The Etiquette of To-day Part 10

A man does not call upon a woman unless she invites him, or some member of her family does, or he goes with a mutual friend who has made sure of his welcome. A woman may say to a man, "Mother and I are usually at home Fridays, and would like to have you call," or some other form of invitation which denotes cordiality.

A man who desires to call in particular upon one lady, in a family where there are several, hands his card to the servant with the words, "Please give this to Miss Curley, and I would like to see all the other ladies also." The ladies appear and greet him, withdrawing that he may call upon the one he especially wished to see.

If calling upon a guest in a home, you always ask for the hostess also.

A man retains his hat, gloves, and walking stick in hand during a formal call, though he may have left his overcoat in the hall.

_First Calls_

In America it is the usual custom for residents of the city or town to call first upon newcomers. Was.h.i.+ngton is a well-known exception to this rule, as strangers there call first upon government officials and their families. In most European cities newcomers call first upon those already in residence. The residents, from the officials down, return their cards, and the visitor or newcomer receives invitations to social functions.

In practice the resident does not usually know anything about the stranger, and may not have even heard of her arrival. Sometimes the newcomer sends out cards for several days in a month, to those with whom she would like to become acquainted. If she can enclose the card of a mutual friend, as a silent voucher for her social standing, her position is more quickly and more surely granted her.

Clergymen and their families, brides, and persons of note are ent.i.tled to receive first calls. The older residents of the community are expected to lead in the list of callers who welcome the newcomers.

First calls should be promptly returned, within a week at the very latest.

A married woman making a first call upon a married friend sends one of her own and two of her husband's cards to her new acquaintance.

CHAPTER VI

THE PERSONAL CARD AND THE ENGRAVED INVITATION

_Form of Card_

A MAN'S card is usually one and a half by three inches in size, and made of fairly stiff bristol board. A woman's card is usually about two and three-sixteenths by three inches, and made of dull-finish, fine, medium-weight bristol board.

The color of cards is a fine pearl white. Cream or tinted cards are never in good form.

The engraving varies from plain script to elaborate Old English text, or shaded Roman type, according to the fas.h.i.+on. The engraver may be trusted to know the style and stock most in use.

The card of an unmarried lady should be somewhat smaller than that of the married. This distinction is made, however, only in case of the card of the debutante.

_Inscription_

If there is room across the card the full name should be engraved. If the names are too long, only the initials of given names should be used.

All inscriptions on one card should be in the same style of type.

"Mr." is prefixed, unless there is a special t.i.tle, such as, "Reverend," "Doctor," "Colonel," etc. If a man should, in an emergency, write his own name on a card, he would not prefix the "Mr.," or any other t.i.tle. The name should be written in full and should be an autograph.

A married lady should have her husband's full name, or such form or parts of it as he uses, with the t.i.tle "Mrs.," and not her own name.

A young woman has the t.i.tle "Miss" engraved before her name, even though she be only a schoolgirl.

A young man has no t.i.tle at all on his card, but simply his full name.

The newly married couple use a card with the t.i.tle of "Mr. and Mrs."

for the first year after marriage, in returning their ceremonious calls after the wedding, and paying formal calls when the husband is unable to accompany the wife. These cards should have the address in the lower right-hand corner, and the reception day or days in the lower left. After the first year they are seldom used in paying calls, but can be used for condolence, congratulation, or farewell where both husband and wife desire to be formally represented.

A woman who is personally distinguished, who occupies a high social position, or whose husband stands at the head of his family, may have only "Mrs. Barnaby," not "Mrs. John Barnaby," upon her cards. It is better, however, not to do so unless one has the indisputable right to be considered as _the_ Mrs. Barnaby of the locality. It is customary for the wife of the oldest brother of the oldest branch of the family alone to have the privilege of this form.

The same rule of precedence applies to single women. The oldest unmarried daughter of the oldest brother, and she alone, has the right to use "Miss Campbell" on her card, although she may have a cousin who is much older than herself, but who is the daughter of a younger brother of the same family.

A widow has no cards during her year of mourning, as she makes no formal visits. After that, cards with black border to any depth desired may be used.

A widow has no legal right to retain her husband's Christian name, but she often prefers to do so, and it is entirely proper, the question being one of sentiment alone. In case there is a married son of the same name as the father, then it is proper for the mother to put "Sr."

for Senior, at the end of her name, should she desire still to retain her husband's Christian name.

In such a case widows occasionally prefer to use their own names or initials.

In this country a married woman merges her name with that of her husband. It is not uncommon nowadays for married women to sign their own Christian name, their maiden surname, and their husband's surname as their signature. There is value in this as it preserves the family ident.i.ty of the married woman, but the question of its legality may always be raised.

The name of daughter or daughters is often engraved below that of the mother on her card, before the young woman enters formally into society. The form "The Misses Smith" may be used, or the names given separately. In New York in some circles the debutante is not given a separate card until she has been in society a year. As American schoolgirls often have a card with the prefix "Miss," the debutante may use this among her girl friends.

To write anything on an engraved card except "Condolences,"

"Congratulations," "_P. p. c._," is not considered good style, although a lady may use her visiting card with "Five o'clock tea,"

"Music," or a special date written upon it as an informal invitation to a musical or "At Home."

A business or professional woman may have, in addition to her society card, a card with her own name for business purposes. This usually has a word or two denoting her profession in the lower left-hand corner, and her business address in the lower right.

A lady's card should always contain her home address in the lower right-hand corner. Her afternoon "At Home" is usually given in the lower left.

The address is often omitted from cards for men, being engraved on those of the women of the family. Men belonging to a fas.h.i.+onable or well-known club put its name, instead of their residence, on their cards. This is especially the case when they do not live at home. If living at a club, the address is put on the lower left-hand corner; if living at home, the lower right-hand corner.

On a man's business cards the t.i.tle "Mr." is omitted, the name of his firm, their business, and address, being engraved in the lower left-hand corner.

_t.i.tles_

t.i.tles which signify permanent rank, or profession that lasts for life, and which are allied to a man's ident.i.ty or distinctly bear upon his social standing, should be used.

Temporary t.i.tles, which have no special social rank or bearing, or professional t.i.tles, such as "Esquire" for lawyers, which have no social significance, are not used.

For the same reason that temporary or technical t.i.tles are not used, honorary t.i.tles are omitted. There should be no pretense in regard to social position, as pretense is easy and futile. A man appears in society simply as an ordinary individual, to win favor and position by force of his personality, or to lose it thereby.

An army or a naval officer, a physician, a judge, or a clergyman may use his t.i.tle on his card, as, for instance, "Captain James Smith,"

"Judge Henry Gray," "Rev. Thomas Jones, D. D." The card of an a.s.sociate Justice of the United States Supreme Court at Was.h.i.+ngton reads "Mr. Justice Holmes." Military or complimentary t.i.tles are not used, nor are coats of arms. In this republican country it is considered an affectation and bad taste so to make use of them.

Political and judicial t.i.tles are also omitted, as are academic t.i.tles, such as Chancellor, Dean, and Professor.

No t.i.tle below the rank of Captain is used on the card in military circles. A lieutenant's card would give his full name with the prefix "Mr." and below it the words, "Lieutenant of Fifth Cavalry, United States Army," or simply, "United States Coast Guard Service."