Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs Part 7

"Probably not," said her friend, "but you never can tell. Anyhow I 'm goin' now. You don't appear to consider how valuable my time is, Mrs.

Lathrop, but that 's another thing as I don't lay up against you."

For the next week Miss Clegg's financial difficulties rubbed on in much the same way. So did the wedding preparations of Polly Allen and Lucy Dill. Debts and dates are two things which are famous for movement, and in between her periods of repose in her own house and of activity about town Susan seized every chance possible to impart the impending state of every one's affairs to her neighbor.

"The blacksmith was up again last night," she said one sunny morning, when the need of hanging out her wash had brought her and Mrs. Lathrop within conversational distance; "he wants to have his rent a little lowered so as he can bric-a-brac the side of the crick himself. He says there 's stones enough to do it, only he must hire a man to help him. I told him I 'd consider it, 'n' goin' out in the dark he fell over the sc.r.a.per. I declare I got a damage-suit chill right down my spine 'n' I run out with a candle, 'n', thank heaven, he had n't broke nothin' but the sc.r.a.per. I 've been wonderin' if it would pay to sue him for that, but I don't believe I will, because folks has been fallin' over it ever since father nailed it to the front o' the step so 's to let his pet weasel go back 'n' forth at the side. The weasel 's been dead for ages, but the sc.r.a.per 's never been changed. I wish I could remember that weasel. Father loved him 'n' mother hated him,--she said she was always findin' him asleep in her shoes and sleeves. I was speakin' about it to Gran'ma Mullins to-day 'n' she said she remembered comin' to tea at mother's once 'n' their findin' the weasel in the tea-pot. I guess that's the first time Gran'ma Mullins has spoken of any livin' soul but Hiram in six months. She 's feelin' worse than ever over Lucy's decidin'

to be married at home on account o' the blue bengaline. She says that's a extra turn o' the ice-cream-freezer handle as she never counted on havin' to submit to. She says she naturally supposed if Hiram got married as she 'd sit in the front pew for once in her life, 'n' see the bride's dress good, 'n' hear the answers plain, 'n' now instid her only child, as she 's loved like a mother ever since he was born, is goin' to be married in a parlor as private as if he was bein' buried from the smallpox! She says, oh dear, oh dear, seems like she never will be able to live down that mirror as she smashed with her head the first time she saw what she looked like. She says she wa'n't more 'n nine months old 'n' yet that mirror has tagged her right through life ever since. She says she missed all her school examinations 'n' did n't get the deacon 'n' did get her husband, 'n' as if that wa'n't enough she must needs lose her husband, 'n' she 's had no choice but to be a widow ever since, 'n' she 's been sprained in all directions 'n' been broke in all directions 'n' her mince-meat 'most always ferments 'n' Hiram 's been her one bright spot 'n' now he 's got to get married in a parlor. She says the worst is as it would draw bread right out of a stone to see how cheerful Hiram is these days,--she says any one would suppose as Lucy Dill was goin' to surely make him happy to see how he goes smilin'

around. She says it 's one of the most pathetikest sights as she ever see to watch Hiram markin' off the days on his calendar, 'n' she cried when she told me. She says no one need n't tell her as there 's any one else like Hiram, for she knows him well enough to know as it could n't possibly be true. And then she cried again. I tell you what, Mrs.

Lathrop, I may be pretty well churned up over my money troubles, but I can a.s.sure you as I feel like a monkey jumpin' through three rings at once beside Gran'ma Mullins. Mrs. Macy says that when Hiram goes to see Lucy you can hear her sobbin' way to the crick,--Mrs. Macy says the first night she thought it was Mr. Jilkins comin' into town with a hot wheel. I would n't be surprised myself to see Gran'ma Mullins drop dead when she hears Lucy get Hiram for better for worse. It 's awful to see a mother suffer so. I don't see how Hiram stands it. If I was him 'n' she had a stroke at my wedding I should call it a stroke o' luck 'n' nothin'

else. Not that I don't feel kindly disposed towards Gran'ma Mullins, but I 'm pretty tired hearin' her tale o' woe. Other folks' troubles is generally more interestin' to other folks than they are to me, and besides, if it really comes to talkin' of troubles, n.o.body ain't got no more to talk about than I have myself. This money question is nippin' me sharper in the calves every day, and when Mrs. Macy told me yesterday as her steps was givin' out I felt like sittin' down on 'em when they done it. Lord knows, I 'd never be one to wave my flag from no post-hole in the thick of no flight, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that as a general thing I keep a stiff upper-cut through black and blue, but still if Mrs. Macy's steps really do break down I feel like I shall have no choice but to Jack-and-Jill it after 'em."

"Maybe--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop, hopefully.

