The Etiquette of To-day Part 9

Persons who have not been introduced are not considered acquainted.

The exceptions to this rule are the guests under a common roof, while they are there.

Introductions should never be indiscriminately made. There should be willingness, if not eagerness, on the part of both to meet. A hostess is, however, warranted in introducing two people who she knows will be congenial, or if they have before expressed a desire to become acquainted. If any doubt exists as to how the introduction will be received by either, they should not be introduced.

One should never introduce two acquaintances who reside in the same town but move in different social circles, unless each had desired the introduction.

If there is a difference of station or age, then it is necessary only to ask the older or more prominent person whether the introduction would be acceptable. This should be done quietly, and quite out of hearing or knowledge of the other person concerned.

A gentleman should ask a mutual friend for an introduction to a lady whom he wishes to meet. Unless there is no possible objection, the mutual friend should not introduce the gentleman until he has made sure that the lady is willing.

It is not well to introduce gentlemen to one another indiscriminately, nor should ladies be so introduced. One wishes to keep the boundaries of one's acquaintance within certain definite limits, and choice is easier made before acquaintance than after. So, one shows great care in offering introductions to others, and exercises the same care for one's self.

If a hostess and her guest are out walking together, the hostess would introduce to her guest every friend who happened to stop and speak with her, and the guest, should she meet acquaintances of her own, would introduce each of them to her hostess. This is practically the only case where indiscriminate introducing is good form, and here the obligations of hospitality safeguard it.

A lady usually offers her hand to a gentleman who has been introduced to her, but a bow, a smile, and a repet.i.tion of the name are all that is necessary where several introductions are being made, as at a large reception or dancing party.

A gentleman always offers his hand to another gentleman on being introduced.

An elderly lady may offer her hand in all introductions with perfect propriety.

If, while walking out with a friend, you meet another, do not introduce the two. A transient meeting is of no particular moment to them, and their friends.h.i.+p or acquaintance with you is not necessarily of strong enough interest to make them desire acquaintance. If, however, you meet at some public place, and are detained there together for several minutes, then the introduction should be given.

When meeting at the house of a mutual acquaintance, friends may introduce friends, but it is preferable to leave the introductions to the hostess.

It is no longer necessary to introduce each guest to everybody else at a party. Introductions are made as opportunity or necessity may dictate. This abolis.h.i.+ng of promiscuous and wholesale introductions relieves two very embarra.s.sing situations,--that of being introduced by announcement to a whole roomful of people, and that of being taken around and introduced to them singly.

A mother may present her son, or a sister her brother, or a wife her husband, if she so desires, without any question as to the propriety of it. A man should not, on the other hand, introduce another man to his wife, or a son or brother make a presentation of a man to his mother or sister, unless he knows that such acquaintance could not but be agreeable to the lady, and unless it meets with his own approval.

For it is a man's place always to safeguard a woman against undesirable acquaintances.

A woman, in introducing her husband, gives him his t.i.tle, if he has one, as "Judge Hartwell," "Doctor Foley." The wife of the President of the United States speaks of him only as "The President," and in presenting people to him, he is always addressed as "Mr. President,"

with the invariable omission of his surname.

A friend or acquaintance, no matter how distinguished, is always presented to one's father or mother or one's intimate relative, where the intimacy of the relation makes an honor more distinguis.h.i.+ng, in the mind of the introducer, than any of reputation or position.

A young man should be introduced to an older man, a young woman to an older woman.

A man is always presented to a woman, never the reverse.

If a lady is seated and a man is presented to her, she need not rise.

If two ladies, both seated, are introduced to each other, they should rise, unless one is old or an invalid, in which case both remain seated. Two gentlemen, though both are seated, rise and shake hands when introduced.

A young lady always rises when an elderly person is introduced.

Introductions are not made at table. The guests at a dinner party should be presented to one another in the drawing-room before coming to the table, and if that is impossible, as many should be introduced as may be, especially those who are to sit beside or near or opposite each other. If one is seated beside a guest whom he has not met, the man takes the initiative in speaking a few words as soon as he takes his seat, to which the lady responds always cordially, keeping up more or less of a conversation during the dinner.

At dancing parties all those who are giving the party, as well as all the ushers and those who receive, make introductions as general as possible, so as to insure the pleasure of the guests during the evening.

An introduction at a dance carries with it the obligation on the part of the man to ask the woman for a dance, and on her part to grant his request unless her card is full.

When traveling great care should be taken as to introductions.

As a guest one should be ready and willing to meet any one whom his host or hostess may introduce, even though it be an enemy. The obligations of hospitality rest nowhere more heavily than in this matter. They demand that impartial courtesy should be shown to every one.

_Calls_

Calls must be made in person, rather than by card left by messenger or post, after an invitation to dinner, luncheon, supper, or similar function, and that within a week or, at farthest, two weeks of the date of the affair. One should also call in person within two weeks of any entertainment to which one has been asked, especially if one has attended.

One need repay formal calls, where no invitation to any social occasion has been received, only once a year. Even in this case, cards may be sent by mail. In the country it is usual to go in person, though one does not ask if the lady of the house is at home.

Calls should be made upon the "At Home" day, if one is engraved upon the card. If a person is ill, a near relative, or intimate friend, may leave a card for her at the house of the friend upon whom she wished to call.

Society holds young people who are free to attend parties and entertainments under stern obligation to pay their social calls.

Young mothers, professional women, students, invalids, and semi-invalids are not expected to conform rigidly to the same rules.

If a young woman can go to a party to amuse herself, she must call afterwards to acknowledge the courtesy of the invitation.

If a mother cannot call in person, her daughter or some one else may pay the necessary calls in her stead. Or she may invite the people whom she would otherwise call on, to an afternoon tea, which is more of a compliment than a call.

In calling at a house, should the door be opened by a member of the family, the caller does not present her card to the lady or gentleman, but steps in, asking for the person whom she wants to see. She may leave her card un.o.btrusively on the table when she goes out.

If a maid opens the door, the card is handed to her and received on a small tray. No well-trained maid ever extends her hand to receive a visiting card.

If a caller wishes to be very formal, she leaves a card for every lady in the family on whom she wishes to call.

In the beginning of the season a wife always leaves her husband's card with her own, and she usually does this also when making a call at the close of the season.

An unmarried woman calling on a married friend leaves only one card.

If the friend has daughters or is entertaining a guest, a card may be left for each.

A lady always rises to receive a visitor.

It takes good judgment to know when to go, but it should be cultivated and practised. Lingering in taking one's leave is a great weariness, to one's hostess if not to one's self.

After a birth calls are made upon the mother after the child is a month old.

After a death the friends of the family should call in person inside of a month. The members of the family do not receive them, however, unless they wish to do so.

_Social Calls of Men_

A man never carries or leaves the cards of other men, nor can he leave cards for any of the women of his family.

A gentleman who calls on a lady's afternoon at home leaves in the card tray, on entering the house, a card for his hostess and one for his host. The card for his host must be left, even if that gentleman does not appear in the drawing-room, provided the caller is acquainted with him, and providing he is calling in acknowledgment of some hospitality recently received.

If there is a host, hostess, and young lady daughter in the house, and the caller is a friend of the latter, he leaves three cards.

The man who is making his first or last call for the season on the regular afternoon at home, leaves one card for each of the ladies, and each one of the men of the household whose acquaintance he can claim.

When a man calls on a lady's day at home, and his call has no reference to any social debts, he leaves only one card in the tray. If he is somewhat intimate in the house where the call is paid, he leaves no card at all.