Don’t Tell Me This Is the True History of the Three Kingdoms! Vol 1 Chapter 10

Could we really take things step by step? Of course not.

If you ask why, well the answer would be because our coalition leader is Yuan Shao.

And I must say… I overestimated this bunch of feudal lords.

“Re, retreat!! Re-convene back at camp!”

Yuan Shao’s first reaction to seeing those words on the wall was to frantically call for a retreat. Her expression was as though the heavens had betrayed her.

By the way, the speed at which we retreated was so swift that it was several times the speed at which we were marching forth at.

“Big brother, what do we do now? It was truly unexpected that it would be Dong Zhuo’s side who would expose this first.” Yun Chang said, her stiff smile still on her face.

“Everything should be settled now. After we go back to camp, we will probably have a last meal together before we disperse.” I said despairingly. “But that’s not bad in a way. No one had the right intentions when joining this campaign so it would have been weird if it went well.”

“But from what we’ve seen at Sishui Pa.s.s, though I’ve killed Dong Zhuo, his forces seem to be holding strong. Shouldn’t the coalition march in and clean them up? Why does Xuan De think that the coalition will disperse?”

“Dong Zhuo is dead so the honour of killing the leader of the traitors is gone. All there is are small fries who simply aren’t worth the effort for the feudal lords.” I stretched my back which hurt from riding the horse. “And I feel that Dong Zhuo forces will destroy each other anyway even if n.o.body bothers to clean them up.”

Now we have to wait and see how it goes. Dispersing the coalition immediately, just like that, is the most foolish option. Anyone with half a brain would appoint some feudal lords to continue the campaign, and then disperse the rest. This would allow most people to save face.

“Oi!! Xuan De!! Did you see it? The words on the wall just now! It said that Dong Zhuo is dead!!” Gongsun Zan rode up to me, and excitedly told me this news that everyone already knew.

“Ah, they were so big. How could I not have seen it.”

“Lord Xuan De doesn’t seem to be very surprised at this huh.” Zi Long said as she studied my expression.

“Maa, I am surprised…” Surprised that they would declare it to the world. “But Dong Zhuo being dead isn’t something terrible after all.”

“What Xuan De said is right. Now I can go back to my hometown. No matter where I go, my hometown is still the best.” Gongsun Zan said happily.

“Un, though I feel that my lord is a bit short-sighted, not every feudal lord will think the same as Lord Xuan De and my lord.” Zi Long said with frankness as she looked at me with a sharp glance, her golden hair bobbing along as she rode.

“I understand what you mean to say, but now that it’s been declared like that, they can’t pretend that it isn’t there and continue to march under the banner of the campaign to destroy Dong Zhuo right?”

I and Gongsun Zan were the latest in returning to the large tent for the meeting.

The moment we stepped into the tent, we heard crying everywhere, almost like we were at a funeral.

“Dong Zhuo… How could he have died just like that!!”

“That’s right, I can remember how we were happily joking about when we first met, that was just a few years ago? And he’s now…”

“Maa, life and death is all destined. We can’t force it.”

… These fellows, why the h.e.l.l are they crying over him?

This is too much of a farce, you can see that all their sorrowful words mean one thing ‘How am I supposed to achieve honour and glory now that you’re dead huh?~~~’

“Meng De,” I crept over to Meng De who was sitting quietly and asked, “What happens now?”

“… Maa, since the other side doesn’t want to hide it, then there’s no need for us to do so.” I sighed together with Meng De. “We should be dispersing soon, so no need to worry. I’ll march on with my own troops to clean up Dong Zhuo’s forces. No matter what, we can’t let them keep a hold on the emperor…”

“Everyone! Don’t be tricked!” Before Meng De could finish, Yuan Shao, who had been silent since I entered the tent, declared with strength in her voice as she opened her folding fan.

“Eh?” I raised my eyebrows.

“… Hnn hnn, looks like it isn’t over yet.” Meng De seemed to be delighted.

This Yuan Shao, what does she want to say?

Only when we were all silent did she continue.

“We’ve all been tricked by that Dong Zhuo who spread false information in the hopes that we would underestimate the remaining forces and disperse the coalition! And so he would then proceed to destroy all of us, one by one.” Yuan Shao said as she slapped the table. “Based on my a.n.a.lysis after years of experience, there is no way that Dong Zhuo is dead. It must be false information.”

The tent went quiet, before a thundering applause resounded.

“This Yuan Shao… Is she a fool! How can she not believe it even at this point…”

“That’s right that’s right, we nearly got tricked by him!”

“Good thing our coalition leader is here or we would have been had by that old thief Dong.”

“Un~~~ Un~~~~ Praise me more, I can handle it~~~” Yuan Shao revelled in the praises showered on her by everyone in the tent.

