Inside Out Part 3

Zach set down his fork. "It must have been nice to have someone to talk to about that." He sighed and then shrugged. "I had to figure everything out on my own, and once I did, it meant leaving my family."

"Where did you grow up?" Bull asked.

"Near Lancaster," Zach said, and Bull's mouth fell open. "I wasn't raised Amish, but my family is very conservative and religious. They would never understand." Zach cleared his throat. "They didn't understand, but they did their best. It was hard on all of us, especially coming from such a religiously based area where it seems everything is driven by what you and your neighbors believe."

"Did your family kick you out?" Bull asked with concern.

Zach shook his head. "Like I said, they tried to cope. But our neighbors didn't like it, and people at church looked at them suspiciously. So I stopped going to church, and eventually came here to go to school. I could still visit sometimes, but it was better for them if I was out of sight. After I graduated, I found a job and an apartment here."

"Didn't you meet people in college?"

"Yeah, but most of them live here in town. I didn't have what most people had for a college experience. I met some people, but often they moved on, so it wasn't like I made friends I had all four years."

"You were a loner, then?" Bull asked, and Zach nodded. Bull understood that. "What about the guys at the club?"

Zach grinned and the sadness disappeared. "I met them through Kevin, one of the guys I work with. He's really outgoing, and his circle of friends opened up to include me. They're a lot of fun." Zach picked up his hamburger. "I don't talk about myself very much. There's no need to bring everybody down." He took a bite and set the burger back on the plate. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this, except I feel like I can."

"Sometimes it's easier to tell things to a stranger," Bull said.

Zach nodded. "Can I ask you something? What's your real name?"

"Marvin Krebbs," Bull said. "Can you believe it? My mother named me Marvin. I always knew the woman hated me, and it started on the day I was born." Bull pushed the last bite of food onto his fork and stuffed it into his mouth. Then he sipped some of his coffee and sat back in the booth to relax. He was full and really satisfied. "So I go by Bull, and before you ask, you can't call me Marvin, or worse, Marv. I've been Bull for over twenty years and I like it that way."

Zach nodded, then blushed beet red and turned away.

"What?"

"I think Bull suits you. It's mysteriously s.e.xy." Zach blushed harder, if that was possible. "Sorry, that was... G.o.d, I'm usually not forward like that."

"You didn't have a problem being forward at the club," Bull said. Zach was adorably cute when he blushed.

"I was with the guys and I'd already had a beer or two before we got there." Zach shrugged. "Isn't letting go something you're supposed to do at a club? I was having fun, and I didn't expect to see any of those people again. Besides, you really were tickling me."

Bull shook his head. He had nothing to say to that, and he figured he should be concentrating on the fact that Zach thought he was s.e.xy. Bull pulled his libido back before he got carried away. He was here to talk to Zach about his comic book and to tell him stories about the club and have lunch. This wasn't a date. Bull stifled a groan. Zach sat across from him smiling happily, they'd just eaten, and Zach had actually told him he thought Bull was s.e.xy. The only thing missing was a good-bye kiss. He signaled the server, and she brought the check. Bull reached for it before Zach could and handed her a twenty. There was enough for a tip, so he figured he could get up and leave anytime.

"What do you do when you aren't working at the club?" Zach inquired.

"Not much. I work when most people sleep, so I spend a lot of my days in bed. I used to play chess in a former life, but I haven't done that in years."

d.a.m.ned if Zach didn't straighten right up. "I love love chess. I used to play when I was in high school. We had a club, with all the nerdy kids, of course, and we used to meet once a week to challenge each other. I guess it was as close as I got to having friends for a while." chess. I used to play when I was in high school. We had a club, with all the nerdy kids, of course, and we used to meet once a week to challenge each other. I guess it was as close as I got to having friends for a while."

"I take it you weren't one of the popular kids?"

"Never was. I was too uptight, I guess. I mean, I knew I was different, but I didn't figure the whole thing out until-" Zach scratched his chin. "Well, I didn't actually admit the truth to myself until I was a senior in high school, but I knew and stayed away from most people in case they figured things out."

Bull understood that feeling really well. He supposed most gay kids did. At least he'd had Harry and they'd been able to go through all that stuff together. Bull was about to stand up when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and groaned. Zach tilted his head slightly. "It's my mother," Bull said with a roll of his eyes. Against his better judgment, he answered it, figuring he had a good excuse to keep the call short and hopefully away from her usual subject. "h.e.l.lo," he said.

