The Year of Living Biblically Part 31

Spong, John Shelby. Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism. Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism. San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 1991. San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 1991.

------. The Sins of Scripture. The Sins of Scripture. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2005. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2005.

Steinberg, Milton. As a Driven Leaf. As a Driven Leaf. Springfield, N.J.: Behrman House, 1939. Springfield, N.J.: Behrman House, 1939.

Steinsaltz, Adin. The Essential Talmud. The Essential Talmud. New York: Basic Books, 1984. New York: Basic Books, 1984.

Stewart, Matthew. The Courtier and the Heretic. The Courtier and the Heretic. New York: Norton, 2006. New York: Norton, 2006.

Strobel, Lee. The Case for Faith. The Case for Faith. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2000. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2000.

Strong, James. The New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. The New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1996. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1996.

Telushkin, Joseph. The Book of Jewish Values: A Day-by-Day Guide to Ethical Living. The Book of Jewish Values: A Day-by-Day Guide to Ethical Living. New York: Harmony/Bell Tower, 2000. New York: Harmony/Bell Tower, 2000.

Tigay, Jefrey H. The JPS Torah Commentary: Deuteronomy. The JPS Torah Commentary: Deuteronomy. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1989. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1989.

Tillich, Paul. History of Christian Thought. History of Christian Thought. New York: Touchstone, 1972. New York: Touchstone, 1972.

Turner, Denys. Faith, Reason and the Existence of G.o.d. Faith, Reason and the Existence of G.o.d. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004.

Twain, Mark. Letters from Earth. Letters from Earth. New York: Perennial, 1991. New York: Perennial, 1991.

Unger, Merrill F. The New Unger's Bible Handbook. The New Unger's Bible Handbook. Chicago: Moody Press, 2005. Chicago: Moody Press, 2005.

United States Catholic Catechism for Adults. Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C.: USCCB, 2006. Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C.: USCCB, 2006.

Wallis, Jim. G.o.d's Politics. G.o.d's Politics. New York: HarperCollins, 2005. New York: HarperCollins, 2005.

Warren, Rick. The Purpose Driven Life. The Purpose Driven Life. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2002.

Weisman, Charles A. A Handbook of Bible Law. A Handbook of Bible Law. Burnsville, Minn.: Weisman Burnsville, Minn.: Weisman Publications, 1991.

Wills, Garry. What Jesus Meant. What Jesus Meant. New York: Viking Penguin, 2006. Woodmorappe, John. New York: Viking Penguin, 2006. Woodmorappe, John. Noah's Ark: A Feasibility Study. Noah's Ark: A Feasibility Study. Santee, Calif.: Inst.i.tute Santee, Calif.: Inst.i.tute for Creation Research, 1996.

Zacharias, Ravi. Can Man Live Without G.o.d? Can Man Live Without G.o.d? Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1996. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1996.

BIBLE BIBLIOGRAPHY.

Alter, Robert, trans. The Five Books of Moses. The Five Books of Moses. New York: Norton, 2004. American Bible Society. New York: Norton, 2004. American Bible Society. Good News Bible, Good News Bible, 1993 (GNB). 1993 (GNB).

Doubleday. The New Jerusalem Bible, The New Jerusalem Bible, 1990 (NJB). 1990 (NJB).

Fox, Everett, trans. The Five Books of Moses. The Five Books of Moses. New York: Schocken Books, 1983. New York: Schocken Books, 1983.

Jewish Publication Society. Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures, Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures, 1985 (JPS). 1985 (JPS).

Lockman Foundation. Amplified Bible, Amplified Bible, 1954 (AB). 1954 (AB).

Mesorah Publications. The Stone Tanach, The Stone Tanach, 1996. 1996.

Oxford University Press. The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version, The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version, 1989 (NRSV). 1989 (NRSV).

Oxford University Press. The New Oxford Annotated Bible, The New Oxford Annotated Bible, 2001. 2001.

Thomas Nelson. The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, 1972 (RSV). Thomas Nelson. 1972 (RSV). Thomas Nelson. The Holy Bible: New King James Version, The Holy Bible: New King James Version, 1982 (NKJV). Tyndale House. 1982 (NKJV). Tyndale House. The Living Bible, The Living Bible, 1976 (TLB). 1976 (TLB).

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. The New American Bible, The New American Bible, 2005 (NAB). 2005 (NAB).

World Publis.h.i.+ng. The Holy Bible King James Version, The Holy Bible King James Version, 1928 (KJV). World Bible Publis.h.i.+ng. 1928 (KJV). World Bible Publis.h.i.+ng. G.o.d's Word Bible, G.o.d's Word Bible, 1998 (GWT). Zondervan. 1998 (GWT). Zondervan. Holy Bible: New International Version, Holy Bible: New International Version, 1989 (NIV). 1989 (NIV).

Acknowledgments.

The Bible says to give thanks (Psalms 44:8), so I hope you'll forgive me if I get a little carried away.

Thanks to my editor Marysue Rucci at Simon & Schuster, who is a joy to work with--pa.s.sionate, generous, and wise.

I'm grateful to my agent Sloan Harris at ICM, who insists on breaking his profession's stereotype by being a complete mensch.

I'm indebted to Rob Weisbach, a brilliant editor and great friend without whom I would not be doing this for a living.

There's an astounding number of people to thank at Simon & Schuster for their unrivaled support: David Rosenthal, the capo di tutti capi, capo di tutti capi, as well as Victoria Meyer, Aileen Boyle, Tracey Guest, Julia Prosser, Leah Wasielewski, Jackie Seow, Marcella Berger, Marie Florio, Lisa Healy, and my friendly taskmaster, Ginny Smith. as well as Victoria Meyer, Aileen Boyle, Tracey Guest, Julia Prosser, Leah Wasielewski, Jackie Seow, Marcella Berger, Marie Florio, Lisa Healy, and my friendly taskmaster, Ginny Smith.

If this were an awards show, I'm guessing I'd be played off right about now. But I've got plenty more. My spiritual advisory board consisted of the following insightful and kind people: Elton Richards, Andy Cohen, Marsha Marks (the Christian aunt I never had), Julie Galambush, David Bossman, David Cohen, Nathaniel Deutsch (who understood my project better than I did), Roger Bennett, Fay Landis, Rev. Stan Duncan, Robbie Harris, Azriel Hirsch, Oded Borowski, Father Michel Lavoie, Darrell Bock, Dean Hubbard, Bill Berkowitz, Calum Carmichael, Michael Berenbaum, Glen Hoptman, Benyamin Cohen, Joseph Ginzberg, Greg Frier, Eddy Portnoy, and Vincent c.r.a.panzano.

