Find You In The Dark Part 10

And Clay, for all of his flaws, was my future. Whether my family and friends agreed or not. And honestly, I didn't give a d.a.m.n.

But I couldn't ignore the gigantic elephant in the room. Clay's arms had healed after I had found him cutting. I tried not to touch the rough scabs when he held me. I avoided being reminded of that scary place I had found myself in with Clay by my side.

We never talked about it. Not once. There were times when it sat on the tip of my tongue to ask him about the cutting. To find out more about what triggered him. I wanted to understand that dark part of him. Because if I loved him, I had to love every part of who he was. But I was a wimp. Instead I refused to address it, choosing instead to bury my head in the proverbial sand like a d.a.m.ned ostrich.

I had decided to look up bi-polar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder on the internet one evening while I waited for Clay to call me. I didn't know much about mental illness, having never known anyone, before Clay, who suffered like that.

When he threw around words like cycles and mania, I had no idea what he was talking about. So I sat myself down, intent on solving at least part of the mystery that shrouded my boyfriend.

A few clicks later and the words started swimming in front of my eyes. Manic and depressive episodes. Heightened mood. Hypomania.

Okay, having had enough of the bi-polar research, I had moved on to the Borderline thing. That wasn't any better. I skipped over statements that read, pattern of instability and intensity within interpersonal relations.h.i.+ps, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. Inappropriate anger. Suicidal behaviors.

I had closed my browser. I couldn't handle reading anymore. It was that ostrich mentality again. The less I knew, the better.

Since then, I staunchly avoided all discussions about Clay's cutting and his mental health. But even though I wouldn't talk about it, it didn't stop me from thinking about it all the time. But, Clay wanted normal, so d.a.m.n it I would give him normal. And that meant that I refused to dwell on the blackness that threatened to engulf us.

Clay, for his part, was trying to keep things even- keeled. He took me to the movies, brought me my favorite coffee every morning. Beautiful drawings and heartfelt poems filled my locker. He was the picture of the considerate and thoughtful boyfriend. We became even more fixated on each other. The physical need to drown our fears in each other was overwhelming.

Our kisses had become almost desperate, our hands less than patient as we sought to erase the nagging doubts that tickled the back of our minds in the hours we spent together. But nothing could erase the truth that had taken root in my mind. That this would all blow up in my face in the most agonizing way possible. I felt like my life was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode.

I started waking up in the middle of the night. Startled out of sleep by horrible nightmares. I could never remember all of them. Only that Clay was leaving me and there was nothing I could do about it. I was wound as tight as a violin. Those dark hours before seeing Clay again were the worst. I couldn't sleep for worrying about what he was doing.

I knew this was bad for me. I knew that perhaps my parents had been right. But I needed Clay as much as he needed me. We existed in this symbiotic relations.h.i.+p where our hearts beat and our lungs breathed only for each other.

Was all first love this intense? I remember watching Daniel and Kylie as they stumbled through their relations.h.i.+p, sneering at how ridiculous they were. If only I had realized how hard it was to keep a level head when you were buried deep in these feelings.

I had convinced Rachel to cover for me so we could go away to the cabin. She was not happy about lying to my parents. She felt guilt way too intensely and I worried she'd never be able to keep up the charade. But after days of begging, she finally agreed, even as I knew this was yet another tally in the anti-Clay column. But I needed to be with him, just the two of us. An entire night where we could be together. It sounded like bliss.

As the days got closer to our get away, even my reluctant friends couldn't deny the excitement of getting out of town. Daniel had asked Clay if he could invite Ray and Clare, and Clay had agreed; much to my relief. I hoped the presence of Ray and Clare would help to neutralize the tension that I knew would otherwise be present. So everyone planned our crazy night away and I reveled in the new level of comradery that descended over Clay and my friends.

Thanksgiving came and went and I enjoyed having a quiet meal with my parents. I even braved the mall to go shopping on Black Friday. I allowed my mom to talk me into getting some new clothes. I got some new pants and s.h.i.+rts, letting myself embrace my girlie side with more feminine gear.

