Tom Cringle's Log Part 57

"Ah, Mr Swop," continued Mr Bang, as the master was ushered into the room. "Plate and gla.s.ses for Mr Swop."

The sailor bowed, perched himself on the very edge of his chair, scarcely within long arm's length of the table, and sitting bolt upright, as if he had swallowed a spare studdingsail-boom, drank our healths, and smoothed down his hair on his brow.

"Captain, I come to report the schooner ready to..."

"Poo," rattled out Mr Bang; "time for your tale by and by;--help yourself to some of that capital beef, Peter,--So--Yes, my love,"

continued our friend, resuming his yarn. "I once coped even with John Wilson himself. Yea, in the fullness of my powers, I feared not even the Professor."

"Indeed!" said I.

"True, as I am a gentleman. Why, I once, in a public trial of skill, beat him, even him, by eighteen measured inches, from toe to heel."

I stared.

"I was the slighter man of the two, certainly. Still, in a flying leap, I always had the best of it, until he astonished the world with the Isle of Palms. From that day forth, my springiness and elasticity left me.

Fallen was my muscles brawny vaunt. I quailed. My genius stood rebuked before him. Nevertheless, at hop-step-and-jump I was his match still. When out came the City of the Plague! From that the Great Ostrich could not hold the candle to the Flying Philosopher. And now, heaven help me! I can scarcely cover nineteen feet, with every advantage of ground for the run. It is true, the Professor was always in condition, and never required training; now, unless I had time for my hard food, I was seldom in wind."

Mr Peter Swop, emboldened and brightened by the wine he had so industriously swilled, and willing to contribute his quota of conversation, having previously jumbled in his noddle what Mr Bang had said about an ostrich, and hard food, asked, across the table "Do you believe ostriches eat iron, Mr Bang?"

Mr Bang slowly put down his gla.s.s, and looking with the most imperturbable seriousness the innocent master right in the face, exclaimed:

"Ostriches eat iron!--Do I believe ostriches eat iron, did you say, Mr Swop? Will you have the great kindness to tell me if this gla.s.s of madeira be poison, Mr Swop? Why, when Captain Cringle there was in the Bight of Benin, from which 'One comes out where a hundred go in,' on board of the--what--d'ye-call-her? I forget her name--they had a tame ostrich, which was the wonder of the whole squadron. At the first go off it had plenty of food, but at length they had to put it on short allowance of a Winchester bushel of tenpenny nails and a pump-bolt a day; but their supplies failing, they had even to reduce this quant.i.ty, whereby the poor bird, after unavailing endeavours to get at the iron ballast, was driven to pick out the iron bolts of the s.h.i.+p in the clear moonlight nights, when no one was thinking of it; so that the craft would soon have been a perfect wreck. And as the commodore would not hear of the creature being killed, Tom there undertook to keep it on copper bolts and sheathing until they reached Cape Coast. But it would not do; the copper soured on its stomach, and it died. Believe an ostrich eats iron, quotha! But to return to the training for the jump I used to stick to beef-steaks and a thimbleful of Burton ale; and again I tried the dried knuckle parts of legs of five-year-old black faced muttons; but, latterly, I trained best, so far as wind was concerned, on birsled pease and whisky...."

"On what?" shouted I, in great astonishment. "On what?"

"Yes, my boys; parched pease and whisky. Charge properly with birsled pease, and if you take a caulkers just as you begin your run, there is the linstock to the gun for you, and away you fly through the air on the self-propelling principle of the Congreve Rocket. Well might that amiable, and venerable, and most learned Theban, c.o.c.kibus Bungo, who always held the stakes on these great occasions, exclaim, in his astonishment, to Cheesey, the janitor of many days--as 'Like fire from flint I glanced away,' disdaining the laws of gravitation--by Mercury, I swear,--yea, by his winged heel, I shall have at the Professor yet, if I live, and whisky and birsled pease fail me not."

Here Paul and I laughed outright; but Mr Wagtail appeared out of sorts, somehow; and Swop looked first at one, and then at another, with a look of the most ludicrous uncertainty as to whether Mr Bang was quizzing him, or telling a verity.

"Why, Wagtail," said Gelid, "what ails you, my boy?"

I looked towards our little amiable fat friend. His face was much flushed, although I learned that he had been unusually abstemious, and he appeared heated and restless, and had evidently feverish symptoms about him.