Thanks to all those who read the ma.n.u.script and gave me their editorial wisdom, namely: Lizzie Berne DeGear, Peter Griffin, Andrew Lund (who read it twice!), Chad Millman, Brian Frazer, Neely Harris (who used a highlighter), Carolyn Bernstein, Rob Kurson, Albert Kim, Ken Jennings (yes, as in the Ken Jennings of Jeopardy! Jeopardy!), Shannon Barr, Mark Warren, Elicia Pomeroy (who kindly donated a metaphor), Stephen Friedman, Sam Davidoff, Laura Bittner, Martin Zuckerman, Mark Warren, Uri Grezemkovsky, Paul Mandell, Jennifer Landis, Burt Cohen, and Melanie Davis.

I'm grateful to David Granger of Esquire, Esquire, a visonary editor (who didn't get mad when I slacked off on my a visonary editor (who didn't get mad when I slacked off on my Esquire Esquire duties for three months--maybe four). And to Josie Freedman of ICM, who is the female version of a mensch, whatever that is called, as well as Liz Farrell, Michael McCarthy, and Kristyn Keene. duties for three months--maybe four). And to Josie Freedman of ICM, who is the female version of a mensch, whatever that is called, as well as Liz Farrell, Michael McCarthy, and Kristyn Keene.

350 Acknowledgments Thanks to Victor Ozols, a researcher/adviser whose attention to detail is matched by his big vision.

Thanks to former S&S'er Geoff Kloske, who bought the book and gave me good advice on sandals.

Thanks to Ivan Hrazdira, who gave me excellent insights on biblical banking. Laurie Davis, who was invaluable in helping me release debt. Kevin Roose, my slave/intern (I'm telling you, the kid is going places). Justin Balding and Jamie Novogrod for making images. Thomas Wheatley and Buddy Kite for their research. To Ruth Feinberg for her insights into temptation and impurity. And the madcap minds of Jay Reiss and Jeremy Kleiner.

I'm especially grateful to my family, who instilled in me Judeo-Christian values (without the explicity Judeo-Christian parts): my parents, my sister, her husband, w.i.l.l.y, and my grandfather. Also thanks to my aunts Kate and Marti, who may be on opposite ends of the theological spectrum, but who are both wonderful people.

And, of course, thank you to Julie, my beshert beshert. And to my sons, Jasper, Zane, and Lucas.

Index Page numbers in italics italics refer to ill.u.s.trations. Page numbers beginning with 335 refer to notes. refer to ill.u.s.trations. Page numbers beginning with 335 refer to notes.

Aaron, 235 abominations, see specific sins and forbidden items see specific sins and forbidden items abortion issue, 6 biblical support sought by each side in, 308-9, 340-41 creationists on, 59 Abraham, 339 near sacrifice of Isaac by, 109, 164, 197, 218.

as one of history's most diligent hosts, 303 pioneering circ.u.mcisions of, 319 Sarah's late pregnancy accomplished by, 19 Sodom's fate negotiated by, 126, 127-28.

starting the day with, 141 wife introduced to Pharaoh as sister of, 144 Absalom, 230 fatal hairstyle of, 181 Acts of the Apostles: on abstaining from blood, 76 on blessedness of giving, 121 Adam: creation of, 56 G.o.d's concern about solitude of, 213, 322.

G.o.d's first command to, 19 Adam and Eve: AJ's probable punishment of (moving up their bedtime, maybe a stern warning, etc.),

41.

creationist questioned about, 58 "family of man" as descending from, 107, 146 vegetarianism of, 307 see also Eden, Garden of; Eve Adam's etrog, 79 Eden, Garden of; Eve Adam's etrog, 79 adoration, prayers of, 95 adulterers, adultery, 135-38, 231 committed by just looking l.u.s.tfully, 286 Israelite concept of, 135 polygamy vs., 135-38 stoning (or severely pebbling) of, 4, 91-94, 293.

trial and humane execution of, 94 in Upper West Side, 92-93 see also specific adulterers agnosticism, 4-5, 28, 38, 52, 67, 80, 94, 192, 248, 313.

AIDS:.

circ.u.mcision seen reducing risk of, 318 leprosy in Jesus' time compared with, 328 airport security, El Al, beard and bar mitzvah among issues at, 3, 209.

Aish HaTorah, 112 Al-Aqsa Mosque, 190 Alba, Jessica, in stash-away magazine pile, 130 Albright, Madeleine, speaking fee of, 28 alcohol, Bible's uncertain stance on, 231-33, 339 Alexander, 131-32 131-32 Allen, Woody, on what the heart wants, 28 "Amazing Grace," 34, 214 Amazon.com, 9, 15, 128, 151, 241 American Beauty, American Beauty, 153 153 American Bible Society, Bible study cla.s.s in back room of, 283 American Theocracy American Theocracy (Phillips), 335 Amish, 11, 30-35, 74, 94, 157, 168 (Phillips), 335 Amish, 11, 30-35, 74, 94, 157, 168 idolatry avoided by, 30, 104 jokes and singing of, 7, 32, 33, 34, 214 Old and New Testaments followed by, 30 Ordnung obeyed by, 30-31 religion peacefully evolving among, 34-35 Rollerblading and baseball observed among, 34-35 Ammon, incestuous and probable spelean conception of, 233 Amos, on justice, 37, 88 Anderson, Pamela, icebreaker role of, 216 Angier, Natalie, on Bible's X-rated language, 282, 340 animals, kindness to, 162, 185-88 see also food animal sacrifice, 8, 20, 37, 110 allowed only in Jerusalem Temple, 160, 161 ancient relevance of, 48, 160 Christian nullification of, 12, 47 discussed near ritual chickens awaiting their moment, 161-62 of Pa.s.sover lamb, 211, 234 of perfect red heifer, 188 Samaritans abiding with, 218 of scapegoat, 161-62 Third Temple to bring restoration of, 190 animal skins, Adam and Eve clothed in, 41 Answers in Genesis (AiG), 56-63 book shop of, 59, 62 giving benefit of the doubt to, 107-8.

see also creationism creationism Antichrist, planning for arrival of, 189, 191.

Antiochus, 121 anti-Trinitarianism, 75 Apocalypse, 188-92 AJ and his father glimpsed during, 71, 337.

how near we may be to, 190-91 literalist vs. allegorical view of, 191-92.

why the red heifer is a key to, 188-90, 338.