While my mom was busy picking out some new bras and underwear at Victoria's Secret, I took the opportunity to pick out some items for myself. I had to make sure that my mother didn't see me choosing several lacy pairs of panties and matching push up bras. Holding up a see-through pair of underwear, I imagined Clay taking them off of me and my blood heated up. Yep, I was getting these for sure. I surrept.i.tiously paid for the items and then hid the bright pink bag in my purse.

Sat.u.r.day morning, Rachel came over and helped me pack for our night. She oohed and ahhed over the new clothes I had gotten, calling dibs on the cute black off the shoulder top my mom had picked out. It was the first time in weeks where I felt that old ease and normalcy in our relations.h.i.+p. I was convinced tonight would be just what I needed. Not only because I would have time with Clay, but I could repair my relations.h.i.+ps with my friends.

"You're mom has some serious style, Mags." Rachel commented, stuffing the black top into my overnight bag. I found my super snug skinny jeans and put them in the bag as well. "Yeah, she dresses way better than I do." I admitted, rummaging through my underwear drawer and pulling out several pairs of bra and panties that I had chosen yesterday.

"Wow, so you and Clay. Alone. All night. Are you ready for that?" Rachel asked me, chewing on her bottom lip in a way that indicated she was nervous. "Shh." I hissed, closing my bedroom door. "Sorry." Rachel said, lowering her voice.

"I don' know, Rach. I do know that I love him and he loves me. And whatever happens, happens." I said determinedly. Rachel picked at her nails. "Well, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let a guy make you feel like you should, you know?" I knew what she was getting at. It didn't take a rocket science to figure out she was telling me that she worried I would be pressured to have s.e.x. If she only knew how many times it was Clay who put a halt to things.

"I know that. I'm not going to do anything I don't want to do." I a.s.sured her. Rachel nodded, apparently trying to take me at my word. Why did I get the feeling she didn't believe me?

"This is the real deal, Rach. I love him." I told her, sitting down on my bed. Rachel sat down beside me and put her arm around me and laying her head on my shoulder. "I know you do, Maggie. And I'm happy you've found that." Rachel sounded genuine and I felt my stomach unclench in relief. I leaned into her. "Thanks." I said and we were quiet a moment. "What about you and Daniel? Are you going to play nice this weekend?" I asked, nudging her with my shoulder.

Rachel grunted. "I'll play nice if he plays nice." she said tersely. I gave her arm a pinch. "I know you're angry with him. He hurt you. I understand how hard it is to open that part of yourself to someone. But Daniel cares about you. And maybe the timing just wasn't right. Don't rule it out. You guys are made for each other." Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. If he can forget about Kylie for more than two minutes, maybe you'd be right." I felt bad for her, because she was speaking the truth. "Besides, even though things are weird with us right now, he's still one of my best friends. And as much as I fantasize about us being something else, I really don't want to ruin our friends.h.i.+p." She said wistfully.

"I know. But the best relations.h.i.+ps are built on friends.h.i.+p first." I said, zipping up my bag. Rachel shrugged again. "I seriously doubt Daniel sees me as anything but a friend. h.e.l.l, he thought we had p.e.n.i.ses!" I laughed, recalling that conversation clearly. But, I for one, knew that Daniel wasn't entirely unaffected by Rachel. I had seen his eyes when he saw her in that pink sparkly dress at Fall Formal. I saw how upset he got when she was mad at him. He had feelings for her alright. If he was willing to act on them was the real question.

"I just think life's too short to get hung up on maybes." I told her simply. Rachel rolled her eyes at me. "Well aren't you philosophical all of a sudden. Love has turned you into Gandhi." I laughed as I hoisted my bulging duffel bag on my shoulder and headed down the stairs.

We were still laughing as we rounded the corner into the kitchen. My mom was perched on a stool, taping away at her laptop. "What are you girls laughing about?" She asked, giving us a smile. I shook my head. "Nothing, Mom." I said offhandedly. "Hi Rachel! Do you girls have lots of fun planned for your evening?" My mom asked, looking at Rachel.

