Take It Slow Part 11

"Daniel, sweet boy, if you need someone to talk to, you come to Mama Rosa, anytime. I know you boys have a hard time with the many things you have to face just by being gay. You have even more to deal with right now, and while I know Benny has been there for you, and it's wonderful to see the bond between you two, I would be happy to be there for you. Mano likes you a lot, but I think you feel a small degree of distance from all the people here who are so enamored of your father and the way he's able to help Mama's boys."

Daniel pulled away from her, afraid she was going to be upset with him, but she surprised him again.

"I don't blame you, hon. I understand where you're coming from."

"How come you get me, understand how I feel?"

"Because I'm an outsider, too." She smiled at his raised brows. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I've been welcomed, and I have an automatic in with Mano, but I'm new here, too. I can look at the whole picture without being invested so much. I'm grateful, just like I know you are. How could we not be? We've been given a place to live and work, and a chance to be part of something wonderful. I'm happy being close to Mano, and I love Sally Ann and Boddy. Working with them is, well, it's fulfilling. I know, though, that you're having a hard time." She took his hand again. He held it very Take It Slow 129.

carefully, mindful of the k.n.o.bby knuckles that were evidence of the painful condition she dealt with on a daily basis.

"I feel bad because they went down there and saved me, saved my life, I think. They just keep giving and giving and asking nothing in return and I feel so..." He paused, searching for the right word.

"Beholden?" she supplied.

"Exactly. I should love them and be more open to them, but I just feel so unsure of anything that I feel right now. Does that make sense, Mama? Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean, Mama Rosa." Daniel corrected himself. This wasn't his mother, his mama.

"Honey, I would be more than honored if you called me Mama. I've come to care about you very deeply in such a short time. Your pain is so clear to me. So, yes, it makes sense. But, what you don't get is that they expected you to feel that way. I've heard them talking, you know. They don't expect you to embrace them with open arms, no matter how long it's been since you've been back. Your father is a broken man, deeply hurt, but it's not your fault. It's his own, and he knows that. It is that fact that drives him and pulls at him so strongly.

Mama Sasy, my new friend, Sally Ann, loves that man and wants nothing more than his happiness. You don't look surprised," she noted, looking into his eyes.

"No, I've noticed the looks, too. It's weird."

"Probably so, but does it bother you, that they have feelings for each other?" She waited for him to think about that for a moment.

"Truthfully? No, it doesn't bother me. You know, I never saw him date anyone. All our lives, it was just the two of us. I used to tell him that it would be okay with me, but he never did. I don't have any say in whether he finds true love with Mama Sasy." He stopped for a Take It Slow 130.

minute and shook his head at himself, admitting to her, "I sounded a little bitter there, didn't I? I don't want to be, honestly." He wasn't sure why he was unable to voice his indifference in the matter of the relations.h.i.+p that might change his father's life. Why did he sound like it did matter to him? Did it?

"Don't worry about it, hon. Do you want to talk about what happened in there? Do you need to get back?"

"Did you hear?" he asked, watching her face to see if he could get an idea of what she thought.

"From the kitchen? No way. I could just tell that you were really hurting and saw that Benny was worried about you. I thought you could use a few minutes away from the drama." She smiled as he nodded.

"These days I am am the drama. I'm really tired of being so needy, so unsure of myself and my situation. the drama. I'm really tired of being so needy, so unsure of myself and my situation.

Everybody's afraid I'm going to break, or that's how they act, anyway. I'm not, you know. I'm getting stronger, and my stomach is a lot better." Daniel sat up straighter as he talked.

"Honey, I think a lot of that is what you expect them to be feeling. From what I've learned, this group has been doing this for a long time and they're used to boys coming to them in bad shape, some worse than others, and they all get what they need here. Mama Sasy and the others are used to watching as the guys who come through here change and become strong and capable.

You're doing fine, and they know that." Mama Rosa patted his hand, her eyes fixed on his, keeping his attention.

"I guess. I just feel so...watched is the word, maybe."

He wanted to duck his head, but kept her gaze.

