Epistles from Pap: Letters from the man known as 'The Will Rogers of Indiana' Part 22

My dear Les: . . . After my first, and in the opinion of the great majority, my most unexpected election in our Senatorial District (the first time a Democrat had ever been elected from Montgomery and Putnam Counties), I began to hear a lot about my so-called personal popularity. Personal popularity, the Devil! It was the wise and capable backing I got coupled with my willingness and hustle to follow advice. . .

But . . . Les, there must be at least more than a dozen excellent reasons why I cannot be a candidate. To recite them in detail on paper would take a sheet reaching from your store to the Court House. So, I shall not try to set them down on paper. But I do want to thank you wholeheartedly for the generous compliment you have paid me by even suggesting you would personally like for me to run. . . Please remember me most kindly to all our good friends.

Sincerely,

FOR BALANCE, LET CANADA GO IT ALONE

Response to a questionnaire from Congresswoman Cecil M. Harden, March 4, 1954

Memo relating to Question No. 6.

I, a Democrat, along with thousands of others, not only voted for Gen. Eisenhower, but were glad to do so. . . No minor reason for doing so was that he promised to balance the budget--and soon. .

. But the politicians have gotten in their work and he is wobbling just a trifle. . . At a very recent press conference, if he is quoted correctly, he said that if employment did not pick up in March, that fact would necessitate taking action, and tax reduction might be one of the first measures to be considered, and that the government wouldn't hesitate a second to do its utmost to stop any real recession. To me that is Roosevelt philosophy, pure and simple, which threw undue stress on consumer spending, and a.s.sumed the way to avert depression was to unbalance the budget, resort to pump priming, which can mean only one thing--more inflation.

There are three ways to balance the budget:

-- Cut down spending and expenses, or

-- Collect more revenue (increase taxes), or

-- Do both

There are no other ways under the sun I know of.

The first of these is far and away the best. That is why my answer to your sixth question is an unqualified "No." The St.

Lawrence Seaway would take eight or more years to build. The alleged Engineers estimated it would cost just short of one billion dollars to build it deep enough (26 to 28 feet) to carry 10% of the present ocean-going freighters. Which probably means it would end up nearer three billion in cost. And what would it cost to build it deep enough to carry the other 90%? To say nothing of the cost of dredging lake harbors, building docks, and dozens of other important expenses? For the most part it is to be located in Canada and subject to Canadian law. Canada says it will build it alone. In the name of the Great Jehovah and the Continental Congress, let Canada do it! Let some country, somewhere, sometime, some way or how, build something of its own--on its own.

It is now proposed that an immediate increase of $100 or more in personal exemptions for all income tax payers be made, and still more for next year. Will St. Lawrence and this increase in exemption help balance the budget? They will not. Neither should pa.s.s until that budget is balanced, if we are really going to try to balance it, and St. Lawrence should not pa.s.s at this time above everything I have as yet heard proposed.

KANSAS CAN BE CRUEL

March 29, 1954 Honorable I.C. Wiatt, Chairman Board of County Commissioners Lakin, Kansas

My dear Mr. Wiatt: I have just read with deep concern your letter of March 25, 1954, to the effect your Board had received a signed complaint that our land is in a "blowing" condition, and that. . . "the former tenant". . . would a.s.sume no responsibility for it. . .

Please bear with me, if you have the time and inclination, and allow me to recite a part of my experiences with that land. About the year 1895 my father bought the quarter section from the Entryman and his wife. . . During World War I, while returning home from California in a cold January, I stopped off at Lakin.

As is the case everywhere, there is always someone who knows the location of land. In my case he was a man who owned about the only Ford in town. We struck west on the highway. Then by instinct, it seems to me, rather than by landmarks, he turned north over the unfenced land. In due time, he said, "There is about your southeast corner. . ." It was mighty lonesome-looking land.

Time went on. . . My next trip out was in summer. The land had a fair stand of buffalo gra.s.s. . . I found a young fellow who agreed to graze the land and pay the taxes. . . I never saw him again. He moved away before my next trip. I was also told he grazed the land, but I know he did not pay the taxes. They went delinquent. I got that straightened out, and incidentally learned a minor lesson about owning land so far from home.

You can imagine my reaction when, on the next trip out, I saw the land had been fenced and cattle were grazing on it. I went north perhaps a half-mile to a house near the east side of the road. A woman was there alone. Her husband was away working. They had come from Ohio. She was terribly discouraged. She cried as she talked. Two crop failures--possibly three. They were near desperate. . . I asked who owned the cattle. She said the Sheriff of the County owned them, and had also built the fence. She then told me how she wished she had that land for her two cows. They were almost starving, and she had little or nothing for them to eat.

And so I was up against the High Sheriff of Kearny County, and 1,000 miles from home. The Sheriff! If there is anything a non- resident needs to learn, it is to avoid a clash with high officials of a given section, if it can possibly be avoided. . .

I was worried. Then I thought of William Allen White and of his famous editorial, and of other great and honorable men Kansas had produced, a good part of them farmers, like me. I decided to beard the lion in his den. . . He sort of braced himself, and I could see he was getting ready to get mad. . . I told him I wanted the fence left alone. I was arranging to turn this land over to the woman up the road for her two cows. . . "You can't expect me to give you that fence. . ."

Either he came to realize the probable justice of my stand, or else he concluded he might be a trespa.s.ser if he persisted.

