Frank Fairlegh Part 58

"Out of the way, you imp!" exclaimed Coleman, seizing Shrimp by the collar, and swinging him half across the hall, where, cat-like, he fell upon his legs, and walked off, looking deeply insulted.

"I can't make out what he can be doing," continued Freddy. "Come along!"

so saying, he sprang up the staircase, two steps at a time, an example which I hastened to imitate.

"Come in!" cried the voice of Lawless, as Coleman rapped at the door; and anxious to discover the occasion of the sounds which had reached our ears in the hall, we lost no time in obeying the summons. On entering the apartment a somewhat singular spectacle greeted our sight. All the furniture of the room, which was a tolerably large one, was piled on two lines on either side, so as to leave a clear course along the middle; in the centre of the s.p.a.ce thus formed were placed two chairs about a yard apart, and across the backs of these was laid the joint of a fis.h.i.+ng-rod.

[Ill.u.s.tration: page382 A New Cure for the Heart-ache]

As we entered, Lawless--who was without shoes, coat, or waistcoat--exclaiming, "Wait a minute, I've just done it"--started from one end of the room, and, running up to the chairs in the centre, leaped over the fis.h.i.+ng-rod. "Ninety-nine!" he continued; then, proceeding to the other end, he again ran up to and sprang over the barrier, shouting as he did so, in a tone of triumph, "A hundred!" -383-- and dragging an easy-chair out of the chaotic heap of furniture, he flung himself into it to all appearance utterly exhausted.

"Why, Lawless, man!" cried Freddy, "what are you doing? Have you taken leave of your senses all of a sudden?"

"Eh! I believe 1 should have, if I had not hit upon that dodge for keeping myself quiet."

"A somewhat Irish way of keeping quiet," returned Freddy; "why, the perspiration is pouring down your face--you look regularly used up."

"Well, I am pretty nearly done brown--rather baked than otherwise,"

replied Lawless; "let me tell you, it's no joke to jump five hundred times over a stick three feet high or more."

"And why, in the name of all that's absurd, have you been doing it then?"

"Eh I why, you see, after I had sent our letter, I got into such a dreadful state of impatience and worry, I didn't know what to do with myself; I could not sit still at any price, and, first of all, I thought I'd have a good gallop, but I declare to you I felt so reckless and desperate, that I fancied I should go and break my neck; well, then it occurred to me to jump over that stick till I had tired myself out--five hundred times have I done it, and a pretty stiff job it was, too. And now, what news have you got for me, Frank?"

"My dear Lawless," said I, laying my hand on his shoulder, "you must prepare for a disappointment."

"There, that will do," interrupted Lawless; "as to preparation, if my last hour's work is not preparation enough for anything, it's a pity.

What! she'll have nothing to say to me at any price, eh?"

"Why, you see, we have all been labouring under a delusion," I began.

"I have, under a most precious one," continued Lawless--"regularly put my foot in it--made a complete a.s.s of myself--eh! don't you see? Well, I'm not going to break my heart about it after all; it's only a woman, and it's my opinion people set a higher price upon those cattle than they are worth--they are a shying, skittish breed, the best of them."

"That's the light to take it in," exclaimed Coleman, coming forward; "if one woman says 'No,' there are a hundred others will say 'Yes'; and, after all, it's an open question whether a man's not better off without 'em."

"Eh! Freddy boy, our fine letter's been no go--turned out a regular sell, you see, eh?"

-384-- "Well, that only proves the young lady's want of taste," replied Coleman; "but we had not exactly a fair start. You have more to bear about it yet; the article you wished for was gone already--the damsel had not a heart to bestow. Tell him how it was, Frank."

Thus urged, I gave a hurried outline of the affair as it really stood, dwelling much on the fact that Oaklands and f.a.n.n.y had become attached in bygone years, long ere she had ever seen Lawless--which I hoped might afford some slight consolation to his wounded self-love. As I concluded, he exclaimed: "So f.a.n.n.y's going to marry Harry Oak-lands--that's the long and short of it all. Well, I'm uncommonly glad to hear it--almost as glad as if I was going to marry her myself; there is not a better fellow in the world than Harry, though he has not regarded me with the most friendly looks of late. I was beginning not to like it, I can tell you, and meant to ask him why he did it; but I understand it all now.

