Greatheart Part 88

"I don't think we can any of us say that," he answered. "There is always something left."

She turned her face and looked over the sea. "I'm sure I don't know what," she said, with a catch in her voice. "If--Isabel--were going to live, if--if I could only have her always, I should be quite happy. I shouldn't want anything else. But without her--life without her--after these two months,--" her voice broke and ceased.

"I know," Scott said. "I should have felt the same myself not so long ago. I have let you slip into my place, you see; and it comes hard on you now. But don't forget our friends.h.i.+p, Dinah! Don't forget I'm here!"

She turned back, swallowing her tears with difficulty and gave him a quivering smile. "Oh, I know. You are so good. And it was dear of you to--to let me take your place with her. None but you would have done such a thing."

"My dear, it was far better for her, and she wished it," he interposed.

"Besides, with Eustace away, I had plenty to do. You mustn't twist that into a virtue. It was the only course open to me. I knew that it would lift her out of misery to have you, and--naturally--I wished it too."

She nodded. "It was just like you. And I--I ought to have remembered that it couldn't last. It has been such a comfort to--to have my darling to love and care for. But oh, the blank when she is gone!"

Scott was silent.

"It's wrong to want to keep her, I know," Dinah went on wistfully. "She has got so wonderfully happy of late; and I know it is the thought of nearing the end of the journey that makes her so. And when I am with her, I feel happy too for her sake. But when I am away from her--it--it's all so dreary. I--feel so frightened and--alone."

"Don't be frightened!" Scott said gently. "You never are alone."

"Ah, but life is so difficult," she whispered.

"It would be," he answered, "if we had to face it all at once. But, thank G.o.d, that is not so. We can only see a little way ahead. We can only do a little at a time."

"Do you think that is a help?" she said. "I would give anything--sometimes--to look into the future."

"I think the burden would be greater than we could bear," Scott said.

"Oh, do you? I think it would be such a relief to know." Dinah uttered a sharp sigh. "It's no good talking," she said. "Only one thing is certain.

I'm not going to break with Billy of course, but I'll never go back to Perrythorpe again, never as long as I live!"

There was a quiver of pa.s.sion in her voice. She looked at Scott with what was almost a challenge in her eyes.

He did not answer it. His face wore a look of perplexity. But, "If I were in your place," he said quietly, "I think I should say the same."

"I am sure you would," she said warmly. "I only tolerated it so long because I didn't know what freedom was like. When I went to Switzerland, I found out; and when I came back, it just wasn't endurable any longer.

But I wish I knew--I do wish I knew--what I were going to do."

The words were out before she could stop them, but the moment they were uttered she made a sharp gesture as though she would recall them.

"I'm silly to talk like this," she said. "Please forget it!"

He smiled a little. "Not silly, Dinah," he said, "but mistaken. Believe me, the future is already provided for."

Her brows contracted slightly. "Ah, you are good," she said. "You believe in G.o.d."

"So do you," he said, with quiet conviction.

Her lip quivered. "I believe He would help anyone like you, but--but He wouldn't bother Himself about me. There are too many others of the same sort."

Scott looked at her in genuine astonishment. "What a curious idea!" he said. "You don't really think that, do you?"

She nodded. "I can't help it. Life is such a maze of difficulties, and one has to face them all alone."

"You won't face yours alone," he said quickly.

She smiled rather piteously. "I've faced all the worst bits alone so far."

"I know," Scott said. "But you are through the worst now."

She shook her head doubtfully. "I'm afraid of life," she said.

He saw that she did not wish to pursue the subject and put it gently aside. "Shall we go in?" he said. "I should like to be at hand when Isabel wakes."

She turned beside him at once. Their talk went back to Isabel. They spoke of her tenderly, as one nearing the end of a long and wearisome journey, and as they approached the little white house on the heath above the sea, Dinah gave somewhat hesitating utterance to a thought that had been persistently in her mind of late.

"Do you," she said, speaking with evident effort, "think that--Eustace should be sent for?"

"Does she want him?" said Scott.

"I don't know. She never speaks of him. But then--that may be--for my sake." Dinah's voice was very low and not wholly free from distress. "And again--it may be on my account he is keeping away. She hasn't seen him for these two months--not since we left Perrythorpe."

"No," Scott said gravely. "I know."

Dinah was silent for a brief s.p.a.ce; then she braced herself for another effort. "Scott, I--don't want to be--in anyone's way. If--if she would like to see him, and if he--doesn't want to come--because of me, I--must go, that's all."

She spoke with resolution, and pausing at the gate that led off the heath into the garden looked him straight in the face.

"I want you," she said rather breathlessly, "to find out if--that is so.

And if it is--if it is--"

"My dear, you needn't be afraid," Scott said. "I am quite sure that Eustace wouldn't wish to drive you away. He might be doubtful as to whether you would care to meet him again so soon, but if you had no objection to his coming, he wouldn't deliberately stay away on his own account. You know--I don't think you've ever realized it--he loves Isabel."

"Then he must want to come," she said quickly. "Oh, Scott, do you know--I said a dreadful--a cruel--thing to him--that last day. If he really loves her, it must have hurt him--terribly."

"What did you say?" Scott asked.

"I said--" the quick tears sprang to her eyes--"I said that he was unkind to her, and that--that she was always miserable when he was there. Scott, what made me say it? It was hateful of me! It was hateful!"

"It was the truth," Scott said. He looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds, then very kindly he patted her hand as it rested on the gate.

"Don't be so distressed!" he said. "It probably did him good--even if it did hurt. But I think you are right. If Isabel has the smallest wish to see him, he must come. I will see what I can do."

Dinah gave him a difficult smile. "You always put things right," she said.

He lifted his shoulders with a whimsical expression. "The magnifying-gla.s.s again!" he said.

"No," she protested. "No. I see you as you are."

"Then you see a very ordinary citizen," he said.