Searchlights on Health: Light on Dark Corners Part 27

3. THE ANSWER.--If the beloved one's heart is touched, and she is in sympathy with the lover, the answer should be frankly and unequivocally given. If the negative answer is necessary, it should be done in the kindest and most sympathetic language, yet definite, positive and to the point, and the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit and continue friendly but not familiar.

4. SAYING "NO" FOR "YES."--If girls are foolish enough to say "No" when they mean "Yes," they must suffer the consequences which often follow. A man of intelligence and self-respect will not ask a lady twice. It is begging for recognition and lowers his dignity, should he do so. A lady is supposed to know her heart sufficiently to consider the question to her satisfaction before giving an answer.

5. CONFUSION OF WORDS AND MISUNDERSTANDING.--Sometimes a man's happiness, has depended on his manner of popping the question. Many a time the girl has said "No" because the question was so worded that the affirmative did not come from the mouth naturally; and two lives that gravitated toward each other with all their inward force have been thrown suddenly apart, because the electric keys were not carefully touched.

6. SCRIPTURAL DECLARATION.--The church is not the proper place to conduct a courts.h.i.+p, yet the following is suggestive and ingenious.

A young gentleman, familiar with the Scriptures, happening to sit in a pew adjoining a young lady for whom he conceived a violent attachment, made his proposal in this way: He politely handed his neighbor a Bible open, with a pin stuck in the following text: Second Epistle of John, verse 5:

"And I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that we had from the beginning, that we love one another."

[Ill.u.s.tration: SEALING THE ENGAGEMENT.

From the Most Celebrated Painting in the German Department at the World's Fair.]

She returned it, pointing to the second chapter of Ruth, verse 10: "Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him.

Why have I found grace in {197} thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?"

He returned the book, pointing to the 13th verse of the Third Epistle of John: "Having many things to write unto you, I would not write to you with paper and ink, but trust to come unto you and speak face to face, that your joy may be full."

From the above interview a marriage took place the ensuing month in the same church.

7. HOW JENNY WAS WON.

On a sunny Summer morning, Early as the dew was dry, Up the hill I went a berrying; Need I tell you--tell you why?

Farmer Davis had a daughter, And it happened that I knew, On each sunny morning, Jenny Up the hill went berrying too.

Lonely work is picking berries, So I joined her on the hill: "Jenny, dear," said I, "your basket's Quite too large for one to fill."

So we stayed--we two--to fill it, Jenny talking--I was still.-- Leading where the hill was steepest, Picking berries up the hill.

"This is up-hill work," said Jenny; "So is life," said I; "shall we Climb it each alone, or, Jenny, Will you come and climb with me?"

Redder than the blus.h.i.+ng berries Jenny's cheek a moment grew, While without delay she answered, "I will come and climb with you."

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8. A ROMANTIC WAY FOR PROPOSING.--In Peru they have a romantic way of popping the question. The suitor appears on the appointed evening, with a gaily dressed troubadour, under the balcony of his beloved. The singer steps before her flower-bedecked window, and sings her beauties in the name of her lover. He compares her size to that of a pear-tree, her lips to two blus.h.i.+ng rose-buds, and her womanly form to that of a dove. With a.s.sumed harshness the lady asks her lover: "Who are you, and what do you want?" He answers with ardent confidence: "Thy love I do adore, The stars live in the harmony of love, and why should not we, too, love each other?" Then the proud beauty gives herself away: she takes her flower-wreath from her hair and throws it down to her lover, promising to be his forever.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A PERUVIAN BEAUTY.]

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The Wedding.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE BRIDE.]

1. THE PROPER TIME.--Much has been printed in various volumes regarding the time of the year, the influence of the seasons, etc., as determining the proper time to set for the wedding day. Circ.u.mstances must govern these things. To be sure, it is best to avoid extremes of heat and cold. Very hot weather is debilitating, and below zero is uncomfortable.

2. THE LADY SHOULD SELECT THE DAY.--There is one element in the time that is of great importance, physically, especially to the lady. It is the day of the month, and it is hoped that every lady who contemplates marriage is informed upon the great facts of ovulation. By reading page {200} 245 she will understand that it is to her advantage to select a wedding day about fifteen or eighteen days after the close of menstruation in the month chosen, since it is not best that the first child should be conceived during the excitement or irritation of first attempts at congress; besides modest brides naturally do not wish to become large with child before the season of congratulation and visiting on their return from the "wedding tour" is over.

Again, it is a.s.serted by many of the best writers on this subject, that the mental condition of either parent at the time of intercourse will be stamped upon the embryo; hence it is not only best, but wise, that the first-born should not be conceived until several months after marriage, when the husband and wife have nicely settled in their new home, and become calm in their experience of each other's society.

3. THE "BRIDAL TOUR" is considered by many newly-married couples as a necessary introduction to a life of connubial joy. There is, in our opinion, nothing in the custom to recommend it. After the excitement and overwork before and accompanying a wedding, the period immediately following should be one of _rest_.