What a bore I must have been to them both! I declare I'm quite sorry; why, I would not have done it for any money, if I'd been up to the move sooner. Oh! I must tell Harry."

"You certainly are the most good-natured fellow breathing, Lawless,"

said I.

"Eh! yes, take me in the right way, I am quiet enough, a child may guide me with a snaffle; but stick a sharp bit in my mouth, and tickle my sides with the rowels, and I rear up before, and lash out behind, so that it would puzzle half the rough-riders in the country to back me.

I always mean to go ahead straight enough if I can see my way clearly before me, but it's awkward driving when one gets among women, with their feelings, and sympathies, and all that style of article. I'm not used to it, you see, so no wonder if I run foul of their sensibilites and sentimentalities, and capsize a few of them. I've got pretty well knocked over myself though this time. Misfortunes never come alone too, they say; and I've just had a letter from Leatherley to tell me Spiteful got loose when the groom was leading him out to exercise, and trying to leap a fence staked himself so severely that they were obliged to have him shot. I refused eighty guineas for him from Dunham of the Guards only a month ago; I shall have my new tandem cart home, and no horses to run in it."

"How well those chestnuts would look tandem!" observed Coleman carelessly; "I wonder whether Harry would sell them?"

"By Jove! I shouldn't like to ask him," exclaimed Lawless quickly; "it is too much to expect of any man."

-385-- "Oh! as to that," replied Coleman, "I dare say I could contrive to find it out, without exactly asking him to sell them."

"My dear fellow, if you would, I should be so much obliged to you,"

replied Lawless eagerly; "if I could but get those horses to start the new cart with, I should be as happy as a king--that is," he continued, checking himself, "I might become so; time, don't you see, resignation, and all that sort of thing--heigh ho!--By the way, how far is it from dinner? for jumping over those confounded chairs has made me uncommonly peckish, I can tell you."

"He'll do," said Coleman, as we separated to prepare for dinner.

It was easy to see by Sir John's beaming face, and the hearty squeeze he gave my hand when I entered the drawing-room, that Harry would not have to fear much opposition to his wishes on the part of his father. The dinner pa.s.sed off pleasantly enough, though even when the meal was concluded, and the servants had left the room, no allusion was made (out of delicacy to Lawless) to the subject which engrossed the thoughts of many of the party. As soon, however, as the wine had gone the round of the table, Lawless exclaimed: "Gentlemen! are you all charged?" and receiving affirmatory looks from the company in general, he continued, "Then I beg to propose a toast, which you must drink as such a toast ought to be drunk, _con amore_. Gentlemen, I rise to propose the health of the happy couple that is to be."

"Umph! eh I what?--what are you talking about, sir?--what are you talking about?" inquired Mr. Frampton, hastily setting down his wine untasted, and speaking quickly, and with much excitement.

"Do you see that?" whispered Lawless, nudging me, "he's off on a false scent; he never could bear the idea of my marrying f.a.n.n.y, he as good as told me so one day; now be quiet, and I'll get a rise out of him." He then continued, addressing Mr. Frampton: "You're getting a little hard of hearing, I'm afraid, sir; I was proposing the health of a certain happy couple, or rather of two people, who will, I hope, become so, in the common acceptation of the term, before very long".

"Umph! I heard what you said, sir, plain enough (wish I hadn't), and I suppose I can guess what you mean. I'm a plain-spoken man, sir, and I tell you honestly I don't like the thing, and I don't approve of the thing--I never have, and so once for all--I--umph! I won't drink your toast, sir, that's flat. Umph! umph!"

-386-- "Well," said Lawless, making a sign to Harry not to speak, "you are a privileged person, you know; and if Sir John and my friend Harry here don't object to your refusing the toast, it's not for me to take any notice of it; but I must say, considering the lady is the sister of your especial favourite Frank Fairlegh, and the gentleman one whom you have known from boyhood, I take it as particularly unkind of you, Mr.

