Outside The Ropes: OtherSide Of Fear Part 41

I turned my head, breaking away. "Rusnak doesnt really trust you. Do you think he meant anything by you not being here?" I wish I could cut off my thoughts, every one of them hurt. There was no safe place in my mind. But Gages touch helped soothe the pain of them.

He dropped his forehead to mine with a sigh, "I never know what he means half the time. It could be something, or it could be his way of trying to scare us-to scare you. He said knowledge is power, but he uses fear."

I brushed the stubble on his chin and brought my lips back to his, wanting to surround myself in him and forget myself completely, forget my fears. Because there was nothing else we could do, not here, not now.

He pulled back, gripping my hand. "Weve had a long night, and were going to have an even longer one tomorrow."

I nodded, fingers itching to go back to touching him.

His head dipped closer to mine, his hand grazing the skin on my stomach. "And weve got to pick up Dexter from the airport in the morning."

I nodded again and pushed myself against him, breaking my hand free of his so I could touch him with both, use them to read his body, to feel his heart.

He looked down at me with hooded eyes. "This might be our last night here alone."

I had already thought it, but hearing it out loud bruised me and made me need him even more.

"I dont want to spend it sleeping then, not yet." I brought my lips to his neck, and he pulled me back down the hall to the bedroom.

I stopped thinking about tomorrow.

Dexter carried a large duffel over one arm and pa.s.sed the baggage claim turn styles. It didnt seem like he spotted us yet, so Gage called his name.

His head popped up and he smiled, but it was only half a Dexter smile. He looked different, no longer the lean quick body I recalled. He was bulkier, but his tight sleeves gripped around muscles, and he walked more like Gage, like he owned his body and knew how to use it.

His smile dropped completely when he looked down at me, and I froze, not knowing what to expect from the man who always had a smile, but not today, not for me.

He stopped in front of me and spoke before I could.

"Im still p.i.s.sed at you."

"Dexter," Gage started, but I raised my hand to stop him.

"I know. And Im sorry." I owed him that at least, but I dropped my eyes from his angry gaze so I didnt see him move, but then I was surrounded in his warmth.

He squeezed me in a Dexter hug that I had wanted more than I cared to admit. I wrapped my arms around him too, squeezing him back just as tight. Squeezing my eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. I knew now that these hugs were numbered. Only a few days left to take them.

"I should have taken you to the psychiatrist that day instead of the gym." His voice was thick and wavering. His cheek was slick with tears as he gripped me tighter.

41: Goodbye.

HIS EMBRACE PRESSED INTO MY HEART TILL it cracked, the tears leaking out. I had missed him. I would miss him. I didnt want to let him go, nor the memory I had in my head of his family. Little Felix with his chubby cheeks, and head full of curls, and a smile to match his fathers-who I would never get to see again. And that hurt the worst. Never. It was so final. So crus.h.i.+ng.

Gage cleared his throat from beside us. "Lets go." He started walking ahead of us, and then turned around, stepping in front of Dexter. Some sort of emotion pulled on his lips and made the muscles of his jaw flex. But it wasnt his typical anger, it was broken, and his voice came out thick. "Shes not the one that needs to apologize."

Dexter met his brothers gaze head on, without any humor. "Ive told you in a hundred different ways Im sorry. I didnt mean to let her-"

"Not about her, about this. Getting wrapped up in all of this. G.o.d d.a.m.n it Dexter, I cant be here for you all the time."

Dexters jaw flexed, mirroring the same hard lines that were in Gages. "I didnt come to you this time. I wouldve taken care of this myself."

Gage sucked in air, silencing the reply that was on his lips, lightning in his eyes. He breathed out like it was fire. But without speaking, he turned and walked down the busy hall of the airport leading to the garage we had parked in.

Gage walked out of the bathroom, wearing his sweatpants over his gym shorts and black Under Armour s.h.i.+rt. He glanced to me as he adjusted his hat on his head. "Why arent you dressed?"

"I thought Id stay back, let you two go alone to talk." I sat on the edge of our bed, looking up at him.

He took the two steps that separated us and placed his arms on either side of me. He leaned down, close to my face, so close the smell of our mint toothpaste washed over me. "No, youre coming with us. I want you with us." He pecked the corner of my mouth like that would ease the demand in his voice. "Now get dressed." He pulled away and went to the closet for his bag.

"Its only the gym. You can go without me," I called after him.

"Im not leaving you here."

"Gage, I really think you two need to talk." I stood and followed him.

He turned towards me, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder with a sigh. "And we will babe. Now get dressed." When I just stood there, he stepped forward and reached his hand out to my arm. Then added in a soft voice, "Please."

I shook my head and took a little step closer so I could feel his warmth. "I know what youre doing. You can leave me here. Im not going anywhere. I promise."

His breath hitched as he breathed in. "Maybe I just want you with me." His other hand rose to cup my cheek, pus.h.i.+ng my hair back at the same time. "Maybe I dont want to be away from you." His head dipped down to my forehead. "I want you close to me, always."

I closed my eyes and breathed him in, turning my head so our noses touched, so my lips brushed his skin. And I brought my hand up to cup his, to hold him in place, enjoying the warmth of him. But I knew it was important to let him go. "I will be. Baby, we are going to have forever together, but you and your brother, you only have this day. Go be with him. Talk to him. Ill be fine here."

"Forever?" Gages lips brushed over my cheek, pressing to the skin just under my ear as his arms wrapped around me. "G.o.d Regan, I want forever with you. Id do anything to have that."