"Hi, Marvin, it's your mother," she said. Of course it was, because for one thing no one else ever called him Marvin.

"Hi, Mom, what do you need?" he said. She only ever called when she wanted something.

"Is that any way to greet your mother?" she asked snippily. Bull knew almost immediately that he'd hit the nail on the head. "Can't I call just to say h.e.l.lo to my son?" Her tone softened instantly. "I haven't seen you in months. I was thinking of coming up for a visit."

Those few words sent ice running through Bull's veins, and he s.h.i.+vered in the stuffy diner. "You know I don't have a lot of time right now. I spend my evenings and nights at the club. During the day I sleep, so I wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with you."

"I could go to the club when you do," she said brightly. "It would be fun to dance with all those handsome guys." Somehow he doubted the fun would last very long for her. The guys would indeed dance with her, but she'd find out very quickly that they weren't going to give her what she really wanted.

"Mom, now really isn't a good time for a visit. In a few months when I can plan things, I'll take some time away and come down to see you." Bull swallowed hard and f.u.c.k-all if his leg didn't shake slightly. "I'm at lunch with a friend." He glanced at Zach and smiled, receiving one in return that sent his pulse racing. "He's an artist and I'm helping him with a project." He desperately wanted to get her off the phone. "Can I call you later?"

"Honey, I just want to see you and I won't be any trouble," she said, but Bull remembered the last time she came for a visit and knew that was a lie.

"Mom, what's going on?" Bull asked.

"Nothing. Is it so bad that I want to spend some time with my son?" she asked, applying a liberal coating of guilt.

"No, but you never visit or call unless something has happened or you want something," Bull said forcefully. "I know that and so do you. So please just tell me what's happened and what it is you want."

"I'm your mother," she gasped in what Bull knew was mock horror. He had the world's most unmaternal mother.

"I know," he said, his resolve beginning to waver. "But I still know you."

"Your stepfather left me," she said flatly. Bull looked up at the ceiling and rolled his eyes to heaven.

"Is this my fifth stepfather or my sixth? I can't remember," Bull sniped. He'd only met Jerry once, but he seemed like a good enough guy for someone a year younger than Bull. "Look, I have to go. I'll call you later."

"Wait. I need some money," she said before he could hang up.

"Sorry, Mom," he said. "I told you the last time that was it. You need to go out and get a job. I can't continue to support you between stepfathers." Bull actually grinned at that remark.

"But...."

"We've already talked about this," Bull said evenly, keeping his anger in check. It would have been one thing if she were retired and living on a fixed income. He could see helping her then, but his mother was in her midfifties and she didn't want to work. "I gotta go," he added hurriedly. Then he said good-bye and hung up.

"Your mother," Zach said.

Bull nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah, she wants money, as usual." He sighed. "She's also decided she wants to come for a visit."

"That's great," Zach said. "Isn't it?"

Bull shook his head. "I wish it were." Bull slid out of the booth and stood up, waiting for Zach to gather his things.

"Thank you for lunch and the stories. I really appreciate it," Zach told him quickly, as if the light had gone out of their conversation. Bull knew it was his fault. His mother could suck the brightness and fun out of any room, at least the ones he was in.

"You're welcome," Bull told him, forcing a smile. "I'm glad I could help, and your drawings are really great. I'm sure that once you get the book done, it will be a big success." They walked toward the door, where Bull waited so Zach could go first.

They stepped out onto the sidewalk and into the glorious summer suns.h.i.+ne and warmth. "Thanks again," Zach said, standing still for a few seconds, staring at him. Zach then held his sketchpads a little tighter to his chest, almost like they were a s.h.i.+eld, before turning and walking away. Bull watched him go and then headed the other way. He'd only gone half a block before he stopped and swore under his breath. He was a complete idiot, and it served him right that he was going to spend another day off alone. Zach probably had plans, but.... Bull checked his watch. They'd spent well over an hour together and it had felt like only a few minutes. It was too late to do anything about it now, though, so he headed toward his car.

