Quips and Quiddities Part 38

You ask me if I think your poems good; If I could praise your poems, Gibbs,--I would.

EGERTON WEBBE, _apud_ LEIGH HUNT.

What I admire in the order to which you belong [the aristocracy], is that they do live in the air, that they excel in athletic sports; that they can only speak one language; and that they never read.

This is not a complete education, but it is the highest education since the Greek.

_Phoebus_, in LORD BEACONSFIELD's _Lothair_.

_RELIABLE._

(A MILD PROTEST.)

Shut up a party who uses "Reliable"

When he means "Trustworthy;" 'tis undeniable That his excuses are flimsy and friable, And his conceptions of grammar most pliable.

No doubt he'd p.r.o.nounce this line's last word "enviable:"

Invent, for bad fish (which he'd sell) the word "criable,"

Say that his faded silk hat might be dyeable, And accent French vilely--allude to _le diable_.

If his name's William, 'twould be most enj'yable To see Mr. Calcraft preparing to tie a Bill.

Now let Punch hope he has stamped out "Reliable."

s.h.i.+RLEY BROOKS, _Wit and Humour_.

"I see," said my clerical neighbour, addressing myself, "you stick to port." "Yes," I said, "and so am safe from being half-seas over."

W. H. HARRISON, _Reminiscences_.

All tradesmen cry up their own wares: In this they agree well together: The Mason by stone and lime swears; The Tanner is always for leather; The Smith still for iron would go; The Schoolmaster stands up for teaching; And the Parson would have you to know There's nothing on earth like his preaching.

LORD NEAVES, _Songs and Verses_.

Matrimony--the high sea for which no compa.s.s has yet been invented.

HEINRICH HEINE, _Musical Notes from Paris_.

O daughters! make your markets while you can, For bloom soon groweth as the water wan; The early bird picks up the marrying man.

_Once a Week._

He was the most even-tempered man I ever knew: he was always cross.

MRS. JENKINS, _Within an Ace_.

I have a horse--a ryghte good horse-- Ne doe I envie those Who scour ye plaine in headie course, Tyll soddaine on theyre nose They lyghte wyth unexpected force-- It ys--a horse of clothes.

I have a saddel--"Sayst thou soe?

With styrruppes, knyghte, to boote?"

I sayde not that--I answere "Noe,"-- Yt lacketh such, I woot-- It ys a mutton-saddel, loe!

Parte of ye fleecie brute.

LEWIS CARROLL, _Phantasmagoria_.

Story of Lord Middleton, out hunting, calling to Gunter the confectioner to "Hold hard," and not ride over the hounds. "My horse is so hot, my Lord, that I don't know what to do with him." "Ice him, Gunter, ice him."

R. H. BARHAM, _Life_.

She's rising now, and taking off her bonnet, And probably will end by sitting on it; For oft, as sad experiences teach, The novice, trembling from his maiden speech, Drops fl.u.s.tered in his place, and crushes flat His innocent and all-unconscious hat.

_2nd Lady_, in G. O. TREVELYAN's _Ladies in Parliament_.

_ON A LEFT-HANDED WRITING-MASTER._

Though Nature thee of thy right hand bereft, Right well thou writest with the hand that's left.

FRANCIS FULLER, _apud_ NICHOLLS.

We are never so much disposed to quarrel with others, as when we are dissatisfied with ourselves.

W. HAZLITT, _Characteristics_.

The c.o.c.kney, met in Middles.e.x, or Surrey, Is often cold, and always in a hurry.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.

Speaking one day of a newly risen sect of religionists who proscribed the use of animal food, the Archbishop [Whately] said to Dr. Wilson, "Do you know anything, Wilson, of this new sect?"

"Yes, my Lord; I have seen their confession of faith, which is a book of cookery."

E. J. WHATELY's _Life of Whately_.

And I do think the amateur cornopean Should be put down by law--but that's perhaps Utopian.

C. S. CALVERLEY, _Verses and Translations_.