Red, White, Blue Socks Part 5

"No, that's the guard house, Chadwick," said Harry, "where we put the refracti-rac-tic-tactories."

"Oh, is it? I go in for that!" shouted Will Costar, "whatever reract.i.tactories may be."

"You're on the wrong tack now, old chap," added Tom Pringle. "But only see what I've discovered! such a high old battery, boys! six bra.s.s cannon nearly as big as boot-jacks. Hurrah for the Dashahed Zouaves!"

and away scampered the boys to look at the guns, while Colonel Freddy, quite forgetting his dignity, fell to and executed a volunteer Jim Crow polka, and Peter sang the following ridiculous song, making up words as he went along:

"Ain't I glad I'm out in the wilderness, Out in the wilderness, Out in the wilderness, Ain't I glad I'm out in the wilderness, Down in Astori-_or_?

"Good-by, boys, I'm off for Dixie, Off for Dixie, Off for Dixie, Good-by, boys, I'm off for Dixie, And sha'n't come back no more!"

Meanwhile, Mr. Schermerhorn had been superintending certain arrangements for the provisioning of the camp, and presently a bugle call, sounded by one of the stable men, summoned the regiment to prepare for dinner.

Peter took a bucket and went to draw some water; George and Harry made a fire in the smoke house, which, after all the guesses, turned out to be intended for the regimental kitchen; Jimmy and Tom were initiated into the mysteries of frying ham and potatoes by the cook, and the rest set the table (for the soldiers considered it a point of honor that they should wait on themselves).

Amid high glee the table, consisting of a broad smooth plank placed upon horses, was laid with the tin cup and plates, the pewter forks and spoons, and horn-handled knives, which the boys carried in their knapsacks just like real soldiers, after which the table was further embellished by the remains of the rations they had brought with them, disposed around wherever they thought the dishes would have the best effect.

The grand feast of fried ham was ready at last, and the new cooks presented themselves and it at table, very hungry and happy. Mrs.

Mincemeat, the fat cook, had made the boys each put on one of her blue check ap.r.o.ns, tied under their chins, to save their uniforms; and when they appeared in this new array, their faces as red and s.h.i.+ning as a stick of sealing wax, there was a general shout of laughter.

"Well, my precious babies," cried one.

"Don't soil your new bibs, my tiddy-ikle duckies!" called another.

"There, don't tease them," said Freddy, the general peacemaker; "Come, fellows, let's have dinner; ham's good, I tell you!" and down they sat at table, in high, good humor.

Of course the cooking business was rather to amuse the boys than in earnest, for the fried ham formed only a small part of the abundant dinner set before the gallant Zouaves. There was lamb, and green peas, new potatoes, fresh tomatoes, custard pudding, and raspberries, all of which was p.r.o.nounced "fine," although Jimmy declared there never was any dish at Delmonico's to equal or surpa.s.s his fried ham, and the others fully concurred in this opinion.

As soon as the dinner was fairly under way, Mr. Schermerhorn rose from his place at the table, where he had been carving, and said, with a pleased smile on his face, "Now, my brave soldiers, I must take my leave. Have the goodness not to do double-quick over the flower beds, leave a dish or so of cherries in the orchard, and, whatever you do, don't tumble into the lake, and I shall be satisfied."

"Three cheers for Mr. Schermerhorn!" shouted Colonel Freddy. In an instant every fellow was on his feet, every cap was in the air, and a tremendous "Hurrah! hurrah! ti-ga-a-ah!" made the echoes around Camp McClellan wake up in a hurry, and poke their heads out of the hills to see where the cannonading was.

Of course, being boys, the regiment cleared the dishes in astonis.h.i.+ng style, and polished their plates so thoroughly that you would hardly have thought they wanted the grand was.h.i.+ng they had when dinner was over.

After stowing all the things away neatly in the smokehouse, and arranging their surplus luggage (which had been sent down the previous Sat.u.r.day), in the lockers, they all had a grand game at fox and geese, which lasted until Freddy, perfectly worn out with laughing and scampering about, exclaimed, "Come, fellows, do let's sit down and be quiet; I'm as tired as if I had walked from here to China."

