The Works of Aphra Behn Volume I Part 38

_Will._ Hah! cheaply purchas'd too! I languish for her.

_Beau._ Ay, there's the Devil on't, she is-- a Wh.o.r.e.

_Will._ Ah, what a charming Sound that mighty Word bears!

_Beau._ d.a.m.n her, she'll be thine or any body's.

_Will._ I die for her--

_Beau._ Then for her Qualities--

_Will._ No more-- ye G.o.ds, I ask no more, Be she but fair and much a Wh.o.r.e-- Come let's to her.

_Beau._ Perhaps to morrow you may see this Woman.

_Will._ Death,'tis an Age.

_Feth._ Oh, Captain, the strangest News, Captain.

_Will._ Prithee what?

_Feth._ Why, Lieutenant _s.h.i.+ft_ here tells us of two Monsters arriv'd from _Mexico_, Jews of vast Fortunes, with an old Jew Uncle their Guardian; they are worth a hundred thousand Pounds a piece-- Marcy upon's, why,'tis a Sum able to purchase all _Flanders_ again from his most christian Majesty.

_Will._ Ha, ha, ha, Monsters!

_Beau._ He tells you Truth, _Willmore_.

_Blunt._ But hark ye, Lieutenant, are you sure they are not married?

_Beau._ Who the Devil would venture on such formidable Ladies?

_Feth._ How, venture on 'em! by the Lord _Harry_, and that would I, tho I'm a Justice of the Peace, and they be Jews, (which to a Christian is a thousand Reasons.)

_Blunt._ Is the Devil in you to declare our Designs? [Aside.

_Feth._ Mum, as close as a Jesuit.

_Beau._ I admire your Courage, Sir, but one of them is so little, and so deform'd,'tis thought she is not capable of Marriage; and the other is so huge an overgrown Giant, no Man dares venture on her.

_Will._ Prithee let's go see 'em; what do they pay for going in?

_Feth._ Pay-- I'd have you to know they are Monsters of Quality.

_s.h.i.+ft._ And not to be seen but by particular Favour of their Guardian, whom I am got acquainted with, from the Friends.h.i.+p I have with the Merchant where they lay. The Giant, Sir, is in love with me, the Dwarf with Ensign _Hunt_, and as we manage Matters we may prove lucky.

_Beau._ And didst thou see the Show? the Elephant and the Mouse.

_s.h.i.+ft._ Yes, and pleased them wondrously with News I brought 'em of a famous Mountebank who is coming to _Madrid_, here are his Bills-- who amongst other his marvellous Cures, pretends to restore Mistakes in Nature, to new-mould a Face and Body tho never so misshapen, to exact Proportion and Beauty. This News has made me gracious to the Ladies, and I am to bring 'em word of the Arrival of this famous Empirick, and to negotiate the Business of their Reformation.

_Will._ And do they think to be restor'd to moderate sizes?

_s.h.i.+ft._ Much pleas'd with the Hope, and are resolv'd to try at any Rate.

_Feth._ Mum, Lieutenant-- not too much of their Transformation; we shall have the Captain put in for a Share, and the Devil would not have him his Rival: _Ned_ and I are resolv'd to venture a Castfor 'em as they are-- Hah, _Ned_.

[_Will._ and _Beau._ read the Bill.

_Blunt._ Yes, if there were any Hopes of your keeping a Secret.

_Feth._ Nay, nay, _Ned_, the World knows I am a plaguy Fellow at your Secrets; that, and my Share of the Charge shall be my Part, for _s.h.i.+ft_ says the Guardian must be brib'd for Consent: Now the other Moiety of the Mony and the Speeches shall be thy part, for thou hast a pretty Knack that way. Now _s.h.i.+ft_ shall bring Matters neatly about, and we'll pay him by the Day, or in gross, when we are married-- hah, _s.h.i.+ft_.

_s.h.i.+ft._ Sir, I shall be reasonable.

_Will._ I am sure _Fetherfool_ and _Blunt_ have some wise Design upon these two Monsters-- it must be so-- and this Bill has put an extravagant Thought into my Head-- hark ye, _s.h.i.+ft_.

[Whispers to him.

_Blunt._ The Devil's in't if this will not redeem my Reputation with the Captain, and give him to understand that all the Wit does not lie in the Family of the _Willmores_, but that this Noddle of mine can be fruitful too upon Occasion.

_Feth._ Ay, and Lord, how we'll domineer, _Ned_, hah-- over _Willmore_ and the rest of the Renegade Officers, when we have married these Lady Monsters, hah, _Ned_.

_Blunt._ --Then to return back to _Ess.e.x_ worth a Million.

_Feth._ And I to _Croyden_--

_Blunt._ --Lolling in Coach and Six--

_Feth._ --Be dub'd Right Wors.h.i.+pful--

_Blunt._ And stand for Knight of the s.h.i.+re.

_Will._ Enough-- I must have my Share of this Jest, and for divers and sundry Reasons thereunto belonging, must be this very Mountebank expected.

_s.h.i.+ft._ Faith, Sir, and that were no hard matter, for a day or two the Town will believe it, the same they look for: and the Bank, Operators and Musick are all ready.

_Will._ Well enough, add but a _Harlequin_ and _Scaramouch_, and I shall mount in querpo.

_s.h.i.+ft._ Take no care for that, Sir, your Man, and Ensign _Hunt_, are excellent at those two; I saw 'em act 'em the other day to a Wonder, they'll be glad of the Employment, my self will be an Operator.

_Will._ No more, get 'em ready, and give it out, the Man of Art's arriv'd: Be diligent and secret, for these two politick a.s.ses must be cozen'd.

_s.h.i.+ft._ I will about the Business instantly. [Ex. _s.h.i.+ft_.

_Beau._ This Fellow will do Feats if he keeps his Word.

_Will._ I'll give you mine he shall-- But, dear _Beaumond_, where shall we meet anon?

_Beau._ I thank ye for that-- 'Gad, ye shall dine with me.

_Feth._ A good Motion--