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"Somethinglikeit,yes."
"Icouldbuildapictureofoneoftheotherkidnappers,Ithink.Nottheones inthesiege.Ifyoulike."
"IfIlike!Wheredidyouseehim?Howdoyouknow?"
"I'veseenhimtwice.I'lltellyouabout.i.twhenIcomeinwiththelists."
"Howsoon?"hedemanded.
"Whenthemessengercomes.Anytimenow."
ThemessengerobliginglyarrivedwhilePucinelliwasclimbingintohiscar,soI borrowedtheFiatrunaboutagainandfollowedhimtohisheadquarters.
Fittingtogetherpiecesofheadwitheyesandmouth,chinandhairline,I relatedthetwosightings."Youprobablysawhimyourself,outsidethe ambulance,thenightthesiegestarted,"Isaid.
"Ihadtoomuchtothinkof."
Inoddedandaddedears."Thismanisyoung.Difficulttotell...notlessthan twenty-five,though.Lowerthirties,probably."
Ibuiltafullfaceandaprofile,butwasn'tsatisfied,andPucinellisaidhe wouldgetanartistintodrawwhatIwanted."Heworksinthecourts.Very fast."
Atelephonecallproducedtheartistwithinhalfanhour.Hecame,fat, grumbling,smellingofgarlicandscratching,andsayingthat.i.twa.s.siesta,how couldanysanemanbeexpectedtoworkattwointheafternoon?Hestaredwith disillusionatmycompositeefforts,fishedoutathincharcoalstick,andbegan performingrapidmiraclesonasketchpad.Everyfewsecondshestoppedtoraise hiseyebrowsatme,invitingcomment.
"Rounderhead,"Isaid,describingitwithmyhands."Asmoothroundhead."
Theroundheadappeared."Whatnext?"
"Themouth...afractiontoothin.Aslightlyfullerlowerlip."
HestoppedwhenIcouldthinkofnomoreimprovementsandshowedtheresultsto Pucinelli."ThisisthemanasyourEnglishfriendremembers.h.i.+m,"hesaid, sniffing."Memoriesareusuallywrong,don'tforget."
"Thanks,"Pucinellisaid."Gobacktosleep."
Theartistgrumbledanddeparted,andIsaid,"What'sthelatestonLorenzo Traventi?"
"Todaytheysayhe'lllive."
"Good,"Isaidwithrelief.Itwasthefirsttimeanyonehadbeenpositive.
"We'vechargedthetwokidnapperswithintenttokill.Theyareprotesting."He shrugged."Sofartheyarerefusingtosayanythingaboutthekidnap,though naturallywearepointingoutthatiftheyleadustootherarreststheir sentenceswillbeshorter."Hepickeduptheartist'sdrawings."I'llshowthem these.Itwillshockthem."Afleetinglookofsavagepleasurecrossedhisface: thelookofabornpolicemanpoisedforakill.I'dseenitonotherfacesabove otheruniforms,andneverdespisedit:andhedeservedhissatisfaction,after thestrainsofthepastweek.
"Theradio,"Pucinellisaid,pausingasheturnedaway.
"Yes?"
"Itcouldtransmitandreceiveonaircraftfrequencies."
Iblinked."That'snotusual,isit?"
"Notvery.Anditwastunedtotheinternationalemergencyfrequency...whichis monitoredallthetime,andwhichcertainlydidnotpickupanymessagesbetween kidnappers.Wecheckedattheairportthismorning."
Ishookmyheadinfrustration.Pucinelliwentoffwitheagernesstohis interrogations,andIreturnedtothevilla.
Alessiasaid,"DoyoumindifIaskyousomething?"
"Fireaway."
"IaskedPapabuthewon'tanswer,whichIsupposeanywayisananswerof sorts."Shepaused."DidIhaveanyclotheson,whenyoufoundme?"
"Agrayplasticraincoat,"Isaidmatter-of-factly.
"Oh."
Icouldn'ttellwhethertheanswerpleasedherornot.Sheremainedthoughtful forawhile,andthensaid,"IwokeuphereinadressIhaven'twornforyears.
AuntLuisaandIlariasaytheydon'tknowhowithappened.DidPapadressme?Is thatwhyhe'ssoembarra.s.sed?"
"Didn'tyouexpecttohaveclotheson?"Iaskedcuriously.
"Well..."Shehesitated.
Iliftedmyhead."Wereyounaked...allthetime?"
