Searchlights on Health: Light on Dark Corners Part 28

10. "WHAT IS IT, THEN, THAT USUALLY CAUSES distress to many women, whether a bride or a long-time wife?" The answer is, Simply those conditions of the organs in which they are not properly prepared, by antic.i.p.ation and desire, to receive a foreign body. The modest one craves only refined and platonic love at first, and if husbands, new and old, would only realize this plain truth, wife-torturing would cease and the happiness of each one of all human pairs vastly increase. {204}

11. THE CONDITIONS OF THE FEMALE organs depend upon the state of the mind just as much as in the case of the husband. The male, however, being more sensual, is more quickly roused. She is far less often or early ready. In its unexcited state the v.a.g.i.n.a is lax, its walls are closed together, and their surfaces covered by but little lubricating secretion. The chaster one of the pair has no desire that this sacred vestibule to the great arcana of procreation shall be immediately and roughly invaded. This, then, is the time for all approaches by the husband to be of the most delicate, considerate, and refined description possible. The quietest and softest demeanor, with gentle and re-a.s.suring words, are all that should be attempted at first. The wedding day has probably been one of fatigue, and it is foolish to go farther.

12. FOR MORE THAN ONE NIGHT it will be wise, indeed, if the wife's confidence shall be as much wooed and won by patient, delicate, and prolonged courting, as before the marriage engagement. How long should this period of waiting be can only be decided by the circ.u.mstances of any case.

The bride will ultimately deny no favor which is sought with full deference to her modesty, and in connection with which b.e.s.t.i.a.lity is not exhibited.

Her nature is that of delicacy; her affection is of a refined character; if the love and conduct offered to her are a careful effort to adapt roughness and strength to her refinement and weakness, her admiration and responsive love will be excited to the utmost.

13. WHEN THAT MOMENT ARRIVES when the bride finds she can repose perfect confidence in the kindness of her husband, that his love is not purely animal, and that no violence will be attempted, the power of her affection for him will surely a.s.sert itself; the mind will act on those organs which nature has endowed to fulfil the law of her being, the walls of the v.a.g.i.n.a will expand, and the glands at the entrance will be fully lubricated by a secretion of mucous which renders congress a matter of comparative ease.

14. WHEN THIS RESPONSIVE ENLARGEMENT and lubrication are fully realized, it is made plain why the haste and force so common to first and subsequent coition is, as it has been justly called, nothing but "legalized rape."

Young husband! Prove your manhood, not by yielding to unbridled l.u.s.t and cruelty, but by the exhibition of true power in _self-control_ and patience with the helpless being confided to your care! Prolong the delightful season of courting into and _through_ wedded life, and rich shall be your reward. {205}

15. A WANT OF DESIRE may often prevail, and may be caused by loss of sleep, study, constant thought, mental disturbance, anxiety, self-abuse, excessive use of tobacco or alcoholic drink, etc. Overwork may cause debility; a man may not have an erection for months, yet it may not be a sign of debility, s.e.xual lethargy or impotence. Get the mind and the physical const.i.tution in proper condition, and most all these difficulties will disappear. Good athletic exercise by walking, riding, or playing croquet, or any other amus.e.m.e.nt, will greatly improve the condition. A good rest, however, will be necessary to fully restore the mind and the body, then the natural condition of the s.e.xual organs will be resumed.

16. HAVING TWINS.--Having twins is undoubtedly hereditary and descends from generation to generation, and persons who have twins are generally those who have great s.e.xual vigor. It is generally the result of a second cohabitation immediately following the first, but some parents have twins who cohabit but once during several days.

17. PROPER INTERCOURSE.--The right relation of a newly-married couple will rather increase than diminish love. To thus offer up the maiden on the altar of love and affection only swells her flood of joy and bliss; whereas, on the other hand, sensuality humbles, debases, pollutes, and never elevates. Young husbands should wait for an _invitation to the banquet_, and they will be amply paid by the very pleasure sought.

Invitation or permission delights, and possession by force degrades. The right-minded bridegroom will postpone the exercise of his nuptial rights for a few days, and allow his young wife to become rested from the preparation and fatigue of the wedding, and become accustomed to the changes in her new relations of life.

18. RIGHTLY BEGINNING s.e.xUAL LIFE.--Intercourse promotes all the functions of the body and mind, but rampant l.u.s.t and s.e.xual abuses soon destroy the natural pleasures of intercourse, and unhappiness will be the result.

