Real Life In London Part 80

It was but a few steps from the Shades to the Monument, to which our adventurers were now pursuing their way, when they met with an incident not unworthy of observation. Do not leave your goods, is the friendly admonition generally inscribed, in large characters, over the resting place for porters, throughout the metropolis. Opposite the church of Saint Magnus, close by London Bridge, a porter having pitched his load, turned his back upon it, and reclined himself against the post in careless ease, and security. It was just as our heroes approached, that the porter had turned himself round to resume his burden, when lo! it had vanished; in what manner no one can tell! without doubt, one of those numerous street-prowlers who are continually on the look out for prey, observing the remissness of the porter, had availed himself of the favourable opportunity, and quietly walked off with his booty. A crowd collected round the sufferer, but it afforded him neither sympathy nor relief. Our a.s.sociates, however, contributed in mitigation of his loss, and proceeding up Fish-street Hill, were, in a few moments, shrouded under the towering column of the Monument.

Ascending the spiral stair-case of black marble, consisting of three hundred and forty-five steps, winding like a cork-screw, to the summit, our aspirants reached their aerial station in the gallery of this lofty edifice, and enjoyed one of the most variegated and extensively ~173~~ interesting prospects of any in the metropolis. Far as the eye could reach, skirting itself down the river, a forest of tall masts appeared, and the colours of all nations, waving gaily in the breeze, gave a splendid idea of the opulence and industry of the first commercial city in the universe. The moving panorama, far beneath the giddy height, resembled the flitting figures of a _camera obscura_; the s.p.a.cious Thames was reduced to a brook; the stately vessels riding on its undulating wave seemed the dwarfish boats of the school-boy navigator; and glancing on the streets and along London Bridge, horses dwindled in appearance to mice, and carriages to children's toys! after having enjoyed, during several minutes, the prospects afforded by their elevated position, the two friends descended, and with a feeling of relief again trod the safer and less difficult path of _terra firma_.

Our observers now turned their direction westward, and pa.s.sed into Lombard Street, chiefly formed of banking-houses and other public edifices. "This street," said Dashall, "is noted as the focus of wealth, the point of convergence of civic riches, and its respectable bankers are not more dignified by the possession of superabundant property than enhanced in the estimation of their fellow-citizens by strictly conscientious honour and integrity.

"And of these not the least important in self-consequence is the jolly civic Baronet," continued Dashall, "who has already come more than once within the scope of our observation."

"Ecce h.o.m.o! behold the man!" responded the Squire, and the Baronet was descried rolling his ponderous form from the opposite alley to his banking-house.

"It is rather unfortunate," observed Dashall, "that nature has not kept pace with fortune, in liberality to the Baronet. Profuse in giving him a colossal magnitude of person, he exhibits a most disproportionable endowment of intellect. Unlike his great prototype Sir John, in one sense, but yet resembling him in another, 'He is not witty himself, but he occasions wit in others.'"

"You are very fond of making a b.u.t.t of me," observed the Baronet to a brother Alderman.--"By no means," rejoined the latter, "I never was fond of an empty b.u.t.t in my life." "Is the worthy Baronet inclined at times, (asked the Squire) in his capacity of M.P. to irradiate the gloom of St.

Stephens?"

~174~~ "O yes, frequently, particularly so when in the plenitude of his wisdom he conceives that he can enlighten the house with a modic.u.m of information. The last time I heard him hold forth was as an apologist for the tumultuary loyalists at the Mansion House Meeting, when he delivered himself in a manner so heterogeneal of commonsense, and so completely in a style of egotism, as to excite the ridicule and risibility of the whole house, and discompose the gravity of even the speaker himself."{1}

1 The following is a strictly literal versification of the Speech alluded to:

THE MANSION-HOUSE ROW, AND APOLOGY FOR THE LOYALISTS.

Being a literal versification of the eloquent Speech of Sir W--ll--m C--RT--s, Baronet, in the House of Commons, Friday, February 2, on the presentation, by Mr. John Smith, of the Pet.i.tion of the Merchants of London.

I rise, Mr. Speaker, indulgence entreating A Speech while I make on the Mansion-house Meeting.

The prior Requisition was certainly signed By men of good substance, with pockets well lin'd!

With such I am ever good humour'd and civil, But worth, without wealth, I would pitch to the devil'.

The Lord Mayor, I think, then, a.s.sum'd a position Of duty, in yielding to said Requisition; For may my oration be given to scorn, If ever I saw, from the day I was born, A list of more honoured, more propertied men, And probably never may see such again.