Frampton, not even to wish them well."

"Eh! umph! it isn't that, boy--it isn't that," returned Mr. Frampton, evidently taken aback by this appeal to his kindly feeling. "But, you see," he added, turning to Sir John, "the thing is foolish altogether, they are not at all suited to each other; and instead of being happy, as they fancy, they'll make each other miserable: the boy's a very good boy in his way, kind-hearted and all that, but truth is truth, and he's no more fit to marry f.a.n.n.y Fairlegh than I am."

"Sorry I can't agree with you, Mr. Frampton," replied Sir John Oaklands, drawing himself up stiffly; "I thank Mr. Lawless most heartily for his toast, and drink it without a moment's hesitation. Here's to the health of the young couple!"

"Well, I see you are all against me," exclaimed Mr. Frampton, "and I don't like to seem unkind. They say marriages are made in heaven, so I suppose it must be all right. Here's the health of the happy couple, Mr.

Lawless and Miss Fairlegh!"

It was now Lawless's turn to look out of countenance, and for a moment he did appear thoroughly disconcerted, more especially as it was next to impossible to repress a smile, and Freddy Coleman grinned outright; quickly recovering himself, however, he resumed, "Laugh away, Freddy, laugh away, it only serves me right for playing such a trick. I've been deceiving you, Mr. Frampton; Miss Fairlegh is indeed going to be married, but she has had the good taste to choose a fitter bridegroom than she would have found in such a harum-scarum fellow as I am.

So here's a long life, and a merry one, to f.a.n.n.y Fairlegh and Harry Oaklands; you won't refuse that toast, I dare say?"

"Umph! Harry Oaklands!" exclaimed Mr. Frampton aghast; "and I've been telling Sir John he wasn't good enough for Frank's sister--just like me, umph!"

"My dear Lawless," said Harry, taking a seat next the person he addressed, which movement he accomplished during an immense row occasioned by Mr. Frampton, -387-- who was grunting forth a mixed monologue of explanations and apologies to Sir John, by whom they were received with such a hearty fit of laughing that the tears ran down his cheeks--"My dear Lawless, the kind and generous way in which you take this matter makes me feel quite ashamed of my behaviour to you lately, but I think, if you knew how miserable I have been, you would forgive me."

"Forgive you! eh?" returned Lawless; "ay, a precious deal sooner than I can forgive myself for coming here and making you all uncomfortable.

n.o.body but such a thickheaded a.s.s as I am would have gone on all this time without seeing how the game stood. I hate to spoil sport; if I had had the slightest idea of the truth, I'd have been off out of your way long ago."

"You are a n.o.ble fellow!" exclaimed Harry, "and your friends.h.i.+p is a thing to be proud of. If there is any way in which I can testify my strong sense of grat.i.tude, only name it."

"I'll tell you," said Coleman, who had caught the last few words--"I'll tell you what to do to make him all right--sell him your chestnuts."

"The phaeton horses?" replied Harry. "No, I won't sell them."

"Ah! I thought he would not," murmured Lawless, "it was too much to expect of any man."

"But," continued Oaklands, "I am sure my father will join me in saying, that if Lawless will do us the favour of accepting them, nothing would give us greater pleasure than to see them in the possession of one who will appreciate their affections as they deserve."

"Nay, they are your property, Harry," returned Sir John; "I shall be delighted if your friend will accept them, but the present is all your own."

"Eh! give 'em me, all free gratis, and for nothing!" exclaimed Lawless, overpowered at the idea of such munificence. "Why, you'll go and ruin yourself--Queen's Bench, whitewash, and all the rest of it! Recollect, you'll have a wife to keep soon, and that isn't done for nothing they tell me--pin-money, ruination-shops, diamonds, kid gloves, and bonnet ribbons--that's the way to circulate the tin; there are some losses that may be gains, eh? When one comes to think of all these things, it strikes me I'm well out of it, eh, Mr. Frampton?--Mind you, I don't think that really," he added aside to me, "only I want Harry to fancy I don't care two straws about it; he's such a feeling fellow is Harry, lie would not be properly jolly if he thought I took it to heart much."