Chapter 4

ZACH REACHED REACHED the corner and turned to look back at Bull, who was still standing in front of the diner. He'd been a dope to hope that Bull might ask to go somewhere or do something with him. Talking to him had been fun, and the time had flown by. He should have known a guy like Bull wouldn't notice a geeky kid like him. He'd done everything he could think of, including making a fool out of himself with the remark about Bull being s.e.xy. His cheeks burned as he remembered it. Bull must have thought he was a real doofus. He looked away and turned the corner, then walked down the cobbled sidewalk to his car. Zach unlocked it and set his sketchbooks on the seat. He had nothing to do for the rest of the day, so he closed and locked the door before walking the block to Riverfront Park. Maybe some fresh air would make him feel better. the corner and turned to look back at Bull, who was still standing in front of the diner. He'd been a dope to hope that Bull might ask to go somewhere or do something with him. Talking to him had been fun, and the time had flown by. He should have known a guy like Bull wouldn't notice a geeky kid like him. He'd done everything he could think of, including making a fool out of himself with the remark about Bull being s.e.xy. His cheeks burned as he remembered it. Bull must have thought he was a real doofus. He looked away and turned the corner, then walked down the cobbled sidewalk to his car. Zach unlocked it and set his sketchbooks on the seat. He had nothing to do for the rest of the day, so he closed and locked the door before walking the block to Riverfront Park. Maybe some fresh air would make him feel better.

Zach loved Harrisburg's location on the bank of the Susquehanna River, which was wide and relatively shallow most of the time. Because the river could rise quickly from spring melt or heavy rain, the area directly adjacent to the river was a park. It wasn't very wide, but it ran for miles along the river, with large trees, walking paths, benches, and plenty of open, green, quiet s.p.a.ce. Zach began walking north along the main path, which alternated between sun and shade. The walking bridge out to one of the islands in the river pa.s.sed overhead. Zach had walked this area many times and gave no thought to continuing along the path.

"Gimme your money," Zach heard from behind him. His first instinct was to run, but something pressed to his side, and he stilled.

"I only got ten bucks," Zach said, realizing he was about to lose his extra fun money for the week. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, then handed the guy what he had. He didn't have credit cards or anything else of value with him.

"f.u.c.king cheap b.a.s.t.a.r.d," the guy said. The object at his side pressed harder and then disappeared. The next thing Zach heard was footsteps. When he dared look around, he was alone. His knees buckled and he managed to get to a nearby bench before he collapsed. Just his luck to get robbed.

"Zach, you okay?" He looked up to see Bull kneeling beside the bench. "What happened?"

"I was robbed," Zach managed to gasp between short, nearly panicked breaths.

"Did he get much?" Bull asked.

Zach shook his head. "Just a few dollars." And his pride. "How could I be so stupid?"

"You weren't stupid. You gave him what he wanted, and he's gone." Bull lightly stroked Zach's arm. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No. He just scared me," Zach said, and then he took a deep breath to try to stop his heart from pounding. "What are you doing here?"

"I come here sometimes when I want to think. I was taking a walk when I saw a guy run away, and then you nearly collapsed. I wasn't sure it was you at first." Bull sounded worried. "Do you think you can stand up?"

Zach breathed deeply and got to his feet. "I'm okay now. G.o.d knows I've been through a lot worse than someone stealing ten dollars. I thought he was going to hurt me because I didn't have more money."

"He most likely wanted to get away as quick as possible. Robbing people in broad daylight is pretty brazen and desperate."

"Scary too," Zach added as Bull took his arm. Zach turned to look at him and nearly gasped at the concern in Bull's eyes. "What?"

"I think this is the third or fourth time I've rescued you," Bull told him with an unreadable grin. "I guess third-twice at the club and once here."

"Well, technically, you didn't rescue me here, because he still got my money," Zach said.

"You must be feeling better if you can tease," Bull said.

Zach took a deep breath. "Yeah, well, who's going to try anything with you next to me?" Zach s.h.i.+fted his gaze upward, and Bull nodded. He stopped walking and tugged Bull to a halt. "You can smile sometimes. You did at the restaurant." Bull simply looked at him. "It improves your face value." Bull smiled and then groaned. "You know that movie." Bull growled again, but Zach had him. "No gay man can resist Steel Magnolias. Steel Magnolias." Zach cleared his throat. "The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize," he quoted in his best Southern accent, and that time Bull did indeed smile.

"That's so bad," Bull told him, and this time he chuckled.

"I can do Sally Field too," Zach said, the mugging momentarily slipping from his immediate memory. "I wanna know why!" he said, waving his arms, and Bull let go with a full-on belly laugh. Dang, that sound was hot. "You know, it's a little nellie that you actually know about this."

