The Man of the World (1792) Part 9

_Lord Lum_. Why, as I was drinking my coffee with the women just now, I desired they would fix the wedding night, and the etiquette of the ceremony; upon which the girl burst into a loud laugh, telling me she supposed I was joking, for that Mr. Egerton had never yet given her a single glance or hint upon the subject.

_Sir Per_. My lord, I have been just now talking to him about his shyness to the lady.

_Enter_ TOMLINS..

_Tom_. Counsellor Plausible is come, sir, and serjeant Eitherside.

_Sir Per_. Why then we can settle the business this very evening, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. As well as in seven years: and, to make the way as short as possible, pray, Mr. Tomlins, present your master's compliments and mine to Lady Rodolpha, and let her ladys.h.i.+p know we wish to speak with her directly: [_Exit_ Tomlins.]--He shall attack her this instant, Sir Pertinax.

_Sir Per_. Ay! this is doing business effectually, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. O! I will pit them in a moment, Sir Pertinax,--that will bring them into the heat of the action at once, and save a great deal of awkwardness on both sides. O! here your dulcinea comes, sir.

_Enter Lady_ RODOLPHA, _singing, a music paper in her hand._

_Lady Rod_. I have been learning this air of Constantia: I protest, her touch on the harpsichord is quite brilliant, and really her voice not amiss. Weel, Sir Pertinax, I attend your commands, and yours, my paternal lord. [_Lady_ Rod. _curtsies very low; my lord bows very low, and answers in the same tone and manner._]

_Lord Lum_. Why, then, my filial lady, we are to inform you that the commission for your ladys.h.i.+p and this enamoured cavalier, commanding you to serve your country, jointly and inseparably, in the honourable and forlorn hope of matrimony, is to be signed this very evening.

_Lady Rod_. This evening, my lord!

_Lord Lum_. This evening, my lady. Come, Sir Pertinax, let us leave them to settle their liveries, wedding-suits, carriages, and all their amorous equipage, for the nuptial campaign.

_Sir Per_. Ha, ha, ha! excellent! excellent! weel, I vow, my lord, you are a great officer:--this is as guid a manoeuvre to bring on a rapid engagement as the ablest general of them aw could have started.

_Lord Lum_. Ay, ay! leave them together; they'll soon come to a right understanding, I warrant you, or the needle and loadstone have lost their sympathy. [_Exit Lord_ Lum. _and Sir_ Per.

[_Lady_ Rodolpha _stands at that side of the Stage, where they went off, in amazement:_ Egerton _is at the opposite side, who, after some anxious emotion, settles into a deep reflection:--this part of the scene must be managed by a nice whispering tone of self-conversation mutually observed by the Lovers._]

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Why, this is downright tyranny! it has quite dampt my spirits; and my betrothed, yonder, seems planet-struck too, I think.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] A whimsical situation, mine!

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Ha, ha, ha! methinks we look like a couple of cautious generals, that are obliged to take the field, but neither of us seems willing to come till action.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] I protest, I know not how to address her.

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] He will nai advance, I see: what am I to do in this affair? guid traith, I will even do, as I suppose many brave heroes have done before me,--clap a guid face upon the matter, and so conceal an aching heart under a swaggering countenance.

[_As she advances, she points at him, and smothers a laugh; but when she speaks to him, the tone must be_ loud, _and rude on the word_ Sir.]

_Sir_, as we have,--by the commands of our guid fathers, a business of some little consequence to transact,--I hope you will excuse my taking the liberty of recommending a chair till you, for the repose of your body--in the embarra.s.sed deliberation of your perturbed spirits.

_Eger_. [_Greatly embarra.s.sed._] Madam, I beg your pardon. [_Hands her a chair, then one for himself._] Please to sit, madam. [_They sit down with great ceremony: she sits down first. He sits at a distance from her. They are silent for some time. He coughs, hems, and adjusts himself. She mimicks him._]

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside._] Aha! he's resolved not to come too near till me, I think.

_Eger_. [_Aside._] A pleasant interview, this--hem, hem!

_Lady Rod_. [_Aside, mimicks him to herself._] Hem! he will not open the congress, I see.--Then I will.--[_very loud._] _Come, sir_, when will you begin?

_Eger_. [_Greatly surprised._] Begin! what, madam?

_Lady Rod_. To make love till me.

_Eger_. Love, madam!