"Who's there?" said Wagtail, looking towards the door with a raised look.

It was Tailtackle, with two of the boys carrying a litter, followed by Peter Mangrove, as if he had been chief mourner at a funeral. Out of the litter a black paw, with fishes or splints whipped round it by a band of spunyam, protruded, and kept swaying about like a pendulum.

"What have you got there, Mr Tailtackle?"

The gunner turned round.

"Oh, it is a vagary of Peter Mangrove's, sir. Not contented with getting the doctor to set Sneezer's starboard foreleg, he insists on bringing him away from amongst the people at the capstan-house."

"True, Ma.s.sa--Ma.s.sa Tailtackle say true; de poor dumb dog never shall cure him leg none at all, mong de men dere; dey all love him so mosh, and make of him so mosh, and stuff him wid salt wittal so mosh, till him blood inflammation like a h.e.l.l; and den him so good temper, and so gratify wid dere attention, dat I believe him will eat till him kickeriboo of sorefut, [surfeit, I presumed;] and, beside, I know de dog healt will instantly mend if him see you. Oh, Ma.s.sa Aaron, [our friend was smiling,] it not like you to make fun of poor black fellow, when him is take de part of soch old friend as poor Sneezer. De Captain dere cannot laugh, dat is if him will only tink on dat fearful cove at Puerto Escondido, and what Sneezer did for bote of we dere."

"Well, well, Mangrove, my man," said Mr Bang, "I will ask leave of my friends here to have the dog bestowed in a corner of the piazza, so let the boys lay him down there, and here is a gla.s.s of grog for you--so.

Now go back again,"--as the poor fellow had drank our health's.

Here Sneezer, who had been still as a mouse all this while, put his black snout out of the hammock, and began to cheep and whine in his gladness at seeing his master, and the large tears ran down his coal black muzzle as he licked my hand, while every now and then he gave a short fondling bark, as if he had said, "Ah, master, I thought you had forgotten me altogether, ever since the action where I got my leg broke by a grape-shot, but I find I am mistaken."

"Now, Tailtackle, what say you?"

"We may ease off the tackles to-morrow afternoon," said the gunner, "and right the schooner, sir; we have put in a dozen cashew knees, as tough as leather, and bolted the planks tight and fast. You saw these heavy quarters did us no good, sir; I hope you will beautify her again, now since the Spaniard's shot has pretty well demolished them already.

I hope you won't replace them, sir. I hope Captain Transom may see her as she should be, as she was when your honour had your first pleasure cruise in her." Here--but I may have dreamed it I thought the quid in the honest fellow's cheek stuck out in higher relief than usual for a short s.p.a.ce.

"We shall see, we shall see," said I.

"I say, Don Timotheus," quoth Bang, "you don't mean to be off without drinking our healths?" as he tipped him a tumbler of brandy grog of very dangerous strength.

The warrant officer drank it, and vanished, and presently Mr Gelid's brother, who had just returned from one of the out islands, made his appearance, and after the greeting between them was over, the stranger advanced, and with much grace invited us en ma.s.se to his house. But by this time Mr Wagtail was so ill, that we could not move that night, our chief concern now being to see him properly bestowed; and very soon I was convinced that his disease was a violent bilious fever.

The old brown landlady, like all her caste, was a most excellent nurse; and after the most approved and skilful surgeon of the town had seen him, and prescribed what was thought right, we all turned in. Next morning, before any of us were up, a whole plateful of cards were handed to us, and during the forenoon these were followed by as many invitations to dinner. We had difficulty in making our election, but that day I remember we dined at the beautiful Mrs C----'s, and in the evening adjourned to a ball--a very gay affair; and I do freely avow, that I never saw so many pretty women in a community of the same size before. Oh! it was a little paradise, and not without its Eve. But such an Eve! I scarcely think the old Serpent himself could have found it in his heart to have beguiled her.

"I say, Tom, my dear boy," said Mr Bang, "do you see that darling? Oh, who can picture to himself, without a tear, that such a creature of light, such an ethereal-looking thing, whose step 'would ne'er wear out the everlasting flint,' that floating gossamer on the thin air, shall one day become an anxious-looking, sharp-featured, pale-faced, loud tongued, thin-bosomed, broad bottomed wife!"