Shemovedherthinbodyrestlesslyinthearmchairasifshewouldsinkintoit, outofsight."Idon'twant..."shesaid;andbrokeoff,swallowing,whileinmy mindIfinishedthesentence.Don'twanteveryonetoknow.
"It'sallright,"Isaid."Iwon'tsay."
Weweresittinginthelibrary,theeveningfadingtodark,theheatoftheday diminis.h.i.+ng;freshlyshowered,casuallydressed,waitingintheCencihousehold routinetobejoinedbyeveryoneforadrinkortwobeforedinner.Alessia's hairwasagaindamp,butshehadprogressedasfaraslipstick.
Shegavemeshortglancesofinspection,notsureofme.
"Whyareyouhere?"shesaid."Papasayshecouldn'thavegotthroughthese weekswithoutyou,but...Idon'treallyunderstand."
Iexplainedmyjob.
"Anadvisor?"
"That'sright."
Shethoughtforawhile,hergazewanderingovermyfaceanddowntomyhands andupagaintomyeyes.Heropinionswereunreadable,butfinallyshesighed, asifmakinguphermind.
"Well...adviseme,too,"shesaid."Ifeelveryodd.Likejetlag,onlymuch worse.Timelag.IfeelasifI'mwalkingontissuepaper.Asifnothing'sreal.
Ikeepwantingtocry.Ishouldbedeliriouslyhappy...whyaren'tI?"
"Reaction,"Isaid.
"Youdon'tknow...youcan'timagine...what.i.twaslike."
"I'veheardfrommanypeoplewhat.i.t'slike.Frompeoplelikeyou,straightback fromkidnap.They'vetoldme.Thefirstbludgeoningshock,thenotbeingableto believeit'shappening.Thehumiliations,forcedonyoupreciselytomakeyou afraidanddefenseless.n.o.bathrooms.Sometimesnoclothes.Certainlyno respect.Nokindnessorgentlenessofanysort.Imprisonment,noonetotalkto, nothingtofillthemind,justuncertaintyandfear...andguilt...Guiltthatyou didn'tescapeinthebeginning,guiltatthedistressbroughtonyourfamily, guiltatwhataransomwillcost...andfearforyourlife...ifthemoneycan'tbe raised,orifsomethinggoeswrong...ifthekidnapperspanic."
Shelistenedintently,atfirstwithsurpriseandthenwithrelief."Youdo know.Youdounderstand.Ihaven'tbeenabletosay...Idon'twanttoupsetthem...
andalso...also..."
"Alsoyoufeelashamed,"Isaid.
"Oh."Hereyeswidened."I...WhydoI?"
"Idon'tknow,butnearlyeveryonedoes."
"Dothey?"
"Yes."
Shesatquietforawhile,thenshesaid,"Howlongwillittake...formetoget overit?"
Tothattherewasnoanswer."Somepeopleshakeitoffalmostatonce,"Isaid.
"But.i.t'slikeillness,oradeath...youhavetogrowscartissue."
Somemanageditindays,someinweeks,someinyears;somebledforever.Some oftheapparentlystrongdisintegratedmost.Onecouldn'ttell,notontheday afterliberation.
Ilariacameintotheroominastunningscarletandgoldtogaandbegan switchingonthelamps.
"Itwasontheradionewsthatyou'refree,"shesaidtoAlessia."Iheardit upstairs.Makethemostofthepeace,thepaparazziwillbestormingupthe drivebeforeyoucanblink."
Alessiashrankagainintoherchairandlookeddistressed.Ilaria,itoccurred tomeuncharitably,haddressedforsuchanevent:anotherstatementaboutnot wantingtobeeclipsed.
"Doesyouradvicestretchtopaparazzi?"Alessiaaskedweakly,andInodded,"If youlike."
Ilariapattedthetopofmyheada.s.shepa.s.sedbehindmychair."OurMr.Fixit.
Neverataloss."
PaoloCencihimselfarrivedwithLuisa,theonelookinganxious,theother fluttery,asusual.
"Someonetelephonedfromthetelevisioncompany,"Cencisaid."Theysayacrew isonthewayhere.Alessia...you'dbetterstayinyourroomuntilthey'vegone."
Ishookmyhead."They'lljustcamponyourdoorstep.Better,really,toget.i.t over."IlookedatAlessia."Ifyoucouldpossibly...andIknowit'shard...make somesortofjoke,they'llgoawayquicker."
