Gammer Gurton's Needle Part 8

_Gammer._ Now, Jesus mercy, Hodge! did Diccon in him bring?

_Hodge._ Nay, gammer, hear me speak, chill tell you a greater thing.

The devil (when Diccon had him, ich heard him wondrous well) Said plainly here before us, that dame Chat had your nee'le.

_Gammer._ Then let us go, and ask her wherefore she minds to keep it; Seeing we know so much, 'twere a madness now to slip it.

_Hodge._ Go to her, gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doors?

Bid her give you the nee'le, 'tis none of hers but yours.

THE THIRD ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.

GAMMER, CHAT, HODGE.

_Gammer._ Dame Chat, ch'ould pray thee fair, let me have that is mine!

Chill not these twenty years take one fart that is thine; Therefore give me mine own, and let me live beside thee.

_Chat._ Why art thou crept from home hither, to mine own doors to chide me?

Hence, doating drab, avaunt, or I shall set thee further!

Intends thou and that knave me in my house to murther?

_Gammer._ Tush, gape not so on me, woman! shalt not yet eat me, Nor all the friends thou hast in this shall not entreat me!

Mine own goods I will have, and ask thee no by leave: What, woman! poor folks must have right, though the thing you aggrieve.

_Chat._ Give thee thy right, and hang thee up, with all thy beggar's brood!

What, wilt thou make me a thief, and say I stole thy good?

_Gammer._ Chill say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.

Thou set my good even from my door, cham able this to tell!

_Chat._ Did I, old witch, steal aught was thine? how should that thing be known?

_Gammer._ Ich cannot tell; but up thou tookest it as though it had been thine own.

_Chat._ Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart!

_Gammer._ Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, thou rig, with all that take thy part!

_Chat._ A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge!

_Gammer._ A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so large!

_Chat._ Come out, hog!

_Gammer._ Come out, hog, and let have me right!

_Chat._ Thou arrant witch!

_Gammer._ Thou bawdy b.i.t.c.h, chill make thee curse this night!

_Chat._ A bag and a wallet!

_Gammer._ A cart for a callet!

_Chat._ Why, weenest thou thus to prevail?

I hold thee a groat, I shall patch thy coat!

_Gammer._ Thou wert as good kiss my tail!

Thou s.l.u.t, thou cut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make thee hide thee?

_Chat._ Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glutton! I will no longer chide thee; But I will teach thee to keep home.

_Gammer._ Wilt thou, drunken beast?

[_They fight._

_Hodge._ Stick to her, gammer, take her by the head, chill warrant you this feast!

Smite, I say, gammer! Bite, I say, gammer! I trow ye will be keen!

Where be your nails? claw her by the jaws, pull me out both her eyen.

Gog's bones, gammer, hold up your head!

_Chat._ I trow, drab, I shall dress thee.

Tarry, thou knave, I hold thee a groat! I shall make these hands bless thee!

Take thou this, old wh.o.r.e, for amends, and learn thy tongue well to tame, And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!

_Hodge._ Where is the strong stewed wh.o.r.e? chill gi'r a wh.o.r.e's mark!

Stand out one's way, that ich kill none in the dark!

Up, gammer, and ye be alive! chill fight now for us both.

Come no near me, thou scald callet! to kill thee ich were loth.

_Chat._ Art here again, thou hoddypeke? what, Doll! bring me out my spit.

_Hodge._ Chill broach thee with this, by m'father's soul, chill conjure that foul spreet.

Let door stand. c.o.c.k! why com'st indeed? keep door, thou wh.o.r.eson boy!

_Chat_ [_to Doll_]. Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine ears, ise teach thee, a s.l.u.ttish toy!

_Hodge._ Gog's wounds, wh.o.r.e, chill make thee avaunt!

Take heed, c.o.c.k, pull in the latch!

_Chat._ I'faith, sir Loose-breech, had ye tarried, ye should have found your match!

_Gammer._ Now 'ware thy throat, losel, thou'se pay for all!

_Hodge._ Well said, gammer, by my soul.

Hoise her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull her throat-bole!