Rachel swallowed thickly and nodded like a puppet. "Yeah, we're going to see a movie at 8:00. You know the new Brad Pitt one that's out. He is so hot. Even if he is a little old. I mean, who cares when you look like that. And he and Angelina Jolie make the most perfect couple." I elbowed Rachel in the ribs so she would stop her nervous rambling. Rachel closed her mouth and gave my mom a pained smile. There was no way my mom was going to buy this! It was too obvious we were lying!

But the teenage G.o.ds were smiling on us. My mom simply gave Rachel an odd look and then nodded her head. "Okay, then have fun. Do you have your cell phone, Maggie?" She asked me. I pulled it out of my jacket pocket and waved it in front of me. "Love you. See you tomorrow." She said, returning her focus to whatever was on her laptop screen. Yes! Home free! I tried not to run out of the kitchen in my rush to get out of the house before she changed her mind.

Once in Rachel's car and headed down the road, she let out a loud breath. "d.a.m.n, I thought for a second we were so busted." "I know. Especially after your fantastic monologue about the wonders of Brad Pitt. You are the worst liar!" Rachel blew her bangs from her forehead. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have had me do it then." She snipped at me. It was time to lay it on a little thick. "Thank you, Rachel for everything back there. You are seriously the best friend a gal could ever, ever have." I batted my eyelashes at her.

Rachel laughed grudgingly. "Oh, just shut up, will you?" She flipped on the radio, ending our conversation.

We arrived at Clay's house ten minutes later. Daniel, Ray, and Clare were already there. Ruby and Lisa were talking to them on the front porch. Clare waved at us as we pulled into the driveway. We parked and got out of the car. "Everyone ready?" I asked, barely able to conceal my excitement. I moved to Clay's side and gave him a quick squeeze before greeting Ruby and Lisa.

Lisa dangled a key in front of her. "Here you go guys. Have fun. There should be cut firewood up already and there's a small grocery store about five minutes away. Have fun and be safe." Clay took the key and gave Lisa a hug. "Thanks, Lis. You're the best."

We all called out our thank yous as we piled into separate vehicles. Rachel, Clay, Daniel, and I loaded up into Rachel's car while Ray and Clare followed in his SUV.

I snuggled into Clay's side in the back seat, laying my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and laced his fingers through mine. I sighed in contentment. This was the most relaxed I had been in weeks.

Franklin Lake was only forty-five minutes away. Close enough that you didn't spend all day driving but far enough that you felt like you were away from it all. Things in the car were a little awkward at first. But finally after awhile, everyone started to get comfortable and we were able to engage in conversation that wasn't entirely stilted.

Rachel and Daniel were still tense around each other, but even they made an effort to enjoy themselves. I could have sworn I even saw Daniel smile at one point. Clay and Rachel talked about their creative writing cla.s.s. Daniel spoke endlessly about the basketball team. For the first time in weeks, I felt a sort of civility fall over my friends and me and I realized with a pang how much I had missed them. I hadn't noticed how much I had pushed them away in my pursuit of my relations.h.i.+p with Clay. When was the last time I had talked to Daniel about something that wasn't in any way related to my rollercoaster love life? I couldn't remember. And that was sad. I was determined to rectify that this evening.

Clay wouldn't let go of my hand the entire ride. His thumb caressed the sensitive skin of my palm, shooting sparks straight to my belly. Running his nose up the side of my neck, he murmured in my ear, "I love you, baby." I squeezed his hand in return, my insides a twisty mess at his nearness.

Finally, Clay looked out the window and pointed to a turn off just ahead of us. "You want to pull down this road." Clay told Rachel, pointing to the narrow dirt path to the right. "Are you sure my car will make it?" Rachel asked hesitantly. Clay chuckled. "Your car will be fine. It's a little rough the first fifty yards but the rest is packed dirt, you'll be golden."

Rachel made the turn. "Alright, but if I eat it, you're paying for the repairs." She grumbled. "Stop worrying." I said, leaning forward and squeezing her shoulder. Of course, the first thing she did was. .h.i.t a giant, crater sized pot hole, tipping the car precariously.

