Mother's Remedies Part 183

Decorations.--It is usual to decorate the rooms with flowers, and the services of the florist as well as the caterer are required if it is a large affair. Cards are usually left, as a token that one has been present, but in this case a card is manifestly not a visit, since it would be absurd for a woman to invite fifty, a hundred, or even five hundred people, who would expect her to call on them afterwards. Cards are sent by those who do not attend, on the day. A reception given for forty or fifty people is less formal, perhaps, but requires flowers--in less profusion--and refreshments. The awning may be dispensed with if the day is fine, but seldom is. The door must be promptly opened, and the maid remains at her post during the affair if there are many guests, to open it for those who leave as well as those who arrive.

HOSPITALITY IN THE HOME.

"There is an emanation from the heart in genuine hospitality which cannot be described, but is immediately felt, and puts the stranger at once at his ease."

--Was.h.i.+ngton Irving.

Were we to look up the meaning of the word hospitality in the dictionary, we would find it defined as the act of receiving and entertaining guests kindly, generously, and gratuitously, without expectation of reward.

According to such a definition, much that pa.s.ses for hospitality in the social realm does not deserve the name. Society is a give-and-take arrangement, somewhat resembling the gift exchange we practise at Christmas. If you do not give you do not get; if you do not entertain you are not invited, unless it is understood that circ.u.mstances prevent your doing so. Then one is asked for what one can contribute in the way of good company, promotion of gayety, and the like. One "pays her way" by being agreeable, well gowned, popular. Thus, in a way, much social hospitality is merely social bargaining. The woman who feels indebted to her circle--or circles, for these impinge upon each other--gives a large reception or "at home." She can seldom do more than welcome the coming and speed the parting guest. Her greeting is "So delighted to see you here;"

her farewell, "Good-bye; so glad you were able to come." Her guests have greeted each other in much the same casual fas.h.i.+on, have had some refreshments warranted to destroy their appet.i.te for dinner; have shown a handsome gown and hat--and perhaps had the former injured in the crush.

One is reminded of Bunthorne's "Hollow! Hollow! Hollow!!"

Real Hospitality.--Quite different is this from what we offer when we invite our friends to visit us. Here is genuine hospitality--the receiving and entertaining gratuitously those whose companions.h.i.+p we enjoy. One of the chief joys of having one's own home is the pleasure of being able to welcome one's friends and afford them the privilege of enjoying it also.

An invitation of this kind means we are willing to incommode ourselves, incur expense, and give a measure of our time to the entertainment of those of our friends whose society we wish to enjoy familiarly. Thus it seems that an invitation to visit a friend in her home is a compliment of no mean order, although Nicole says: "'Visits are for the most part neither more nor less than inventions for discharging upon our neighbors somewhat of our own unendurable weight."

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Short Visits.--Visits are of much shorter duration than in those "old times" people talk about so enthusiastically--and would find so tiresome were they to return again. Then visitors stayed week after week; were urged to remain longer when they proposed departure. The story goes of a Virginia planter who invited an old war-time friend to visit him. At the end of a month the major proposed departure. His host objected so strenuously that he agreed to stay another month. And so it went on, the guest regularly proposing to leave, the host hospitably insisting on his remaining, until in the end the old veteran died in and was buried from his friend's house. This, however, is an example not to be emulated in these less hospitable days.

There is a saying, "Short visits make long friends," that is worth consideration by those who visit. Probably the truth of the saying has been so often attested that it has given rise to the custom of specifying the date of arrival and departure of a guest when giving the invitation.

It has become to be understood that the vague, indefinite invitation "Do come and see us sometime," means nothing. No one would think for a moment of taking it in good faith. If the giver wishes to entertain her friend she will ask if it will be convenient for her to visit her at a certain specified date. Nothing less counts. An understanding of this might save the unexperienced from the awkwardness of making an unwelcome visit.

The Unexpected Visit.--Nothing is worse form than "the surprise visit."

Generally you do surprise your hostess and very often most disagreeably. A housekeeper does not enjoy an intrusion--for such it is--of that kind any more than you would be pleased to have a chance caller rush unannounced into your private rooms. Even among relatives and the most intimate friends, there is nothing to justify the unexpected arrival. Nothing so strikes terror to a woman's soul as the thud of trunks on the piazza and the crunch of wheels on the gravel, meaning someone has "come to stay."

Such an arrival is a piece of presumption on the part of the visitor. She a.s.sumes she will be welcome at any time she chooses to present herself.

This may be true; but at the same time there is an obligation of courtesy which requires her to consult her friend's convenience. Instead, she consults her own and utterly ignores that of her hostess, who is thus forced into entertaining her.

