The New Guy (and Other Senior Year Distractions) Part 12

"I didn't 'move over,' Julia," she says. "I founded TALON.

And, anyway, everyone knew you would have pushed your way into that position no matter what, so what was I sticking around for?"

"Who's everyone?" I ask as I realize that maybe I don't want to know.

Natalie smiles as she crosses her arms. "I'll let Marisa know that her less-than-punctual application to TALON has been declined. Good luck with the Crest, Julia."

"Good luck with the downfall of respectable journalism," I say. "I'm sure it's exciting being a part of that."

I walk to the cafeteria and sit down at the table even though of course Alex is there. Everyone seems to be talking about a video going around of a baby falling over a cat. I'm in no mood to pull it up on my phone, or even to exert the effort to look at it on Justin's phone. A baby falling over a cat feels like a metaphor for my whole life right now.

"Ugh," Sadie says. "I'm already sick of all our lunch options."

"Live every day like it's Taco Day," Justin says. "Because soon it will be again."

"I don't think it works like that," Em says to him.

"They should let us pick the options," Sadie says. "At least sometimes."

"Oh," I say, and I realize from everyone's expressions that I say it loudly. Too loudly. But epiphanies are hard to keep to oneself.

Even an epiphany about lunch specials.

As I start scribbling into my red notebook, I feel eyes on me. Well, everyone is watching me, but I feel specific eyes on me. Alex's gaze is distinctive; I wonder if it always will be.

"Voting for lunch is a good idea," Alex says.

"I don't need your approval," I say as I'm figuring out who we'd have to ask. Is it someone in the cafeteria or much higher up in administration? Would it be a limited choice between existing options or could we ask for more adventurous meals? Maybe we could get local food vendors and restaurants involved.

"Of course not," Alex says. "Whoever pulls it off first would have a lot of people's approval."

His words are a lightning bolt down the center of my heart. TALON is the enemy, obviously, and therefore Alex is the enemy. But never before has Alex acted so... TALON.

"It's my idea," I say.

"You didn't even say it out loud," he says. "You said 'Oh,' really loud, and that was it. I could have come up with it too. Clearly, I did come up with it too."

The rest of the lunch table is watching us closely, looking back and forth like we're the most ridiculously over-the-top couple fighting through half of a Bachelor in Paradise episode.

I gather my things, because I'm sure Mr. Wheeler is in his office. But Alex gets out his phone and texts casually. I remember when I was the one getting his casually sent lunchtime texts. Are there girls on TALON he thinks are cute? If he liked me because I cared about things, what must he think of Natalie? How could he not like Natalie?

"You guys are pretty low-tech," Alex says with a grin. "You should look into texting."

"Obviously we have texting on our phones, Alex, this isn't the late 1990s," I say.

Em and Thatcher are literally leaning forward, resting their chins on their hands, watching us. We've become dinner theater-lunch theater.

"Good luck," Alex says, still grinning. I can't believe I ever liked that grin!

"To you too." I walk off to Mr. Wheeler's cla.s.sroom. He isn't as excited the next day about our voting-for-lunch idea as we are-or, well, I, am-but he makes the appropriate calls to administration and gets approval. At our next meeting, Carlos designs a little ballot that will appear in all our issues moving forward. We have to let people select from existing options, so it's not quite as exciting a victory as we'd-I'd-seen it, but we still beat TALON to it.

But when we arrive at our fourth-period newspaper cla.s.s on Friday, two of the freshmen are missing.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

"Do you think they had them killed?"

Everyone in the room stares at me. For a moment it's everything I dreamed of. I have everyone's rapt attention, even Mr. Wheeler's. I've been ready to command a room like this for as long as I can remember.

But of course then I realize I've just proposed that two of our staff members were murdered. And maybe all this attention isn't because I've finally asked the right question of my staff.

"Jules, sit down," Mr. Wheeler says. "Of course Leah and Max weren't murdered. They've decided to join TALON, so we can decide if we want to pull together and work a little harder, or if we want to take a look at the freshman submissions again to see if a couple of them are interested in joining late."

"Mr. Wheeler, isn't that more of a top-level-staff decision?" I ask, and then all eyes are on me again. Yes, we've been doing things in more of a democratic manner in our after-after-school meetings, but there's still an order to things. There should be, at least.

"Fine, Jules, we can discuss after school," Mr. Wheeler says with a deep sigh. I probably should have just let it go, because during the after-school meeting, it takes all of two minutes for us to agree that at this point we might as well just work with our existing staff, since we'd already brought back Amanda and brought on Tessa. But policy and procedure mean something, even if I have to remind Mr. Wheeler of that sometimes.

From school I drive to Sadie's, where we're all meeting before we go out. Sadie's dad, Ryan, opens the front door and steps aside for me to walk in. When I was little, the guiltiest I ever felt were the times I wished Ryan was my dad too. He was so tall and funny and... dadlike. But I only had to grow up a few years to realize Mom and Darcy are as well matched a set as Ryan and Paige, and just because our families were different didn't mean I was missing out on things.

Em is in the kitchen with Paige, where Paige is showing her an ice-cream maker from Williams-Sonoma. Sadie's at the kitchen table looking at something on her phone.

I really hope it's not the cat/baby video.

"Hey," she says, looking up at me. "Rescue me from hearing about the ideal firmness of ice cream."

I sit down next to her. "Sorry I'm late. After-school meeting."

"We actually figured you'd cancel, so I'm glad you're here at all."

"Why would I cancel?"

"You've just been really preoccupied with the whole newspaper thing."

"It's not a whole newspaper thing," I say. "If you didn't know, the Crest is a hundred-and-four-year-old tradition, and it's become my responsibility to make sure its legacy doesn't-"

"We know," Em says from across the room. "We're all rooting for you, Jules."