"f.u.c.k!" She screeched after getting back on the hard road. Daniel was laughing in the front seat. "You should have seen your face, Rach! That was priceless." Rachel smacked his arm. "Shut up, Daniel, or you're hoofing it to the cabin."

Daniel snorted. "Whatever." He muttered, but didn't make another comment. We drove for another two miles before the forest ended and we drove into a clearing. Sitting up on a hill was the most fantastic house I'd ever seen.

"s.h.i.+t man, this wasn't at all what I was expecting when you said we'd be staying in a cabin." Daniel said, whistling. The wooden structure was built to resemble a swiss chalet. The entire front was nothing but windows and there wasn't one but two large stone chimneys jutting from the roof.

"Wait until you get inside. It's incredible." Clay promised as Rachel pulled into the two car garage off the side of the cabin. "I had no idea Lisa had the money for something like this." I told Clay, a little awestruck. Clay reached into the trunk and pulled our duffel bags out. "It's actually Lisa's parents' place. Her family has the money but no one uses the cabin but Lisa. Most of her family has moved away, so she makes sure the property is maintained."

Ray and Clare had just gotten out of their car. "d.a.m.n...this is awesome!" Raymond remarked. Clare seemed as amazed as the rest of us. I still couldn't believe that this is where we'd be spending the night.

Clay pulled out the keys and unlocked the door leading into the house from the garage. He quickly punched a code into an alarm panel on the wall, making it chirp. "Be careful, it's dark through here, so let's just get into the living room." Clay grabbed my hand as I trailed behind him through the dark hallway.

He pushed through a swinging door and flicked on some lights and I was totally dazzled. The living room, kitchen, and dining area were an open floor plan. A large sectional sofa sat in front of the huge windows overlooking the forest, a beautiful stone fireplace sat to the right. Just off to the left of the living area was an enormous kitchen with stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, and a magnificent island with gas range stove top.

The dining room was truly spectacular. A magnificent cherry wood dining table sat in an alcove off of the kitchen, again the wall was one large window over looking the lake. A gla.s.s chandelier hung above the table. Wood floors, interspersed with area rugs ran throughout the downstairs.

I walked to the window in the dining area and looked out. It was a sunny day and the lake glistened. I could see a gazebo down below with screens enclosing it. Clay came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. He pointed to the gazebo. "That's where the jacuzzi is. We will be enjoying that later." He nibbled my ear lobe, making me giggle.

"So who gets what rooms, dude?" Ray asked. Clay let me go and turned around. He pointed down a hallway leading off from the kitchen. "There are two bedrooms down there. Each has its own bathroom. You guys can decide who gets what." He tugged on my hand and I followed him to a spiral staircase hidden to the right of the dining nook.

He looked at me mischievously. "You and I get the room up here." I followed him up the stairs that led to a loft area. The room was the entire size of the downstairs. "Oh my G.o.d, Clay!" I said breathlessly. Again, it was the windows. There was only one wall made of wood, the other three were nothing but gla.s.s. It was like being outside. An enormous California king- sized bed sat in the middle of the room. There were stairs off to the side that went down into a sunken area with a whirlpool bathtub and two pedestal sinks.

"We get to sleep in here? Are you kidding me?'" I asked incredulously. I ran and jumped on the bed, laughing as I bounced. Clay stalked toward me and made a show of crawling on the bed until he was over top of me. I looked up into his face and smiled. I was so happy.

He pressed his mouth to mine, his tongue invading and conquering. I groaned as he licked my bottom lip, teasing it with his teeth. "Nothing but the best for you, Maggie." He said softly into the skin of my neck as he nuzzled me. I rain my fingers through his hair and molded my body against his. Clay left light kisses along the side of my face as he interlaced his fingers with mine.

"This place is seriously unbelievable. Thank you so much for inviting us." I told him as he pulled me tighter against him. Running his fingertips down my face, Clay smiled. "I know things have been tense lately. I haven't given you many reasons to smile." I started to protest, but he covered my mouth with his finger.

