Mr. Punch in Bohemia - LightNovelsOnl.com
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THE SUSPENSORY ACT.--Hanging the Academy exhibition.
IN THE BILLIARD ROOM.--_Major Carambole._ I never give any bribes to the club servants on principle.
_Captain Hazard._ Then I suppose the marker looks on the tip of your cue without interest.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration: IN A BAR, NEWMARKET.--_Seedy Individual_ (_to Knowing One_). "D'yer want to buy a diamond pin cheap?"
_Knowing One._ "'Ere, get out of this! What d'you take me for? A juggins?"
_S. I._ "Give yer my word it's worth sixty quid if it's worth a penny.
And you can 'ave it for a tenner."
_K. O._ "Let's 'ave a look at it. Where is it?"
_S. I._ "In that old gent's tie. _Will yer 'ave it?_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS
"Yew harxed me woy hoi larved when larve should be A thing hun-der-eamed hof larve twixt yew han me.
Yew moight hin-tereat the sun tew cease tew she-oine Has seek tew sty saw deep a larve has moine."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SHAKSPEARE ILl.u.s.tRATED
"Oh, my prophetic soul! My uncle!"
_Hamlet_, Act I., Sc. 5.]
A BROTHER ARTIST
["We have regularly attended the Academy now for many years, but never do we remember such a poor show of portraits; they cannot prove to be otherwise than the laughing-stock of tailors and their customers."--_Tailor and Cutter._]
The tailor leaned upon his goose, And wiped away a tear: "What portraits painting-men produce,"
He sobbed, "from year to year!
These fellows make their sitters smile In suits that do not fit, They're wrongly b.u.t.toned, and the style Is not the thing a bit.
"Oh, artist, I'm an artist too!
I bid you use restraint, And only show your sitters, do, In fitting coats of paint; In vain you crown those errant seams With smiles that look ethereal, For man may be the stuff of dreams-- But dreams are not material."
MEDICAL.--A sculptor friend, who has strabismus, consoles himself with the thought that he can always keep his profession in view through having a cast in his eye.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Frame-maker_ (_to gifted amateur, who is ordering frames for a few prints and sketches_). "Ah, I suppose you want something cheap an' ordinary for _this_?"
[_N.B._--_"This" was a cherished little sketch by our amateur himself._]
NOT QUITE THE SAME.--Scene: _Exhibition of Works of Art._
_Dealer_ (_to friend, indicating stout person closely examining a Vand.y.k.e_). Do you know who _that_ is? I so often see him about.
_Friend._ I know him. He's a collector.
_Dealer_ (_much interested_). Indeed! What does he collect? Pictures?
_Friend._ No. Income tax.
[_Exeunt severally._
ART CLa.s.s.--_Inspector._ What is a "landscape painter"?
_Student._ A painter of landscapes.
_Inspector._ Good. What is an "animal painter"?
_Student._ A painter of animals.
_Inspector._ Excellent. What is a "marine painter"?
_Student._ A painter of marines.
_Inspector._ Admirable! Go and tell it them. Call next cla.s.s.
[_Exeunt students._
THE BEST "PUBLISHER'S CIRCULAR."--A round dining-table.