"This is so annoying," Sadie says, and my heart jumps that she's talking about me. "I organize going out tonight, and Mom still finds a way to make everything about her."

"It's just an ice-cream maker," I say. "People love ice cream."

"It's not enough that she's on-screen, all the time, but she has to get attention even in our own home, where I should stand a fair shot."

"Doughnuts," I say. "I've found they're even more compelling than ice cream."

"I'm trying to have a real conversation with you, you know," Sadie says.

"Jules!" Paige calls. "You haven't even said hi to me yet!"

I give Sadie what I hope is an apologetic look before joining Paige and Em.

I'm not surprised the boys are meeting us at the Los Feliz 3 Cinemas, and I'm not even surprised that, just like lunchtime, "the boys" includes Alex. It would just be far less troubling if everyone else wasn't literally coupled up. I duck into the bookstore next door while everyone else is killing time outside before the movie starts. I'm checking out t.i.tles on historic leaders when Sadie pops up right in front of an Abraham Lincoln biography.

"I didn't know he was coming," she says.

"It's okay."

"You can sit on my other side," she says. "We'll make sure he's at the other end."

"Why does he think he can just do this?" I ask softly. "I thought he was nice. Wouldn't someone nice just leave me alone?"

"Well, he doesn't have any other friends," Sadie says with a laugh. "But, I know."

"Boys should disappear when they hurt you."

"Oh my G.o.d, I know, right? That's why normally I only recommend dating boys from other schools. Keep your friends close and your boyfriends farther away."

We do follow that mantra during the movie, with me at one end of our row and Alex at the other. I haven't ever been to see a movie with two other couples to my left before, and I'm not sure if it's strange to worry that they'll start making out as soon as the lights go down.

Luckily, that doesn't happen.

I want to get lost in the movie, but I'm too aware of my friends, of the boys, and of Alex five seats away. I sort out hypothetical scenarios in my head instead of following the on-screen plot. What if Alex had still betrayed me but not specifically in a TALON way? Would it hurt the same? What if TALON still existed, but Alex had nothing to do with it? Would it feel like it does now?

The lights come up, and I realize the credits are rolling. Sadie grins at me and holds up her nearly empty tub of popcorn.

"Want the rest? I won't tell Darcy."

Darcy likes to make a speech about the dangers of movie popcorn b.u.t.ter whenever our families go to the movies, or sometimes even when we merely talk about movies. Considering that Paige and Ryan are in movies, this means it comes up a lot.

"She'll smell it on me," I say. "I'd probably get in less trouble for drinking."

Justin leans over so we can see each other around Sadie. "What's the most rebellious thing you've ever done?"

"What are you talking about? I've never done anything rebellious in my life! I'm wearing a sweater set, Justin."

"A crazy-stylish sweater set," Sadie says.

Justin wants us to explain sweater sets, and by then Em and Thatcher have decided we should go down the street to Machos Tacos to get food. It's a pretty intimidating taco stand, as they have two grumpy signs hanging right next to the order menu: CHIPS ARE NOT FREE! and YOU WANT EXTRA? NO PROBLEM. PAY EXTRA. Whenever I'm there, I make sure to smile like I'm on liaison duty. You hear that smiling is contagious, but some people must be immune.

"Those signs are really intense," Alex says. If it were anyone else, I'd jump in, because this really is a topic I could discuss for quite a while. But I just silently eat my potato tacos while hoping the boys and girls will separate soon. That doesn't happen, though, because of course girlfriends want to be with their boyfriends and vice versa.

Since I don't want to be a bad friend or seem jealous, I find myself offering to give Alex a ride home. If I don't, I'm not sure how he'll ever get there.

"Thanks," he says, and I wonder if he's also thinking about the fact that last time we were together in my car, we made out. If I close my eyes, I know I could feel his hands on my bare skin. Luckily, since I'm driving, I have no opportunity to close my eyes.

"Congrats on the cafeteria thing," Alex says. "I guess you beat us."

"Congratulations on the freshmen," I say. "I'm sure they've become vital members of TALON."

"Hey," he says. "My congratulations were sincere, not ironic."

"Were they?" I ask.

"Partially," he says after a pause.

"Mine were too. Freshmen work really hard."

Alex laughs, and I force down the corners of my mouth so I don't smile, even in this dark car. I never knew that you could miss someone even when they're sitting next to you.

Darcy and Mom are watching TV in the living room when I get home, but they turn it off as soon as I close the door. I'm not well acquainted with getting in trouble, but as they watch me from their spots on the sofa, this feels to me like that.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Mom asks.

"Sure," I say, leaning over to pet Peanut and Daisy. "It would have been better if Alex wasn't there, but, it was okay."

"Joe stopped by earlier," Darcy says.

"Ugh," I say without thinking. "Sorry, I meant, 'Oh?'"

"Sit down, kiddo," Darcy says.

"Is everything all right with you?" Mom asks.

I sit down in the cushy leather chair next to the sofa. "What do you mean?"

"We know the editor position means a lot to you," Darcy says. "And we know how hard you worked to get here."

"But, honey, it's just one part of your senior year of high school," Mom says.

"Senior year is an important time," I say. "SATs, Brown admission-"

"Boys," Mom says.

"Your friends," Darcy says.

"I was just out with my friends! And I tried boys; they're awful. I'll wait until college, thank you. Or maybe until I have a decent job after graduate school. You both married women, so I can't believe you're bothering me about boys!"

"I'm sorry that it didn't work out with Alex," Darcy says. "And I'm sorry about this video series. I know that your year isn't going the way you'd hoped that it would."

"Am I in trouble for all of this?" I ask. And then I burst into tears because it's bad enough everything is screwed up for me, but I've disappointed my moms. My moms have done so much for me to simply exist, and this is their thanks.