Remember that _intercourse_ should not become the polluted purpose of marriage. To be sure, rational enjoyment benefits and stimulates love, but the pleasure of each other's society, standing together on all questions of mutual benefit, working hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder in the battle of life, raising a family of beautiful children, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, are the things that bring to every couple the best, purest, and n.o.blest enjoyment that G.o.d has bestowed upon man. {206}

[Ill.u.s.tration: A TURKISH HAREM.]

s.e.xual Proprieties and Improprieties.

1. To have offspring is not to be regarded as a luxury, but as a great primary necessity of health and happiness, of which every fully-developed man and woman should have a fair share, while it cannot be denied that the ignorance of the necessity of s.e.xual intercourse to the health and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral philosophy.

2. In a state of pure nature, where man would have his s.e.xual instincts under full and natural restraint, there would be little, if any, licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural desire, and not the accidents of l.u.s.t.

3. This is an age of sensuality; unnatural pa.s.sions are cultivated and indulged. Young people in the course of their engagement often sow the seed of serious excesses. This habit of embracing, sitting on the lover's lap, leaning on his breast, long and uninterrupted periods of secluded companions.h.i.+p, have become so common that it is amazing how a young lady can safely arrive at the wedding day. While this conduct may safely terminate with the wedding day, yet it cultivates the tendency which often results in excessive indulgencies after the honey-moon is over.

4. SEPARATE BEDS.--Many writers have vigorously championed as a reform the practice of separate beds for husband and wife. While we would not recommend such separation, it is no doubt very much better for both husband and wife, in case the wife is pregnant. Where people are reasonably temperate, no such ordinary precautions as {207} separate sleeping places may be necessary. But in case of pregnancy it will add rest to the mother and add vigor to the unborn child. Sleeping together, however, is natural and cultivates true affection, and it is physiologically true that in very cold weather life is prolonged by husband and wife sleeping together.

5. THE AUTHORITY OF THE WIFE.--Let the wife judge whether she desires a separate couch or not. She has the superior right to control her own person. In such diseases as consumption, or other severe or lingering diseases, separate beds should always be insisted upon.

6. THE TIME FOR INDULGENCE.--The health of the generative functions depends upon exercise, just the same as any other vital organ. Intercourse should be absolutely avoided just before or after meals, or just after mental excitement or physical exercise. No wife should indulge her husband when he is under the influence of alcoholic stimulants, for idiocy and other serious maladies are liable to be visited upon the offspring.

7. RESTRAINT DURING PREGNANCY.--There is no question but what moderate indulgence during the first few months of pregnancy does not result in serious harm; but people who excessively satisfy their ill-governed pa.s.sions are liable to pay a serious penalty.

8. MISCARRIAGE.--If a woman is liable to abortion or miscarriage, absolute abstinence is the only remedy. No s.e.xual indulgence during pregnancy can be safely tolerated.

9. It is better for people not to marry until they are of proper age. It is a physiological fact that men seldom reach the full maturity of their virile power before the age of twenty-five, and the female rarely attains the full vigor of her s.e.xual powers before the age of twenty.

10. ILLICIT PLEASURES.--The indulgence of illicit pleasures, says Dr. S.

Pancoast, sooner or later is sure to entail the most loathsome diseases on their votaries. Among these diseases are Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Spermatorrhoea (waste of s.e.m.e.n by daily and nightly involuntary emissions), Satyriasis (a species of s.e.xual madness, or a s.e.xual diabolism, causing men to commit rape and other beastly acts and outrages, not only on women and children, but men and animals, as sodomy, pederasty, etc.), Nymphomania (causing women to a.s.sail every man they meet, and supplicate and excite him to gratify their l.u.s.tful pa.s.sions, or who resort to means of s.e.xual pollutions, which is impossible to describe without shuddering), together with spinal diseases and many disorders of the most distressing and disgusting character, {208} filling the bones with rottenness, and eating away the flesh by gangrenous ulcers, until the patient dies, a horrible ma.s.s of putridity and corruption.

11. SENSUALITY.--Sensuality is not love, but an unbridled desire which kills the soul. Sensuality will drive away the roses in the cheeks of womanhood, undermine health and produce a brazen countenance that can be read by all men. The harlot may commit her sins in the dark, but her countenance reveals her character and her immorality is an open secret.

