Musa Pedestris - Three Centuries of Canting Songs and Slang Rhymes [1536 - 1896] Part 36

[From _Punch_, 31 Jan., p. 49. Being an Epistle from Toby Cracksman, in Newgate, to Bill Sykes].

I

Dear Bill, this stone-jug at which flats dare to rail, [1]

(From which till the next Central sittings I hail), Is still the same snug, free-and-easy old hole, Where Macheath met his blowens, and Wild floor'd his bowl [2]

In a ward with one's pals, not locked up in a cell, [3]

To an old hand like me it's a family hotel. [4]

II

In the dayrooms the cuffins we queers at our ease, [5]

And at Darkmans we run the rig just as we please, [6]

There's your peck and your lush, hot and reg'lar each day. [7]

All the same if you work, all the same if you play But the lark's when a goney up with us they shut [8]

As ain't up to our lurks, our flash patter, and s.m.u.t; [9]

III

But soon in his eye nothing green would remain, He knows what's o'clock when he comes out again.

And the next time he's quodded so downy and snug, [10]

He may thank us for making him fly to the jug. [11]

But here comes a cuffin--who cuts short my tale, It's agin rules is screevin' to pals out o' gaol. [12]

[The following postscript seems to have been added when the Warder had pa.s.sed.]

IV

For them coves in Guildhall, and that blessed Lord Mayor, Prigs on their four bones should chop whiners I swear: [13]

That long over Newgit their Wors.h.i.+ps may rule, As the high-toby, mob, crack and screeve model school: [14]

For if Guv'ment wos here, not the Alderman's Bench, Newgit soon 'ud be bad as 'the Pent,' or 'the Tench'. [15]

[1: prison]

[2: mistresses]

[3: friends]

[4: Notes]

[5: warders, bamboozle]

[6: night]

[7: meat and drink]

[8: greenhorn]

[9: tricks; talking slang; obscenity]

[10: imprisoned]

[11: up to prison ways]

[12: writing]

[13: on knees should pray]

[14: highwayman; swell-mobsmen; burglars, forgers]

[15: Notes]

THE LEARY MAN [Notes]

[1857]

[From _The Vulgar Tongue_, by DUCANGE ANGLICUS].

I

Of ups and downs I've felt the shocks Since days of bats and shuttlec.o.c.ks, And allc.u.mpaine and Albert-rocks, When I the world began; And for these games I often sigh Both marmoney and Spanish-fly, And flying kites, too, in the sky, For which I've often ran.

II

But by what I've seen, and where I've been, I've always found it so, That if you wish to learn to live Too much you cannot know.

For you must now be wide-awake, If a living you would make, So I'll advise what course to take To be a Leary Man.

II

Go first to costermongery, To every fakement get a-fly, [1]

And pick up all their slangery, But let this be your plan; Put up with no Kieboshery, [2]

But look well after poshery, [3]

And cut teetotal sloshery, [4]

And get drunk when you can.

IV

And when you go to spree about, Let it always be your pride To have a white tile on your n.o.b [5 ]

And bull-dog by your side Your fogle you must flashly tie [6]

Each word must patter flashery, [7]

And hit cove's head to smashery, To be a Leary Man.

V

To Covent Garden or Billingsgate You of a morn must not be late, But your donkey drive at a slas.h.i.+ng rate, And first be if you can.

From short pipe you must your bacca blow And if your donkey will not go, To lick him you must not be slow But well his hide must tan.

VI

The fakement conn'd by knowing rooks Must be well known to you, And if you come to fibbery, You must mug one or two.

Then go to St Giles's rookery, [8]

And live up some strange nookery, Of no use domestic cookery, To be a Leary Man.

VII

Then go to pigeon fancery And know each breed by quiz of eye, Bald-heads from skin-'ems by their fly, Go wrong you never can.

All fighting coves too you must know Ben Caunt as well as Bendigo, And to each mill be sure to go, And be one of the van.

VIII