"Well, I ain't a-expectin' it anyhow. I 'm expectin' ruin, 'n' I can hear it howlin' and nosin' around my house all night long. Somethin' was swimmin' in the cistern last night, too,--if it made the other side safe I 'm all right, but if it drowned there 'll be another bill. It ain't no use your tryin' to cheer me up, Mrs. Lathrop, because I ain't to be cheered. I know I 'm goin' to the poorhouse, 'n' I don't thank you nor no other man for tellin' me to my face as what I know ain't so. Gran'ma Mullins 'n' me is two very sad hearts these days, 'n' Heaven help us both. To hear her talk you 'd think the Siamese twins was the sun and moon apart compared to her 'n' Hiram, 'n' now she 's got to give him up to Lucy Dill. She says Lucy ain't old enough to appreciate Hiram; she says Lucy 'll expect Hiram to be pleased, 'n' Hiram ain't never pleased; she says when Hiram keeps still 'n' don't say nothin' he's pleased, 'n'

when he goes to bed 'n' to sleep right off he 's real pleased. She says Lucy won't understand, 'n' then there 'll be trouble. She says trouble is a awful thing to have, 'n' she knows all about it 'cause she had it with her husband. She says the only good o' havin' trouble with your husband is the comfort you get out o' talkin' about it, 'n' that when she thinks as Lucy 'll get her comfort out o' talkin' about Hiram she pretty nearly gets up and goes right out of her mind."

Susan stopped suddenly; she had been standing with her basket in her hand, in the att.i.tude of one arrested for a moment's inquiry, throughout this conversation.

"Did you--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, I did. It was n't no great joy, pinched as I am, but I believe in doin' what you can for people gettin' married--G.o.d help 'em--'n' I give 'em each somethin'. I give Lucy a very good pair of scissors as mother had, as always grabs me in the joint so I can't use 'em, 'n' I give Polly our best carvin' knife. They was both sharp things, so they each had to give me a cent to hold on to friends.h.i.+p. I know two cents ain't much, but it 's better 'n nothin', 'n' I may tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, as all my presents 'll be sharp right along from now on."

Mrs. Lathrop raised her eyebrows to testify to the acute perception which had grasped her friend's point at once.

"Are you--" she asked presently.

"Goin' to the weddin's?--oh, yes. It may make me a little blue to look at Lucy, but it could n't but cheer anybody to compare themselves with Gran'ma Mullins. She says it 's goin' to half murder her, 'n' she 's made Hiram promise as he 'll give her his first husband's kiss. Lucy 's got the idea as she 'll have a weddin' procession o' Mr. Dill 'n' her, an' Hiram 'n' his mother, down the stairs 'n' in through the back parlor. Hiram don't want to, 'cause he 's afraid his mother won't let go of him when the time comes. Hiram says he ain't lived through these last weeks o' half stranglin' without knowin' what he 's talkin' about all right, but Lucy 's dead set on the procession. They 're goin' to try 'n'

keep Polly 'n' the deacon a little back 'n' out o' sight, 'cause there 's a many as thinks as half o' Gran'ma Mullins's tears is for the deacon, only she can't say so. Mrs. Allen says every one is talkin' that idea, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit says she hopes to Heaven as it ain't so, for how the deacon is to be kept a little back G.o.d only knows, for he 's so happy these days that he 's more than ever everlastin'ly on tap. Mrs.

Sperrit 's been very kind; she 's goin' to take Gran'ma Mullins to the Dills', 'n' she says she 'll take her home afterwards. Gran'ma Mullins is goin' to carry ammonia 'n' camphor, 'n' be sure an' have the corks out of 'em both."

"I wish--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, I do, too," said her friend, heartily, "but I 'll come 'n' tell you about them both right afterwards. I d'n know as I was ever more curious in my life than I am to see how Lucy is going to claw Hiram free long enough to marry him. 'N' I 'm interested in Polly's weddin', too.

But there is no use deceivin' you as to one thing, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n'

that is as what interests me the most of all, is what under the sun I 'm goin' to do myself to get some money. I can't live on bread 'n' water alone, 'n' even if I could, the flour 'll soon give out if I bread it along steady for very long. I 've got to get some money somehow, 'n' I 've about made up my mind as to what I 'll have to do. It makes me sick to think of it, 'cause I hate him so, but I guess I 'll have to come to it in the end. I 'll go to the weddin's, 'n' then I 'll brace up 'n'

make the leap."

Mrs. Lathrop looked perturbed--even slightly anxious.

"I 'm sorry not to be able to tell you all my plans," Miss Clegg continued, "but--"

She stopped suddenly--a train-whistle had sounded afar.

"My heavens alive! if that ain't to-day's ten-o'clock comin' from Meadville, 'n' me solemnly promised to be at Lucy's at half-past nine to help Mrs. Macy stone raisins! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I would n't have believed it of you if I had n't been a eyewitness!--"

PART THIRD

LUCY DILL'S WEDDING

"Well, Lucy has got Hiram!"

There was such a strong inflection of triumphant joy in Miss Clegg's voice as she called the momentous news to her friend that it would have been at once--and most truthfully--surmised that the getting of Hiram had been a more than slight labor.

Mrs. Lathrop was waiting by the fence, impatience written with a wandering reflection all over the serenity of her every-day expression.

Susan only waited to lay aside her bonnet and mitts and then hastened to the fence herself.

"Mrs. Lathrop, you never saw nor heard the like of this weddin' day in all your own ays to be or to come, 'n' I don't suppose there ever will be anything like it again, for Lucy Dill did n't cut no figger in her own weddin' a _tall_,--the whole thing was Gran'ma Mullins first, last 'n' forever hereafter. I tell you it looked once or twice as if it would n't be a earthly possibility to marry Hiram away from his mother, 'n'

now that it 's all over people can't do anything but say as after all Lucy ought to consider herself very lucky as things turned out, for if things had n't turned out as they did turn out I don't believe anything on earth could have unhooked that son, 'n' I 'm willin' to swear that anywhere to any one.

"Do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, that Gran'ma Mullins was so bad off last night as they had to put a mustard plaster onto her while Hiram went to see Lucy for the last time, 'n' Mrs. Macy says as she never hear the beat o' her memory, for she says she 'll take her Bible oath as Gran'ma Mullins told her what Hiram said 'n' done every minute o' his life while he was gone to see Lucy Dill. 'N' she cried, too, 'n' took on the whole time she was talkin' 'n' said Heaven help her, for n.o.body else could, 'n' she just knowed Lucy 'd get tired o' Hiram's story 'n' he can't be happy a whole day without he tells it, 'n' she 's most sure Lucy won't like his singin' 'Marchin' Through Georgia' after the first month or two, 'n' it 's the only tune as Hiram has ever really took to. Mrs. Macy says she soon found she could n't do nothin' to stem the tide except to drink tea 'n' listen, so she drank an' listened till Hiram come home about eleven. Oh, my, but she says they had _the_ time then! Gran'ma Mullins let him in herself, 'n' just as soon as he was in she bu'st into floods of tears 'n' would n't let him loose under no consideration. She says Hiram managed to get his back to the wall for a brace 'cause Gran'ma Mullins nigh to upset him every fresh time as Lucy come over her, 'n' Mrs. Macy says she could n't but wonder what the end was goin'

to be when, toward midnight, Hiram just lost patience 'n' dodged out under her arm 'n' ran up the ladder to the roof-room 'n' they could n't get him to come down again. She says when Gran'ma Mullins realized as he would n't come down she most went mad over the notion of her only son's spendin' the Christmas Eve to his own weddin' sleepin' on the floor o'

the attic 'n' she wanted to poke the cot up to him, but Mrs. Macy says she drew the line at cot-pokin' when the cot was all she 'd have to sleep on herself, 'n' in the end they poked quilts up, 'n' pillows, 'n'

doughnuts 'n' cider 'n' blankets, 'n' Hiram made a very good bed on the floor 'n' they all got to sleep about three o'clock.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think? What _do_ you think? They was so awful tired that none of 'em woke till Mrs. Sperrit come at eleven next day to take 'em to the weddin'! Mrs. Macy says she hopes she 'll be put forward all her back-slidin's if she ever gets such a start again. She says when she peeked out between the blinds 'n' see Mrs. Sperrit's Sunday bonnet 'n' realized her own state she nearly had a fit. Mrs.

Sperrit had to come in 'n' be explained to, 'n' the worst of it was as Hiram could n't be woke no-how. He 'd pulled the ladder up after him 'n'

put the lid on the hole so 's to feel safe, 'n' there he was snug as a bug in a rug 'n' where no human bein' could get at him. They hollered 'n' banged doors 'n' sharpened the carvin' knife an' poured grease on the stove 'n' did anything they could think of, but he never budged.

Mrs. Macy says she never was so close to beside herself in all her life before, for Gran'ma Mullins cried worse 'n ever each minute, 'n' Hiram seemed like the very dead could n't wake him.

"They was all hoppin' around half crazy when Mr. Sperrit come along on his way to the weddin' 'n' his wife run out 'n' told him what was the matter 'n' he come right in 'n' looked up at the matter. It did n't take long for _him_ to unsettle Hiram, Mrs. Macy says. He got a sulphur candle 'n' tied it to a stick 'n' h'isted the lid with another stick, 'n' in less 'n two minutes they could all hear Hiram sneezin' an' comin'

to. 'N' Mrs. Macy says when they hollered what time it was she wishes the whole town might have been there to see Hiram Mullins come down to earth. Mr. Sperrit did n't hardly have time to get out o' the way 'n' he did n't give his mother no show for one single grab,--he just bounced into his room 'n' you could have heard him gettin' dressed on the far side o' the far bridge.

