Real Life In London Part 81

The Judge at this repartee could not retain his gravity; a tumult of mirth pervaded the whole Court, and the discomfited counsellor adjusted his wig and sat down.

During the few minutes longer that our heroes remained, nothing of interest occurring, they withdrew; and pa.s.sing down the Old Bailey to Ludgate Street, and from thence towards the Temple, they crossed Fleet Street, and taking the direction of s.h.i.+re Lane, were induced, by way of investigating Real Life in its lowest cla.s.sification, to enter one of those too frequent receptacles of vice denominated Coffee Shops.

This was a house of notorious irregularity, the occupant of which had more than once experienced the visitation of the law for his utter contempt of social order--and from the present appearance of his guests, it did not seem that legal interference had effected moral amendment.

As our two friends entered this Augean Stable, a whisper of surprise, mingled with dismay, went round the motley a.s.semblage of female street-drabs, cracksmen,{1} and fogle-hunters; and a wary glance of suspicion darted from the group "many a time and oft" on the new-comers, who notwithstanding kept possession of their seats, and ordering without apparent notice of the party a cup of coffee, apprehension subsided into security, the re-a.s.sured inmates resumed their interrupted hilarity, and our adventurers were thus afforded the means of leisurable observation.

1 Cracksmen (Burglars), Fogle-hunters (Pickpockets).

~180~~ The Squire, who had not perused the annals of blackguardism, and consequently was not an adept in the knowledge of the slang or vulgar tongue, was under the frequent necessity of applying to his friend for explanation of the obscure phraseology of those ladies and gentlemen of the pad, which Dashall contrived to occasionally interpret without the a.s.sistance or notice of its mult.i.tudinous learned professors.

The desire of witnessing the exhibition of Real Life in its lowest state of human degradation, induced a prolongation of stay by our two a.s.sociates. In the meanwhile, "the mirth and fun grew fast and furious,"

exemplified by dance, song, and revelry, interspersed with practical jokes, recriminative abuse, and consequent pugilistic exercise, where science and strength alternately prevailed; and in deficiency of other missiles, poker, tongs, coffee-cups, saucers, and plates, were brought into active requisition.--The scene was a striking ill.u.s.tration of "Confusion worse confounded." Luckily our two observers were in a situation without the reach of injury; they therefore "smiled at the tumult and enjoyed the storm."

The landlord now interfered in defence of his fragile property.

Preliminaries of peace were agreed on, through his high mediation, and finally ratified betwixt the contending parties, ending as they began, like many other conflicting powers, _statu quo ante bellum_!

"And now to serious business we'll advance, says one of the King's of Brentford.

"But first let's have a dance."

The present party followed exactly Mr. Baye's proposition; the dance and the row over, they now proceeded to serious business.

Seated in various groups, each engaged itself in conversation, which, from its almost inaudible expression, was singularly contrasted with the recent tumultuous uproar.

The next box where sat our two friends, was occupied by cracksmen and fogle-hunters, one of whom, whose superior skill gave him an ascendancy over his a.s.sociates, had delineated on the table the plan of certain premises, and having given in a very low tone of voice, a verbal ill.u.s.tration to his fellow-labourers, with what intention it is not difficult to conjecture, observed, "We may as well _pad_ (walk) it, as _Sir Oliver_ (the moon) is not out to night."

~181~~ The party to whom this remark was addressed, prepared to pad it accordingly,--when the desired egress was opposed by the entrance of three men, who unb.u.t.toning their great coats, exhibited, each a hanger and brace of pistols, and took the whole community, male and female, into safe custody

This was a _coup-de-main_ on the part of the captors, and sustained with the most perfect _sang froid_ by the captured.

The officers next turned their attention to Dashall and Tallyho, who giving their cards, and candidly explaining the motives which led them into the temporary society of the prisoners, they were treated with becoming respect, the officers with their captives proceeding on their route to Bow Street, and our heros to the occurrence of future adventure.

Tallyho congratulated himself on his escape from expected mortification and inconvenience, but Dashall, whose more active and enterprizing mind was not to be checked by trifles, enjoyed the vague apprehensions of his friend, and by way of making amends for the penance they had inflicted on themselves in s.h.i.+re Lane, agreed to dine and finish the evening at a Tavern in Covent Garden.

Thither, then, as they pursued their course, the Squire expressed his surprise that a final stop was not put to scenes such as they had just witnessed, and all such places of nefarious rendezvous, abolished by the vigilance of the police.

"On the contrary," observed Dashall, "it is the interest of the police, not utterly to destroy these receptacles of vice. They are the toleration haunts of profligacy, where the officers of justice are generally a.s.sured of meeting the objects of their inquiry, and therefore, under proper restrictions, and an occasional clearance, the continuance of a minor evil is productive of public benefit, by arresting the progress of infamy, and preventing the extension of crime."