Apocrypha, 121, 337 Aristocrats, The, 17-18 17-18 Ark of the Covenant, 84 Armageddon, expected on schedule or sooner, 75 Armstrong, Karen, 183, 277-78, 336 Arquette, David, suppressing cheap joke at expense of, 251 atheists, ingathering of, 96-98 ATM machines: making rude gestures at, 81 urban "harvesting" equated with making withdrawals from, 167 Baal cults, temptation of, 96 Babylonian rule, prophetic messages on, 89 Bachman, Andy, 13, 36-37 AJ urged to read the Prophets by, 37, 88 bad-mouthing, permissible types of, 100 bar mitzvahs: thematic flights at, 325 zoning out at, 4 bathing, s.e.xual activity followed with, 8, 240, 339 bathroom going, outdoor, directionality in, 143 bathroom Sabbath, 123-25 falling doork.n.o.b syndrome as cause of, 123 outside world as oblivious to, 124 as "sanctuary in time," 124-25 bat mitzvah, epiphanic dancing at, 325-26 Battle for G.o.d, The (Armstrong), 277 (Armstrong), 277 Baywatch, 216 216 beard (AJ's), iv, 2 iv, 2 Christian view of, 254-55 indie record producer phase of, 108 as itchy and uneven on day seven, 28 professorial phase of, 4 Rosario Dawson as fan of, 133 summary of woes ascribed to, 3 traumatic removal of, 329-31 "under or over the covers," 106 unexpected directions taken by, 88 unjust demotion in soup kitchen caused by, 81-82 when 60 percent of AJ's face was covered by, 150, 150, 180 180 beards: Amish, 30 ex-uncle's colloquy on, 223 beds, unclean, avoidance of, 51 being fruitful and multiplying, 3 avoiding topic of, 18-19 as Bible's Alpha Rule, 19 failed attempts at, 18-20, 48-52 IVF seen as way to go in, 116-18, 146-47 Malthusian issue in, 159 as moral imperative, 117 uncommon literal interpretation of, 19 see also fertility; pregnancy; twins fertility; pregnancy; twins Bennett, Roger, 35-36 AJ advised on surrendering control by, 36 Bentley, Wes, 153 Berkowitz, Mr. (Bill), 268 AJ chided for missing prayers by, 250 AJ's alarming lies to, 53-54 doing commandments loved by, 250-51 guided through a properly devout day by, 141-44 learning how to separate a mother pigeon from her egg with, 184, 184, 185-88 185-88 offering (potentially) nonkosher water to, 140-41 ready-made rituals favored by, 148 on rights vs. responsibilities, 251 shatnez testing demonstrated by, 23-25, 36 shofar lessons also given by, 206 spiritual questions fielded by, 24-25, 203 as totally religious (doesn't straddle both worlds), 68 b.e.s.t.i.a.lity, 91, 135 Bible: alcohol-friendly theology sought in, 231-33 apocalypse sections of, 190-92 atheist's confrontational approach to, 97 authors.h.i.+p issues of, 200-201 baffling and federally outlawed rules of, 8; see also see also Most Perplexing Rules; rules, biblical circ.u.mcision a huge part of, 319 "clobbered" antigay pa.s.sages in, 266-67 Most Perplexing Rules; rules, biblical circ.u.mcision a huge part of, 319 "clobbered" antigay pa.s.sages in, 266-67 committing idolatry in, 328-29 December holidays not conspicuous in, 121 dysfunctional father-son stories in, 230 an estimated three thousand versions of, 9, 335 fundamentalism vs. modernism on, 67 as history's most mistranslated text, 70-71; see also see also mistranslations, biblical importance vs. unworthiness of humans in, 107-8 Jubilee year of, 63-65, 262 living and dying alone not a major theme in, 322 more than seven hundred rules found in, 8 needy aided through financial laws of, 63 Bible (cont.) (cont.) pa.s.sages to be remembered in, 149 references to the poor in, 270-71 serving G.o.d, not self-help, as the point of, 208 sheep and shepherd references in, 211.

as snapshot of something divine, 328.

status-quo vs. liberation motif in, 284.

weights and measures a significant topic in, 230 Wikipedia compared with, 200 wisdom and barbarism of, 93 see also see also Hebrew Bible; New Hebrew Bible; New Testament; Old Testament; Torah; specific books specific books Bible for Dummies, The, 9 9 "Bible Is Pro-Choice, The," 309 Bible project, 14 14 cognitive-dissonance strategy in, 21, 256, 335.

conceiving of, 1-7 G.o.d's approval sought for, 80 Julie informed about, 7 mental breakdown feared in final stretch of, 313 near-universal worries about, 7 Perez-Zerah story as metaphor of, 315-16.

preparing groundwork for, 7-13 pretending vs. being a better person in, 324, 327 settling on Bible version for, 8-9 as a solitary mission, paradoxically, 213 splitting up the testaments in, 10-11.

uncontrolled joy at end of controlled experiment, 326 Bibles, 14 14 for easily embarra.s.sed subway riders, 9, 29 inadvertently pilfered ex girlfriend's Revised Standard Version of, 7-8, 235 King James Version of (1611), 8, 58-59, 99, 340.

return of inadvertently pilfered ex-girlfriend's Revised Standard Version of, 332 statistics on, 335 waterproof (for diluvian events), 9 biblical astronomers, 63 biblical library, orderly cla.s.sification of AJ's books in, 292 biblical literalism: in Bible project, 3-7, 119, 289-90 body parts potentially lost to, 10, 289-90.

in disciplining, 40 in evangelical Christianity, 11, 56, 253, 257, 262-63, 265.

extremely brief history of, 71, 336-37.

in the Jacob and Esau story, 238-40.

logos vs. mythos in, 277, 336 miraculous events and, 276-77 "original intent" sought as test for, 10 of Pa.s.sover seders, 233-36 picking and choosing in, see see cafeteria religion pointed and amusing critiques of, 201-3.

potential risks in, 9-10 pro-choice and pro-life claims of support in, 308-9 of Red-letter Christians, 270 Samaritan-style, 216 of the ultimate type, 294-99 U.S. policies shaped by, 6 Big Love, 136 136 binding: of commandments, 35, 149, 197-98.

of Isaac in near sacrifice, 197 of money to hand, 197 see also tefillin tefillin bird-headed humans, image makers'

loophole found in, 105-6 bird's nest ritual, 150, 150, 185-88 185-88 getting the mother to take off in, 187.

how G.o.d might look upon this arcane exercise, 188 kosher bird required for (urban pigeons qualify), 186 birds you can't eat, 170, 307 birthdays, ignored by Witnesses, 75-76.

Blair, Ralph: Bible's allegedly antigay pa.s.sages pa.r.s.ed by, 266-67 at Bob Jones U., 266 gay evangelical study group conducted by, 264-68, 269 pleasingly shrinkish looks of, 264 Blake, William, on biblical ambiguities, 309 blasphemers, blasphemy, 281 capital punishment for, 10, 91, 156, 293.

blessings: mixed, twins as, 159 for obedience to G.o.d, 113 Bob Jones University, 266 Bob the Builder, 78 78 body parts, missing, 10, 289-90 Bono, Jubilee movement given boost at NPB by, 65 Book TV (C-Span), 151-52 (C-Span), 151-52 Borg, Marcus, 284, 336, 337, 338 on "natural literalists," 67 on prophetic acts, 88 Borowski, Oded, on primitive tefillin, 198.