"It's just a little different with you because they all suffered along with Nick all that time as he looked for you and would come here for sympathy and compa.s.sion Take It Slow 131.

when another trail didn't work and he'd have to start over. I do know that he never gave up." She watched him to see how he was taking the talk of his father.

Encouraged, she went on. "I hear that he's shown your picture to every trucker that's ever been here when he was. Sally Ann told me that he showed that picture in every venue he found himself in. He didn't hide the fact that he was in the wrong. He just wanted so badly to find you. I don't know if that will make you feel better or worse, but you need to know that it's true. It's not just something that they're telling you in order to make you accept him back into your life. It's just a fact. You take that information and mull it around and if you need to talk, anytime, you come to me. There is no judging here, and I'll try to help if I can."

"Thank you," he said. "Please don't think I'm not grateful to Mama Sasy and Boddy and the others, especially Mano, it's just..."

"Shh, hon. I get it, remember. Don't worry so much about it. No one expects anything more of you than what you're doing. Take your time." She reached up and cupped the side of his face with one hand and said, "Come on now, the pies should be done and we need to get to work."

They heard a shout and looked at the back door of the diner. Benny was standing there, waving. Daniel got up and started pus.h.i.+ng Mama Rosa back the way they'd come. Benny jogged out to meet them.

"Hey, where'd the car come from? It looks okay, except for the tires and the headlight. Maybe we could fix it up, huh?" He walked right by them to check out the car that Daniel hadn't even given a second thought.

"I'm not sure. It was just there. Maybe Easy or Mano know something about it. Everything okay in there?"

Daniel felt he had to ask.

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"Fine. I'm sorry I was part of something that hurt you so much. I feel really strange taking help from your father. I can't help but think it will cause a problem if he helps me, and you and I, I mean..." Benny stopped, as if realizing he was talking freely in front of Mama Rosa.

"Oh, don't mind me, young man. I know you are close. I think you're worrying for nothing, though.

Daniel is quite capable of compartmentalizing his feelings. He'll deal with his dad in his own way, in his own time. I'm betting he's thrilled for you." She smiled as they both just looked at her.

"She's pretty smart, huh?" Daniel said, as proud of her as if she were really his mother.

"Yep. Come on, let's get back to work. I'm going to ask about this car. Maybe we could work on it. You know anything about cars?" Benny asked Daniel.

"Know more about trucks, but we need to see whose it is and what it needs first. I'll help you if I can." Daniel thought it would be cool to have a project.

He was happy to see that his father was gone when he went back in to work. He wasn't ready for that meeting.

He just wasn't. Twice now, though, he'd felt something, a twinge of something. When his father had walked away, looking so hurt, and then when Mama Rosa had talked about how broken he was all the time he was looking for him. He put those thoughts aside and got to work.

Easy and Mano didn't know anything about the car, either, as it turned out. They called for Benny's uncle to come and check it out, see about the legality of taking it over. Officer Adams investigated it using the license plate number and the VIN. He told them to put an ad in the paper while he contacted the last-known owner, and if no one claimed it after two weeks, they could take it.

They set the plan in motion that very day. Hopefully, the Take It Slow 133.

eight-year-old Ford would not take too much work, if they got to keep it.

Nick arranged for Benny to start college in January.

Daniel was happy for him and liked listening to Benny plan the cla.s.ses he wanted to start with and how he would work it with the duties he still felt he had to perform at the diner. They decided that Benny would use the car to get to cla.s.ses. Daniel could use it when it was available to do anything he wanted. The car would be registered in Mama Sasy's name, but everyone knew it was to be Benny and Daniel's to use as they needed.

Two more weeks pa.s.sed, and Daniel was feeling much healthier and even found himself feeling real happiness at times. Most of those times were when he was with Benny. They seemed to gravitate toward each other and were so often in sync. Daniel realized that he was beginning to have true feelings for Benny and thought that Benny felt the same way. So far, there hadn't been any other boys show up and without talking about it, Benny kept sleeping in the same bed with Daniel.

A few times, there were soft kisses and nuzzles before they went to sleep, but neither was pus.h.i.+ng the s.e.x thing. Daniel was afraid of doing the wrong thing.

