Tartuffe Or the Hypocrite Part 4

MARIANE Please, what did you say?

ORGON What?

MARIANE Surely I mistook you, sir?

ORGON How now?

MARIANE Who is it, father, you would have me say Has won my heart, and I would like to have Become my husband, by your choice?

ORGON Tartuffe.

MARIANE But, father, I protest it isn't true!

Why should you make me tell this dreadful lie?

ORGON Because I mean to have it be the truth.

Let this suffice for you: I've settled it.

MARIANE What, father, you would ... ?

ORGON Yes, child, I'm resolved To graft Tartuffe into my family.

So he must be your husband. That I've settled.

And since your duty ..

(Seeing Dorine) What are you doing there?

Your curiosity is keen, my girl, To make you come eavesdropping on us so.

DORINE Upon my word, I don't know how the rumour Got started--if 'twas guess-work or mere chance But I had heard already of this match, And treated it as utter stuff and nonsense.

ORGON What! Is the thing incredible?

DORINE So much so I don't believe it even from yourself, sir.

ORGON I know a way to make you credit it.

DORINE No, no, you're telling us a fairly tale!

ORGON I'm telling you just what will happen shortly.

DORINE Stuff!

ORGON Daughter, what I say is in good earnest.

DORINE There, there, don't take your father seriously; He's fooling.

ORGON But I tell you ...

DORINE No. No use.

They won't believe you.

ORGON If I let my anger ...

DORINE Well, then, we do believe you; and the worse For you it is. What! Can a grown-up man With that expanse of beard across his face Be mad enough to want ...?

ORGON You hark me: You've taken on yourself here in this house A sort of free familiarity That I don't like, I tell you frankly, girl.

DORINE There, there, let's not get angry, sir, I beg you.

But are you making game of everybody?

Your daughter's not cut out for bigot's meat; And he has more important things to think of.

Besides, what can you gain by such a match?

How can a man of wealth, like you, go choose A wretched vagabond for son-in-law?

ORGON You hold your tongue. And know, the less he has, The better cause have we to honour him.

His poverty is honest poverty; It should exalt him more than worldly grandeur, For he has let himself be robbed of all, Through careless disregard of temporal things And fixed attachment to the things eternal.

My help may set him on his feet again, Win back his property--a fair estate He has at home, so I'm informed--and prove him For what he is, a true-born gentleman.

DORINE Yes, so he says himself. Such vanity But ill accords with pious living, sir.

The man who cares for holiness alone Should not so loudly boast his name and birth; The humble ways of genuine devoutness Brook not so much display of earthly pride.

Why should he be so vain? ... But I offend you: Let's leave his rank, then,--take the man himself: Can you without compunction give a man Like him possession of a girl like her?

Think what a scandal's sure to come of it!

Virtue is at the mercy of the fates, When a girl's married to a man she hates; The best intent to live an honest woman Depends upon the husband's being human, And men whose brows are pointed at afar May thank themselves their wives are what they are.

For to be true is more than woman can, With husbands built upon a certain plan; And he who weds his child against her will Owes heaven account for it, if she do ill.

Think then what perils wait on your design.

ORGON (to Mariane) So! I must learn what's what from her, you see!

DORINE You might do worse than follow my advice.

ORGON Daughter, we can't waste time upon this nonsense; I know what's good for you, and I'm your father.

True, I had promised you to young Valere; But, first, they tell me he's inclined to gamble, And then, I fear his faith is not quite sound.

I haven't noticed that he's regular At church.

DORINE You'd have him run there just when you do.

Like those who go on purpose to be seen?

ORGON I don't ask your opinion on the matter.

In short, the other is in Heaven's best graces, And that is riches quite beyond compare.

This match will bring you every joy you long for; 'Twill be all steeped in sweetness and delight.

You'll live together, in your faithful loves, Like two sweet children, like two turtle-doves; You'll never fail to quarrel, scold, or tease, And you may do with him whate'er you please.

DORINE With him? Do naught but give him horns, I'll warrant.

ORGON Out on thee, wench!

DORINE I tell you he's cut out for't; However great your daughter's virtue, sir, His destiny is sure to prove the stronger.

ORGON Have done with interrupting. Hold your tongue.

Don't poke your nose in other people's business.

DORINE (She keeps interrupting him, just as he turns and starts to speak to his daughter).