily, and it felt as though he would explode any minute.
Meanwhile, Xu Ping had two fingers inside himself.
They pumped in and out, sometimes revealing a glimpse of the risqué rose inside but blocking it again in the next moment.
Xu Ping slid out his digits. The lubricant had become thick from the friction and clung in strands between his fingers. Xu Ping wiped it on his thigh.
He opened his eyes and tilted his head at his brother.
“Do you know what to do?” His eyes flitted away as he asked shyly.
Xu Zheng’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, but he did not speak.
Xu Ping hugged him by the neck and kissed him, chasing his tongue with his own, while easing him onto his back.
He covered his brother’s eyes with a hand as he threw his head back and fed his brother’s rock hard erection into himself.
