Social Life Part 34

In partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid away from the person, lifted to the mouth, and the soup taken noiselessly from the side of the spoon. In thus lifting any liquids from the further side of the dish, or cup, there is time for any drop adhering to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips.

Only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted to take soup from the point of the spoon, always providing they can do so skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm. The gold or silver spoons for after-dinner coffee are very small, as befits the dainty cups of egg-sh.e.l.l china.

The Knife.

Properly, the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to a.s.sist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication.

Never, no, _never_, permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any occasion whatever. To do so is the height of ill-breeding.

Adam's Knives and Forks.

There are a number of things that the most fas.h.i.+onable and well-bred people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers. They are: Olives, to which a fork should never be applied; asparagus, whether hot or cold, when served whole, as it should be; lettuce, which, when served in whole leaves, should be dipped in the dressing or in a little salt; celery, which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth beside the plate.

To these may be added strawberries, when served with the stems on, as they are in most elegant houses. Dip them in cream and then in sugar (sometimes sugar only is served), holding by the stem end and eating in one or more bites, according to size.

Bread, toast, and all tarts and small cakes; fruit of all kinds, except melons and preserves, which are eaten with a spoon; cheese, except the softer varieties; all these are eaten with the fingers, even by the most fastidious people. Even the leg, or other small piece of a bird is taken up daintily in the fingers of one hand at fas.h.i.+onable dinners.

Water cress is taken in the fingers. It is usually served upon a shallow dish or a basket, a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides.

Artichokes, also, are eaten with the fingers. Lump sugar may be taken with the fingers, if no tongs are provided. If a plate of hot, unbroken biscuit is pa.s.sed, one may be broken off with the fingers.

Napkin and Finger-Bowl.

Napkins vary in size, from the diminutive, fancy doily, for ornament rather than use, through all gradations, up to the largest sized dinner napkin. In using these do not spread over the entire lap, nor fasten under the chin bib-fas.h.i.+on, nor in the b.u.t.tonhole, and, if a man, do not tuck in the vest pockets. All these are fas.h.i.+ons which should have been outgrown in the nursery. Simply unfold and lay carelessly in the lap on one knee, use to wipe the lips lightly, or the finger tips when necessary.

Some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds, or skins, or anything unfit to swallow, from the lips into the napkin, by pressing it against the mouth, then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon the plate. All such careful observances tend to remove, as much as possible, from the modern repast, the prosaic, and unromantic ideas suggested by the idea of eating.

Finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed and before the fruit is served. They are usually placed before each individual on the fancy gla.s.s or china plate that is to be used for the fruit, a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate. Remove bowl and doily at once to the right hand side, leaving plate free for the fruit. This doily is frequently an elaborate article of fancy work, not for use but ornament. Hence, unless its place is taken by a fruit napkin or smaller napkin, as is sometimes done, pa.s.sed around before dessert, the dinner napkin is used.

Avoiding Fruit Stains.

Some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner napkins; hence, the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the beginning of dessert. This, however, c.u.mbers the dinner with much serving and is not to be recommended. If done, the smaller napkins are to be pa.s.sed around, and the large ones permitted to remain.

At the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded, but left lying loosely at the side of the plate. If a guest in the house, however, unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal, they should be folded and placed in the napkin ring.

The rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips, and the finger-tips wiped daintily upon them, but as "nice customs courtesy to great kings," so, to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant mustaches, a greater freedom is permitted in its use.

The finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water, and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the surface of each. The fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped in the water, rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any odor of food, and then dried upon the napkin.

Sometimes, after partaking of meats, one may dip a corner of the napkin in the finger-bowl, and, allowing it to drop back of the dry portion of the napkin, wipe the lips with it. A gentleman is permitted to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner.

Remember, always to exercise the greatest care not to have the operation a very visible one, as it is not particularly attractive to the onlooker.

A small gla.s.s of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center of the finger-bowl for this purpose. Lift it to the lips and sip slightly, being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a beverage, and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin.

While eating meats, etc., use the napkin before touching the lips to a gla.s.s, else the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle to one's neighbors.

General Table Etiquette.

In seating one's self at table, a.s.sume a comfortable position, neither so close as to be awkward, nor so far away as to endanger the clothing by dropping food in its pa.s.sage from table to lips. Sit upright, and do not bend over to take each mouthful of food.

If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair out from the table, and, when she is seated, a.s.sist her in putting it back in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office will be a.s.sumed by a waiter.

On being seated, remove the roll, or piece of bread, from the napkin (the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and about three inches long), unfold the napkin, lay it upon the knee, and quietly wait your turn to be served. Never handle, or play with, any articles on the table; it bespeaks ill-breeding. Never drum on the table with the fingers.