His words, body, touches, lips, all wrapped me in a warm comfort. It felt like home. But a creeping sadness persisted in the corners, tugging at my heartstrings. He was willing to do anything, hed shown that, was continuing to show that, but I feared the sacrifices he was willing to make and their effect on him.

"You already have that." I pulled back slightly in his arms, cupping his face so hed have to look me in the eye. "No matter what happens, we are forever. All right?" I continued when he nodded, "But right now, you need to set things right with your brother. This might be your only chance."

He dropped away with a groan. "Fine. Youre right. But dont go anywhere. And dont let anyone up. Dont do anything. Were only one block over so call if anything strange happens."

His drop dead serious tone gave me a chill, but I tried to cover it, dismiss it.

He met my eyes. "You know I have the doorman watch out for you. h.e.l.l call me if anything happens."

I wasnt sure if he was accusing me of trying something or just being protective. "Do you think anything will happen?"

He shook his head, slow and steady. "Not really, not with everything going down tonight. Its so close."

I let out the breath I didnt even know I was holding. "It is, so close," and I meant more than the drug s.h.i.+pment. "You should go. We really dont have much time left."

His lips crashed into mine before I even finished speaking. The kiss was dangerous, was.h.i.+ng me in his fears, pa.s.sion, need. It felt too big, too deep, like I could drown. Until I kissed back, until I reached up and pulled him closer, then it became something else altogether. Then I was swimming in his love, his hands keeping me afloat and safe. And I didnt want it to end.

But he pulled away with shallow breaths and shaking palms as his fingers slid into my hair. "Youll be here when I get back." And despite the strain on his voice, it sounded like he finally believed it.

They returned from the gym with a weight off of them it seemed.

"Come on, admit it, Ive gotten better. I almost had you," Dexters voice held that smile I was used to but hadnt heard this morning. He pushed on Gages shoulder as they came through the door.

Gage looked down on him, still the larger of the two. "All right, youve gotten better. But you never had me, not even a little."

"Uh-uh," Dexter pulled off his tennis shoes, his light eyes meeting mine. "He just doesnt want to admit it in front of you. Youll have to come next time and see for yourself. Although you may not want to witness him getting taken down."

I stood against the entranceway to the kitchen and crossed my arms. "Sounds like you two had a good workout. I made some lunch if youre hungry."

Dexter was quick to pa.s.s by me into the kitchen, already loading the sweet potatoes and chicken onto his plate. "Thanks Rea, this looks great."

Gage flashed a sly smile at me, and that let me know everything I needed to know. They were at a good place, and that eased my heartache. It had been important.

"Thank you," he mumbled low and squeezed my hip, placing a kiss on my neck as he pa.s.sed by into the kitchen.

"f.u.c.k, you should have woken me up sooner." Dexter rubbed the heel of his hand over his eye after slipping on his seatbelt.

I didnt bother responding and focused on breathing down my own nerves as we pulled out of our parking garage. Dexter had slept most of the afternoon, but we let him, knowing he had jet lag and would have to stay up tonight.

"So were going to load the trucks now, will mine be the last truck?"

Gage gripped his leather gloves on the steering wheel. "No. Well get you loaded first, so you can get on the road sooner. You, Sam, and Cherry will have the longest drive."

I had known the plan, Dexter knew it too, but they went over every detail all over again on our way to the dock. I kept reminding myself, we just had to get through tonight and make sure Dexter got back safe, and then it would all be over.

By time we arrived, the drugs were nearly all hidden away inside mattresses and couches that were to be loaded onto the moving trucks. Everyone knew their role, doing their job with little conversation in the dark cloudy night.

Rusnak was nowhere to be seen, but I didnt go look for him. I worked with Dexter, lifting items into the back of the largest U-Haul truck, the one he would be driving.

"Whats going on with him, Rea?" Dexters voice was low as he nodded to where Gage was standing, directing another person.

I walked to the back of the truck and laid my end of the heavy mattress on the floor, leaning it against the side. Dexter pushed it the rest of the way in, but stood, blocking my way out.

"He hugged me today. He actually hugged me and told me he loved me." He shook his head, lifting his hands up in question.

I wiped my hands on my leg, trying to play off the way his words. .h.i.t me. "You know he loves you, and its been a while since he saw you."

He grabbed my arm as I tried to pa.s.s. "No, this was different. I know he loves me, but hes never said that to me. He doesnt show it that way. This was different. All of this is different." He gestured around the truck, eyes glowing wild in the dark. "Is he in some sort of trouble? Should I be worried?"

"Yeah, you should be," it was Gage that answered. He walked up the ramp, into the back of the crowded truck with us. "But not about me. You should be worried about yourself and your family, so you dont have to take these risks again."

Dexter dropped my arm and turned towards Gage. "I told you, Im done. No more gambling-"

"Ive heard that before."

"But this is different. Im going to get Leona back, Im going to do better."

"Leona left you?" I knew she was in Baltimore with family, but I didnt realize it was to get away from him.

Dexter dropped his eyes to the floor. "Yeah, but I dont blame her. And after this, Im going to prove to her I can do better for her and Felix."

Gage nodded, shoulders deflating as he let out his breath. "I hope so. But first, get this done. Finish packing." He looked directly at me, nodding off to the side. "I need to talk to you for a minute"

I wanted to ask Dexter more questions, but I followed Gage out, and we stepped to the side of the truck, letting the tall sides block the cool wind. He stood close, sharing his body heat.

"Anatoli wants to run over some plans with me, he needs to hold some of his people back." He looked over my head, around the open parking lot towards the other trucks. "Everything will be loaded soon. It should only take a minute."