Social Life Part 35

Waiters pa.s.s all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the left. Wine is pa.s.sed at the right. All dishes that are being pa.s.sed must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves without difficulty.

When there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table, the guests should never a.s.sist in the work by piling small dishes, etc., upon their plate. Simply place knife and fork upon the plate.

In pa.s.sing the plate for a second helping, remove knife and fork and hold easily by the handles. Never ask for a second helping of soup, or of anything at a course dinner. At an informal repast, where there is but one princ.i.p.al dish, it is proper to pa.s.s the plate for more. A second helping of fish chowder is allowable, but not of soup.

Food should be masticated quietly, and with the lips closed. Drink all liquids without the slightest sound.

Never b.u.t.ter bread that is to be eaten with soup. To do this is only less vulgar than to thicken the soup with the crumbs of bread. Simply eat the bit of bread with the soup. Take the soup that is brought you, even if you do not care for it, so as not to interrupt the order of the dinner by a refusal.

Disgusting Habits.

Lift cups by the handles, and winegla.s.ses by the stem, and do not tip them up, until almost reversed upon the face, in order to drain the last drop. It is not necessary, and really bad form to completely empty a winegla.s.s.

Never pick the teeth at the table. Such habits are well calculated to disgust sensitive people, and should be performed in private as much as any other portion of our daily toilet.

Never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee, tea or water; nothing can be more disagreeable.

Bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient for mouthfuls, as it is needed. Never b.u.t.ter a slice and cut with a knife; b.u.t.ter each piece as needed. b.u.t.ter should never be eaten in large quant.i.ties.

Cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers. Very rich, crumbly, or filled cake may be eaten with a fork; tarts also, unless they are of a nature to permit the use of the fingers, and pastry of all kinds, as well as puddings not too liquid in form.

m.u.f.fins can be eaten from the plate with a fork, or they can be torn apart, b.u.t.tered, and eaten while held in the fingers, like toasted bread. Hot gems can be torn apart and partaken of in the same way.

Never take one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another.

If any little accident should occur at table, do not apologize for it; let it pa.s.s without note, and it will be apt to escape observation. If there should be anything accidentally spilled upon the cloth, the waiter should quickly remove the traces, and spread a fresh napkin over the soiled spot.

Fruits.

Apples are pared with a silver knife at table, and eaten in small sections from the fingers. There is often much time devoted to paring fruit by holding it on a fork, not touching it with the fingers. This is unnecessary, unless when a gentleman is preparing the fruit for a lady, or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise.

Grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the mouth, while the fingers hold the skin which is then laid on one side the plate. This is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate. Bananas are peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork. Oranges are skinned, divided into sections, and eaten from the fingers, rejecting the seeds into the hand. Some prefer, however, to cut the end of the orange and eat the pulp with a spoon. Pineapple is the only fruit that must be eaten with a knife and fork.

Silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits, as steel becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a disagreeable flavor.

Green corn, in ear, is a stumbling-block, and perhaps one's best plan would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may be. In eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only. Some hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear.

If a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table, a delicate compliment upon its unusual excellence is always pleasing to the hostess.

EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The evening party may be as elaborate or as simple an affair as the hostess may desire. In its elaborate form it only differs from the ball in the one respect that dancing may, or may not, be introduced as a feature of the entertainment, while a ball is given for the express purpose of dancing, and is always so understood.

Invitations.

Invitations for an elaborate evening party are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance and are issued in the name of the hostess alone.

Husband and wife may be invited together, addressing the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe;" and daughters, if there are several, may be included in one invitation as "The Misses Doe." Sons, if there be more than one, receive separate invitations, though they can be included in one as "Messrs. Doe." But friends, even though sheltered by the same roof-tree, must receive separate invitations. To invite "The Misses Doe and Roe," or "Messrs. Brown and Green," or even "Mrs. Doe and Family," would be in bad form. To invite the husband to any entertainment where there are ladies without including the wife would be a direct insult. Invitations may be sent by post or carried by messengers. (For forms see Department of "Invitations, Formal and Informal.")

Society is so complex, and there is so much ground to cover in picking up its relations that many ladies are tempted to pay off all social debts at once by giving one great crush of an entertainment and inviting all those to whom they are socially indebted. To all these one is tempted to say, "Don't." The labor is less and the pleasure greater where two or more smaller entertainments are given at different times.