I didn’t have the mood to clap, and only looked on at the feudal lords who were kissing Yuan Shao’s a.s.s and that rich young mistress who was lapping it all up.

But Meng De seemed to be clapping very happily.

“Maa, there isn’t actually anything wrong with Ben Chu’s a.n.a.lysis. According to her explanation, Dong Zhuo is still alive, and then all problems will be resolved.” Meng De said before sighing resignedly again. “To be honest, Ben Chu’s move was brilliant. This way, the meaning behind this coalition still remains. Ben Chu was probably pondering hard on this all day before she came up with this plan.”

I, however, felt that she said these things without considering it that far.

“…” This time, it was my turn to sigh. “Speaking of which, Yuan Shao’s territory should be quite expansive, she has a very high court rank, and her relations.h.i.+p with Dong Zhuo should be quite good. Why is she partic.i.p.ating in this campaign?”

“I’ve known Ben Chu for a long while now so I understand the personality of that rich young miss. To be honest, her driving force is the desire of vainglory.” Meng De looked at Yuan Shao. “She doesn’t want for territory, honour, or Dong Zhuo. What she desires is this position of coalition leader. Though it is a temporary and made-up position, she feels an extraordinary sense of achievement from a.s.suming the role.”

(TL: In the original, Cao Cao was childhood friends with Yuan Shao. And they were close enough that Cao Cao cried bitterly at his grave when he made it to the heart of Yuan Shao’s territory, some time after Yuan Shao died a natural death.)

“… What a nasty personality.” I said weakly after hearing Meng De’s explanation.

This Yuan Shao sure likes to seek trouble.

Seeming satisfied, Yuan Shao raised her fan and declared with a vibrant expression.

“Good!! Let’s march forth once more!”

“What’s with that, who’s willing to go first?!” Yuan Shao asked with a frown, her good mood completely washed away as she looked ahead at Hua Xiong’s troops.

I looked at Hua Xiong as well, and he seemed like a normal general, his s.e.x matched and he looked very very ordinary. The only thing out of the ordinary was his white funeral garb and that he was crying.

Maa, even Qin Hui was said to have 3 friends. For Dong Zhuo to have some loyal followers wouldn’t be too strange.

(TL: Qin Hui was a chancellor and traitor of the Song Dynasty which eventually led to its downfall. He orchestrated the torture and eventual execution of the hero Yue Fei then. For this, iron statues were made of him and his wife to kneel before Yue Fei’s grave, and to this day people still spit on his statue, so much so that they had to put a notice for people saying that the iron used to make the statues is innocent.)

(TL: Dong Zhuo was supposedly a truly evil tyrant who did things that would have made the j.a.panese and German n.a.z.is blush. On top of complete disrespect for the royal family (something unthinkable then), he supposedly killed all male inhabitants in the capital, executed many public servants and relatives of the coalition army, and created hyperinflation when he melted all bronze objects to make coins to fund the construction of his citadel. Finally, when he was forced to retreat from the capital, he forced all inhabitants to march with him and he burned down the capital and palace.)

“Big brother, let me go.”

“Don’t be so hasty, Yun Chang, wait for a bit. Let the other feudal lords send some small fries up first.”

“Un? But why?”

“Maa, let’s see how things go first.”

Yun Chang wore a questioning look at my reply, while I surveyed the other feudal lords… Seems like everyone is waiting for someone else to act as expected.

“Big sister!” This time, a voice came from where Yuan Shao was. “Let my servant go.”

I looked over and saw a little girl, who looked, dressed and spoke in a manner that made her the spitting image of Yuan Shao, walk up to Yuan Shao.

Big sister? Could it be that this little rich young miss is Yuan Shu?

“Oh, it’s my little sister. good! Sound the drums!!”

Yuan Shu threw out her hand and a general stepped out of her army’s formation and headed for the enemy.

Dong dong dong, 3 beats.

… Eh, what a pitiful sight!

“Report!! Yu She has been slain.”

(TL: In case it isn’t clear, they are sending generals 1v1 against Hua Xiong. This practice is actually legit.)

“Get back in line signaller! I’m not in a tent and can see very clearly what has happened so no need to report.” Yuan Shao seemed to be in a bad mood and turned to a livid Yuan Shu. “Little sister, your servant doesn’t seem very dependable huh~~~ If my 2 servants were around, that small fry uncle would be nothing for me.”

“… Hmph! Big sister is an idiot!!” Yuan Shu yelled and ran off crying.

“… Did I say too much?” Guilt appeared on Yuan Shao’s face and broke through her usual disdainful look. “No that cannot do!! I can’t leave my little sister all alone in the camp… All forces! Return with me to placate my little sister!!”

“””””Yes!!!!!”””””

Huh?! How can you be so selfish, that guy Hua Xiong is still out there! How can you leave high and dry standing there? And why are the feudal lords all so obedient!!

“Ah, that’s right.” She seemed to have thought of something, and said. “Before we leave, I’d like to ask everyone, who amongst you all would be willing to stay and slay Hua Xiong for me?!”

… As expected, no one was willing to shoulder that responsibility.

The main body had already left, this was the same as asking who would be willing to lead the rearguard. But that was such a thankless and perilous job…

“This general is willing!” Yun Chang accepted the mission.

“Alright, that’s one.” Yuan Shao agreed to it without even bothering to look over.

“Yun Chang!? Didn’t I tell you to wait?”

“I understand, big brother is afraid of me getting injured. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

N, not really…

“I’m not returning either. Except for my daughters, I don’t entertain other children.” Sun Jian said resolutely, completely ignoring his officers’ protests.

“Stay then, uncle Sun Jian.” Yuan Shao didn’t seem very happy hearing Sun Jian’s words but agreed to it easily anyway.

(TL: They aren’t really relatives. It’s kind of like an -oji-san honorific, except it is much easier to translate into English than it is for j.a.panese honorifics.)

“Excuse me coalition leader.” A girl with a weak personality came up to Yuan Shao anxiously. “My subordinate, Pan Feng, his horse won’t move for some reason, can I please ask for another horse from the coalition leader…”

“Ah, then just let that Pan whoever stay.”

… Looks like she doesn’t care who it is who stays.

“Ah?! No! … Pan Feng! Pan Feng! Don’t faint! How can you die before even facing the enemy?!”

“… Maa, in any case please be careful Yun Chang.” I don’t have the leisure to care for others, and am more concerned with Yun Chang.

“Un, don’t worry big brother. I’ll definitely return to big brother’s side with Hua Xiong’s head.” Yun Chang looked at me with unwavering eyes and gave me a cute smile.

“No need to bring the head, just yourself is good enough.”

After I said so, Yun Chang joined Sun Jian and some fainting person and headed for Hua Xiong with their troops in tow.

“Big sister should be okay right, why don’t I go…” Yi De said worriedly.

“She’ll be fine. No matter how serious her injuries are, even if she’s dead, I can save her for sure.”

Hua Tua why do you have to say such ominous words huh…

Maa, I’m not too worried actually. The 3 who are most capable of slaying Hua Xiong have stepped up so it shouldn’t be a problem.

(TL: In the original, Sun Jian got defeated by Hua Xiong and Pan Feng got slain. Guan Yu defeated Hua Xiong in minutes. You might think this is a spoiler, but this is required information to fully appreciate what happens next.)

After returning to the encampment, Yuan Shao insisted on all of us performing for Yuan Shu. No one was willing naturally but due to the pressure she applied on all of us, we had no choice and some performed martial arts while others did calligraphy.

Of course, Yuan Shu was not interested in any of these.

“Report!!~~~”

Just when we were all stuck in this predicament, a signaller came rus.h.i.+ng in to the tent.

“Un? Has another of our generals been slain?” Yuan Shao didn’t seem to believe there was any good news.

“No, it’s good news!” The signaller seemed elated. “The general called Guan Yu has slain Hua Xiong!”

The tent erupted into cheers the moment everyone heard him.

“Good!! I just knew there were talents amongst us!” Even Yuan Shao seemed delighted and opened her fan as she gave praise.

On hearing this, I was greatly relieved.

“Xuan De, Yun Chang really is a hero huh~~~ My Zi Long really can’t compare at all.” Gongsun Zan said with a smile.

“It’s not me being humble, but I really think Zi Long can match up to Yun Chang.”

But as expected, the matter of settling Hua Xiong was accomplished by Yun Chang.

“Then in that case, we should have a celebration.” Meng De smiled confidently as always, and called over a soldier. “Warm up a bowl of wine for General Guan’s return…”

“Report!!~~~” This time, another signaller came rus.h.i.+ng in.

“Un? What’s the matter now?”

“Good news, General Sun Jian has slain Hua Xiong!!”

“Haa?! Uncle Sun Jian slew Hua Xiong?” Yuan Shao walked over to the first signaller, “Didn’t you say Guan Yu did it?”

“Report~~~~” Before the first signaller could even reply, a third came rus.h.i.+ng in. “General Pan Feng has slain the enemy General Hua Xiong!”

The tent became deathly silent at this moment. Everyone looked at everyone else, not a single person dared to utter a word.

“My G.o.d~~~” In the end, Yuan Shao broke the silence and sighed. “Just who the f.u.c.k slew Hua Xiong huh~~~”

… The rich young miss was actually driven to the point of using vulgarities.