He was recovering from the totally weird relations.h.i.+p with Jack and not sure of his own feelings. Benny seemed to be afraid of pus.h.i.+ng Daniel too soon or asking for something that Daniel wasn't ready for yet.

Daniel looked forward to the nights when he would cuddle up to Benny and breathe in the scent of his best friend ever. They talked late into the night, whispers of ideas and plans and dreams. They held hands under the covers like they were on a date and it felt so special to Daniel. He was happy that Benny seemed okay with the slow progress of their relations.h.i.+p, if you could even Take It Slow 134.

call it that this early. Benny didn't seem to be frustrated with the little things that they shared: hugs, touches, looks, and the nightly spooning in the small bed.

Boddy had a couple of rooms in the dorm section of the warehouse, right behind Mama Sasy's apartment. He was sort of the dorm master, but his place was separate.

His door, just like Mama Sasy's, opened into the hall that went from the diner to the dorm. Daniel figured that Boddy knew they slept together, but he'd never said anything about it. They used an alarm to wake them and Daniel approved of the fact that while they knew Boddy was there if they needed him, he didn't crowd them or push his way into their s.p.a.ce.

Daniel's dreams weren't coming as often now. When they started and his breathing increased, or he moved suddenly, Benny would hold him tighter and whisper.

"Shh, I've got you. It's Benny. You're okay." And he would be.

Daniel never forgot the dream he'd had about walking through the streets at night and seeing boys who were lost like he had been. He knew in his heart that this was something he was supposed to do. He didn't know how to go about it, but it preyed on his mind all the time. He wanted to be out there, looking, searching for young men just like he was two years ago. The shelters were good for what they were, but for a young man, they were scary and dangerous. Daniel wanted to make a difference. He didn't miss the fact that what he wanted to do was a lot like what Mama Sasy was doing successfully now.

He had asked Mano how he had known to come here and got the story about how the word was out in major cities in the southeast area that if you were, or knew of someone, who was young, gay, and in need of help, that Mama Sasy's was the place to go. But Daniel wanted to, Take It Slow 135.

needed to be out there looking for these boys, young men, who needed help, but like him, had no way of getting it for whatever reason. He just had to find a way to do it.

Finally the day came when they were told that they could take possession of the abandoned car. Easy had a friend who had a garage a couple of streets over, so he called the man to come and pick up the car. The next day, late in the afternoon and with Boddy's permission, Benny and Daniel walked over to see what was going on with the vehicle.

Upon their arrival, the garage owner told them to call him Jenkins, and he began talking about what needed to be done to the car. Daniel quickly tuned out of the conversation, as he had no idea what the man was talking about. He just happened to be looking out the front of the big door when he saw a young man walking toward the garage. Jenkins must have seen him, too, because he yelled out.

"Hey, I told you not to bother comin' 'round here. I ain't got no work for ya. Now git!" Daniel saw the slump of the kid's shoulders as he turned and walked quickly away. Daniel felt for the kid. At least he was looking for work, instead of stealing or worse. Daniel eased away from Benny and Jenkins and stood at the door of the garage, watching the boy walking away. He saw the kid pause and look back, wistfully, as if his last hope had been dashed. Well, Daniel had been there, hadn't he? He raised his hand in a small wave and saw the impact on the young man who quickly turned back around and took a few steps, but then paused again to look back at Daniel. Daniel couldn't help it, he smiled at the kid. He could have sworn there was a small, very small grin in return.

136.

He went back in and caught the tail end of the conversation with Benny about the car. When Jenkins stopped talking, Daniel had to ask. "Do you know that boy who came up while ago? I take it he's been here before looking for work?"

Jenkins looked back and forth between the two young men before him and admitted, "Yeah, he says he knows about cars and wants a job, but I barely got enough work to make ends meet myself. I can't afford to pay anybody else right now. I don't guess he's a bad sort, just, you know, one of them homeless kids on the street."

Daniel felt his heart turn over in his chest. "Do you know where he stays, like at night? Do you know anything else about him, like his name?"