Shesaidinbewilderment,"Why?"
"Becausegoodnewsisbriefnews.Iftheythinkyouhadareallybadtime, they'llkeeponprobing.Tellthemthekidnapperstreatedyouwell,sayyou're gladtobehome,sayyou'llbebackontheracecourseverysoon.Iftheyaskyou anythingwhichitwouldreallydistressyoutoanswer,blankthethoughtsout andmakeajoke."
"Idon'tknow...ifIcan."
"Theworldwantstohearthatyou'reallright,"Isaid."Theywanttobe rea.s.sured,toseeyousmile.Ifyoucanmanageitnowitwillmakeyourreturn tonormallifemucheasier.Thepeopleyouknowwillgreetyouwithdelight...
theywon'tfindmeetingyouuncomfortable,whichtheycouldifthey'dseenyou inhysterics."
Cencisaidcrossly,"She'snotinhysterics."
"Iknowwhathemeans,"Alessiasaid.Shesmiledwanlyatherfather."Ihear you'repayingfortheadvice,sowe'dbettertakeit."
Oncemobilized,thefamilyputonaremarkableshow,likeactorsonstage.For IlariaandLuisaitwasleastdifficult,butforCencitheaffablehostrole musthaveseemedbizarre,asheadmittedthetelevisionpeoplewithcourtesyand washelpfulaboutelectricplugsandmovingfurniture.Asecondtelevisioncrew arrivedwhilethefirstwa.s.stillsettingup,andafterthatseveralcarsfulof reporters,somefrominternationalnewsagencies,andaclatterof photographers.Ilariamovedlikeascarletbirdamongthem,gailychatting,and evenLuisawasappearinggracious,inherunfocusedway.
Iwatchedthecircusa.s.semblefrombehindthealmostclosedlibrarydoor,while Alessiasatsilentinherarmchair,developingshadowsunderhereyes.
"Ican'tdoit,"shesaid.
"Theywon'texpectasonganddanceact.Justbe...normal."
"Andmakeajoke."
"Yes."
"Ifeelsick,"shesaid.
"You'reusedtocrowds,"Isaid."Usedtopeoplestaringatyou.Thinkof being..."Igroped"...inthewinners'circle.Lotsoffuss.You'reusedtoit, whichgivesyouas.h.i.+eld."
Shemerelyswallowed,butwhenherfathercameforhershewalkedoutandfaced thebarrageofflashlightsandquestionswithoutcracking.Iwatchedfromthe librarydoor,listeningtoherslow,clearItalian.
"I'mdelightedtobehomewithmyfamily.Yes,I'mfine.Yes,Ihopetobe racingagainverysoon."
Thebrilliantlightingforthetelevisioncamerasmadeherlookextrapale, especiallyneartheglowingIlaria,b.u.t.thecalmhalfsmileonherfacenever wavered.
"No,Ineversawthekidnappers'faces.Theywerevery...discreet."
Thenewsgatherersreactedtothewordwithalowgrowlingrumbleof appreciation.
"Yes,thefoodwas.e.xcellent...ifyouliketinnedpasta."
Hertimingwasmarvellous:thistimeshereapedafulllaugh.
"I'vebeenlivinginthesortoftentpeopletakeonholiday.Size?Asingle bedroom...aboutthatsize.Yes...quitecomfortable...Ilistenedtomusic,mostof thetime."
Hervoicewasquiet,butrock-steady.Thewarmthofthenewsmentowardshercame overclearlynowintheirquestions,andshetoldthemanopensportscarhad provedaliabilityandsheregrettedhavingcausedeveryonesomuchtrouble.
"Howmuchransom?Idon'tknow.Myfathersaysitwasn'ttoomuch."
"Whatwastheworstthingaboutbeingkidnapped?"Sherepeatedthequestionas ifherselfwondering,andthen,afterapause,said,"MissingtheEnglishDerby, Iguess.MissingtherideonBrunelleschi."
Itwastheclimax.Tothenextquestionshesmiledandsaidshehadalotof thingstocatchupwith,andshewasabittired,andwouldtheypleaseexcuse her?
Theyapplaudedher.Ilistenedinamazementtothetributefromthemostcynical bunchintheworld,andshecameintothelibrarywithareallaughinhereyes.
Isawinaflashwhatherfamewasallabout:notjusttalent,notjustcourage, butstyle.