"I'm not blind. I know what being with me has done to your life. I see how your friends, your parents, h.e.l.l, everybody, looks at you because you're with me. I haven't done much to give them a positive impression of me. I just wanted a chance to prove that I'm not such a bad guy. For your friends to see how much you mean to me and that I would literally do anything in the world for you. Then maybe, they wouldn't look at us like we shouldn't be together."

I hated that this is where we found ourselves. That he was so aware of the fact that no one understood our relations.h.i.+p and what we meant to each other. I wasn't sure one night with my friends would erase the months of damage. But I wanted to be as positive about it as he was.

"I love you." I whispered before kissing him again, wanting to take away the sadness and pain that never seemed to leave Clay's face.

"Uh guys, we have a problem here." I heard Rachel call from downstairs. Clay sighed and rested his forehead on my chest. "That doesn't sound good." Clay commented. I chuckled and got up. "Come on. Let's go see what monumental crisis we have to avert." I straightened my rumpled s.h.i.+rt and smoothed my hair before following Clay downstairs.

Ray and Clare were gone when we entered the kitchen. Daniel was sitting on one of the stools at the island, his head propped on his hand, looking annoyed. "What's up?" I asked, looking at Daniel, who I knew from experience was usually the source of Rachel's problem.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "You'd have to ask her. I don't see that there is any problem." I looked at Rachel, waiting for her to explain. "I'll tell you what the problem is. There is only one extra room! And there's only one queen sized bed in there! I told Daniel, if he were a gentleman, he'd sleep on the couch, but he's refusing. He says I'm being ridiculous! Can you believe it? Him calling me ridiculous? That's just rich!" Rachel shot daggers at Daniel, who looked bored with the whole debate.

"Uh, Rach, it's not like you haven't shared a bed with Daniel before." I reminded her. Rachel huffed. "We were like eight. That does not count, okay. Tell him he has to sleep on the couch, Clay." Rachel turned to my boyfriend, drawing him squarely into the middle of the argument. Clay looked fl.u.s.tered and his eyes found mine in silent appeal. I knew he was worried about making Rachel any angrier. But I didn't know how to help him, so I just shrugged.

Clay put his hand through his hair in that fl.u.s.tered way he was known for. "Well, Rachel. I can't really say who gets the bedroom. I mean, that's really something the two of you have to decide." Rachel looked like she wanted to throw something.

"Well, I'm not sleeping on the couch. If the thought of sharing a bed with me disgusts you that much, you sleep on the there." Daniel remarked grumpily. He hopped down from the stool and grabbed his overnight bag. "Where do you think you're going?" Rachel asked him angrily. He started walking down the hallway. "I'm taking my bag to my room. Later." He called over his shoulder.

Rachel whipped around and gave Clay and I a steely glare. "What the h.e.l.l am I supposed to do? I shouldn't have to sleep on the couch because he's being a a d.i.c.k." I patted my best friend's back. "I have a solution for you." I whispered conspiratorially. Rachel looked at me, interested. "Yeah?' She asked. "Why don't you stop being such a stubborn pain in the a.s.s and take your stuff back to the bedroom. One night sharing a bed won't kill you."

Rachel harrumphed, picked up her bright pink bag and stomped down the hallway after Daniel. "You'd best stay on your side of the bed or I'll cut off your t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es while you sleep." I heard her yelling. I couldn't hear Daniel's response.

Clay looked bewildered. "She's scary when she's mad. I'd hate to be Daniel right now." He said, going to the refrigerator and pulling out a beer. I c.o.c.ked my eyebrow at him. He looked down at the can. "Okay, maybe not such a good idea." He gave me a smile and put it back, grabbing a bottle of water instead.

An hour later, Raymond and Clare emerged from their room, looking as though they had just woken up from a nap. Daniel and Rachel joined us in the living room not long after that, both looking less annoyed, though Rachel continued to bristle every time Daniel opened his mouth.

"Didn't Lisa say there was a grocery store five minutes from here?" Raymond asked. "Yeah, if you go back down the driveway and head right, it's less than a mile on your left. It's just a little mom and pop place, but you can get the essentials." Clay told him.