Anyway he did nothing to the fence. I wrote a contract in duplicate to the effect the woman was to have possession of the land for her cows until I gave her written notice to the contrary. No rent or charge of any kind was to be made. . . I never did see her husband. And I never saw her again. By the time of my next trip, I was told they had sort of given up the ghost and gone back to Ohio.

. . .Father was a bit proud of that "virgin soil", as he called it, although neither he nor mother ever got a penny out of it.

Nor did the rest of us until lately, when it was leased for oil and gas. . . Kansas can, and has been cruel. In my early boyhood a few of those I knew went to Kansas to make their way in the world. Some came back footsore and broken-hearted. The droughts, hot winds and gra.s.shoppers took them, as witness the Entryman and his wife who homesteaded this identical land in 1893 . . .

. . .Two years ago I received a telephone call from a man in Lakin. . . He had about 50 head of starving cattle; was out of feed, with none available; he was desperate and could he turn-in his cattle on my land for not more than a month? . . . I have been short on feed a few times, but never out. I told him I would most certainly help in any way I could under those circ.u.mstances.

Two months later I arrived on the land. Then came the big disillusionment. The cattle were not those of the man who called me. They were owned by one of the wealthiest men in the County.

The telephone caller only worked for him.

At the time, I came in contact with three prospective tenants who wanted to farm the land. . . Mr. W-- was most highly recommended.

We talked terms. . .I told him I would think the matter over carefully going home, and if I decided I wanted to lease the land, would prepare a contract. . . I told him that if he did not hear from me rather promptly to just forget the land . . . You can imagine my utter amazement when, last Fall, I went out and found a good part of the land broken up with perhaps 40 acres of it in a maize crop failure. . . Mr. W-- said he understood the deal to be that if he did not hear from me to the contrary, then he was to proceed and crop the land. There you are. . .

Now today, after receiving your letter, I find myself in hot water. . . I know nothing whatever about wind erosion or how to deal with it. Whatever I have to do, I will have to do. . . I am a long way off. I do not drive a car as much as I used to. I am getting older. . . But I do know I do not expect to continue to farm it, if I can have my way, which I have not had in the immediate past. . .

Very Respectfully,

A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING

May 7, 1954 The Milwaukee Chair Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Attention: Mr. Block, I think is the name, President or Gen.

Manager:

The 5 metal chairs . . . were promptly delivered to our office.

They look and sit quite well and we feel sure we are going to like them for the reception room.

When in Milwaukee my son and I ordered some other and more expensive chairs--leather--at the same time we ordered the metal chairs spoken of above, and it is about the delivery of these leather chairs this letter is directed. We hope to have a sort of "opening" for our new offices and building about June 1, 1954.

Naturally, we should like to have these leather chairs on hand . . . If we knew there would be a little delay in delivery we would try to delay our "opening." It is not my intention to try to rush you. I would just like to know for a certainty and plan accordingly.

I find myself in a dither like unto a situation that confronted me long, long years ago. I was a cadet a Western Military Academy, Alton, Illinois, 16 years old. . . In cla.s.s, I sat next to a boy two years my senior and far, far more sophisticated. He was a member of a really rich family in St. Louis. He invited me to spend Easter vacation at his home. I was glad to go. Arrived in St. Louis I learned another St. Louis tyc.o.o.n, a brewer and his wife, were giving a banquet and ball, and that I was scheduled to be among "those present."

My hostess looked me over carefully. In a casual way she asked, "Andrew, I'll bet you forgot to bring your dress suit along?"

The question amazed me. "Why Mrs. --," I said, "I never owned a dress suit. Boys my age where I come from don't have dress suits."

What an understanding woman she was! I could see the smile come to her eyes. Without a moment's hesitation she said, "I know what we'll do. Both you boys will wear your uniforms. You are more used to them and you'll feel more at home in them. And the girls will just go wild about those uniforms. They are exactly the thing to wear."

Before the big event, she got me off to herself and after some preliminaries, asked, "Andrew, do your parents have liquor on the table or in the home?" I said they did not have any that I knew of.

She asked, "Did you ever taste whiskey or champagne?" I said I had never tasted either--that I had never seen any champagne.

The good woman fairly beamed. She was getting real enjoyment out of the interview. She then told me there would be worlds of champagne served at the banquet. Waiters would keep refilling the gla.s.ses. Older people might get a little tipsy. . . She told me many things. She said that at the first serving of the champagne we might all rise for a toast. My girl (for whom she had arranged) and I would sort of intertwine our wrists and gla.s.ses and she would take a sip out of my gla.s.s, but of course I would sip none of hers--that champagne was quite potent and might creep-up on one not used to it. . .

Before the interview was over, she had become my monitor and my excellent, trustworthy and good friend. One thing troubled me. I wanted her permission about something. I said, "I'll behave myself and you'll not have to be ashamed of me. All this is new.

I have never been in a fine home before and have never been to a banquet. May I have your permission to taste that champagne out of my own gla.s.s? I have always wanted to taste champagne and I may never get the chance again."

That was too much for her. She had been aching to laugh out loud.

She put her arm around me and let go, saying, "Andrew, you are just about the finest young man we ever had in our home. Of course you have my permission to taste the champagne. . . I just want you to tell me how it tastes."

The banquet and ball were howling successes so far as I was concerned. I made at least two big mistakes. . . I got the vast a.s.sortment of spoons and forks pretty well mixed, but soon corrected that by watching the middle-aged woman at my side. The awful and really devastating mistake was due to my appet.i.te.

Military School diet was rigid. I was young, healthy and hungry.