Pa.s.sing along the Strand, the humane feelings of the Squire were excited by apparently a mutilated veteran seaman, who in a piteous tone of voice, supplicated his charitable consideration. The applicant stated, that he had lost an arm and an eye, and was deprived the use of a leg, in the service of his country, without friend or home, and entirely dest.i.tute of the means of subsistence, that he had no other resource than that of a humble reliance on public benevolence. The Squire with his usual philanthropic prompt.i.tude drew out his purse, but his ~182~~ friend intercepted the boon, and inquired of the seaman under whom, in what s.h.i.+p, and in what action he had sustained his misfortunes. To these questions a satisfactory answer was given, and the claim of the man to compa.s.sion and relief was about to be admitted, when another inquiry occurred, "are you a pensioner?"

A pause ensued: in the interim the mendicant seeing a person approach, of whose recognition he was not at all ambitious, dropped in a moment his timber toe, unslung his arm, dashed a patch from his eye, and set off with the speed of a race-horse.

During the amazement of our two observers of Real Life, excited by this sudden and unexpected transformation, the officer, for such was the quondam acquaintance of the imposter, introduced himself to their notice. "Gentlemen," said he, "you are not up to the tricks of London, that fellow on whom you were about to bestow your charity, and who has just now exhibited his agility, is one of the greatest imposters in London;--however, I shall not run him down at present.--I know his haunts, and reckon sure of my game in the evening."

"I confess," replied Dashall, "that in the present instance I have been egregiously deceived;--I certainly am not up to all the tricks of London, although neither a Johnny Raw nor a green-horn; and yet I would not wish to prove callous to the claim of distress, even if sometimes unguardedly bestowing the mite of benevolence on an undeserving object."

"The Society for the Suppression of Mendicity in the Metropolis," said the Officer, "think differently, they recommend that no relief should be given to street-beggars."

"Then," said Dashall, offended by the officer's interference,--"I envy them not the possession of their feelings," and the two friends renewed their walk.

Proceeding, without further interruption, our pedestrians, were induced to intermingle with a crowd which had collected round a man who wore a most patriarchal redundancy of beard, and had been recognized by an acquaintance as a shoe-maker of the name of Cooke, a disciple of the American Prophet, John Decker.

~183~~ Their high mightinesses the mobility were mischievously inclined, and would certainly have grossly insulted, if not injured the poor devotee, had not Dashall and his friend taken him under their protection.{1} He had been quietly making his way through Covent Garden Market, when the greetings and surprise of his friend at his strange transformation, attracted the curiosity of the mult.i.tude, and his unhesitating declaration, that he meant to accompany the great Prophet to Jerusalem, excited derision and indignation against the unfortunate enthusiast, when luckily our two heros interposed their good offices and conducted the proselyte in safety to the Shakespeare Tavern.

1 On Monday, in consequence of a very great uproar on Sunday night, in Worcester Street, Southwark, about the house of the American Prophet, John Decker, that singular person was brought before the Magistrates of this office, the inhabitants of the neighbourhood having attributed the disturbance to the unfortunate fanaticism of the prophet and his followers.

The constables stated, that on Sunday night, at half-past eight o'clock, they saw a mob, consisting of about three hundred people, collected at the door of the house, and heard the cries of "murder" issue from within. The officers on going up stairs, found the Prophet lying on his back.

Some persons who had been abusing him escaped, and the Prophet said the cause of their violence was, that he had refused to get out of his bed to preach. He was conveyed to the watch-house. The witnesses informed the Magistrate, that the Prophet had made some proselytes, who were actually about to leave the country with him, and accompany him upon an expedition to the Holy Land. The parish officers were naturally alarmed at the inconveniences to which such an emigration would expose them, and hoped that every thing the arm of the law could do would be done to prevent it. The fanatic spirit of some of the followers of the Prophet may be guessed at from the following facts:--

The officers who apprehended him, had, two or three times, in the course of Sunday evening, gone to the house in Worcester Street, and dispersed a large congregation that had a.s.sembled in the room appropriated to preaching. The Prophet preached first, and was succeeded by one of his most zealous followers, who was followed by another. This was constantly the practice, and during the service, which was being listened to with rapture, upwards of a dozen of the congregation seemed to be as violently engaged as the Prophet himself, whose sincerity is well known. One man, a shoe-maker, named Cooke, has actually sold off his stock and furniture, which were worth 300.; and if he were not known to be the greatest admirer of the Prophet might be called his rival, for he has allowed his beard to grow to an immense length, and goes about preaching and making converts. He has a little son, who looks half-starved, and is denied all animal food by the Prophet and his father, upon the principle of Pythagoras--that he might not be guilty of eating a piece of his own grand-mother. Another trades-man, who was most industrious, and attached to his wife and seven children, proposes to leave them all, and go to Jerusalem. His beard is also becoming indicative of his intention, and he sleeps, as the others who are struck by the Prophet do--with his clothes on. None of the sixteen families who reside in the house in which the Prophet lives, have, however, caught the infection, and the land-lady complained most severely of the annoyance to which she was subject.

