Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs Part 8

"I never see the minister rattle nothin' through like that marriage-service. Every one was on whole papers of pins 'n' needles, 'n'

the minute it was over every one just felt like sittin' right straight down.

"Mrs. Macy 'n' me went up 'n' watered Gran'ma Mullins till we brought her to, 'n' when she learned as it was all done she picked up wonderful 'n' felt as hungry as any one, 'n' come downstairs 'n' kissed Lucy 'n'

caught a corner on Mrs. Dill just like she 'd never been no trouble to no one from first to last. I never see such a sudden change in all my life; it was like some miracle had come out all over her 'n' there was n't no one there as was n't rejoiced to death.

"We all went out in the dinin'-room 'n' the sun shone in 'n' every one laughed over nothin' a _tall_. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from inside so his tear did n't show, 'n' Lucy 'n' he set side by side 'n' looked like no one was ever goin' to ever be married again. Polly 'n' the deacon set opposite 'n' the minister 'n' his wife 'n' Mr. Dill 'n'

Gran'ma Mullins made up the table. The rest stood around, 'n' we was all as lively as words can tell. The cake was one o' the handsomest as I ever see, two pigeons peckin' a bell on top 'n' Hiram 'n' Lucy runnin'

around below in pink. There was a dime inside 'n' a ring, an' I got the dime, 'n' they must have forgot to put in the ring for no one got it."

Susan paused and panted.

"It was--" commented Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully.

"Nice that I got the dime?--yes, I should say. There certainly was n't no one there as needed it worse, 'n', although I 'd never be one to call a dime a fortune, still it is a dime, 'n' no one can't deny it the honor, no matter how they feel. But, Mrs. Lathrop, what you 'd ought to have seen was Hiram 'n' Lucy ready to go off. I bet no one knows they 're brides--I bet no one knows _what_ they are,--you never saw the like in all your worst dreams. Hiram wore spectacles 'n' carpet-slippers 'n'

that old umbrella as Mr. Sh.o.r.es keeps at the store to keep from bein'

stole, 'n' Lucy wore clothes she 'd found in trunks 'n' her hair in curl-papers, 'n' her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, 'n'

Gran'ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove 'em to the train, 'n' Hiram says he 's goin' to spend two dollars a day right along till he comes back; so I guess Lucy 'll have a good time for once in her life. 'N' Gran'ma Mullins walked back with me 'n' not one word o' Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly 'n' the deacon. She said it wa'n't in reason as Polly could imagine him with hair, 'n' she said she was thinkin' very seriously o' givin' her a piece o' his hair as she 's got, for a weddin' present. She said Polly 'd never know what he was like the night he give her that hair. She said the moon was s.h.i.+nin' 'n'

the frogs were croakin', 'n' she kind o' choked; she says she can't smell a marsh to this day without seein' the deacon givin' her that piece of hair. I cheered her up all I could--I told her anyhow he could n't give Polly a piece of his hair if he died for it. She smiled a weak smile 'n' went on up to Mrs. Brown's. Mrs. Brown 's asked her to stay with her a day or two. Mrs. Brown has her faults, but n.o.body can't deny as she 's got a good heart,--in fact, sometimes I think Mrs. Brown's good heart is about the worst fault she's got. I 've knowed it lead her to do very foolish things time 'n' again--things as I thank my star I 'd never think o' doin'--not in this world."

Mrs. Lathrop s.h.i.+fted her elbows a little; Susan withdrew at once from the fence.

"I must go in," she said, "to-morrow is goin' to be a more 'n full day.

There 's Polly's weddin' 'n' then in the evenin' Mr. Weskin is comin'

up. You need n't look surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, because I 've thought the subject over up 'n' down 'n' hind end foremost 'n' there ain't nothin'

left for me to do. I can't sell nothin' else 'n' I 've got to have money, so I 'm goin' to let go of one of those bonds as father left me.

There ain't no way out of it; I told Mr. Weskin I 'd expect him at sharp eight on sharp business, 'n' he 'll come. 'N' I must go as a consequence. Good night."

PART FOURTH

MR. JILKINS'S HAT

Polly Allen's wedding took place the next day, and Mrs. Lathrop came out on her front piazza about half past five to wait for her share in the event.

The sight of Mrs. Brown going by with her head bound up in a white cloth, accompanied by Gran'ma Mullins with both hands similarly treated, was the first inkling the stay-at-home had that strange doings had been lately done.

Susan came next and Susan was a sight! Not only did her ears stand up with a size and conspicuousness never inherited from either her father or her mother, but also her right eye was completely closed and she walked lame.

"The Lord have mercy!" cried Mrs. Lathrop, when the full force of her friend's affliction effected its complete entrance into her brain,--"Why, Susan, what--"

"Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, "all I can say is I come out better than the most of 'em, 'n' if you could see Sam Duruy or Mr. Kimball or the minister you 'd know I spoke the truth. The deacon 'n' Polly is both in bed 'n' can't see how each other looks, 'n' them as has a eye is goin' to tend them as can't see at all, an' G.o.d help 'em all if young Dr. Brown an' the mud run dry!" with which pious e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n Susan painfully mounted the steps and sat down with exceeding gentleness upon a chair.

Mrs. Lathrop stared at her in dumb and wholly bewildered amazement.

After a while Miss Clegg continued.

"It was all the deacon's fault. Him 'n' Polly was so dead set on bein'

fas.h.i.+onable 'n' bein' a contrast to Hiram an Lucy, 'n' I hope to-night as they lay there all puffed up as they 'll reflect on their folly 'n'

think a little on how the rest of us as did n't care rhyme or reason for folly is got no choice but to puff up, too. Mrs. Jilkins is awful mad; she says Mr. Jilkins wanted to wear his straw hat anyhow, 'n' she says she always has hated his silk hat 'cause it reminds her o' when she was young 'n' foolish enough to be willin' to go 'n' marry into a family as was foolish enough to marry into Deacon White. Mrs. Jilkins is extra hot because she got one in the neck, but my own idea is as Polly Allen's weddin' was the silliest doin's as I ever see from the beginnin', 'n'

the end wa'n't no more than might o' been expected--all things considered.

"When I got to the church, what do you think was the first thing as I see, Mrs. Lathrop? Well, you 'd never guess till kingdom come, so I may as well tell you. It was Ed 'n' Sam Duruy 'n' Henry Ward Beecher 'n'

Johnny standin' there waitin' to show us to our pews like we did n't know our own pews after sittin' in 'em for all our life-times! I just shook my head 'n' walked to my pew, 'n' there, if it was n't looped shut with a daisy-chain! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I wish you could have been there to have felt for me, for I may remark as a cyclone is a caterpillar wove up in hisself beside my face when I see myself daisy-chained out o' my own pew by Polly Allen. Ed was behind me 'n' he whispered 'That's reserved for the family.' I give him one look 'n' I will state, Mrs.

Lathrop, as he wilted. It did n't take me long to break that daisy-chain 'n' sit down in that pew, 'n' I can a.s.sure you as no one asked me to get up again. Mrs. Jilkins's cousins from Meadville come 'n' looked at me sittin' there, but I give them jus' one look back 'n' they went 'n' sat with Mrs. Macy themselves. A good many other folks was as surprised as me over where they had to sit, but we soon had other surprises as took the taste o' the first clean out o' our mouths.

"Just as Mrs. Davison begin to play the organ, Ed 'n' Johnny come down with two clothes-lines wound 'round with clematis 'n' tied us all in where we sat. Then they went back 'n' we all stayed still 'n' could n't but wonder what under the sun was to be done to us next. But we did n't have long to wait, 'n' I will say as anythin' to beat Polly's ideas I never see--no--nor no one else neither.

"'Long down the aisle, two 'n' two, 'n' hand in hand, like they thought they was suthin' pretty to look at, come Ed 'n' Johnny 'n' Henry Ward Beecher 'n' Sam Duruy, 'n' I vow 'n' declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I never was so nigh to laughin' in church in all my life. They knowed they was funny, too, 'n' their mouths 'n' eyes was tight set sober, but some one in the back just _had_ to giggle, 'n' when we heard it we knew as things as was n't much any other day would use us up this day, sure. They stopped in front 'n' lined up, two on a side, 'n' then, for all the world like it was a machine-play, the little door opened 'n' out come the minister 'n' solemnly walked down to between them. I must say we was all more than a little disappointed at its only bein' the minister, 'n'

he must have felt our feelin's, for he began to cough 'n' clear up his throat 'n' his little desk all at once. Then Mrs. Davison jerked out the loud stop 'n' began to play for all she was worth, 'n' the door behind banged 'n' every one turned aroun' to see.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, we saw,--'n' I will in truth remark as such a sawin' we 'll never probably get a chance to do again! Mrs. Sweet says they practised it over four times at the church, so they can't deny as they meant it all, 'n' you might lay me crossways 'n' cut me into chipped beef 'n' still I would declare as I would n't have the face to own to havin' had any hand in plannin' any such weddin'.

"First come 'Liza Em'ly 'n' Rachel Rebecca hand in hand carryin'

daisies--of all things in the world to take to a weddin'--'n' then come Brunhilde Susan, with a daisy-chain around her neck 'n' her belt stuck full o' daisies 'n'--you can believe me or not, jus' as you please, Mrs.

Lathrop, 'n' still it won't help matters any--'n' a daisy stuck in every b.u.t.ton down her back, 'n' daisies tangled up in her hair, 'n' a bunch o'

daisies under one arm.