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The Inopportune Arrival.--Many awkward and sometimes amusing anecdotes are told in connection with the inopportune visit. Thus not long ago the newspapers chronicled the plight of a woman who undertook to surprise an acquaintance from whom she had not heard for several years. She was driven to their house and dismissed the carriage. A strange face met her at the door, and she learned that her friend had removed to another city nearly a twelvemonth before. "Served her right" will be everybody's verdict.

Suppose one arrives unexpectedly and finds the friend's house full of other and invited company. Then, if ever, she ought to feel herself "a rank outsider." If she is tactless enough not to give notice of her intended arrival, she probably has not the good sense to depart as quickly as possible. The man of the house may have to sleep on the parlor sofa, or the children on the floor, and ninety-nine times out of a hundred the whole family will wish her in Halifax.

Or she may arrive to find some member of the family ill, or house-cleaning or repairing in progress, or the house in the hands of the decorators.

Indeed, so many unforeseen accidents may occur to make her visit an unpleasant memory, both to herself and her hostess, that only the most selfish and inconsiderate of women will so violate the social conventions as to make "surprise visits."

Visits That Save Expense.--Something equally reprehensible is the visit we pay to a friend in town where we have business or desire a pleasure trip, and do not propose to have it cost us much of anything. We force hospitality on our acquaintances in order to save hotel bills. They know it, and they feel about it just exactly as we would in their places--that is, that it is an imposition on good nature and a mean and selfish thing to do.

"We gave up our house and went to boarding simply because my health and my husband's salary were inadequate to the demands made upon them by our out-of-town relatives and acquaintances, who used us as a restaurant and hotel. There was seldom a week when we did not give ten or twelve meals and two or three nights lodging to people better able to pay for them than we were to furnish them. So we gave up housekeeping." This is an actual experience.

WEEK-END VISITS.

The "house-party," as the week-end visit is now often styled, is a comparatively recent addition to social entertainments. It is a fas.h.i.+on imported from England, and a very good one. It is the "from Sat.u.r.day to Monday" visit, and so universally recognized that during the summer extra trolley cars and railroad trains are in use to convey resorters and their guests to summer homes in the country.

Invitations to a house-party are given several weeks in advance, and great care should be taken to invite those who are congenial and will "mix well," since where a few are thrown together congeniality is absolutely essential to success. The invitations are informal; the length of the visit definitely fixed; even the train by which the visitor is expected to arrive and leave is mentioned, that there may be no misunderstanding.

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The Invitation.--One may write to her friend: "Won't you give us the pleasure of entertaining you from Friday afternoon to Monday? The 3:45 train will bring you here in time for tea. There is to be a musical in the evening; an automobile ride is planned for Sat.u.r.day afternoon, to show you the beauties of our vicinity, and there is to be the usual Sat.u.r.day evening dance at the hotel. A train leaves here at 10:30 Monday morning, which will take you back to the city in ample time for lunch. Hoping to have the happiness of seeing you on Friday, I am," etc., etc.

This not only suggests to your friend at what time she is expected to arrive and depart, but gives her an idea of what she should bring with her in the way of clothes. One should always take her prettiest gowns that will be suitable to the entertainments proposed for her pleasure--for a hostess naturally wishes to have her guests make a good appearance. From four to six is the number generally asked to a small house-party, since the usual summer cottage has few guest rooms. The guests are, if possible, evenly divided as to s.e.x, and a hostess may, with perfect propriety, arrange that the men of the party shall be lodged at a hotel, coming over to breakfast with their entertainer.

Amus.e.m.e.nts.--Some amus.e.m.e.nts are always provided for the visitors at a house-party. Often a dinner-party is planned for Sunday, in which several other guests are included. Men who cannot leave business for even a week-end often come out Sunday for a dinner and a breath of country air.

Now that automobiles are as plenty as black-berries the railroad train can be ignored. Young people living in the country should take advantage of this method of entertaining their city friends, who will find the change delightful in summer, and will gladly reciprocate by inviting them to the city during the social season. Remember that a hearty hospitality, a sincere joy in seeing your friends, and the fresh milk, eggs and fruits you can offer will do much toward counterbalancing your lack of "city conveniences."

The Hostess's Arrangements.--The hostess should arrange to have the guests met at the station. She will naturally try to have them arrive by the same train, is possible; but she must see that their baggage arrives at the house nearly as soon as they do, that they may at once remove the soil of travel and dress for the evening meal. She may or she may not meet them at the station, according to her own convenience, but she must be ready to receive them when they arrive at the home. If the journey has been long, a cup of tea may be offered; otherwise they are at once shown to their rooms. The hostess does this for her women guests, the host or a servant for the men.

If a visitor is so unfortunate as to miss her train she should immediately telegraph or telephone her hostess, explaining the accident, and saying she will arrange to have herself conveyed from the station to the house on her arrival by a later train. Of course, the hostess will not permit this, but will send some vehicle to meet the next train.

The matter of guest rooms and their conveniences, proper furnis.h.i.+ngs, etc., will be taken up in a later section.

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What Is Expected of Guests.--One does not invite guests to make them uncomfortable, therefore it is best not to expect them to rise for an early breakfast. If they are expected to present themselves, as late an hour as possible should be named. But they may be served with coffee, rolls, fruit and any other easily prepared breakfast dish whenever they please to arise, being given to understand that a substantial breakfast is the price of the extra "forty winks." Guests at a house-party are expected to entertain themselves, among themselves, to a considerable extent. They may walk, or row, or play croquet or tennis, or read or gossip or play cards, while the hostess attends to her domestic duties. If the party is large, or if but one or no servants are kept, the women should quietly attend to their own rooms, making up the bed and picking up their own belongings. Whether they may do this or not depends upon circ.u.mstances of which they must judge.

The most enjoyable house-parties are given in these roomy old houses with broad verandas, surrounded with lawn and garden. But this need not deter those having less delightful surroundings from offering their best to their friends. It is not so much the elegance of what we offer as the manner in which it is offered that makes our friends remember their visit with pleasure.

Dress at Week-End Visits.--Women wear a simple tailored suit while traveling, with white waist or silk skirt to match. If the weather is warm, white duck, pique or linen skirts with white s.h.i.+rts are worn mornings; afternoons, foulard, or some of the fine and dainty fabrics suited to the season. For evening, nothing is prettier than white for the young--and, indeed, "everybody wears white." By change of accessories, the same white gown may be made to do for the two evenings. If an automobile trip is part of the entertainment, one should take an ulster or long loose coat and veil.

The woman's greatest trouble is to carry a second hat--something she may need under some circ.u.mstances, though the fas.h.i.+on of going bareheaded helps considerably. But if the entertainment includes a garden party, a tea or reception, she must have a hat. The trunk is uncalled for, and the suitcase is disobliging. What shall she do?

Her best plan will be to have a becoming shape covered with black tulle or malines, and a made bow attached to it to travel in. On arrival, she will detach the bow and pin on a couple of plumes, an aigrette, or flowers, converting it into a dress hat.

Men's Wear.--The man wears the ordinary business suit for travelling, sack or cutaway. He wears in the country in the morning a suit of flannel, tweed or cheviot, a straw hat and tan shoes. His s.h.i.+rt may be of striped madras or linen, with a white collar. The cutaway coat is correct for ordinary afternoon wear, with a white waistcoat, white s.h.i.+rt and four-in-hand tie. This takes the place in summer of the frock coat, which is the formal day wear. He will seldom, if ever, have occasion for a dress suit at a week-end visit in summer. Of course, the size of the party and the gayeties in which one will partic.i.p.ate have a bearing on the dress question, but the tendency is for men's dress to be more comfortable and less formal in summer, especially in the country.

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THE DUTIES OF A HOSTESS.

The woman who is entertaining guests must remember two things: that she must not neglect them, and that she must not tire them out with too much attention. There is a "happy mean" to be attained, which is the climax of pleasure and comfort to both.

One woman makes her visitor feel that "the domestic veal" has been slaughtered in her behalf. The usual manner of living and habits of life have been put aside that she may be "entertained." Elaborate meals are planned; there is a straining after hospitality which defeats its own purpose and makes the visitor uncomfortable, because the hostess has so manifestly incommoded herself. The fussy hostess puts too much endeavor into her entertainment.

On the other hand, there is the hostess who announces her intention of regarding her visitor as "one of the family," "making no fuss" on account of her being in the house. This sounds much better than it works out in actual practice. Unless we are prepared to modify our routine in accordance with our friend's pleasure and convenience, at least to some extent, we should not invite her. We do not ask people to our houses to make them more uncomfortable than they would be at home. A visit is in the nature of a holiday, or vacation, to the visitor; we are to see to it that she is deferred to and efforts made to please her.

The Visitor's Comfort.--It is hospitable to consult her tastes in the matter of food. It is uncomfortable for both hostess and guest if the princ.i.p.al dish at dinner is something the latter dislikes. Nor should we ask her to conform to the family breakfast hour if we know she is unaccustomed to early hours, or is very much fatigued. In that case it is best to say that the early breakfast is a family necessity and that she will not be expected to appear at it, but may have her coffee and toast in her own room or down stairs at the hour at which she wishes to rise. This, though it may necessitate the preparation of a tray to be sent up, is really a convenience to the hostess, who is then left free to attend to her domestic duties. As some one has said, "It is not hospitality to ask a guest to your rooftree and expect her to find sufficient delight in being there and doing as you do." Very often she would be far more comfortable at home, physically at least. Remember your object in inviting people is to make them happy. Unless you are willing to make some sacrifices to do this, do not invite them.

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