Bossman, David, on biblical-era groupiness, 213 Boteach, Shmuley (third most famous Orthodox Jew), 162, 165 Bourdain, Anthony, highly rated on AJ's coveting list, 81 Boyd, Gregory, 271-72, 340 brontosauruses, juvenile but orderly, 59-60.

Brown, Dan, 256, 340 Brown University, 91, 142 Bruckheimer, Jerry, 191 Bryan, William Jennings, 61-62 Darrow's exchange with, 62 BUFF (Brothers United for Future Foreskins), 318 Bugs Bunny, creationist blacklisting of, 61 Bullock, Clyde, "The Rod" formerly sold by, 40 Bush, George W., 124, 297 cafeteria religion, 4, 6, 327-29 AJ's version of, 329 extending the metaphor of, 327-28 as picking and choosing, 4, 6, 50, 203, 223, 327.

Cain and Abel, vegetarian fellows.h.i.+p of, 307 Calvin, John, 105 Campolo, Tony, 67, 269, 290 on not keeping your millions, 271 Canaanites, G.o.d-approved genocide against, 245 capital punishment, biblical, 245, 246 for adultery, 4, 91-94, 293 for being bad, 91 for b.e.s.t.i.a.lity, 91 for blasphemy, 10, 91, 156, 293 for hitting parents, 277, 278 for h.o.m.os.e.xuality, 10, 293 for incest, Sabbath breaking, and s.h.i.+ftlessness, 91 Catholic Church, Catholicism: biblical interpretation in, 70 coveted rituals of, 255 Deuterocanonical works in, 337 IVF denounced by, 116-17, 337 Old Testament version of, 335 stance on polygamy of, 137-38 celibacy, as first choice of the holy, 134, 286 Central Park (West Side of), 300 300 elderly adulterer stoned by elderly adulterer stoned by Esquire editor in, 92-93 editor in, 92-93 ex-uncle as onetime moveless guru of, 101-2 Chariots of Fire, 38 38 Charity Navigator website, 38 Chasid Shote (righteous idiot), 119 chickens, ritual, 160-65, 327 above-the-head twirl of, 164 best way to grab hold of, 163-64 gender-oriented division of, 163 painless dispatch and final destination of, 162, 164-65, 338 see also see also kaparot kaparot choice, restrictions on, 141-44, 268, 332 Chris (Bible salesman), 9 Christian Bible, see see New Testament; New Testament; specific books specific books Christian literalists: Bible's figurative language acknowledged by, 62 conservative politics of, 67 doctrinal gradations of, 11, 63 Jewish method of exegesis vs., 253 in Scopes "monkey trial," 61-62 see also see also biblical literalism; creationism; Creationist Museum; fundamentalists biblical literalism; creationism; Creationist Museum; fundamentalists Christian right, 262, 293 Christians, Christianity: "Cafeteria," 327 effect of creationism on, 56 "moral" vs. "ritual laws"