"Yes, let's be _solemn_ a little while," said Peter. "In these _momentous_ times, we _army men_ ought to be thinking how to fix off the old secessionists and that sort of thing. I move we all sit down in a circle, and the first who laughs shall tell a story."

The boys thought this was a grand idea. So they found a nice place, just beneath the sheltering boughs of the locusts, and, putting the camp stools in a ring, they sat down, to see how solemn they could be. But it was no use; though they pinched up their mouths, and frowned, and did their best to look like a company of highly respectable owls, in two minutes they all burst out laughing, so nearly together that n.o.body could tell who had begun.

As soon as the broad faces had come back to their proper length, there was a general cry for a story; and as Peter had inst.i.tuted the new regulation, he undertook to carry it out; so, drawing a long breath to start with, he commenced:

"Once upon a time, there lived a family of bears in a thick wood.

Grumpy-growly, the father, was a jolly, cross old fellow--oh! I guess he was! and the little ones didn't dare so much as to snap at a fly without permission, when he was around.

"One day Grumpy-growly went out to take a walk, bidding the young ones to be very good while he was away; for he was a widower, poor fellow!

and had to see after his family himself.

"As soon as he was fairly gone, Longclawse, the eldest, said, 'Seems to me, brothers, we have stood this long enough. All the other cubs in the wood can run about as they please, and why should we be kept in this poky old cave? Suppose we try to get away the big log before the door?'

for this was what Grumpy-growly put up to keep them at home.

"'Good! I go in for that!' cried Bushyball, t.i.tehugge, and Stubtail, the other cubs.

"So first they tried to poke their noses under the log, but the plaguy old thing wouldn't stir. Then they turned their backs against it, and all kicked together with their hind legs, and presently away it went, to the great delight of the four bears, who didn't trouble themselves to put it back again, but just packed up their carpet bags, and cut stick, I tell you."

Here Peter opened his eyes and mouth very wide, and ran out his tongue for a moment to get an airing, a proceeding which he frequently repeated during the story. Then he went on:

"They had a jolly time climbing trees, rolling on the soft gra.s.s, and playing with the other bears they met; but at last t.i.tehugge and Stubtail, the youngest, declared they were too tired to go another step, and must take a little nap. Longclawse and Bushyball thought they would go off to see the election, which they had been told was to take place that very day, and the others, promising not to stir from the spot without them, curled themselves up into tight round b.a.l.l.s, and went to sleep.

"While they were dreaming away, a fox came along. He was a cunning old codger, and hated Grumpy-growly like mustard, because the old fellow had once treated him, in a fit of rage, to a hug that nearly put an end to him. When he saw the sons of his enemy asleep, he made up his mind to fool them in revenge; and after he had rummaged both their carpet bags, to see if there was anything worth taking, he went up to t.i.tehugge and pulled his ear a little to waken him. t.i.tehugge, who was as cross as two sticks, and always fighting his brothers, opened his eyes, and for a moment looked so very like giving the fox a gentle squeeze, that foxy was rather startled. However, he took courage, and laying his paw on his heart, he made the bear such an elegant bow that he nearly cracked his spine. 'Ah, my d-e-a-r t.i.tehugge! so glad to see you. You know I have always been a great friend of your dear papa's, and now, I should be overjoyed to do you a little favor. Do you happen to know that there is a tree near here, which is hollow from root to branches, and filled with wild bees' combs and honey?'

"'No! cried t.i.tehugge, 'is there? Show it to me directly, master fox, and don't stand there gaping at me!' You see, bears were never celebrated for being polite, and t.i.tehugge had no more manners than any of 'em.

"'Come along, then,' said the fox, 'but take care to make no noise, or you will waken your brother, and then he'll be wanting to have half the honey.'

"t.i.tehugge was a selfish little pig--bear, I mean--and though he felt rather shy of going off alone for the first time in his life, he was too greedy after the honey to let that trouble him much. However, he said, 'You had better be careful not to play any tricks, master fox, for if you do, I'll give you a hug that will settle _you_--if you are such a dear friend of mine.'

"'My d-e-a-r friend!' exclaimed the fox, 'd-o-n't say so! How can you suppose I would do such a shabby thing? Come, we shall soon be at the tree.'

