The Canterbury Tales, and Other Poems Part 34

"Then put thine hand adown right by my back,"

Saide this man, "and grope well behind, Beneath my b.u.t.tock, there thou shalt find A thing, that I have hid in privity."

"Ah," thought this friar, "that shall go with me."

And down his hand he launched to the clift,* *cleft In hope for to finde there a gift.

And when this sicke man felte this frere About his taile groping there and here, Amid his hand he let the friar a fart; There is no capel* drawing in a cart, *horse That might have let a fart of such a soun'.

The friar up start, as doth a wood* lioun: *fierce "Ah, false churl," quoth he, "for G.o.dde's bones, This hast thou in despite done for the nones:* *on purpose Thou shalt abie* this fart, if that I may." *suffer for His meinie,* which that heard of this affray, *servants Came leaping in, and chased out the frere, And forth he went with a full angry cheer* *countenance And fetch'd his fellow, there as lay his store: He looked as it were a wilde boar, And grounde with his teeth, so was he wroth.

A st.u.r.dy pace down to the court he go'th, Where as there wonn'd* a man of great honour, *dwelt To whom that he was always confessour: This worthy man was lord of that village.

This friar came, as he were in a rage, Where as this lord sat eating at his board: Unnethes* might the friar speak one word, *with difficulty Till at the last he saide, "G.o.d you see."* *save

This lord gan look, and said, "Ben'dicite!

What? Friar John, what manner world is this?

I see well that there something is amiss; Ye look as though the wood were full of thieves.

Sit down anon, and tell me what your grieve* is, *grievance, grief And it shall be amended, if I may."

"I have," quoth he, "had a despite to-day, G.o.d *yielde you,* adown in your village, *reward you That in this world is none so poor a page, That would not have abominatioun Of that I have received in your town: And yet ne grieveth me nothing so sore, As that the olde churl, with lockes h.o.a.r, Blasphemed hath our holy convent eke."

"Now, master," quoth this lord, "I you beseek" -- "No master, Sir," quoth he, "but servitour, Though I have had in schoole that honour. <24> G.o.d liketh not, that men us Rabbi call Neither in market, nor in your large hall."

*"No force,"* quoth he; "but tell me all your grief." *no matter*

Sir," quoth this friar, "an odious mischief This day betid* is to mine order and me, *befallen And so par consequence to each degree Of holy churche, G.o.d amend it soon."

"Sir," quoth the lord, "ye know what is to doon:* *do *Distemp'r you not,* ye be my confessour. *be not impatient*

Ye be the salt of th' earth, and the savour; For G.o.dde's love your patience now hold; Tell me your grief." And he anon him told As ye have heard before, ye know well what.

The lady of the house aye stiller sat, Till she had hearde what the friar said, "Hey, G.o.dde's mother;" quoth she, "blissful maid, Is there ought elles? tell me faithfully."

"Madame," quoth he, "how thinketh you thereby?"

"How thinketh me?" quoth she; "so G.o.d me speed, I say, a churl hath done a churlish deed, What should I say? G.o.d let him never the;* *thrive His sicke head is full of vanity; I hold him in *a manner phrenesy."* *a sort of frenzy*

"Madame," quoth he, "by G.o.d, I shall not lie, But I in other wise may be awreke,* *revenged I shall defame him *ov'r all there* I speak; *wherever This false blasphemour, that charged me To parte that will not departed be, To every man alike, with mischance."

The lord sat still, as he were in a trance, And in his heart he rolled up and down, "How had this churl imaginatioun To shewe such a problem to the frere.

Never ere now heard I of such mattere; I trow* the Devil put it in his mind. *believe In all arsmetrik* shall there no man find, *arithmetic Before this day, of such a question.

Who shoulde make a demonstration, That every man should have alike his part As of the sound and savour of a fart?

O nice* proude churl, I shrew** his face. *foolish **curse Lo, Sires," quoth the lord, "with harde grace, Who ever heard of such a thing ere now?

To every man alike? tell me how.

It is impossible, it may not be.

Hey nice* churl, G.o.d let him never the.** *foolish **thrive The rumbling of a fart, and every soun', Is but of air reverberatioun, And ever wasteth lite* and lite* away; *little There is no man can deemen,* by my fay, *judge, decide If that it were departed* equally. *divided What? lo, my churl, lo yet how shrewedly* *impiously, wickedly Unto my confessour to-day he spake; I hold him certain a demoniac.

Now eat your meat, and let the churl go play, Let him go hang himself a devil way!"

Now stood the lorde's squier at the board, That carv'd his meat, and hearde word by word Of all this thing, which that I have you said.

"My lord," quoth he, "be ye not *evil paid,* *displeased*

I coulde telle, for a gowne-cloth,* *cloth for a gown*

To you, Sir Friar, so that ye be not wrot, How that this fart should even* dealed be *equally Among your convent, if it liked thee."

"Tell," quoth the lord, "and thou shalt have anon A gowne-cloth, by G.o.d and by Saint John."