_Lady Rod_. Ay, love, sir.--Why, you have never said a word till me on the subject,--nor cast a single glance at me,--nor heaved one tender sigh,--nor even secretly squeezed my loof:--now, sir, thof our fathers are so tyrannical as to dispose of us without the consent of our hearts;--yet you, sir, I hope, have more humanity than to think of marrying me without administering some of the preliminaries, usual on those occasions:--if not till my understanding and sentiments, yet till the vanity of my s.e.x, at least, I hope you will pay some little tribute of ceremony and adulation: that, I think, I have a right to expect.

_Eger_. Madam, I own your reproach is just:--I shall therefore no longer disguise my sentiments, but fairly let you know my heart.

_Lady Rod_. [_Starts up, and runs to him._] That's right,--that is right, cousin;--honourably and affectionately right;--that is what I like of aw things in my swain.--Ay, ay, cousin--open your mind frankly till me, as a true lover shou'd.--But sit you down--sit you down again: I shall return your frankness and your pa.s.sion, cousin, with a melting tenderness, equal till the amorous enthusiasm of an ancient heroine.

_Eger_. Madam, if you will hear me----

_Lady Rod_. But, remember, you must begin with fervency,--and a most rapturous vehemency:--for you are to consider, cousin, that our match is nai to arise fra the union of hearts, and a long decorum of ceremonious courts.h.i.+p;--but is instantly to start at once--out of necessity, or mere accident;--ha, ha, ha! like a match in an ancient romance,--where you ken, cousin,--the knight and the damsel are mutually smitten and dying for each other at first sight,--or by an amorous sympathy before they exchange a single glance.

_Eger_. Dear madam, you entirely mistake----

_Lady Rod_. And our fathers,--ha, ha, ha! our fathers are to be the dark magicians that are to fascinate our hearts and conjure us together, whether we will or not.

_Eger_. Ridiculous!

_Lady Rod_. So now, cousin, with the true romantic enthusiasm,--you are to suppose me the lady of the enchanted castle, and you--ha, ha, ha! you are to be the knight of the sorrowful countenance--ha, ha, ha! and, upon honour--you look the character admirably;--ha, ha, ha!

_Eger_. Rude trifling creature!

_Lady Rod_. Come, sir,--why do you nai begin to ravish me with your valour, your vows, your knight errantry, and your amorous phrenzy.--Nay, nay, nay! guin you do nai begin at once, the lady of the enchanted castle will vanish in a twinkling.

_Eger_. Lady Rodolpha, I know your talent for raillery well;--but at present, in my case, there is a kind of cruelty in it.

_Lady Rod_. Raillery! upon honour, cousin, you mistake me quite and clean.--I am serious--very serious;--ay, and I have cause to be serious;-- nay, I will submit my case even till yourself. [_Whines_.] Can any poor la.s.sy be in a more lamentable condition, than to be sent four hundred miles, by the command of a positive grandmother, to marry a man, who I find has no more affection for me,--than if I had been his wife these seven years.

_Eger_. Madam, I am extremely sorry----

_Lady Rod_. [_Cries and sobs_.] But it is vary weel, cousin.--I see your unkindness and aversion plain enough,--and, sir, I must tell you fairly, you are the ainly man that ever slighted my person,--or that drew tears fra these een.--But--it is vary weel--it's vary weel--I will return till Scotland to-morrow morning, and let my grandmother know how I have been affronted by your slights, your contempts, and your aversions.

_Eger_. If you are serious, madam, your distress gives me a deep concern;--but affection is not in our power; and when you know that my heart is irrecoverably given to another woman, I think, your understanding and good nature will not only pardon my past coldness and neglect of you,--but forgive me when I tell you, I never can have that honour which is intended me,--by a connection with your ladys.h.i.+p.

_Lady Rod_. [_Starting up_.] How, sir!--are you serious?

_Eger_. [_Rises_.] Madam, I am too deeply interested, both as a man of honour and a lover, to act otherwise with you on so tender a subject.

_Lady Rod_. And so you persist in slighting me?

_Eger_. I beg your pardon, madam; but I must be explicit, and at once declare--that I never can give my hand where I cannot give my heart.

_Lady Rod_. [_In great anger_.] Why then, sir, I must tell you, that your declaration is sic an affront as nai woman of spirit can, or ought to bear:--and here I make a solemn vow, never to pardon it, but on one condition.