"t.i.tehugge waited for nothing more, but started off with master fox, who kept on flattering him all the way until t.i.tehugge thought him the first-_ratest_ fellow in the whole world. Presently they came to the hollow tree, and t.i.tehugge, without waiting to ask any questions, s.h.i.+nned up like a streak of lightning, and began smelling down the hole.

'But, it looks very dark down here,' cried he at last 'and I don't see any honey'.

"'Oh, you must poke your nose further in,' said the fox, 'and you'll soon come to it.'

"t.i.tehugge accordingly rammed and jammed his head with great difficulty into the hole, which proved such an uncommonly tight fit, that, not finding any honey, he began trying to pull it back double quick; but lo and behold! pull and tug, scratch and swear as he might, he was caught in a mouse trap not intended for bears, while the fox stood below giggling. After he had amused himself enough with t.i.tehugge's struggles, he scampered off to find Stubtail; bawling out, 'Good-by, my d-e-a-r friend, I hope you'll find the honey answer your expectations.'

"Meanwhile, master Stubtail was snoring away like a catamount, when the fox trotted up, and seating himself beside him, began to sing a popular fox ballad, beginning, 'Oh? don't I love to cheat 'em!'

"This soon awoke Stubtail, and opening his eyes, he saw the fox sitting, singing away, as if he never dreamed of such a person as Stubtail being near.

"'Well, master fox!' he said, in a dandified way, 'whawt business have you, I should like to know, in the--aw company of a bearah of fas.h.i.+on?

Make your mannahs, sir, and don't sit down before your bettahs! How horrid vulgah you are--aw!'

"Up jumped the fox, and made such a beautiful bow this time, that he fell over on his nose, and nearly stuck his tail in the bear's face, as he exclaimed, 'Oh, my d-e-a-r friend! d-o-n'-t say that! I didn't mean to be uncivil. I only came to ask you to a little fox party that is coming off this afternoon, if your highness will favor us with your honorable company. Only ten of my cousins and seven of my brothers and sisters are coming--just a nice little family party; but then they are all such beauties! particularly my cousin, Miss Slygo Brighteyes! She is perfectly lovely; as slender as a bean pole, and smooth as a young rabbit; and then such sharp teeth, such a fine bushy tail! oh my! and _such_ a dancer, too, as she is!'

"Now, Stubtail was as fond of dancing and flirting as his brother of eating, and tried to be a great dandy and beau; so when master fox gave such a glowing description of Miss Slygo Brighteyes, his charming cousin, Stubtail's whiskers curled up tighter than ever; and he could hardly manage to _drawl_ out, 'Aw--yaas, I think I _will_ dwop in for harf an 'ouah!'

"When the fox heard that, he was ready to stand on his head for joy; and could scarcely wait while Stubtail opened his carpet bag, and took out his all-rounder collar, his lemon-colored kid gloves, and his pork pie hat, to wear at the fox's party.

"But what has become of t.i.tehugge?' he asked, suddenly noticing that his brother was not there.

"'Oh, never mind _him_,' said the fox, 'I saw the selfish little wretch gobbling away at some honey as I came along, and you see he was too greedy to ask you to share it.'

"This was enough for Stubtail, who was too hard at work drawing on his tight gloves to think of anything else, and away he trotted with the fox; who took him to a lonely hollow in the wood, where, sure enough, there were about fifty other foxes cl.u.s.tered together, but who looked at Stubtail as he came among them, in anything but a pleasant manner.

"'Now, my friends!' exclaimed master fox himself, in a furious tone, 'you see before you the son of that old scoundrel Grumpy-growly, who nearly killed me last year. At him, my dear cousins! scratch his eyes out! ahaaa!' and with a long growl of rage the fox made a sudden jump at poor Stubtail before he had time to run away, followed by all the others.

"Stubtail fought like a perfect Zouave, hugging, scratching, and biting his enemies with might and main; but after all, one poor little cub could not do very much against a whole army of foxes, and Stubtail would have been killed outright before long, when suddenly a tremendous growling was heard! and up dashed Grumpy-growly himself, who most fortunately happened to be pa.s.sing, and came to see what the row was, followed by Longclawse and Bushyball, full tilt! They didn't stop to inquire whether this was a free fight or not, but pitched in like a thousand of bricks, and demolished the foxes in a way which astonished them considerable.