"Cool, you want to come, Danny?" Daniel jumped at the chance to get away from a still fuming Rachel. "Clay?" Raymond asked. Clay looked at me and I nodded. "Go, have some guy time." Clay grinned and I could see how happy he was to be included.

"Ugg! I seriously need to decompress. Didn't Clay say there was a jacuzzi around here somewhere?" Rachel asked. I picked up our empty soda cans and threw them in the trashcan. "Yeah, it's outside in the gazebo. You wanna check it out?" I asked. Clare jumped off the couch. "h.e.l.l yeah, let's go!"

Rachel, Clare and I went to our respective rooms and changed into our swim suits. It felt crazy to put one on when it was almost December. The three of us reconvened in the living room. I started to put my fuzzy robe on when Rachel let out a low whistle. "What?" I asked her.

Rachel looked fantastic in her red one piece, cut up high on the hips. She gave me the once over. "When did you get that?" She asked, indicating my black bikini. I looked down at myself and blushed. Yeah, it was a little more revealing than my typical get up.

I covered myself, feeling self- conscious. "I got it last summer, just haven't worn it yet." I told her, slipping on a pair of flip flops I had brought along. "Well, you look hot. Where have you been hiding that killer body?" Rachel whistled, making me blush. Clare giggled, as she covered up her boy shorts and tank top. I grabbed some bottles of water from the fridge, tossing them at my friends, ignoring Rachel's comment. "Come on, before the guys get back and we lose whatever chance we have at relaxing." I told them, leading the way outside.

As we stepped out the back door, the three of us began to s.h.i.+ver. "d.a.m.n. It's freezing out here." Rachel pulled her jacket tighter around her, but her bare legs were already breaking out into gooseb.u.mps.

It had easily dropped fifteen degrees since we'd gotten to the cabin. Looking at the sky, it wouldn't surprise me if it snowed. Running as fast as we could, we headed to the gazebo. I opened the door and ushered them inside. "Hurry up, so I can close the door."

Inside, I was relieved to see baseboard heating running the length of two walls. I found the thermostat and cranked it. Rachel walked over to the jacuzzi pump and turned it on. The water began to bubble and swirl.

We sat huddled together until it heated up. The gazebo had windows and I made sure they were all securely latched so as to not let in any cold air. Finally, it felt warm and comfortable so the three of us stripped off our outerwear, kicked off our shoes, and slowly slid down into the water.

It was a huge jacuzzi, easily fitting eight people. "Ah. Now this is the life." Clare sighed in contentment, putting her head back. The water came up to our shoulders and fizzed against my skin deliciously.

"This is just what I needed." Rachel said after a long sigh. She had closed her eyes and sank down until the water lapped at her chin. Clare and I murmured our agreement. None of us said a word for a long time.

"So, Ray told me on the ride up here that Kylie was trying to get back with Daniel." Clare said, breaking the relaxing silence. I quickly looked over at Rachel to gauge her response. Rachel hadn't opened her eyes but I could see her jaw clench.

"Really? Danny hasn't said anything." I ventured, not sure I wanted to discuss Daniel and Kylie while Rachel was seeming pretty subdued. Clare nodded. "Yeah. Apparently she's been hanging around a lot. I know I've seen her at their basketball practices after school. I guess she and that other guy she was s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around with didn't work out so she's trying to get her hooks back into Danny."

Rachel suddenly got out of the jacuzzi and wrapped herself in a towel. I watched her closely. I knew the topic of Kylie Good upset her.

I tried shooting Clare a look that said to drop the subject, but she apparently wasn't picking up on my cues. "Well, Ray said that Daniel turned her down flat. Seems he's finally seen the light and realized Kylie is s.k.a.n.k." My eyes widened in surprise.

If Daniel had a weakness, it had always been Kylie. He seemed to never be able to tell her 'no'. So the fact that he wasn't running back to her as fast as he could was surprising. Rachel was vigorously drying her hair, trying to act unaffected by the news.