distinguished by, 48, 255 Old Testament relevance as viewed among, 254 original intent in biblical interpretation of, 66 polygamy in, 135-38 traditional laws and observances discontinued by, 12, 47-48 Christians, conservative, 59, 67 AJ's undertaking baffling to, 12 Christian Scientists, 76 "Christian" tattoo parlors, 48 Christmas: Bible not informative about, 121 Witnesses' ignoring of, 75, 121 Chronicles, Second Book of, on yielding to the Lord, 35 Church of G.o.d with Signs Following, 295-99 Christian literalism and spontaneity in, 297-99 copperhead handled and returned to its box in, 280, 280, 298-99 hypnotic effects of, 298 298-99 hypnotic effects of, 298 speaking in tongues at, 298 the strange is made familiar in, 299 Church of the Holy Sepulchre, 227 circ.u.mcision: as AJ's heritage, 321 biblical importance of, 319-20 demands for reversal of, 317-18 of Jacobs boys, 317-21 on list of Most Perplexing Rules, 319 medical benefits seen in, 318 primitivity and tradition of, 320-21 sensation reportedly blunted by, 318 CleanFlicks, 131, 132, 286 ClearPlay, list of sins and s.e.xual modalities downloaded from, 131-32 Clooney, George, bloviater's cadenza on, 100, 100 clothes: with accessories, for field work, 92 for Adam and Eve, 41 all white, see see white garments of Amish, 31 white garments of Amish, 31 of ex-uncle Gil, 102, 103 forbidden, see see forbidden clothes in gay stereotype, 265 forbidden clothes in gay stereotype, 265 how they make the man, 122-23 for P. Diddy's birthday, 123 respectfulness as AJ's new standard in, 28-29 for seders, 234 wearing ta.s.sels on corners of, 6, 17, 88, 92, 122, 142, 180, 192 worries about mixed fibers in, see see shatnez shatnez cognitive dissonance, 21, 256, 335 Complete Idiot's Guide to the Bible, The, 9 9 computers, biblical permissibility of, 15, 47 conception: ancients preoccupied with, 19 in IVF, 116-18 see also being fruitful and being fruitful and multiplying; fertility; pregnancy confession, prayers of, 95 Const.i.tution, U.S., finding original intent of, 65-66 Coral Ridge Hour, The, 72 72 Corinthians, First Epistle to: on covering of women's heads, 30 on hair length, 181 on love recording no wrongs, 273 women in church admonished to keep silent by, 328 coveting, 195, 203, 227 of charity CEOs, 38 a few things worthy of, 26 finer points of, 27, 336 Covington, Dennis, on serpent handlers, 294 cows: in biblical times, 173 kosher issues when cheese is made from enzyme in stomachs of, 69 purification by one that is red and perfect, 188; see also see also red heifer unsolved murder as occasion for breaking neck of, 20 red heifer unsolved murder as occasion for breaking neck of, 20 cow's milk, goat's milk as replacement of, 173 creationism, 56-63, 200, 277 on age of earth, 58, 107-8 astonis.h.i.+ng mental gymnastics of, 60 far-right fundamentalists in, 11 feeling of being less inconsequential taught by, 107-8 meaning of "day" in, 58 moderation in, 63 on racism, 59 Creationist Museum, 44, 44, 56-63, 166, 258 56-63, 166, 258 astrophysicist of, 60 awesome lobby of, 57 pop culture monitored at, 61 Crocodile Dundee (movie), 58 (movie), 58 Crown Heights: eighteenth-century life still seen in, 162 experiencing kaparot in, 160-65 subway to Hasidim of, 84 why bottled water is a winner in, 140 see also Hasidic Jews Hasidic Jews cud-chewing debate, 59 Daily Life in Biblical Times (Borowski), 198, 302 Daly City, Calif., Karaites living in, 69 dancing: (Borowski), 198, 302 Daly City, Calif., Karaites living in, 69 dancing: with Hasidim, 84-86, 214, 326 of King David, uptight wife's illfated reaction to, 84, 326 at Natalia's bat mitzvah, 325-26 Daniel, Book of, on G.o.d protecting the nearly martyred faithful, 77 Darfur, aid to, 11, 38, 59, 327 Darrow, Clarence, 62 Darwin, Charles: AJ's unforgettable factoid about, 56 Noah's ark in disconnect with theory of, 67 David, King, 147, 200, 211 Absalom and, 188-89, 230 harps inspired by, 168 Nathan's parable on Bathsheba and Uriah heard by, 195 progeny of, 159 rock hurling learned while shepherding by, 212 wardrobe malfunction during dance of, 84, 326 wives of, 84, 135, 137 David, Larry, 36 David (cousin), 117 David (Esquire colleague), 70-71 David (friend), 13, 132 colleague), 70-71 David (friend), 13, 132 David (Israeli) t.i.thing tried on, 214-15 David (Julie's friend), 197 Da Vinci Code, The (Brown), 256, 340 Davis, Kenneth C., 335 (Brown), 256, 340 Davis, Kenneth C., 335 Dawkins, Richard, 98, 305 Dawson, Rosario, interview with, 131, 133 Dead Sea Scrolls, 66 December holidays, Bible's scant guidance on, 121 definitions and etymologies: of "Bible," 110 of "blasphemy," 281 of "day," 58 of "evil tongue," 99 of "helmet," 108-9 of "Isaac," 19 definitions and etymologies (cont.) (cont.) of "Israel," 53 of "Israel," 53 of "lying," 54 of "Mazal tov," 341 of "own," as in "own husband," 136 of "profanity," 282-83 of "sacred," 110 of "scapegoat," 161-62 of "s.e.x," 129 of "stealing" (e.g. straws from Starbucks), 139 of "tumah," 50 of "work," 72, 73 de la Hoya, Oscar, 49 DeMille, Cecil B., G.o.d's apparent contract with, 227 Dent, Martin, Jubilee epiphany of, 64 Des (nanny), AJ mootly given permission to have affair with, 137-38 Descartes, Rene, AJ's seven previous references to fetish of, 36 Deuteronomy, Book of: on binding money to your hand, 6, 197 on binding the commandments to your hand and between your eyes, 197 on correct attire, 15 on the generations punished for fathers' sins, 144, 145, 338 on keeping the feast of booths, 77 on a lifetime of Bible reading, 7 on loans to your neighbor, 243 on the Lord's send off to Moses, 153 on Moses' completion of his book, 200 on not hardening your heart against your poor brethren, 82, 228 on not mixing wool and linen, 23 on not taking the mother bird with the young, 185 on offering peace before attacking enemy, 246-47 on returning lost property, 187 the Shema in, 242 on sparing the rod, and then some, 111-12 on teaching children obedience to G.o.d's laws, 152 on thanksgiving prayer, 94, 95 on there being no escape from G.o.d's curses, 112 on time of Egyptian slavery, 244 on t.i.thing produce, 214 on when to break a cow's neck, 20 witnesses of sin required in, 136 on writing the commandments on your doorposts, 15 Deutsch, Nathaniel, on Esau's "kiss," 239 Diaz, Cameron, plans for ignoring love life of, 143 d.i.c.kinson, Emily, all white wardrobe of, 122 Diesel, Vin, actually paying to see a movie of, 74 dinosaurs, 44 44 how Noah fit them into the ark, 59-60 humans once on friendly terms with, 57 medieval dragons as, 58 Dismantling the Big Bang, 62 62 DIY religion, 12, 199, 257 Dobson, James, paddling recommended by, 40 Doctors Without Borders and other selfless secular groups, 301 doc.u.mentary hypothesis, 200-201, 339 doing good, by secularists vs. people of faith, 301-2 Dome of the Rock, 190 dominionism, influence of, 293 Don't Know Much about the Bible Don't Know Much about the Bible (Davis), 309, 335, 336, 340 doorpost: (Davis), 309, 335, 336, 340 doorpost: lamb's blood painted on, 235 slave put against (it's complicated and horrific), 245 writing commandments on, 154- 56, 243 Dora the Explorer, eye-catching suburban mom on, 129-30 eye-catching suburban mom on, 129-30 earth age, 58 significance of a life compared to, 107 Ecclesiastes (Qohelet): on dabbing oil on head, 42 eating and drinking encouraged by, 232 on overhearing your servant (or others) curse you, 152 on seasonality, 121 on there being a time for every matter, 329 on there being no end of books, 292 a time for not reading of, 118-19 on visiting the house of mourning, 109 on wearing white garments, 122, 123 on when an untimely birth is better than living, 307, 309 on the whole duty of man, 15 on the uncertainties of life, 114- 15, 225 writer of, 114 Eden, Garden of: the actual forbidden