Now high as I prize both the merits and station, Of loyalists signing the first declaration; Permit me to say, it was too mild by half, Too much milk and water--Some Members may laugh-- I care not;--I say that it did not inherit The tythe of a loyal and time serving spirit.

I'm charged too with signing it, nevertheless, I DID,--for I knew not how else to express My zeal, in supporting, with firm resolution, The Crown,--and Old England's decay'd Const.i.tution!

Who they are, Const.i.tution and Crown that sustain, The people should now,--else we labour in vain!

And, therefore, I sign'd the fore-named declaration.

Altho' such a weak milk and water potation!

For why should the loyalists smother their cause, And lose the high gain,--ministerial applause.

'Pon honour,--aye, even in detractions despite-- In corners and holes, Sir, I take no delight; And, never on any pursuit do I go, Of which 1 don't want the Almighty to know!

I signed, Sir, the loyal, luke-warm declaration, To bring to its senses a turbulent nation!

To cheer up His Majesty,--win his good graces, And keep his lov'd Ministers still in their places!

The hon'rable member, my friend, who spoke last, Is not quite correct in detailing what pa.s.s'd At the Mansion-house Meeting; for patiently heard He was, until symptoms of riot appear'd.

At last it broke out, with a vengeance 'tis true, And dire was the fracas! but what could we do, Where adverse opinion so warmly prevail'd, And each with revilings his neighbour a.s.sail'd?

Why, Sir, to this house, I could prove in a minute, That greater majorities out than now in it, Of sound thinking persons, in these fair dominions, Are scouting the hon'rable member's opinions.

Well-bred, Sir, believe me, and good-looking people, Were wedg'd in the Mansion-house quite of a heap all; Whilst I, most politely, besought their attention, But no,--not a word was I suffer'd to mention!

A party oppos'd me, altho' no long speeches I make,--(a kind lesson that prudence still teaches;) And waiting a hearing an hour, perhaps longer, The dissonant clamour grew fiercer and stronger!

In fact, when I open'd my mouth, the commotion Exceeded in fury the storms of the ocean!

Some hale stout young men, who had mix'd with the throng, And press'd, the conflicting addressers among, Escap'd from the Meeting in tumult and smother, And swore that they never would visit another!

I well recollect, in the year ninety-three, A similar fracas I happen'd to see; The place, Grocers' Hall, where contention was wrought, So high, that a stout battle-royal was fought!

Indeed, save one Meeting, I ne'er knew a case, Where wrangling and fighting had not taken place!

In that one, so happen'd, good luck to betide, Its fortunate members--were all on one side!

Reverting again to the Mansion-house Row, When next our staunch loyalists mean to avow Their zeal,----may they issue a strong declaration, Then mix'd with a water and milk preparation!

The gout in my toe, for I wore a great shoe, At last sent me home, without bidding adieu.

And now having said, Mr. Speaker, thus much I hope on this house the impression is such, The loyalists fully to clear, and their leader From charge, at that Meeting, of boisterous proceedure.

The Honourable Baronet now sat down, amid the ironical cheers, of the Treasury, and the tumultuous laughter of the whole house.

~175~~ The two partners in adventure had now reached the Mansion House.

The Justice Room was open, and the friends ascended the stairs in order to witness the equitable dispensation of right by the Civic Sovereign.

The case now under investigation was a curious one, and excited the interest and amus.e.m.e.nt of a numerous auditory.

The itinerant exhibitor of a dancing bear, complained that the person (proprietor of a small menage) now summoned into the presence of his lords.h.i.+p, illegally withheld from him a monkey, his property, and the ci-devant a.s.sociate of the ursine dancer aforesaid.

On the other hand, the master of the menage roundly a.s.serted that he was the rightful proprietor of the monkey, and had been in possession of the animal for several years.

"My lord," said the master of the bear, "let the monkey be produced, and I will abide by his choice between this man and me as his master." This proposition appearing reasonable, and pug having been brought forward as evidence, before giving his testimony made a respectful obeisance to the Chief Magistrate, and so far as chattering and grinning were indicative of his good intentions, seemed desirous of expressing his courtesy to the auditory in general. After having stared about him for some time, with an inquisitive eye, and corresponding gesticulation, he discerned the bear-master, and springing into his arms with all the eagerness of affectionate recognition, expressed the utmost joy at the unexpected meeting, and when the other claimant attempted to approach, he repulsed him in the most furious manner, and clung to the friend of his election with renewed pertinacity.