As soon as a bowl of soup, or a plate of oysters is offered you, begin, without any appearance of haste, to eat. This facilitates serving, as, by the time the last are served, the first will have finished their half-ladleful of soup (which is all that society allows) and the waiter may begin to remove the first course. The old custom of waiting until everyone was served before beginning is no long countenanced, since "soup is nothing, if not hot," and by waiting it is decidedly cooled.

Never, unless requested so to do, pa.s.s a plate on to a neighbor that has been handed to you. It is supposed that the carver knows what he intends for each guest. When dishes are pa.s.sed, help yourself as quickly as possible, and never insist upon some one having it first.

If a gentleman, you may help the lady next you from its contents, if she so desire.

Always take the food offered in a course. Quietly wait and talk while others eat, rather than call the attention of the table to your likes and dislikes, and disarrange the whole order of serving. If a gentleman, see that the lady you have brought down wants for nothing, and let the lady, on her side, take care not to entirely monopolize the attention of her escort.

How to Treat Waiters.

If, for any cause, the services of a waiter are desired, catch his eye quietly, and on his approach, state your own or the lady's wishes, in a low tone of voice. This same rule of conduct will apply to public places, where the knocking of spoons against cups, and other noisy attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly discouraged.

Never thank a servant for pa.s.sing any of the dishes or wines; that is his business; but for any personal service, such as picking up a fallen napkin, or replacing a dropped knife by another, it is proper to return a murmured "Thank you," not "Thanks."

A lady should never look up in a waiter's face while giving an order, refusing wine, or thanking him for any special service. This savors of familiarity, and should be avoided. A man, however, that is attentive will see that a lady has none of these things to do.

At table one may talk to one's neighbor on either side, or to those directly opposite, if the center decorations are not too high; but it is absolutely ill-bred to lean across an individual to converse with some one on the other side. Of course, at a small dinner, or at the family table, conversation is expected to be general. Never attempt to converse while the mouth is filled with food, and never _have_ the mouth filled with food; it is bad both for manners and digestion.

Decline any dish pa.s.sed that you do not wish with "Thank you, not any;" if by a waiter, "Not any," is sufficient. Do not enter into any explanations as to your tastes, nor the whys and wherefores of your refusal. That interests no one but yourself.

If wine is served, do not call the attention of everyone to the fact that you do not drink it. The table of a friend, to which you have had the honor of an invitation, is no place for a temperance lecture. Do not reverse the gla.s.s; it is a needlessly conspicuous act; simply motion the waiter away with your finger on the edge of the gla.s.s, or shake your head. Some, still more careful, allow a gla.s.s to be filled for them at first, and, by letting it stand untasted, show to the waiter that further offers are useless. If a lady does not wish more wine than remains in her gla.s.s, let her make a little motion of dissent when the waiter is about to replenish it, otherwise a good gla.s.s of wine is wasted. In drinking wine, lift the gla.s.s by the stem, instead of by the bowl. Young ladies, if they drink wine, had best content themselves with one gla.s.sful. "Rosebuds" should not indulge.

The latest dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at once and not sipped.

Sundry Rules and Hints.

Never display any hesitation in selecting food. If your host asks what part of a fowl you prefer, at once give your choice. To say you have none is an annoyance. Never tip the plate in order to dip up the last spoonful of soup. In partaking of soup, or imbibing any liquid, do so noiselessly. Be sure not to spread the elbows while using knife and fork. Keep them close to your side while cutting meats.

Never try to dispose of the last mouthful of soup, the last morsel of food. "It is not expected," says one writer, "that your plate should be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions." On no account cool any drink or soup with the breath. Never pour tea or coffee into the saucer to cool it. Never drink from the saucer; it is an unpardonable sin.

With salads small knifes and forks are often furnished, where the salad is served uncut with dressing. Again, the uncut leaves are taken in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing. The roll is to be eaten with the salad.

Individual salts are an American fas.h.i.+on. If used, it is proper to take salt from them with the knife, if they are the open salts. In the most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver _salieres_ with their accompanying salt spoons or shovels. Salt, thus taken, should be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate. The custom followed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the tablecloth is very annoying to the hostess, as giving her table a shabby look during the removal of courses. Salt is the only condiment placed upon the table at a dinner; the others are pa.s.sed with the course demanding their use. Neither is b.u.t.ter put upon the table at an elaborate dinner: the small square of bread or the roll furnished, are to be eaten without.

Use of Knife and Fork.

Peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand. Never use the other to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents.

Never cut up all the meat on your plate at once, in morsels fit for eating; to do so savors of the nursery. But, on the other hand, do not seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table. Be sure not to insert fork or spoon too far into the mouth. Never turn the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its contents.

Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this most disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be less danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, so as not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table.