fruit in, 17, 80, 335 creationist diorama of, 57 edible crickets, locusts, etc., 172, 174, 201, 338 eggs: human, implanting of, 146 Karaite avoidance of, 307 pigeon's, sensitively separating mother from, 184, 184, 185-88 185-88 Egypt, ancient, 89 Hebrew Exodus from, 13, 227, 233-36 Hebrew slavery in, 166, 244 reciting only Nine plagues of, 233 size of private parts in, 282 teenage AJ in family visit to, 45 Eighth Commandment, 112-13, 138-40 see also stealing stealing Einstein, Albert, neuron-sparing identical suits in closet of, 142 elders, rising in honor of, 177-78 elimination issues, outdoor, directionality in, 143 Elizabeth (friend), coveted front yard of, 26 Encyclopaedia Britannica, 6, 7-8, 114, 163, 200, 203, 253 6, 7-8, 114, 163, 200, 203, 253 see also Know-It-All, The encyclopedias, Bible's differences from, 13 end times, how now red cows are signs of, 188-92 Ephesians, Epistle to, on unwholesome talk, 99-100, 281, 282 Epicureanism, Ecclesiastes as Bible's best source of, 232 epiphanies: at bat mitzvah, 325-26 on Bible project, 6 of experiencing oneness in AJ's teen years, 22, 86 on G.o.d's "immersion journalism," 80 on Jubilee concept linked to thirdworld debt, 64 of longed-for spiritual state, 85 ritual chicken as Isaac to AJ's Abraham, 164 Epstein, Rabbi, on kaparot ritual, 161-62, 163-64, 165 Equal Rights 4 All, 233 equal-time policy, 201-3 "erythrocyte," AJ haunted by memories of, 58 Esau, Jacob and, 237-40, 316-17 Escher, M. C., biblical paradox likened to drawings of, 143 Esquire Esquire magazine, 28, 35, 54, 157, 166, 198 magazine, 28, 35, 54, 157, 166, 198 AJ's stint as food editor of, 231 "Bible guy" a.s.signed mischievously by, 130-32 "dressage dinosaur" mocked by, 59, 60 G.o.d contrasted with, 219-20 menstrual schedules emailed to AJ at, 49 no-s.e.x productivity at, 288 poly-cotton T-s.h.i.+rt of, 15 Esquire magazine magazine (cont.) (cont.) raiding supply cabinet of, 138 serpent-handling article of, 294 Wikipedia article of, 200 Essenes, white clothes of, 123 Esther, story of, 207, 292 ethics, faith-based, 63 Ethiopia, Judah warned of alliance with, 89 etrog, see see Adam's etrog Adam's etrog evangelical Christianity, 258-63 faith vs. good works in, 256-57 in gay, anti-Robertson Bible study group, 264-68 gay issue as viewed in, 263 key difference between Judaism and, 256-57 literalists of, 11, 56, 253, 257, 262-63, 265 primacy of being born again in, 262-63 in Sabbath comeback, 72 transformation in following Christ promised by, 257 Evangelicals Concerned, 264-68 Bible verses read in, 264-65 Jesus' divinity emphasized in, 265 knowledge of clothes in, 265 see also Blair, Ralph Blair, Ralph Eve, at Creationist Museum, 58 see also Adam and Eve Adam and Eve everything: purposefulness of, 205, 222-23, 248 thankfulness for, 268-69 written in the Book of Life, 276 evil tongue (lashon hara), 99-101, 158, 227, 251, 337 see also forbidden speech forbidden speech evolution, creationist rejection of, 56, 107-8, 200 Exodus, Book of, 277 on adultery, 135 on causing a pregnant woman to lose her offspring, 309, 340 on coveting, 25 cursing ruler of your people banned in, 284 on G.o.d's paramountcy, 20 on graven images, 104 on honoring your parents, 241 on how not to forget the Ten Commandments, 35 on keeping the Sabbath, 71, 123, 220 on a land flowing with milk and honey, 209 on making incense, 302 on making no mention of other G.o.ds, 17, 328 on marking hand and forehead as a memorial to the Lord's law, 196 on not joining hands with wicked men, 240 on not oppressing strangers, 74 on penalty for striking parents, 278 on rules for Pa.s.sover, 233, 234 on separating milk and meat (and ultimately banning cheeseburgers), 69 on stealing, 138 on treatment of slaves, 245 "eye for an eye," 245, 246 "turn the other cheek" vs., 255 Ezekiel: earthy language of, 282, 340 G.o.d's bread-making instruction to, 52-53, 306 heroic performances of, 89 on intergenerational punishment, 338 on the sweetness of the roll G.o.d has given him, 325 false evidence, 240 false G.o.ds, 96 false Messiah (Antichrist), 189, 191 false prophets, 89 false witness, liars given hope by narrowed views on, 54 Falwell, Jerry, 11, 257, 260, 292 attending a disappointingly bland sermon of, 261-62 9/11 seen as divine retribution by, 113, 260 rueful lying on visit to, 262, 291 "soul winners" encouraged by, 262 ultraliteral Christianity well represented by, 258 family, immortality achieved through, 145-46 fantasies, truth telling about, 291-92 Farrow, Mia, 102 Feed the Children, 38 fertility: Bible awash with thoughts of, 17-19, 335 bird's nest ritual plainly efficacious for, 188 see also being fruitful and being fruitful and multiplying; pregnancy fertility clinic, 117 AJ and Julie at, 146-47 inquiring about last frozen embryo at, 308 fibers, mixed, ban against, 15, 22-25, 36, 43, 68, 91, 111, 122, 149, 203 Fifth Commandment, 241-43 see also parents, honoring of parents, honoring of Finding Nemo, Finding Nemo, creationist view of, 61 First Amendment rights, 251 creationist view of, 61 First Amendment rights, 251 First Commandment, 183 see also G.o.d Fluker's Farms, edible bugs supplied by, 174-75 Focus on the Family, 40 Foer, Jonathan Safran, coveted speaking fee of, 26, 28 Fonzie, nonmenacing white worn by, 122 food, 169-76 banned, see see forbidden foods forbidden foods giving thanks for, 95-96 going vegetarian with scriptural backing, 307 grease-soaked latkes, scriptural silence on, 121 of Hebrew slaves in Egypt, 165-66 kosher but actually inedible, 173-74 locusts, crickets, and gra.s.shoppers on list of approved bugs, 174 modified Mediterranean diet, 173 of rabbits, 59, 166 Robertson's age-defying pancakes, 262 Food and Drug Administration, 175 food metaphors: biting off more than you can chew, 48 in cafeteria religion, 327-29 chopped-salad laws, 43 on having a hunger and/or a thirst, 13, 53, 327 in Song of Solomon, 133, 134 foot was.h.i.+ng: Amish, 30 gargling compared to, 304 offered (unsuccessfully) to AJ's guests, 303-4 forbidden beds, 51 forbidden bugs, 174, 175-67 forbidden chairs, 52 forbidden clothes: if disturbingly form fitting, 129-30 of mixed fibers, 15, 22-25, 36, 43, 68, 91, 111, 122, 149, 203, 255 nonwhite, 122 of questionable skins, 15 women's, unless women are wearing them, 15, 39 forbidden drink, biblical ambiguities about, 231-33 forbidden foods, 169-72 cheeseburgers, 69 in common restrictions of the day, 171 elusive rules on, 171 lists of, 17, 170 tribal ident.i.ty, not health, as basis of, 170 forbidden footb.a.l.l.s (if pigskin), 203 forbidden fruit, 79, 146 fig, grape, pomegranate . . . , 335 orange, not apple as, 17 from recently planted tree, 8, 171-72 forbidden fun, 262 forbidden games, 72, 203 forbidden haircuts, 181, 331-32 forbidden holidays, 88 forbidden images, 104-6 see also idols, idolatry idols, idolatry forbidden pity, in rarely applied tactic, 111-12 forbidden Sabbath behavior, 71-74 forbidden s.e.x, see see adulterers, adulterers, adultery; b.e.s.t.i.a.lity; h.o.m.os.e.xuality; incest; but not but not polygamy polygamy forbidden speech, 99-101, 337 AJ's clamming up rather than spewing of, 157 allowable types of, 100 biblical synonyms for, 99 bloviating putz's narrow escape from torrent of, 100-101 Julie chided on resorting to, 157-58 metaphors for, 157 often avoided in AJ's presence, 180 Talmud on, 99 forbidden tap water, 140 forbidden uncle, see see Gil (ex-uncle) Gil (ex-uncle) forbidden women: impure, periodic avoidance of, 48-52, 143 married, 135; see also see also adulterers, adultery adulterers, adultery in purple flip-flops or low-riding Calvins, 27; see also see also l.u.s.t avoidance l.u.s.t avoidance virgins, with important exceptions, 135 forbidden words, D, 11, 72, 131 A-, 158 of an atheist's Methodist, Victorian aunt, 96-97 B-, 131, 134.