"My lord," quoth he, "when that the weather is fair, Withoute wind, or perturbing of air, Let* bring a cart-wheel here into this hall, cause*

But looke that it have its spokes all; Twelve spokes hath a cart-wheel commonly; And bring me then twelve friars, know ye why?

For thirteen is a convent as I guess;<25> Your confessor here, for his worthiness, Shall *perform up* the number of his convent. *complete*

Then shall they kneel adown by one a.s.sent, And to each spoke's end, in this mannere, Full sadly* lay his nose shall a frere; *carefully, steadily Your n.o.ble confessor there, G.o.d him save, Shall hold his nose upright under the nave.

Then shall this churl, with belly stiff and tought* *tight As any tabour,* hither be y-brought; *drum And set him on the wheel right of this cart Upon the nave, and make him let a fart, And ye shall see, on peril of my life, By very proof that is demonstrative, That equally the sound of it will wend,* *go And eke the stink, unto the spokes' end, Save that this worthy man, your confessour'

(Because he is a man of great honour), Shall have the firste fruit, as reason is; The n.o.ble usage of friars yet it is, The worthy men of them shall first be served, And certainly he hath it well deserved; He hath to-day taught us so muche good With preaching in the pulpit where he stood, That I may vouchesafe, I say for me, He had the firste smell of fartes three; And so would all his brethren hardily; He beareth him so fair and holily."

The lord, the lady, and each man, save the frere, Saide, that Jankin spake in this mattere As well as Euclid, or as Ptolemy.

Touching the churl, they said that subtilty And high wit made him speaken as he spake; He is no fool, nor no demoniac.

And Jankin hath y-won a newe gown; My tale is done, we are almost at town.

Notes to the Sompnour's Tale

1. Trentals: The money given to the priests for performing thirty ma.s.ses for the dead, either in succession or on the anniversaries of their death; also the ma.s.ses themselves, which were very profitable to the clergy.

2. Possessioners: The regular religious orders, who had lands and fixed revenues; while the friars, by their vows, had to depend on voluntary contributions, though their need suggested many modes of evading the prescription.

3. In Chaucer's day the most material notions about the tortures of h.e.l.l prevailed, and were made the most of by the clergy, who preyed on the affection and fear of the survivors, through the ingenious doctrine of purgatory. Old paintings and illuminations represent the dead as torn by hooks, roasted in fires, boiled in pots, and subjected to many other physical torments.

4. Qui c.u.m patre: "Who with the father"; the closing words of the final benediction p.r.o.nounced at Ma.s.s.

5. Askaunce: The word now means sideways or asquint; here it means "as if;" and its force is probably to suggest that the second friar, with an ostentatious stealthiness, noted down the names of the liberal, to make them believe that they would be remembered in the holy beggars' orisons.

6. A G.o.dde's kichel/halfpenny: a little cake/halfpenny, given for G.o.d's sake.

7. Harlot: hired servant; from Anglo-Saxon, "hyran," to hire; the word was commonly applied to males.

8. Potent: staff; French, "potence," crutch, gibbet.

9. Je vous dis sans doute: French; "I tell you without doubt."

10. Dortour: dormitory; French, "dortoir."

12. The Rules of St Benedict granted peculiar honours and immunities to monks who had lived fifty years -- the jubilee period -- in the order. The usual reading of the words ending the two lines is "loan" or "lone," and "alone;" but to walk alone does not seem to have been any peculiar privilege of a friar, while the idea of precedence, or higher place at table and in processions, is suggested by the reading in the text.

13. Borel folk: laymen, people who are not learned; "borel"

was a kind of coa.r.s.e cloth.

14. Eli: Elijah (1 Kings, xix.)

15. An emperor Jovinian was famous in the mediaeval legends for his pride and luxury

16. Cor meum eructavit: literally, "My heart has belched forth;"

in our translation, (i.e. the Authorised "King James" Version - Transcriber) "My heart is inditing a goodly matter." (Ps. xlv.

1.). "Buf" is meant to represent the sound of an eructation, and to show the "great reverence" with which "those in possession,"

the monks of the rich monasteries, performed divine service,

17. N'ere thou our brother, shouldest thou not thrive: if thou wert not of our brotherhood, thou shouldst have no hope of recovery.

18. Thomas' life of Ind: The life of Thomas of India - i.e. St.

Thomas the Apostle, who was said to have travelled to India.

19. Potestate: chief magistrate or judge; Latin, "potestas;"

Italian, "podesta." Seneca relates the story of Cornelius Piso; "De Ira," i. 16.

20. Placebo: An anthem of the Roman Church, from Psalm cxvi. 9, which in the Vulgate reads, "Placebo Domino in regione vivorum" -- "I will please the Lord in the land of the living"

21. The Gysen: Seneca calls it the Gyndes; Sir John Mandeville tells the story of the Euphrates. "Gihon," was the name of one of the four rivers of Eden (Gen. ii, 13).

22. Him that harrowed h.e.l.l: Christ. See note 14 to the Reeve's Tale.