"He told me his name was Franklin J. Dugan. He made a point of saying it wasn't Duggin, but Dugan. I told him it didn't matter how you said it, I just didn't have anything for him. I was sorry, you know? I got no idea where he stays. I try not to think about what might happen to him at night around these parts." Jenkins did look like he was sorry he couldn't help the kid, but Daniel didn't push it. He looked at Benny and got a nod as if Benny knew just what he was thinking.

On the walk back to the diner, they hatched a plan.

Daniel was going on his first scouting trip that very night. He would be very careful, but he wanted to know where this kid lived, how he lived, and if he needed help. He had to know.

Franklin Dugan was small and wiry, with choppy- looking hair, like maybe he'd cut it himself without a mirror. Daniel hadn't been able to see his eyes, but he could tell that his clothes were old and worn and his shoes had holes in them, and Daniel figured they'd be miserable when it rained or got colder as it was soon to do.

137.

"You know I'm not lettin' you go by yourself, don't you?" Benny asked, looking over at Daniel as they neared the diner.

Daniel tried not to let his sigh of relief be too evident.

"Yeah, I figured. There's safety in numbers, huh?"

"Yeah, but it might also keep him hidden from us.

How you planning on finding him? Are you going to ask around or just look? If you ask people, he might get spooked, but just looking seems kind of iffy, too."

Benny was playing devil's advocate, it seemed, but he was right.

"I guess we'll just play it by ear, huh? He's probably staying fairly close by, if he keeps showing up at the garage. We'll start there and make a wide circuit and then head back if we don't find him. I have to try, though."

"I know." Benny reached for Daniel's hand and gave it a squeeze as they headed back in to the diner. Boddy was at the window and nodded as they walked back in.

"Daniel, want to take the coffee around? Benny, order coming up in a second. Daniel, when you're done, I could use some help back here." Boddy was a good guy.

Later that night, Daniel and Benny took off, knowing Boddy was still in the diner. When did the man sleep?

They went around the back of the building, away from the front windows, and headed for the garage. Daniel had a backpack and Benny had a small version of Boddy's big Louisville Slugger concealed in the sleeve of his jacket.

Easy and Mano had taken them to the museum where the bats were made in Louisville, Kentucky the previous Take It Slow 138.

week. It was very interesting, and they'd all enjoyed the outing. The bats that had been made for certain celebrities were cool and seeing some bats being made had been pretty interesting, too. When they left, they all got small bats as souvenirs.

During the trip Daniel had heard the story about how Mano had been hit on by a creepy man who wouldn't take no for an answer. When one of the regulars at the diner yelled, "Bat, Boddy!" Mano had been confused until he saw Boddy come out of the kitchen with a baseball bat, and he realized they hadn't been talking about a bat body at all. They all laughed at the misunderstanding as they drove back.

So now he might have to yell, "Bat, Benny!" Daniel chuckled at the thought.

"What?" Benny asked, looking over.

"Bat, Benny!" Daniel said, and Benny snickered.

"Not quite as funny, huh? I couldn't do much damage with this, but it might get us out of a situation if we have trouble." Benny said.

"You're right. It's a good idea. Okay, here's the garage. Let's walk in the direction I saw him leaving and see if we find anything that might lead us to him. Maybe there's a shelter nearby or a place where some young guys hang in a group, you know?"

Benny nodded and they walked, staying close together and close to the street instead of the shadows on the other side of the sidewalk.

They didn't find Franklin that night, or the next three times that they got to sneak out and look. a.s.sistance finally came in the form of Mr. Jenkins at the garage.

Daniel had called one afternoon about a week and a half later, to check on the progress of their car. Right before the man hung up, he said, "Oh, that young kid you were Take It Slow 139.

talking about was by here yesterday. Looked like he'd been in some trouble."

"What kind? How did you know?" Daniel asked, heart thumping.

"You know, he had some bruises and cuts on him. He looked really tired, sorta worn out. I feel real bad about not being able to help him, you know?" Jenkins said, and Daniel knew he meant it.

"I understand, sir. Did you get any chance to find out where he stays at night? I mean, I know it's not your job to find out, but--"

Before Daniel could finish, Mr. Jenkins jumped in with, "I got the idea that you all were interested the other day, so I asked if he was safe at night, and he just shrugged and mentioned that a bunch of them were staying together over on Tanner."