of a beloved vegan-feminist, politically correct aunt, 110 cleaner (and mainly sweeter) subst.i.tutes for, 282 in ClearPlay, 131-32 of creationists, 61 F-, 11, 101, 131, 145, 282.

H-, 131.

S-, 131, 145, 281, 282.

sound-alike surrogates for, 282, 310 see also see also forbidden speech forbidden speech forbidden work, 72, 73 Ford, Henry, 293 foreskin, men (who else?) seeking recovery of, 318 forgiveness: with an asterisk, 274 of debts, 64-65 in Jesus' moral teaching, 256, 289 in Jonah story, 83 for meeting ex-uncle, 46, 317 no literal limits to, 289 rationality transcended in, 275 forklifts and cement mixers, G.o.d as arguably in, 152-53, 212 forty days: Israelite impatience with, 16 much to talk about in, 52, 69 Fourth Commandment, 71 see also Sabbath Sabbath freedom from choice, 141-44, 268, 332 free speech, responsibility vs., 251 free will, 109, 311 Freud, Sigmund, 28 on obsessional character of religion, 148 fringes, see see ta.s.sels ta.s.sels Fryer, Greg, 324 Frying Pan, fas.h.i.+on show at, 286-88 dismayingly provocative outfits worn at, 287 foxy payot fondler given the brush at, 288 fundamentalists, 231 beyond-the-pale, 293 on Bible's authors.h.i.+p, 201 cafeteria religion as seen by, 327-28 domino theory of, 67, 336 modernists vs., 67, 337 as modern phenomenon, 277 polygamous sects of, 136 red heifer in eschatological scenario of, 188-90 righteous idiocy as logical direction of, 119 serpent handlers, an engaging subcla.s.s of, 294-99 Galambush, Julie, on Israelite bloodletting, 246-47, 335 Galatians, Epistle to, on crucifying one's pa.s.sions and desires, 286 games: forbidden, 72, 203 movie-t.i.tle, 147 gay marriage, creationists on, 59 gender equality: Bible's moments of, 240-41 Israelite level of interest in, 135 gender segregation: Hasidic, 85, 87 Samaritan, 218-19 Genesis: on Abraham's attempted deception of the Pharaoh, 144 on being fruitful and multiplying, 17 on circ.u.mcision, 317 on creation of the heavens and earth, 56, 60 on early-rising Abraham, 141 on Eden's population, 58 fertility "dominant theme" of, 18-19, 335 on the heat, 310 on how man and woman must cleave to each other, 187 on Jacob and Esau, 237-38, 239 on Leah's again conceiving and bearing a son, 314 on Leah's trade of son's dud mandrakes for a night with Jacob, 116, 117 on the Lord's promise to Abraham to multiply his seed, 158 on the Lord's view that Adam should not live a solitary life, 213 on offering drink, 140 on pain in childbearing, 10 pot smoking supposedly favored by, 233 on speaking to the Lord about sparing Sodom, 126 Tamar's tale in, 146-47 on t.i.thing, 17 genocide, biblical, 245 geocentric universe, far-out creationists' belief in, 63 Gerizim, Mount, sacredness of, 218, 219 germaphobia, 49, 240 Gershom ben Judah, one-spouse-only law of, 135 Gershon (friend), 84-86 Gil (ex-uncle), 12, 190, 339 adoring and docile cult followers of, 102 autobiography of (Coming Back to Earth), 101-2 biblical literalism of, 5-6, 223 biography of (Yea G.o.d), 103-4 cult leaders.h.i.+p qualities observed in, 224 ex-nephew's first meeting with, 45, 221 family dread and denial of, 7, 46 faulty sign language of, 224 G.o.d's eye is evidently on the sparrow's droppings that fall on, 222 guests who give lip to, 223-24 inspirational ta.s.sels of, 6, 17 omnivorous spirituality of, 5, 102-3 "Only holy topics!" demanded of guests by, 223, 234 parents' forgiveness for AJ's meeting with, 46, 317 quasifamous dinner of, 221-25 theological principles of, 102-3, 222-23 three years' silence of, 102 gleanings, 165-67, 208 in AJ's cuc.u.mber fiasco, 165-66 Ruth's gathering of Boaz and, 166 updating harvest idea in, 166-67 Glickman, Kim, extrasensory talents imagined in, 275 global warming, Falwell's rea.s.surances about, 260 G.o.d: attempted visualizing of, 21-22 avoiding idolatry in wors.h.i.+p of, 328-29 G.o.d (cont.) (cont.) bargaining with and wasting time of, 189 children punished for fathers' sins by, 144-46, 338 cluttering in-box of, 96; see also see also prayer prayer despite intercession, Sodom and Gomorrah laid waste by, 126-28 a different type of cooking dung as Ezekiel's plea to, 89 as dwelling more easily in text than images, 106 Eden justly regulated by, 41 feeling the pleasure of, 38 first words to Adam from, 19 first words to Moses from, 59 free will as lesson to parents from, 109 how the sparrow's droppings may be eyed by, 222 human emotions of, 153 "immersion journalism" as creation of, 18 interactiveness of, 52-53, 69, 153 Jonah's fury at, 83 on a "learning curve," 268 mainly said when preceded by "Oh my," 21 minister's specifications for a wife met on time by, 189-90 name of, 21, 46, 75, 281 at Paramount, 227 prosperity seen as will of, 271 reason for praise of, 220 three phases of belief in, 248 thunderous curses tipping scale against blessings of, 113 traditional arguments for existence of, 20 unconditional love from, 313 what to tell children about, 152 woman now on drawing board, Adam told by, 213, 322 as Yahweh, boss of all other G.o.ds, 183 G.o.d: A Biography (Miles), 145 (Miles), 145 G.o.ds and Generals, G.o.ds and Generals, 242 242 G.o.d's Politics (Wallis), 269 (Wallis), 269 "G.o.d willing," 236-37 Goldberg, Mich.e.l.le, on Dominionist influence, 293 Good News Bible, 9 Good Samaritan, Jesus' parable of, 119 Good Samaritan Coffee Shop, 219 good servant, parable of, 306-7 Gordon, Nehemiah, on biblically sound diet, 307 gossip (evil tongue), 99-101, 156-58 see also see also forbidden speech forbidden speech Gould, Stephen Jay, on science vs. religion, 67 grace, pre- vs. postprandial, 95 Graham, Billy, 266 hotel rooms specially prepared for, 130 Greenberg, Steven, on partners.h.i.+p of G.o.d and humanity, 267-68 "Greetings from Idiot America" (Esquire), 60 guides, see see spiritual advisory board spiritual advisory board guilt: about disadvantaged ancient Israelites, 80 about disobeying traffic rules, 283, 285 about eating eggs, 186 about fate of ritual chickens, 162, 164-65 about honoring parents, 241-42 about inadvertently pilfered exgirlfriend's Bible, 332 Jewish, in general, 70, 93 about lying to Mr. Berkowitz, 54 about lying to the Falwell folks, 262, 291 about neighbor Nancy, 323 about pestering pigeons, 188 about righteous idiocy, 118-19, 227-28, 310 about the slave/intern, 306 about tefillinless binding, 198 about transgressions when biblical year ended, 331-32 Hackman, Gene, earth conceded to be older than, 60 hair, hairstyles, 150 150 function of side locks in, 181-82, 202 of Israelite vs. the pagan cut, 181-82 olive oil dabbed on, 42 Paul's decree on length of, 11, 181 Halloween, off-limits paganism of, 88 Ham, Ken, 57-59 AJ trumped on science knowledge by, 58 Ham (son of Noah), filial disrespect of, 242-43 Hammurabi, code of, 246 Handbook of Bible Law, A (Weisman), 292-93 subt.i.tle of (says it all), 293 hand chopping: biblical acceptance of, 67 in self-defense, 111 handshaking, bacteria-ridden custom of, 240 Handy Seat, urban impurities avoided with, 52, 88, 120 120 Hanukkah, 87, 121 harp of ten strings, 167-69 one designed by ex-uncle, 222 strolling the Upper West Side with, 169 underground devotion to, 168 Harris, Robbie, 68, 134, 340 on avoiding idolatry, 328-29 on literal meaning vs. rabbinical interpretation of Bible, 68 Harris, Sam, 98 Harrison, Barbara (Julie's mom), 234 AJ's coveting spurred by, 27-28 in negotiated photo shoot, 105 Harrison, David (Julie's stepdad), in Starbucks debate, 138-39 Hasidic Jews, 30, 84-87, 125 AJ's fear that Jasper might, among many other things, join the above, 327 dancing with, 84-86, 168, 214 Lubavitcher sect of, 84-86, 163 pantheism of, 103 wackjobs really the exception among, 162-63 Hebrew alphabet, rough spots in learning of, 250 Hebrew Bible (Old Testament), 102-3, 335 AJ's OCD and germaphobia dovetailed by, 48-49 in Bible project, 10-11 compa.s.sion vs. barbarism in, 245-46 marriage and polygamy in, 135-36 pros.e.x parts of, 286 Samaritan Bible vs., 218, 339 slavery in, 244-47 small variations seen in, 70 troubled conception of promising offspring in, 19-20 see also Torah; Torah; specific books specific books Hebrew calendar, 47, 336 Hebrew calendar, 47, 336 h.e.l.l, why Jehovah's Witnesses are uncomfortable with concept of, 76 "helmet," origin and use of, 108-9, 310-11 Hendrix, Jimi, 115, 194, 244, 323, 325 Hensley, George, father of Tennessee serpent handling, 295 Heschel, Abraham Joshua, on the Sabbath, 125 Heston, Charlton, 227 waters rolled back by, 13 History of G.o.d, A (Armstrong), 183 Hitchens, Christopher, 98 (Armstrong), 183 Hitchens, Christopher, 98 Holofernes, seduction and beheading of, 52 Holon, Samaritans living in, 217 Holy Land, AJ's pilgrimage to, 208-25 Home Depot, Noah seen as serious patron of, 152 home-schooling movement, 293 h.o.m.os.e.xuality: as "abomination," 67, 135, 202, 230, 263, 266-67 in Cafeteria Christianity, 327 capital punishment for, 10, 293 Christian view on, 45, 138 in critique of biblical literalism, 202-3 evangelical stance on, 263 h.o.m.os.e.xuality (cont.) (cont.) in evangelical study group, 264-68 in G.o.d's punishment for pagan Gentile sins, 263, 267 religious right's cultural view of, 266 honesty, see see truth telling truth telling Hood, Ralph, on serpent handling, 299 Hopper, Dennis, 101 Hosea, Israelites' idolatrous ways censured by, 89 hospitality, 303-4 of Abraham and the Middle East in general, 303 Hubbard, Dean, on bride acquisition and red heifer projects, 189-90 human beings: convenient excuse for not touching 51 percent of, 49 mucky origins linked to selfconcepts of, 107-8 Humanist Perspectives, 309 309 I Ate a Bug Club, 174 ibn Ezra, Abraham, on how to think of a (married) pretty woman,