The next day, or rather in the same night, his Majesty's s.h.i.+p Rabo arrived, and the first tidings we had of it in the morning were communicated by Captain Qeuedechat himself, an honest, uproarious sailor, who chose to begin, as many a worthy ends, by driving up to the door of the lodging in a cart.

"Is the Captain of the small schooner that was swamped, here?" he asked of Ma.s.sa Pegtop.

Free and easy this, thought I.

"Yes, sir, Captain Cringle is here, but him no get up yet."

"Oh, never mind, tell him not to hurry himself; but where is the table laid for breakfast?"

"Here, sir," said Pegtop, as he showed him into the piazza.

"Ah, that will do--so give me the newspaper--tol de rol," and he began reading and singing, in all the buoyancy of mind consequent on escaping from s.h.i.+pboard after a three months cruise.

I dressed and came to him as soon as I could; and the gallant Captain, whom I had figured to myself a fine light gossamer lad of twenty-two, stared me in the face as a fat elderly c.o.c.k of forty at the least; and as to bulk, I would not have guaranteed that eighteen stone could have made him kick the beam. However, he was an excellent fellow, and that day he and his crew were of most essential service in a.s.sisting me in refitting the Wave, for which I shall always be grateful. I had spent the greater part of the forenoon in my professional duty, but after two o'clock I had knocked off, in order to make a few calls on the families to whom I had introductions, and who were afterwards so signally kind to me. I then returned to our lodgings in order to dress for dinner, before I sallied forth to worthy old Mr N----'s, where we were all to dine, when I met Aaron.

"No chance of our removing to Peter Gelid's this evening."

"Why?" I asked.

"Oh, poor Pepperpot Wagtail is become alarmingly ill; inflammatory symptoms have appeared, and"--Here the colloquy was cut short by the entrance of Mrs Peter Celid--a pretty woman enough. She had come to learn herself from our landlady, how Mr Wagtail was, and with the kindliness of the country, she volunteered to visit poor little Waggy in his sick-bed. I did not go into the room with her; but when she returned, she startled us all a good deal, by stating her opinion that the worthy man was really very ill, in which she was corroborated by the doctor, who now arrived. So soon as the medico saw him, he bled him, and after prescribing a lot of effervescing draughts, and various febrifuge mixtures, he left a large blister with the old brown landlady, to be applied over his stomach if the wavering and flightiness did not leave him before morning. We returned early after dinner from Mr N----'s to our lodgings, and as I knew Gelid was expected at his brother's in the evening, to meet a large a.s.semblage of kindred, and as the night was rainy and tempestuous, I persuaded him to trust the watch to me; and as our brown landlady had been up nearly the whole of the previous night, I sent for Tailtackle to spell me, while the black valets acted with great a.s.siduity in their capacity of surgeon's mates. About two in the morning Mr Wagtail became delirious, and it was all that I could do, aided by my sable a.s.sistants, and an old black nurse, to hold him down in his bed. Now was the time to clap on the blister, but he repeatedly tore it off, so that at length we had to give it up for an impracticable job; and Tailtackle, whom I had called from his pallet, where he had gone to lie down for an hour, placed the caustico, as the Spaniards call it, at the side of the bed.

"No use in trying this any more at present," said I; "we must wait until he gets quieter, Mr Tailtackle; so go to your bed, and I shall lie down on this sofa here, where Marie Paparoche" (this was our old landlady) "has spread sheets, I see, and made all comfortable. And send Mr Bang's servant, will you;" (friend Aaron had ridden into the country after dinner to visit a friend, and the storm, as I conjectured, had kept him there;) "he is fresh, and will call me in case I be wanted, or Mr Wagtail gets worse."

I lay down, and soon fell fast asleep, and I remembered nothing, until I awoke about eleven o'clock next morning, and heard Mr Bang speaking to Wagtail, at whose bedside he was standing.

"Pepperpot, my dear, be thankful--you are quite cool--a fine moisture on your skin this morning--be thankful, my little man how did your blister rise?"

"My good friend," quoth Wagtail, in a thin weak voice, "I can't tell--I don't know; but this I perceive, that I am unable to rise, whether it has risen or no."

"Ah--weak," quoth Gelid, who had now entered the room.

"Nay," said Pepperpot, "not so weak as deucedly sore, and on a very unromantic spot, my dears."