"No, it's not. I'm just older than you," Bull retorted, and Zach let it go. Their mutual mirth faded, and Zach's thoughts returned to the robbery.

"Should I call the police? They should probably know someone is robbing people in the park."

"They probably already do. He only got ten bucks," Bull said. "But you have to do what you feel is right. Even if you didn't file a report, you could call if you want."

"Is it worth it?" Zach asked. It was a small amount and he hadn't seen the guy, so it wasn't like anyone was going to catch him based on Zach's report. "Did you see him?"

"Not close enough to make a difference," Bull answered, and Zach sighed. "Let me see you back to your car."

"Okay, thanks," Zach agreed, and they turned around. Back at his car, he checked around to make sure all his stuff was still there before unlocking the door. "I really appreciate your help."

"I'm just angry I didn't arrive sooner," Bull said.

"I thought you were heading to your car." Zach pulled open his door, then paused before getting into the car.

"I like to walk in the park when I need to think."

"Me too. Or at least I used to. Next time I'll make sure I'm not alone when I do it." Zach slid into his seat and was about to close the door when Bull pulled out his wallet. He found a business card and handed it to him. "Call me if you like. We could have lunch again or something."

Zach took the card, a little unsure about the veracity of the invitation. But then maybe it was a stretch for Bull to extend the invitation at all. He wasn't the most approachable guy, that was for sure. "I'd like to have lunch again with you too." Zach pulled the door closed and waited until Bull moved away from the car before pulling into traffic.

"YOU HAD HAD lunch with him?" Kevin asked. "I'm coming over, and you have to tell me all about it." lunch with him?" Kevin asked. "I'm coming over, and you have to tell me all about it."

"There isn't much to tell," Zach said and waited for a response that never came. He looked at his phone, the call timer flas.h.i.+ng. He turned it off and set the phone on the table beside his secondhand sofa. After about fifteen minutes spent watching television, Zach heard Kevin knocking on the door and got up to let him in. "What took you so long?"

"I got here as fast as I could," Kevin said as he sat on the other end of the sofa. "So what happened?"

"We just talked. I tried to tell you on the phone. We talked about the comic book, and he told me some stories. After lunch I went for a walk in the park and got mugged, and he was there to help me." Zach waited for Kevin's reaction, which was just as dramatic as he expected.

"You got mugged mugged?" Kevin jumped closer. "You're okay? You didn't get hurt? Did you call the police? What did they say?"

Zach held up his hands. "Hold on. I'm fine. The mugger got the ten dollars I had in my wallet. I was scared half to death, but Bull showed up and made sure I was okay. He was really sweet about it. Then he gave me his card and said if I wanted, I could call him... for lunch." He stood and pulled the card out of his pocket, holding it out for Kevin to see. "I think he was just being nice."

"I don't," Kevin told him, practically bouncing on the sofa. "I think you should call him. But not today. Give him a day or so-you don't want to appear desperate-and then call him. That is, if you want to have lunch with him." Kevin paused. "Doesn't he seem kinda scary? I mean, the guy's huge, and...."

"He's really nice," Zach said.

Kevin appeared skeptical. "He probably just wants to get in your pants. Not like that's a bad thing, but I checked around at the club. A friend said that he went home with Bull once, a few years ago. Apparently Bull's built like his name, but he doesn't do commitment of any kind. My friend Sam said he has never seen Bull with the same guy twice. Not that he really takes them anywhere except home to bed."

"Do you think a guy like Bull would really want to take me home to bed?" Zach asked. He knew what he looked like. He'd taken the time to look at himself naked more than once. Sure, he had some nice parts, but the whole package wasn't anything great to look at. "Get real, Kevin." Zach stood up. "He gave me his number and said I could call him for lunch. He didn't ask me back to his place or anything." Zach shook his head. It was easier to get angry at Kevin than let his disappointment show through.

"Hey, I'm sorry to burst your bubble," Kevin said.

"You didn't, not really," Zach confessed. He shoved the card back into his pocket. "It was nice to talk to him, and he was really kind in the park. I know he was probably doing what he'd do with anyone, but it was a nice illusion."

Kevin pulled him back down onto the sofa and sat next to him. "I'm sorry I said anything. I thought you should know what I found out, but I probably should have kept my big mouth shut."

"Why?" Zach asked.