28.

idols, idolatry, 24, 96, 231 apartment stripped of images verging on, 154 destroying of, 8, 105 familial effects of, 105 forty-five rules on, 30 happy medium sought between Amish and Taliban views on, 104.

in Protestant Reformation, 105 in today's cults of personality, 106 impurity laws, female, see see purity laws impurity laws, male, 240-41, 339 incest, 135 purity laws impurity laws, male, 240-41, 339 incest, 135 in the Lot family, 232-33 penalty for, 91 Incredible Mr. Limpet, The, 61 individualism, biblical group ident.i.ty 61 individualism, biblical group ident.i.ty vs. European idea of, 213-14 Inherit the Wind Inherit the Wind (movie), unfairness (movie), unfairness seen in, 61-62 insects, deadly, in Revelation prophecy, 192 insects, edible, 172-76 as consumed w.i.l.l.y-nilly in daily diet, 175-76 sending for, 174-75 survival in biblical times on, 176 tasted, 175 intelligent design, creationist dismissal of, 57 Intercourse, Pa., moral victory on pa.s.sing through, 31 International Preschool, 108 internet, intercessory prayer sprouting on, 127 in vitro fertilization (IVF), 116-18, 337.

Bible noncommittal on, 117 Julie's eggs implanted, 146 success of, 158-59; see also see also twins, twins, Jacobs Tamar's tale as parable of, 146-47 Iraq, 160 Jehovah's Witnesses not found in,