A hostess is at liberty to invite only those to whom she is socially indebted, and members of a large social circle from whom she has not received recent hospitalities must not feel hurt at being left out.

Where the family is large she may invite some members and not others, but should she courteously invite the entire group, it is a rule of society that never more than three members of the same family should accept an invitation to the same entertainment. Either accept or decline such invitations at once. (For proper forms see department of "Acceptances and Regrets.")

Receiving.

At a large evening party the arrangements for receiving guests, the dressing rooms, etc., and duties of the hostess in receiving, are the same as at a ball, and the supper served in the same fas.h.i.+on.

Ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment to their friends.h.i.+p. It is not their sole duty to stand beside the hostess for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each guest and then see no more of them that evening. When a lady issues invitations for a large evening gathering she usually decides to ask some intimate friends "to receive with her."

If she expressed what she really meant, and what she supposes her friends understand, she will say: "Will you come and help me in the actual entertaining of the guests, for I shall have only time to stand at the door and say, 'How do you do;' 'Good-by.'" But no, she phrases it conventionally: "Will you come and receive with me?" And so they come in a flock and do nothing but "receive."

Should Make Every One Happy.

A woman who is invited "to receive" should arrive at the hour of the invitation, not one minute before, unless for some especial reason she is requested to do so by her hostess. She should remove her wraps and quietly join her hostess in the rooms below, where, probably, she will have a cup of hot bouillon brought to her at once and maybe a gla.s.s of wine. For a half hour or so she should stand with the hostess and only take upon herself the task of greeting, but, as the rooms begin to fill, she should leave her place and go slowly about the rooms, not talking and visiting with friends, and having a good time herself, but pa.s.sing by the groups of gay and lively ones, who know every one and seek out the solitary and alone. To these is her especial mission, to make them known to some of her own intimates, whose friends.h.i.+p is so certain and so warm that it will stand this demand of introducing a stranger.

An acquaintance is not necessary for this giving of attention. A member of the receiving party may speak to any one in the room without even the form of introducing herself, although, if she sees after a few words that she is unknown she will bring her own name casually into the conversation, making no effort to do so. Any guest will feel flattered on being addressed by the ladies receiving.

Making Things Easy for the Hostess.

Another duty she owes is keeping her eyes on the hostess and seeing that she is never left alone for one single moment in her position by the door. One of the receiving party ought to be beside her constantly ready to execute any wish she may express, as, for instance, if she say: "I see Mrs. K. coming down the stairs; she is a perfect stranger; see that she meets a few--Mrs. Blank, especially." She will greet Mrs.

K., chat a second, and quietly draw her to one side continuing the conversation all the time. Then seeing somebody near she will say: "I want you to know Mrs. So-and-So; come over here and let me introduce you." Then she may leave Mrs. K. and look after some other awkward one near, and, after a few minutes, taking some one else up to where Mrs.

K. and Mrs. So-and-So still stand, make them known. If Mrs. So-and-So has a kind heart, by this time she will have made Mrs. K. acquainted with some one else. The lady receiving should keep an eye on Mrs. K., particularly if she seems to be afraid to move from one spot, as strangers sometimes are.

Meantime, another member of the receiving party notices that the hostess is alone, and she leaves her acts of mercy and returns to her post, ready to a.s.sist in any way. To have such a little group of friends transform themselves into willing slaves for the moment makes the art of entertaining no trouble or fatigue at all.

Think of the utter loneliness to the stranger of entering the drawing-room to be greeted by the hostess and handed down a long line of the receiving party and then left to "that bath of loneliness amidst the mult.i.tude," which has its terrors for us all. It is over such strays as this that the receiving party is supposed to have most careful oversight, since to the hostess comes small leisure for this duty.

Entertainment.

Before supper, cards, conversation, music are made use of to entertain the guests. When dancing is a feature, it does not begin until after supper, and while this amus.e.m.e.nt is in progress opportunity for conversation, games, etc., should be provided in other rooms for those who do not dance. Rules for going out to supper at a large party are the same as those at a ball.

Duties of the Guests.

If music is one of the features, try and suit its character to the company. Do not play cla.s.sical music where it cannot possibly be appreciated, and, above all, attempt nothing that cannot be executed perfectly. In singing, let gentlemen remember that if it is an amusing song they are to render, it must be perfectly unexceptional in character. Ladies should bear in mind in singing that it is much better taste in large a.s.semblies to avoid the purely sentimental order of songs, which, with the large number of beautiful compositions at our disposal, is easily done.