"Wow. That's awesome!" I enthused, truly happy that Daniel was taking a stand for once. Clare darted her eyes toward Rachel. "Yeah, maybe he's ready to move onto someone else." Clare's eyebrows rose pointedly.

I rolled my eyes at Clare's less than subtle tactics. "Well, I doubt that honestly. Daniel's head is too far up his own a.s.s to notice anything. Let alone see someone standing right in front of him." Rachel fumed, her voice catching.

Clare and I glanced at each other. "Rach," I began just as the door to the gazebo swung open bringing with it a gust of frigid air and three barely clothed teenage boys. "G.o.d d.a.m.n, it's freezing." Raymond latched the gazebo door behind them, as he, Daniel, and Clay scurried inside.

"Ahhh." Daniel sighed as he lowered himself into the jacuzzi. "Move over, Clare." Daniel elbowed the pet.i.te girl out of the way as he situated himself over one of the jets. The water sloshed as Raymond and Clay followed Danny into the water.

"I'm heading inside. I'll see you guys in a bit." Rachel said cooly, letting herself out. Daniel frowned. "Was it something I said?" He asked, looking confused. I gave him a look, then shrugged. "She's just tired. Leave her be." I told him. Daniel looked bothered by Rachel's sudden exit, but didn't say anything more about it.

"Hey you." I said, as Clay slid his hand up my naked thigh. Clay leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss on the mouth. "Hey, miss me?" His eyes hazed over as he looked down at me in my bathing suit. His eyes roamed over my barely covered chest.

"Always." I answered him. He kissed my shoulder and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Can we move in, Clay? I don't think I ever want to leave." Clare moaned as she sank deeper into the warm water. "Yeah man, this is unbelievable. Thanks so much for letting us come." Daniel added sincerely.

Obviously the guy time had done wonders to change Daniel's att.i.tude toward Clay. They seemed almost civil. It was a relief to see. "I'm glad you guys are here." Clay said genuinely. I felt a warmth spread through my body that had nothing to do with the water. I could almost see those separated parts of my life slowly coming together. Finally!

Ray suddenly shoved his girlfriend under the water. Clare came back up to the surface sputtering and wiping her eyes. "You are such an a.s.shole, Ray!" She yelled, splas.h.i.+ng him in the face. The two of them, followed by Daniel, started slopping water all over the place as they splashed each other.

After getting a face full of water, I decided it was time for me to go. "Okay, I'm out." I said, getting out of the jacuzzi. Clay was right behind me. "We're heading back to the house. Just turn off the pump when you guys are done." Clay told the others before we left. I shoved my arms through my robe as Clay threw on his jacket. He took my hand. "Ready? On the count of three, lets make a run for it." He put his hand on the door k.n.o.b. "One. Two. Three!" He pushed open the gazebo door and we ran as fast as we could to the cabin.

It had started to snow and it fell in pretty little tufts, landing in my hair and eyelashes as we tried to get back into the warmth. "Hurry, Mags!" Clay laughed, holding the kitchen door open. I sprinted through and Clay slammed the door closed behind us. I was out of breath and I had a st.i.tch in my side but I couldn't get the silly smile off of my face.

My hair felt like it had frozen solid. "Ugh. I need a shower to warm up. I'm an icicle." I tightened the sash of my robe, still s.h.i.+vering even in the warmth of the cabin. "I'm heading upstairs to change. I'll be back in a minute." I said to Clay as he sat down on the coach, flipping on ESPN. "Okay, baby." He called to me as I left the room.

Upstairs, I located the shower tucked behind a j.a.panese screen in the corner of the room. I was a little hesitant to strip naked when I realized that again, I was surrounded by windows. But I supposed no one could see me from this high up, so I finally jumped into the warm spray.

After dressing in a pair of dark jeans and my new gray cashmere sweater that belted across the front, I dried my long brown hair and clipped it back away from face. Taking the time to put on a little makeup, I was actually pleased with the way I looked. Dare I say, I looked pretty? I wanted tonight to be perfect. I just hoped it would be.