"Well, we was nigh to overcome by Brunhilde Susan, but we drawed some fresh breath 'n' kept on lookin', 'n' next come Polly 'n' Mr. Allen. I will say for Mr. Allen as he seemed to feel the ridiculousness of it all, for a redder man I never see, nor one as looked more uncomfortable.

He was daisied, too--had three in his b.u.t.tonhole;--but what took us all was the way him 'n' Polly walked. I bet no people gettin' married ever zigzagged like that before, 'n' Mrs. Sweet says they practised it by countin' two 'n' then swingin' out to one side, 'n' then countin' two 'n' swingin' out to the other--she watched 'em out of her attic window down through the broke blind to the church. Well, all I can say is, that to my order o' thinkin' countin' 'n' swingin' is a pretty frame o' mind to get a husband in, but so it was, 'n' we was all starin' our eyes off to beat the band when the little door opened 'n', to crown everythin'

else, out come the deacon 'n Mr. Jilkins, each with a daisy 'n' a silk hat, 'n' I will remark, Mrs. Lathrop, as new-born kittens is blood-red murderers compared to how innocent that hat o' Mr. Jilkins looked. Any one could see as it was n't new, but he was n't new either as far as that goes, 'n' that was what struck me in particular about the whole thing--nothin' 'n' n.o.body was n't any different only for Polly's foolishness 'n' the daisies.

"Well, they sorted out 'n' begun to get married, 'n' us all sittin'

lookin' on 'n' no more guessin' what was comin' next than a ant looks for a mornin' paper. The minister was gettin' most through 'n' the deacon was gettin' out the ring, 'n' we was lookin' to get up 'n' out pretty quick, when--my heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I never will forget that minute--when Mr. Jilkins--poor man, he's sufferin' enough for it, Lord knows!--when Mr. Jilkins dropped his hat!

"That very next second him 'n' Ed 'n' Brunhilde Susan all hopped 'n'

yelled at once, 'n' the next thing we see was the minister droppin' his book 'n' grabbin' his arm 'n' the deacon tryin' madly to do hisself up in Polly's veil. We would 'a' all been plum petrified at such goings on any other day, only by that time the last one of us was feelin' to hop and grab 'n' yell on his own account. Gran'ma Mullins was tryin' to slap herself with the seat cus.h.i.+on, 'n' the way the daisies flew as folks went over 'n' under that clematis rope was a caution. I got out as quick as I--"

"But what--" interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, her eyes fairly marble-like in their redundant curiosity.

"It was wasps!" said Susan. "It was a young wasps' nest in Mr. Jilkins's hat. Seems they carried their hats to church in their hands 'cause Polly did n't want no red rings around 'em, 'n' so he never suspected nothin'

till he dropped it. 'N' oh, poor little Brunhilde Susan in them short skirts of hers--she might as well have wore a bee-hive! I will in confidence remark as I got off easy, 'n' you can look at me 'n' figger on what them as got it hard has got on them. Young Dr. Brown went right to work with mud 'n' Polly's veil 'n' plastered 'em over as fast as they could get into Mrs. Sweet's. Mrs. Sweet was mighty obligin' 'n' turned two flower-beds inside out 'n' let every one scoop with her kitchen spoons, besides runnin' aroun' herself like she was a slave gettin'

paid. They took the deacon 'n' Polly right to their own house. They can't see one another anyhow, 'n' they was most all married anyway, so it did n't seem worth while to wait till the minister gets the use of his upper lip again."

"Why--" interrogated Mrs. Lathrop.

"Young Dr. Brown wanted to," said Susan, "he wanted to fill my ears with mud, 'n' my eye, too, but I did n't feel to have it done. You can't die o' wasps' bills, 'n' you can o' young Dr. Brown's--leastways when you ain't got no money to pay 'em, like I ain't got just at present."

"It 's--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes," said Susan, "it struck me that way, too. This seems to be a very unlucky town. Anything as comes seems to catch us all in a bunch. The cow most lamed the whole community 'n' the automobile most broke its back; time 'll tell what 'll be the result o' these wasps, but there won't be no church Sunday for one thing, I know.

"'N' it ain't the least o' my woes, Mrs. Lathrop, to think as I 've got to sit 'n' smile on Mr. Weskin to-night from between two such ears as is on me, for a man is a man, 'n' it can't be denied as a woman as is mainly ears ain't beguilin'. Besides, I may in confidence state to you, Mrs. Lathrop, as the one as buzzed aroun' my head wa'n't really no wasp a _tall_ in comparison to the one as got under my skirts."

Mrs. Lathrop's eyes were full of sincere condolence; she did not even imagine a smile as she gazed upon her afflicted friend.

"I must go," said the latter, rising with a groan, "seems like I never will reach the bottom o' my troubles this year. I keep thinkin' there's nothin' left 'n' then I get a wasp at each end at once. Well, I 'll come over when Mr. Weskin goes--if I have strength."