Under these circ.u.mstances, the monkey was adjudged to the bear-master as his proper owner, and pug and his friend left the Justice Room, with mutual exchange of endearments.

Nothing else meriting notice, occurred to the two strangers in this their new scene of observation. The Civic Sovereign having resigned the chair to one of the Aldermen, in order that he might attend the Sessions at the Old Bailey, Dashall and the Squire, at the same time, retired with the intention (the day now waning apace) of making the best of their way home, which they reached without further adventure.~177~~

CHAPTER XIII

The charge is prepar'd, the lawyers are met, The judges all rang'd, a terrible show!

I go undismay'd, for death is a debt, A debt on demand,--so take what I owe.

Since laws were made for every degree, To curb vice in others as well as in me; I wonder we ha'n't better company Upon Tyburn tree!

But gold from law can take out the sting, And if rich men like us were to swing 'Twould thin the land such numbers would string Upon Tyburn tree!

PURPOSING to spend an hour in the Sessions House at the Old Bailey, our adventurers started next morning betimes, and reaching their destination, took their seats in the gallery, for which accommodation they were charged one s.h.i.+lling each, which the Squire denominated an imposition, inquiring of his friend by what authority it was exacted, and to whose benefit applied, as from the frequent sittings of the Court, and general crouded state of the gallery, the perquisites must be considerable.

"Custom in every thing bears sovereign sway," answered Dashall. "I know not whence this is derived, nor whose pockets are lined by the produce; but you will probably be surprised to learn, that a s.h.i.+lling admission is only demanded on common occasions, and that on trials of great public interest, from one to two guineas has been paid by every individual obtaining admission."

The arrival of the Judges now terminated this colloquy. The Lord Mayor and several Aldermen were in waiting to receive them, and these sage expounders of the law were conducted to the Bench by the Sheriffs of London and Middles.e.x. The Chief Magistrate of the City uniformly and of right presiding at this Court, his Lords.h.i.+p ~178~~ took his seat on the same Bench with the Judges, and the usual forms having been gone through, the dispensation of justice commenced.

Several prisoners were tried and convicted of capital felony, during the short s.p.a.ce of time that our a.s.sociated observers remained in Court; but the cases of these wretched men, and the consciousness of their impending fate, seemed in no respect to operate upon their minds, as they left the bar apparently with perfect indifference.

An unfortunate man was next brought forward, and accused of having stolen from an auction room a couple of wine gla.s.ses. He was of respectable demeanor, and evidently had seen better days. When asked what he had to allege in his defence, the victim of misery preluding his story with a torrent of tears, told the following piteous tale of distress:

He had been in business, and sustained an unimpeachable integrity of character for many years. Independence seemed within his reach, when misfortune, equally unforeseen as inevitable, at all points a.s.sailed him! In the course of one disastrous year, death deprived him of his family, and adversity of his property. He had unsuccessfully speculated, and the insolvency of several who were considerably indebted to him, had completed his ruin! At the time he committed the act for which he stood convicted at that bar, he had not tasted food for three days, neither had he in the world a friend or relative to whom he could apply for relief. The Jury found him Guilty, but strongly recommended him to mercy. The Judge humanely observed, that the least possible punishment should be inflicted on the prisoner. He was then sentenced to a fine of one s.h.i.+lling, and to be discharged. A sum of money, the spontaneous bounty of the spectators, was immediately collected for him, while one of the Jury promised him employment, on his calling at his house on the following day. The grat.i.tude of the poor man was inexpressible: the sudden transition from the abyss of despair to the zenith of hope, seemed to overwhelm his faculties. He e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed a blessing on his benefactors, and departed.

~179~~ Dashall and his friend were much affected by this incident.

Another, however, presently occurred, of a more lively description.

In the course of the next trial, the counsellor, on cross-examining a witness, found occasion to address him with, "Well, my old buck, I suppose you are one of those people who do not often go to church?"--"Perhaps," said the other, "if the truth were known, I am as often there as you are." The promptness of the reply produced a laugh, in which the witness very cordially joined. "What makes you laugh?" said the lawyer. "Is not every body laughing?" replied the other. "True,"

said the man of law; "but do you know what they are laughing at?"--"Why, I think in my heart," rejoined the fellow, "that they take either me or you to be a fool, but I do not know which!"