Again, the money expended on the ceremony and a tour of the princ.i.p.al cities, etc., might, in most cases, be applied to a mult.i.tude of after-life comforts of far more lasting value and importance. To be sure, it is not pleasant for the bride, should she remain at home, to pa.s.s through the ordeal of criticism and vulgar comments of acquaintances and friends, and hence, to escape this, the young couple feel like getting away for a time.

Undoubtedly the best plan for the great majority, after this most eventful ceremony, is to enter their future home at once, and there to remain in comparative privacy until the novelty of the situation is worn off.

4. IF THE CONVENTIONAL TOUR is taken, the husband should remember that his bride cannot stand the same amount of tramping around and sight-seeing that he can. The female organs of generation are so easily affected by excessive exercise of the limbs which support them, that at this critical period it would be a foolish and costly experience to drag a lady hurriedly around the country on an extensive and protracted round of sight-seeing or visiting. Unless good common-sense is displayed in the manner of spending the "honey-moon," it will prove very untrue to its name. In many cases it lays the foundation for the wife's first and life-long "backache."

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Advice to Newly Married Couples.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE HONEY-MOON.]

1. "BE YE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY" is a Bible commandment which the children of men habitually obey. However they may disagree on other subjects, all are in accord on this; the barbarous, the civilized, the high, the low, the fierce, the gentle--all unite in the desire which finds its accomplishment in the reproduction of their kind. Who {202} shall quarrel with the Divinely implanted instinct, or declare it to be vulgar or unmentionable?

It is during the period of the honeymoon that the intensity of this desire, coupled with the greatest curiosity, is at its height, and the unbridled license often given the pa.s.sions at this time is attended with the most dangerous consequences.

2. CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE.--The first time that the husband and wife cohabit together after the ceremony has been performed is called the consummation of marriage. Many grave errors have been committed by people in this, when one or both of the contracting parties were not physically or s.e.xually in a condition to carry out the marriage relation. A marriage, however, is complete without this in the eyes of the law, as it is a maxim taken from the Roman civil statutes that consent, not cohabitation, is the binding element in the ceremony. Yet, in most States of the U.S., and in some other countries; marriage is legally declared void and of no effect where it is not possible to consummate the marriage relation. A divorce may be obtained provided the injured party begins the suit.

3. TEST OF VIRGINITY.--The consummation of marriage with a virgin is not necessarily attended with a flow of blood, and the absence of this sign is not the slightest presumption against her former chast.i.ty. The true test of virginity is modesty void of any disagreeable familiarity. A sincere Christian faith is one of the best recommendations.

4. LET EVERY MAN REMEMBER that the legal right of marriage does not carry with it the moral right to injure for life the loving companion he has chosen. Ignorance may be the cause, but every man before he marries should know something of the physiology and the laws of health, and we here give some information which is of very great importance to every newly-married man.

5. SENSUALITY.--l.u.s.t crucifies love. The young sensual husband is generally at fault. Pa.s.sion sways and the duty to bride and wife is nor thought of, and so a modest young wife is often actually forced and a.s.saulted by the unsympathetic haste of her husband. An amorous man in that way soon destroys his own love, and thus is laid the foundation for many difficulties that soon develop trouble and disturb the happiness of both.

6. ABUSE AFTER MARRIAGE.--Usually marriage is consummated within a day or two after the ceremony, but this is {203} gross injustice to the bride. In most cases she is nervous, timid, and exhausted by the duties of preparation for the wedding, and in no way in a condition, either in body or mind, for the vital change which the married relation bring upon her.

Many a young husband often lays the foundation of many diseases of the womb and of the nervous system in gratifying his unchecked pa.s.sions without a proper regard for his wife's exhausted condition.

7. THE FIRST CONJUGAL APPROACHES are usually painful to the new wife, and no enjoyment to her follows. Great caution and kindness should be exercised. A young couple rus.h.i.+ng together in their animal pa.s.sion soon produce a nervous and irritating condition which ere long brings apathy, indifference, if not dislike. True love and a high regard for each other will temper pa.s.sion into moderation.

8. WERE THE ABOVE INJUNCTIONS HEEDED fully and literally it would be folly to say more, but this would be omitting all account of the bridegroom's new position, the power of his pa.s.sion, and the timidity of the fair creature who is wondering what fate has in store for her trembling modesty. To be sure, there are some women who are possessed of more forward natures and stronger desires than others. In such cases there may be less trouble.

9. A COMMON ERROR.--The young husband may have read in some treatise on physiology that the hymen in a virgin is the great obstacle to be overcome.

He is apt to conclude that this is all, that some force will be needed to break it down, and that therefore an amount of urgency even to the degree of inflicting considerable pain is justifiable. This is usually wrong. It rarely const.i.tutes any obstruction, and, even when its rupturing may be necessary, it alone seldom causes suffering.

There are sometimes certain deformities of the v.a.g.i.n.a, but no woman should knowingly seek matrimonial relations when thus afflicted.

We quote from Dr. C. A. Huff the following: