The Century Handbook of Writing Part 16

Right: They are as follows: [Or] They are the following:

Faulty: He tried, but of no avail.

Right: He tried, but to no avail. [Or] He tried, but his effort was of no avail.

Faulty: There is no honor to be on this committee.

Right: It is no honor to be on this committee. [Or] There is no honor in being on this committee.

Faulty: Sparks from the chimney caught the house on fire.

Right: Sparks from the chimney set the house on fire. [Or] The house caught fire from the sparks from the chimney.

Note.--The double negative and kindred expressions (_not hardly_, _not scarcely_, etc.) are an especially gross form of mixed construction.

Wrong: He isn't no better now than he was then. [Logically, not no better means _better_. The two negatives cancel each other and leave an affirmative.]

Right: He isn't any better now than he was then. [Or] He is no better now than he was then.

Wrong: She couldn't see her friend nowhere.

Right: She couldn't see her friend anywhere. [Or] She could see her friend nowhere.

Wrong: We couldn't hardly see through the mist.

Right: We could hardly see through the mist. [Or] We couldn't see well through the mist.

Exercise:

1. He doesn't come here no more.

2. I cannot help but make this error.

3. I remember scarcely nothing of the occurrence.

4. I would not remain there only a few days.

5. John would not do this under no circ.u.mstances.

=Mixed Imagery=

=35. Avoid phrases which may call up conflicting mental images. When using metaphor, simile, etc., carry one figure of speech through, instead of s.h.i.+fting to another, or dropping suddenly back into literal speech.=

Crude: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the heart of the cotton belt.

Right: The Republicans have gained a foothold in the South.

Crude: He traveled a rough road and climbed with his burden the ladder of success, where he is a glowing example and guide to other men. [The suggestion which a reader with a sense of humor may get is, that a man starts out as a traveler, suddenly becomes a hod-carrier, and is then transformed into a bonfire or a lighthouse.]

Right: He traveled a rough road, but found success. Other men followed in his steps.

Incongruous: Spring came scattering flowers, and there was rain a great per cent of the time. [This sentence mingles the language of poetry with the language of science. It should be fanciful, or else literal, throughout.]

Right: Spring came scattering flowers and rain. [Or] Spring came with much rain and many flowers.

Inconsistent use of irony: The phonograph was shrieking, "Waltz me around again, Willie." I am sure I love that beautiful song.

The taste of the people who attend these cheap theaters is deplorable. [The three sentences should be ironical throughout, or not ironical at all.]

Exercise:

1. We should meet the future from the optimistic point of view.

2. General Wolfe put every ounce of his life into the capture of Quebec.

3. A key-note of sincerity should be the mainspring of a well-built speech.

4. He went drifting down the sands of time on flowery beds of ease.

5. The blank in my mind crystallized into action.

USE OF CONNECTIVES

=The Exact Connective=

=36. Use a connective which expresses the exact relation between two clauses. Distinguish between time and cause, concession and condition, etc. Do not overwork _and_, _so_, or _while_.=

Misleading: _While_ he is sick, he is able to walk. [Use _though_.]

Misleading: Miss Brown sang, _while_ her sister spoke a piece.

[Use _but_.]

Faulty. Work hard _when_ you want to succeed. [Use _if_.]

Faulty: They will be sorry _without_ they do this. [Use _unless_.]

Faulty: Little poetry is read, _only_ at times when it is compulsory. [Use _except_.]

Faulty. The early morning and evening are the best times to find ducks, _and_ we did not see many flying. [Use _and for that reason_.]

Faulty: Corbin says: "In America sportsmans.h.i.+p is almost a pa.s.sion," _and_ in England "the player very seldom forgets that he is a man first and an athlete afterward." [Use _whereas_.]

Note.--_So_ is an elastic word that covers a mult.i.tude of vague meanings. Language has need of such a word, and in many instances (especially when the relation between clauses is obvious and does not need to be pointed out) _so_ serves well enough. Use it, but not as a subst.i.tute for more exact connectives. Beware of falling into the "_so_-habit."

Abuse of _so_ as a vague coordinating connective: So I went to call on Mrs. Woods, and so she told me about Mrs. White's new gown; so then I missed the car, and so of course our supper is late. [Strike out every _so_.]

Abuse of _so_ as a subordinating connective: You may go, _so_ you keep still. [Use _provided_.] _So_ you do only that, I shall be satisfied. [Use _though_.]