"O' course, us at Lucy's did n't know anythin' a _tall_ about Mrs.

Macy's troubles. We had our own, Heaven help us, 'n' they was enough, for the very first thing of all Mr. Dill caught his pocket on the corner of Mrs. Dill 'n' come within a ace of pullin' her off her easel. That would have been a pretty beginnin' to Lucy's weddin' day if her father had smashed her mother's gla.s.s to bits, I guess, but it could n't have made Lucy any worse; for I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I never see no one in all my born life act foolisher than Lucy Dill this day. First she 'd laugh 'n' then she 'd cry 'n' then she 'd lose suthin' as we 'd _got_ to have to work with. 'N' when it come to dressin' her!--well, if she 'd known as Hiram was sleepin' a sleep as next to knowed no wakin' she could n't have put on more things wrong side out an' hind side before!

She was n't dressed till most every one was there 'n' I was gettin'

pretty anxious, for Hiram was n't there neither, 'n' the more fidgety people got the more they caught their corners on Mrs. Dill. I just saved her from Mr. Kimball, 'n' Amelia saw her goin' as a result o' Judge Fitch 'n' hardly had time for a jump. The minister himself was beginnin'

to cough when, all of a sudden, some one cried as the Sperrits was there.

"Well, we all squeezed to the window, 'n' such a sight you never saw.

They was gettin' Gran'ma Mullins out 'n' Hiram was tryin' to keep her from runnin' the color of his cravat all down his s.h.i.+rt while she was sobbin' 'Hi-i-i-i-ram, Hi-i-i-i-i-ram', in a voice as would wring your very heart dry. They got her out 'n' got her in an' got her upstairs, 'n' we all sat down 'n' begin to get ready while Amelia played 'Lead, Kindly Light' and 'The Joyous Farmer' alternate, 'cause she'd mislaid her Weddin' March.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you never knowed nothin' like it!--we waited, '_n_'

we waited, '_n_' we waited, 'n' the minister most coughed himself into consumption, 'n' Mrs. Dill got caught on so often that Mr. Kimball told Ed to stand back of her 'n' hold her to the easel every minute. Amelia was just beginning over again for the seventeenth time when at last we heard 'em b.u.mpin' along downstairs. Seems as all the delay come from Lucy's idea o' wantin' to walk with her father 'n' have a weddin'

procession, instid o' her 'n' Hiram comin' in together like Christians 'n' lettin' Mr. Dill hold Gran'ma Mullins up anywhere. Polly says she never see such a time as they had of it; she says fightin' wolves was layin' lambs beside the way they talked. Hiram said frank 'n' open as the reason he did n't want to walk in with his mother was he was sure she would n't let him out to get married, but Lucy was dead set on the procession idea. So in the end they done it so, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins's sobs fairly shook the house as they come through the dinin'-room door.

Lucy was first with her father 'n' they both had their heads turned backward lookin' at Hiram 'n' his mother.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, it was certainly a sight worth seein'! The way that Gran'ma Mullins was glued on! All I can say is as octopuses has got their backs turned in comparison to the way that Hiram seemed to be all wrapped up in her. It looked like wild horses, not to speak of Lucy Dill, would n't never be able to get him loose enough to marry him. The minister was scared; we was all scared. I never see a worse situation to be in.

"They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin' back, Mr. Dill white as a sheet, 'n' Hiram walkin' like a snow-plough as is n't sure how long it can keep on makin' it. It seemed like a month as they was under way before they finally got stopped in front o' the minister. 'N'

then come _the_ time! Hiram had to step beside Lucy 'n' take her hand 'n' he could n't! We all just gasped. There was Hiram tryin' to get loose 'n' Mr. Dill tryin' to help him. Gran'ma Mullins's tears dripped till you could hear 'em, but she hung on to Hiram like he 'd paid for it. They worked like Trojan beavers, but as fast as they 'd get one side of him uncovered she 'd take a fresh wind-round. I tell you, we all just held our breath, 'n' I bet Lucy was sorry she persisted in havin' a procession when she see the perspiration runnin' off her father 'n' poor Hiram.

"Finally Polly got frightened 'n' begun to cry, 'n' at that the deacon put his arm around her 'n' give her a hug, an' Gran'ma Mullins looked up just in time to see the arm 'n' the hug. It seemed like it was the last hay in the donkey, for she give a weak screech 'n' went right over on Mr. Dill. She had such a grip on Hiram that if it had n't been for Lucy he 'd have gone over, too, but Lucy just hung on herself that time, 'n'

Hiram was rescued without nothin' worse than his hair mussed 'n' one sleeve a little tore. Mr. Sperrit 'n' Mr. Jilkins carried Gran'ma Mullins into the dinin'-room, 'n' I said to just leave her fainted till after we 'd got Hiram well 'n' truly married; so they did.