Tartuffe Or the Hypocrite Part 14

Get on your feet! The more you hate to have him, The more 'twill help you earn your soul's salvation.

So, mortify your senses by this marriage, And don't vex me about it any more.

DORINE But what ... ?

ORGON You hold your tongue, before your betters.

Don't dare to say a single word, I tell you.

CLEANTE If you will let me answer, and advise ...

ORGON Brother, I value your advice most highly; 'Tis well thought out; no better can be had; But you'll allow me--not to follow it.

ELMIRE (to her husband) I can't find words to cope with such a case; Your blindness makes me quite astounded at you.

You are bewitched with him, to disbelieve The things we tell you happened here to-day.

ORGON I am your humble servant, and can see Things, when they're plain as noses on folks' faces, I know you're partial to my rascal son, And didn't dare to disavow the trick He tried to play on this poor man; besides, You were too calm, to be believed; if that Had happened, you'd have been far more disturbed.

ELMIRE And must our honour always rush to arms At the mere mention of illicit love?

Or can we answer no attack upon it Except with blazing eyes and lips of scorn?

For my part, I just laugh away such nonsense; I've no desire to make a loud to-do.

Our virtue should, I think, be gentle-natured; Nor can I quite approve those savage prudes Whose honour arms itself with teeth and claws To tear men's eyes out at the slightest word.

Heaven preserve me from that kind of honour!

I like my virtue not to be a vixen, And I believe a quiet cold rebuff No less effective to repulse a lover.

ORGON I know ... and you can't throw me off the scent.

ELMIRE Once more, I am astounded at your weakness; I wonder what your unbelief would answer, If I should let you see we've told the truth?

ORGON See it?

ELMIRE Yes.

ORGON Nonsense.

ELMIRE Come! If I should find A way to make you see it clear as day?

ORGON All rubbish.

ELMIRE What a man! But answer me.

I'm not proposing now that you believe us; But let's suppose that here, from proper hiding, You should be made to see and hear all plainly; What would you say then, to your man of virtue?

ORGON Why, then, I'd say ... say nothing. It can't be.

ELMIRE Your error has endured too long already, And quite too long you've branded me a liar.

I must at once, for my own satisfaction, Make you a witness of the things we've told you.

ORGON Amen! I take you at your word. We'll see What tricks you have, and how you'll keep your promise.

ELMIRE (to Dorine) Send him to me.

DORINE (to Elmire) The man's a crafty codger, Perhaps you'll find it difficult to catch him.

ELMIRE (to Dorine) Oh no! A lover's never hard to cheat, And self-conceit leads straight to self-deceit.

Bid him come down to me.

(To Cleante and Mariane) And you, withdraw.

SCENE IV

ELMIRE, ORGON

ELMIRE Bring up this table, and get under it.

ORGON What?

ELMIRE One essential is to hide you well.

ORGON Why under there?

ELMIRE Oh, dear! Do as I say; I know what I'm about, as you shall see.

Get under, now, I tell you; and once there Be careful no one either sees or hears you.

ORGON I'm going a long way to humour you, I must say; but I'll see you through your scheme.

ELMIRE And then you'll have, I think, no more to say.

(To her husband, who is now under the table.) But mind, I'm going to meddle with strange matters; Prepare yourself to be in no wise shocked.

Whatever I may say must pa.s.s, because 'Tis only to convince you, as I promised.

By wheedling speeches, since I'm forced to do it, I'll make this hypocrite put off his mask, Flatter the longings of his shameless pa.s.sion, And give free play to all his impudence.

But, since 'tis for your sake, to prove to you His guilt, that I shall feign to share his love, I can leave off as soon as you're convinced, And things shall go no farther than you choose.

So, when you think they've gone quite far enough, It is for you to stop his mad pursuit, To spare your wife, and not expose me farther Than you shall need, yourself, to undeceive you.

It is your own affair, and you must end it When ... Here he comes. Keep still, don't show yourself.

SCENE V

TARTUFFE, ELMIRE; ORGON (under the table)

TARTUFFE They told me that you wished to see me here.

ELMIRE Yes. I have secrets for your ear alone.

But shut the door first, and look everywhere For fear of spies.

(Tartuffe goes and closes the door, and comes back.) We surely can't afford Another scene like that we had just now; Was ever anyone so caught before!

Damis did frighten me most terribly On your account; you saw I did my best To baffle his design, and calm his anger.