12. s.e.xUAL TEMPERANCE.--All excesses and absurdities of every kind should be carefully avoided. Many of the female disorders which often revenge themselves in the cessation of all s.e.xual pleasure are largely due to the excessive practice of s.e.xual indulgence.

13. FREQUENCY.--Some writers claim that intercourse should never occur except for the purpose of childbearing; but such restraint is not natural and consequently not conducive to health. There are many conditions in which the health of the mother and offspring must be respected. It is now held that it is nearer a crime than a virtue to prost.i.tute woman to the degradation of breeding animals by compelling her to bring into life more offspring than can be born healthy, or be properly cared for and educated.

14. In this work we shall attempt to specify no rule, but simply give advice as to the health and happiness of both man and wife. A man should not gratify his own desires at the expense of his wife's health, comfort or inclination. Many men no doubt hara.s.s their wives and force many burdens upon their slender const.i.tutions. But it is a great sin and no true husband will demand unreasonable recognition. The wife when physically able, however, should bear with her husband. Man is naturally sensitive on this subject, and it takes but little to alienate his affections and bring discord into the family.

15. The best writers lay down the rule for the government of the marriage-bed, that s.e.xual indulgence should only occur about once in a week or ten days, and this of course applies only to those who enjoy a fair degree of health. But it is a hygienic and physiological fact that those who indulge only once a month receive a far greater degree of the intensity of enjoyment than those who indulge their pa.s.sions more frequently. Much pleasure is lost by excesses where much might be gained by temperance, giving rest to the organs for the acc.u.mulation of nervous force. {209}

[Ill.u.s.tration]

How to Perpetuate the Honey-Moon.

1. CONTINUE YOUR COURTs.h.i.+P.--Like causes produce like effects.

2. NEGLECT OF YOUR COMPANION.--Do not a.s.sume a right to neglect your companion more after marriage than you did before.

3. SECRETS.--Have no secrets that you keep from your companion. A third party is always disturbing.

4. AVOID THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL.--In matrimonial matters it is often that the mere appearance contains all the evil. Love, as soon as it rises above calculation and becomes love, is exacting. It gives all, and demands all.

5. ONCE MARRIED, NEVER OPEN YOUR MIND TO ANY CHANGE.--If you keep the door of your purpose closed, evil or even desirable changes cannot make headway without help.

6. KEEP STEP IN MENTAL DEVELOPMENT.--A tree that grows for forty years may take all the sunlight from a tree that stops growing at twenty.

7. KEEP A LIVELY INTEREST IN THE BUSINESS OF THE HOME.--Two that do not pull together are weaker than either alone.

8. GAUGE YOUR EXPENSES BY YOUR REVENUES.--Love must eat. The sheriff often levies on Cupid long before he takes away the old furniture.

9. START FROM WHERE YOUR PARENTS STARTED RATHER THAN FROM WHERE THEY NOW ARE.--Hollow and showy boarding often furnishes the too strong temptation, while the quietness of a humble home would cement the hearts beyond risk.

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10. AVOID DEBT.--Spend your own money, but earn it first, then it will not be necessary to blame any one for spending other people's.

11. DO NOT BOTH GET ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME.--Remember, it takes two to quarrel.

12. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF EVER TO COME TO AN OPEN RUPTURE.--Things unsaid need less repentance.

13. STUDY TO CONFORM YOUR TASTES AND HABITS TO THE TASTES AND HABITS OF YOUR COMPANION.--If two walk together, they must agree.

How to Be a Good Wife.

1. REVERENCE YOUR HUSBAND.--He sustains by G.o.d's order a position of dignity as head of a family, head of the woman. Any breaking down of this order indicates a mistake in the union, or a digression from duty.

2. LOVE HIM.--A wife loves as naturally as the sun s.h.i.+nes. Love is your best weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same means.

3. DO NOT CONCEAL YOUR LOVE FROM HIM.--If he is crowded with care, and too busy to seem to heed your love, you need to give all the greater attention to securing his knowledge of your love. If you intermit he will settle down into a hard, cold life with increased rapidity. Your example will keep the light on his conviction. The more he neglects the fire on the hearth, the more carefully must you feed and guard it. It must not be allowed to go out. Once out you must sit ever in darkness and in the cold.