Every Man in His Humor Part 25

Kit.

O; Cob, art thou come? I have been abused, And in thy house; was never man so wrong'd!

Cob. 'Slid, in my house, my master Kitely! who wrongs you in my house? '

Kit.

Marry, young l.u.s.t in old, and old in young here: Thy wife's their bawd, here have I taken them.

Cob. How, bawd! is my house come to that? Am I preferr'd thither?

Did I not charge you to keep your doors shut, Isbel? and---you let them lie open for all comers! [Beats his wife.

Know. Friend, know some cause, before thou beat'st thy wife.

This is madness in thee.

Cob. Why, is there no cause?

Kit.

Yes, I'll shew cause before the justice, Cob: Come, let her go with me.

Cob. Nay, she shall go.

Tib. Nay, I will go. I'll see an you may be allowed to make a bundle of hemp of your right and lawful wife thus, at every cuckoldy knave's pleasure. Why do you not go?

Kit. A bitter quean! Come, we will have you tamed.

[Exeunt.

SCENE IX.---A Street.

Enter BRAINWORM, disguised as a City Serjeant.

Brai. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he rests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and salt in itself.

Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come well off!

Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL.

Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown.

Bob. Let's go in quest of him.

Mat. 'Save you, friend! 'are not you here by appointment of justice Clement's man?

Brai. Yes, an't please you, sir; he told me, two gentlemen had will'd him to procure a warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright.

Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest; serve it upon him quickly afore he be aware.

Bob. Bear back, master Mathew.

Enter STEPHEN in DOWNRIGHT'S cloak.

Brai. Master Downright, I arrest you in the queen's name, and must carry you afore a justice by virtue of this warrant:

Step. Me, friend! I am no Downright, I; I am master Stephen; You do not well to arrest me, I tell you, truly; I am in n.o.body's bonds nor books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid afore my time!

Brai. Why, now you are deceived, gentlemen.

Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us: but see, here a'

comes indeed; this is he; officer.

Enter DOWNRIGHT.

Dow. Why how now, signior gull! are you turn'd filcher of late!

Come, deliver my cloak.

Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now, in open market.

Brai. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen.

Dow. These gentlemen! these rascals!

[Offers to beat them.

Brai. Keep the peace, I charge you in her majesty's name.

Dow. I obey thee. What must I do, officer?

Brai. Go before master justice Clement; to answer that they can object against you, sir: I will use you kindly, sir.

Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice, captain.

Bob. The varlet's a tall man, afore heaven!

[Exeunt Bob. and Mat.

Dow. Gull, you'll give me my cloak.

Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it.

Dow. You will?

Step. Ay, that I will.

Dow. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him.

Brai. Master Stephen I must arrest you.

Step. Arrest me! I scorn it. There, take your cloak, I'll none on't.

Dow. Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's; bring him along.

Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have?

Dow. I'll have you answer it, sir.

Brai. Sir, I'll take your word, and this gentleman's too, for his appearance.