Mr. Punch in Bohemia - LightNovelsOnl.com
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[Ill.u.s.tration: INTELLIGENT!--_Artist_ (_who thinks he has found a good model for his Touchstone_). "Have you any sense of humour, Mr. Bingles?"
_Model._ "Thank y' sir, no, sir, thank y'. I enj'ys pretty good 'ealth, sir, thank y' sir!"]
THE PERILS OF A CONVERSAZIONE
_Miss Fillip_ (_to gentleman whose name she did not catch when introduced_). Have you read _A Modern Heliogabolus_?
_He._ Yes, I have.
_Miss F._ All through?
_He._ Yes, from beginning to end.
_Miss F._ Dear me! I wonder you're alive! How did you manage to get through it?
_He_ (_diffidently_). Unfortunately, I wrote it.
[_Miss F. catches a distant friend's eye._
THE SOUND SLEEPER'S PARADISE.--Snoring.
_PATENT_ NIGHT-LIGHTS.--Stars.
EPITAPH ON A CHAMPION BILLIARD PLAYER.--"Taking his long rest."
TONED PAPER.--Sheets of music.
ITEM ON A MENU OF LITERARY PABULUM.--"Shakspeare and Bacon."
RACE GLa.s.sES.--Champagne.
THE MAID OF THE MILL.--A lady boxer.
[Ill.u.s.tration: SENTIMENT.--(_Artistic-minded Youth in midst of a fierce harangue from his father, who is growing hotter and redder_). "By Jove, that's a fine bit of colour, if you like!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "What an a.s.s old Brown is!"
"Oh, I don't know. He's got far more brains than appear on the surface."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Art-Master_ (_who has sent for a cab, pointing to horse_). "What do you call that?"
_Cabby._ "An 'orse, sir."
_Art-Master._ "A horse! Rub it out, and do it again!"]
A PARCEL OF PROVERBS, &c. COMPLETED
Take time by the forelock--to have his hair cut.
Follow your leader--in your daily paper.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating--a great deal of it.
Never look a gift-horse in the mouth--lest you should find false teeth.
The hare with many friends--was eaten at last.
A st.i.tch in time saves nine--or more naughty words, when a b.u.t.ton comes off while you are dressing in a great hurry for dinner.
One man's meat is another man's poison--when badly cooked.
Don't count your chickens before they are hatched--by the patent incubator.
Love is blind--and unwilling to submit to an operation.
First catch your hare--then cook it with rich gravy.
Nil Desperandum--PERCY VERE.
[Ill.u.s.tration: NON-COMMITTAL.--