Mr. Chambers said he expected to have heard that the Prophet was on his way to Jerusalem.

The Prophet said he only waited for a Tunisian vessel to set sail with his brother Cooke, and nine other of his brethren.

Upon being questioned as to his inducing those men to leave their families, he said he did not take them, a higher power took them. After having stated the manner in which he had been pulled out of the bed, and declared that he forgave his enemies, he said, in answer to a question whether he was at Brixton, and worked there, "Yea," and to the question whether he liked it, "Nay."

Cooke, the shoe-maker, then stepped forward, and told the Magistrate that he was determined to follow his brother Decker to Jerusalem, but that the parish should suffer no inconvenience, for he should take his son with him on his pilgrimage. He said that they should not preach again where they had been so abused, but should remove to a house near the National School, in St. George's Fields, where they would preach till the day of their departure.

The Magistrate a.s.sured the Prophet that he should be committed if he preached again without a license, which he might have next Sessions for four-pence. The Prophet was then discharged.

Decker, it appeared, had baptized seventeen persons, since he commenced his labours in St. George's Fields.

~184~~ No remonstrances of Dashall were of any avail in inducing the pertinacious fanatic to forego his resolution of a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, and when the inquisitive numbers who still lingered in front of the tavern had dispersed, Cooke, with appropriate acknowledgment of the protection which had been afforded him, took his leave, after having unsuccessfully endeavoured to make converts of Dashall and the Squire to the tenets of Prophet Decker, or to prevail on them to accompany the sacred band in the projected expedition to Jerusalem.

CHAPTER XIV

My son, time was when by necessity, (Nought else could move me to the enterprize,) My steps were urg'd to London's wide domains, I made my will, as prudent friends advis'd;-- For little wot they, that beset with peril, I ever should return.--Safe though thou speed'st To London's wond'rous mart, thy pleasaut way, Think not that dangers cease, they but begin, When ent'ring the metrop'lis; slowly then Receive even Friends.h.i.+p's overtures, and shun The softer s.e.x their wiles and blandishments; Walk cautiously the streets, of crowds beware, And wisely learn to fly each latent snare.

~185~~ AMONGST other occurrences of the preceding day, Cousin Bob adverted, at the breakfast table, to the confused intermixture of carriages, dissonant din of attendant lacqueys clamouring for vehicles, and the dangers occasioned by quarrelsome coachmen, precipitately, and at all hazards, rus.h.i.+ng forwards to the doors of a mansion, on the breaking-up of a route, each claiming, and none willing to concede precedency in taking up their masters and mistresses,--" I am surprised," said the Squire, "that any rational being would sacrifice his time and comfort in making one of an a.s.semblage where within doors you are pressed to the dread of suffocation, and in making your exit, are environed by peril and difficulty."

"Such," rejoined Dashall, "are the follies of fas.h.i.+on. Its influence predominates universally; and the votarists of _bon ton_, are equally a.s.siduous in the pursuit of their object, whether with the satellites in the gay and volatile regions of the court, or amongst those of 'sober fame' in the mercantile bustle of the city. In the purlieus of the great, _bon ton_ is characterized by inconvenience; four or Ave hundred people, for example, invited to crowd a suite of rooms not calculated to accommodate half the number, the squeeze must be delightful! But

'Custom in every thing liears sovereign sway!'

~186~~ thence yield the followers of High Life in the West to the follies of fas.h.i.+on, where the enjoyment of ease is a subordinate, if not altogether exploded consideration.--Eastward on the other hand:

'I loves High Life, and all the joys it yields,'

Says Madam Fussick, warm from Spitalfields.

'High Life's the day, 'twixt Sat.u.r.day and Monday, 'And riding in a one-horse chay on Sunday, ''Tis drinking tea on summer afternoons, 'At Bagnigge Wells, in china and gilt spoons.'"

"Again," added the Squire, "what a vast expence is incurred by these idle and ostentatious displays of luxury, without one object of advantage gained!"

"Unproductive result," rejoined Tom, "is not always the case; it not unfrequently happens that a route and card-party are united; when the lady of the mansion generally contrives, by skill and finesse, to transfer a portion of the spoil into her own private treasury; and notwithstanding expense, there are those who have given splendid routes and entertainments, and at the same time, recruited their exhausted finances, at the sole charges of incautious tradesmen, who notwithstanding repeated losses, yet absorbed in the love of gain, become the dupes of avarice and credulity.--In the elucidation of my remark,--