Love's Usuries Part 6

_Characters._

Miss HAGAR HUNCH, _President;_ Miss DORA DARLISH, _Secretary_; Mrs EGERTON and Mrs CLARE GRAHAM, _Visitors_; and the "CELIBATES," eight in number.

SCENE I.--THE CLUB ROOM.

Miss HUNCH. Oh, Mrs Egerton, you are just in time. We are now to take the oath binding ourselves to refuse all offers of marriage.

Mrs EGERTON. Perhaps I had better retire; as wife, and mother of a family, I----

Miss HUNCH. Certainly not; we welcome any witness, and, after all, we owe much to married women, since everyone of them is a Curtius who, by a leap into the chasm of publicity, may save a doomed mult.i.tude!

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_laughing_). Gracious! I did not know I could leap anywhere. Pray tell me how it is done.

Miss HUNCH (_glaring through her spectacles_). The subject is too serious for trifling. Marriage is calculated to pen the free instincts of the feminine community. You know our motto, _Aut viam inveniam aut faciam_?

Mrs EGERTON. I see it all over the room, but that doesn't tell me what it means.

Miss HUNCH. It means we will find a road out of our bondage--or make one!

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_giggling_). Sail from Scylla into Charybdis, eh? You see I allow the tragedy of both destinations.

Miss HUNCH (_sarcastically_). A kind concession, but a frivolous. Still, we prefer the risk of the unknown to the horror of the known.

Mrs GRAHAM to Mrs EGERTON (_aside_). What on earth does she mean? How many times has she been married?

Mrs EGERTON (_aside_). Hush. You mustn't offend the prejudices of the club. Ah, how do you do, Miss Darlish?

DORA DARLISH (_joining them_). Charming rooms, aren't they? So glad to see you here, Clare.

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. Thank you, but I feel rather like a fish out of water.

It takes a long time to cultivate amphibiousness----

DORA. Oh, we're not amphibious--we mean to keep high and dry----

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. I thought you didn't forswear love and romance and all that kind of thing, but----

DORA. Nor do we. We look on love as the divine revelation of life----

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. Oh! And then?

DORA. When love has ceased to be love, we----

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. Scramble to the bank to sun yourselves till ready for another dive? I must tell Charlie----

DORA. Don't. You will put wrong constructions on things. Of course we would merely preserve the right to scramble out in self-defence----

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_laughing_). I thought so! How about amphibians? You ought to re-christen the club!

Miss HUNCH (_speaking above the buzz of conversation_). Let us join hands and make oath that, however pressed to marry, we will refuse.

(_The_ "CELIBATES" _join hands_.)

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_clutching_ DORA'S _dress and whispering_). Dora, don't be a fool. You know Charlie is devoted to you----

Miss HUNCH (_severely_). Let me beg silence while the oath is taken.

CHORUS OF THE "CELIBATES" (_with clasped hands_). We solemnly swear that, however pressed to marry, we will refuse.

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_pulling_ DORA _to her side_). Dora, I'm disgusted with you. Only yesterday you gave my brother a book with an inscription.

DORA. Well?

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. I read it--there was something about "Pure romance of love, Idyllic and ideal as could be, All policy and prudence far above."

DORA. I'm not ashamed of it. Why shouldn't our love be idyllic and ideal? Why should wedlock of soul mean padlock of individual?

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_angrily_). Why, indeed? But don't talk against policy and prudence. Your theory seems the quintessence of both!

SCENE II.--MRS GRAHAM'S DRAWING-ROOM.

(CHARLIE CHEYNE _and his sister_ Mrs CLARE GRAHAM _are seated_.)

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. Now I have told you the whole story surely you don't intend to proceed with your absurd courts.h.i.+p?

CHARLIE. I mean to marry Dora, if that's what you're driving at.

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM. It's impossible! However much she wanted to accept she would be bound--as a matter of honour--to refuse.

CHARLIE (_stroking his chin contemplatively_). After all, marriage is merely a matter of form, and if it pleases Dora----

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_warmly_). To please Dora you'll let Jane's boy inherit the estates?

CHARLIE. Still, Dora loves me, and she will do anything I ask.

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_rising irately to leave the room_). I tell you she won't! Women with convictions are obstinate as Cork pigs.

(_Enter_ DORA _in a Parisian bonnet._)

CHARLIE. Oh, Dora, here you are! We've been expecting you for hours.

DORA. I'm afraid I've disturbed the conversation; I see Clare is ruffled.

Mrs CLARE GRAHAM (_abruptly_). No, I was going out. Good-bye. (_She goes out._)

DORA. She is in a huff with me about something. Why?

CHARLIE (_hesitatingly_). No--that is--she was angry with me.